Desperate For Advice!!! - Anxiety Message Board

miche31 · 11-12-2008, 09:22 AM

I need help, I am at my wit's end! My 12 year old son has been (or rather, FELT) sick every single morning he wakes up for the past 2 months. Basically, since school started. He hates school (he is in 6th grade), and has always hated school, even tho he is very popular. We live in a tiny town, there are only 23 kids in the whole 6th grade. How hard can this be? But he hates it to the point that I think he has made himself feel sick. He bawls and begs me to homeschool him. He just wants to do his school at home. We did try it in the 4th grade and he wouldn't do it, and I reminded him that, but he says he is much older now and would really do it because he is desperate to get out of school. He is fine from noon on, ESPECIALLY when he gets to stay home. I took him to a Dr. who ran a whole battery of blood tests on him, and they all came back good. No diabetes, thyroid, etc. He dry heaves and says he feels like he is going to pass out if I actually make him stand up, so then I let him sit back in bed. He has a high IQ, so making up the work hasn't been a problem. I myself have anxiety and currently on Lexapro, but I don't try to ever show it to him, however, I think it's inherited. My sisters have the same disorder, and they seen traits in their children. So that is why I think anxiety. I am currently trying to find a therapist, but everyone I call is booked up so far. His teacher is very very upset and frustrated and puts me down about this. (The counselor at school and principal are aware of whats going on and are supportive with me and trying to keep her in line) She is not mean to my son, but her attitude in general is very crass. She just needs to retire the principal joked. Anyways, my problem is that I would homeschool him in a heartbeat because with my anxiety I am having a hard time watching my son go through such stress over school but my husband is very against the idea, to the point that he would probably leave us. He is the HS wrestling coach and never missed school growing up. So we are at odds, and it's tearing us apart. He believes that if I go away for a week and let him make him go to school that he will get him over it. He loves his son very much, but thinks I am enabling my son instead of helping. I would love advice please!!!! Thank you, Michelle

joansartiers · 11-12-2008, 05:08 PM

If he does have anxiety, there is something at school that is setting it off. See of you can speak with his teachers or friends to see if they have noticed weird behaviour at certain times or classes or with certain people. Goodluck =]

Trixibel · 11-13-2008, 03:26 PM

Michelle it is really hard to watch our kids going through anything, especially when we're so anxious ourselves.

BUT...that said...I have to agree somewhat with your husband in that I do not think that home schooling your son is the answer. My son had terrible 'school refusal' in prep and grade 1 to the point where he would cry the night before about having to go to school the next day. This kid is my most confident and popular and 'out there' out of my three boys and yet he's the only one to have experienced this. Anyway it ended up that my friend would take him to school when she did reading duty and he didn't cry when she took him. As an anxious person myself I know that it's stressful to be in a situation such as school where you've got to be 'good' all day if you get what I mean. I don't know what the answer is except maybe to look into alternative therapies because you don't want to get him on medication when he's still so young. Maybe it WOULD be a good idea to go away for a few weeks and let your husband deal with it. As parents we feel we have to control everything for our children so they don't have to feel any pain but I'm not convinced that's a good thing. If he's popular, as you say, and not being bullied then why is school so bad for him?

Sorry if I sound harsh. I do sympathise with you. It's horrible to see them so upset all the time.

negot · 11-13-2008, 11:18 PM

Michelle, I really feel for you. I too, suffer from anxiety and my anxiety goes through the roof when my kids have a hard time with something.
But, my honest opinion is that it is a bad idea to let your son leave school and home school him. It will set an example for him that if he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't have to. If you allow him to leave school, he will not feel good about himself. I think that if he stays in his school and graduates, he will feel like he did accomplish something and it will feel like victory.
Do not enable him to leave school. Talk to your husband and as a team, try to get to the bottom of why your son dislikes school so much. You say that he is popular. Is anything going on that you are not aware of?