This is my first post and i feel a little anxious even writing this but here goes.........
I had my first episode of panic about 15 yrs ago. Obviously i was a lot younger and was probably burning the candle at both ends but this was the beginning of this awful change in my life which has hounded me ever since.
was at home,had just finished a course i had been attending ,my son was a yr old at the time. Some friends were over and all seemed ok.They left and i had a normal evening with my son,i remember i was supposed to go pick my mother up from work.I suddenly felt a feeling as if a weight was being dropped into my stomach,very strange and began to feel an odd feeling in my head.I felt my pulse and it was going so fast and hard i thought this is it for me. I basically ended up in hospital with wires all over me.Drs managed to slow heart rate by pressing on my neck. There was nothing wrong with me and they sent me home.
Following this it was as if i couldnt get it out of my head,i monitored my pulse day and night.Had all sorts of symptoms,brought medical books in a hope that i could find a diagnosis,visited Drs on a regular basis,nothing wrong.The thoughts in my head were awful,i was convinced i was dying,i felt paranoid about what i put into my body,who i talked to it was horrible. It was my dear aunt who first said to me she believed i was having panic attacks,i didnt know what they were at the time.....i do now.
I know i have to cut a long story short so.........
I now have 4 beautiful children,my last child weighed 2 pounds at birth and was in hospital fof wks,i convinced myself she was going to die.It was a very hard time for all. Following this i felt completely on edge all the time,i thought i knew how to stop the panic attaks as i have had cbt and counselling,how wrong i was.I began to feel anxious around people,in shops,writing,eating,performing in front of people.I have to go shopping with my fiance and he pays at tills as i start shaking,cant breath and feel everyone is looking at me if i do it so its avoided.I would try to write and my hand would shake which made me so embarrassed thus i think it will happen everytime. Its come to the point now where i sometimes use alchohol to calm my nerves,like when i have meetings at work or i have to go to a social event,this makes me paranoid as the drink makes my heart race.Every twinge,every feeling i have i think its something awful.At the moment its my breathing.I have a feeling as if there is a block in my chest and i cannot get enough air,have had chest xray,nothing wrong,but i have convinced myself.Sometimes feel as if i cannot swallow etc,hyperventilate ,<YOU> all know the vibe,then the symptoms start and i think the worse.
Its like a vicious cycle.I know whats happening but cannot stop it,then the symptoms get so bad i convince myself im dying,it just doesnt stop and im so tired of it all.I could go on and on,which i think i have so am gonna leave it there.Just hope that one day i can get over all of this and live with an optimistic and positive mind.
peace and blessings
Last edited by ms_mod; 11-23-2008 at 12:47 PM.
Reason: Always use whole words in your posts. Ms_Mod
Hi,I know exactly how you feel, 1yr ago I was in hsptl with dizzy head and heart racing had all tests done all docs could find was low blood pressure.They said it was stress due to having 4 small children.One year om I still have the same symptoms and I feel as if I am going mad.It is hard to cope everyday with a light head.
Hey, sorry for all you are going thru. My husband has issues with anxiety (I do somewhat)
I can relate to what you're going through <BECAUSE> after having my son, I started having anxiety/ depression due to being a parent, health issues and stress factors from my husband's anxiety. It's a nasty place to be in. I wish you strength, peace and a fresh start.
Last edited by ms_mod; 12-09-2008 at 07:48 AM.
Reason: Always use whole words in your posts. Ms_Mod
I feel for you all because I have dealt with this most my life. No one understands unless they have been through this too. I do understand. Do whatever it takes to find peace and calmness in your life. The attacks are very real and you feel like you are going to die. I just pray and try and find things to relax me. God Bless!
I can understand what you are going through because I have gone through panic attacks myself. I remember a few years ago, just driving to work I would have an attack (feeling like an army of ants imarching up my hands, rapid heart beat, short quick breaths) and it would be necessary for me to park out of the way.
It is a responce to fear and that menace feels very real. When you start to realize that you are safe and loved with supportive treatments (psychiatrist, cognitive therapy) the symptoms in time will subside.
I too feel for anyone who has to go through this. I am 56 yrs old and have had anxiety/panic disorder since 1985, 24yrs. I was agoraphobic, hyperventilated constantly, could not function. My psyc. Dr. put me on xanax 1mg. 4 times a day and Wellbutrin XL 150mg. 2 times a day. I am so thanful for the life that my meds have given me back. My life is not perfect and to this day my biggest fear is a panic attack, but I have not had one in about 7 yrs. My whole point is that it does and can get better, not perfect, but better. I hope for you all peace and contentment.
Last edited by ms_mod; 02-21-2009 at 06:06 AM.
Reason: Removed part of post that does not apply to this board..Ms_Mod
i really relate to everything on your post.
i to drink to ease anxiety and stress. my drinking gets worse when im stessed or having prolonged anxiety. but this messes with my meds, then im in a bad way.
i also contantly cheaked my pulse. and brought a expensive sports watch to read my pulse for me. and i cheaked it none stop.
i really hope coping with it all.
Last edited by ms_mod; 03-13-2009 at 11:45 AM.
Reason: Removed unnecessary quote. Ms_Mod
I hope you continue with your treatment and to give your medication a chance to deal with your anxiety. I do not know how long you have been taking your meds, but some do take time to really feel their affect. (up to one month)
If you can, give the medication the chance to help you or confide in your Doctor and let him know what is going on.