noisia

Well i didnt know what board to put this in but since the anxiety is the focus i figured i'd put it here. I'll start at the beginning i guess. As a kid I was very anxious and shy. I liked organizing things and I remember arranging a lot of toys according to size or color or something. I didn't speak much and I developed a lot of coping mechanisms (picking the fluff off of a blanket that i carried literally everywhere, picking the wallpaper off my wall, even a form of masturbation). I don't like to boast but i was very intelligent. I was in the gifted program at school and got straight As without studying. But i was such a perfectionist that i worked slowly and eventually i started procrastinating and sometimes not doing the work at all. I'd either get an A or a zero. I was (and still am) VERY shy around new people, or around groups of people. But one on one I wasn't so bad and when i was with my friends my eccentric personality would come out. My anxiety gave me a lot of stomach problems which the doctor said was IBS.
The real problems started around 8th grade when the anxiety got worse and i had a hard time getting to school. Freshman year was even harder. I missed a lot of class and by sophomore year i stopped going completely, eventually dropping out. I'm not sure if it was freshman or sophomore year but a lot of physical symptoms started at the same time. The first thing I noticed was that i became extremely sensitive to the cold. I used to love the cold and would keep my room freezing. Now i shiver violently if its even a little cold. I started sweating much more, especially in my sleep. I also started salivating so much that if i let my mouth hang open for even a moment i'd drool. It became very difficult to sleep. Sometimes i wouldnt sleep for 2 or 3 days and other times id sleep for 18 hours straight. Sleep no longer refreshed me. I'd wake up feeling like i only slept for 2 or 3 hours. Then I started getting this itch on my face and scalp. It is almost ALWAYS when i try to go to sleep. Never any specific time of day or night, just when i try to go to bed. Sometimes its so intense that if i dont scratch i shake violently. No antihistamines have helped and it is almost every night now. I also wake up from nightmares freezing cold yet sweating. And every day when I first wake up I am very rigid and stiff and I usually shake. My hands shake when i do certain things, like take the fork to my mouth or try to steady things in the air. I get random muscle twitches, and if i close one eye the whole side of my face twitches violently. It also feels as if my eyes are still looking around when i close them sometimes. Like they're fluttering. My hair is like straw, its very fine and it falls out very easily. My eyelashes fall out a lot too. But probably the most annoying symptom is the one thats the most difficult to describe. Its kinda like how ive heard restless leg syndrome described. and i DO have restless legs that keep me awake at night. but all the time i have this annoying sensation in my legs and feet and sometimes hands too. i think its the same sensation that makes me want to kick my legs and move around, but in my toes (and fingers sometimes) it is much more intense. if something lightly touches my toes it grosses me out and can even make me cringe. its not like it HURTS its just disturbing. its as if the feeling of something touching my toes is too intense. sometimes i walk with my toes up so they dont touch the floor. but when its bad even when my fingers touch things it sets it off. i get so frustrated when i try to describe it to the doctors but they say its something called paresthesia? I remember the first time it got really bad was when i started taking prozac. Not sure if its related. But now im not on any medication and i have it. Also my coordination and balance got much worse. My vision also looks different somehow but i can't describe it. And it's much harder to see in the dark. Ive tried zoloft, paxil, prozac, effexor and none helped. some even made me worse. theres a history of mental illness on both sides of my family.