I am a little sad to be writing on here again...
I do so love this website, but had mistakenly thought I would not need to be writing on here for advice for a long time....
I thought I had finally found a way to cope with my anxiety/depression--keep it at bay.
But now I am facing some major life-changes and an injury....Besides the injury and being recently unemployed (sort of by my choosing, and sort of a good thing, but bad financially) besides these things these life changes are probably very good for me...I am looking at moving and starting anew, with my new attitude, looking towards the future and doing some planning and working towards my goals, and trying to find what makes me happy...As opposed to the very stuck, very bored, very understimulated, lonely place/lifestyle I have accured the past 2 years....
Well, I have adopted this lifestyle of mediocrity and stagnency precisely because I was either too anxious/depressed and could not focus/motivate/have fatih enough to get out of my circumstance, or because I was feeling ok--STABLE--(but not happy or fullfilled, mind you) and was trying to avoid aggravating my anxiety by making the changes I NEED to make.
So, after nearly 7 months of intensive therapy (by intensive I mean twice a week and a lot of self-help books)
I thought I was ready and NEEDING to make some changes..and here I am doing so...thinking I had learned better ways to cope with/squash the anxiety I feel SO TERRIBLY when making change...
You see, making changes, feeling like I am leaping into the unknown makes me very nervous because I have a false notion that I am totally alone and I get so overwhelmed by anxiety I can't think straight, eat, sleep or function sometimes....Why...???I have not completely figured this out yet...My Dr. seems to think I have some sort of residual anxiety/trauma from having been adopted/sepratated from my birth-mother...who knows at this point....
Anyways....I am SO frustrated because I am talented, intelligent, driven, passionate, energetic, dynamic person when I am feeling good...and I believe I can accomplish a lot in my life....IF I COULD ONLY STOP BEING SO DAMN NERVOUS!!!
So, here I am, having decided it is SERIOUSLY time for some SERIOUS changes and I feel terrified....and the anxiety is back and I cannot really reason with it, if I can, it takes all my time and energy just to do so---and so I cannot focus or get the work done that I need to to make these changes, find a new job so I can eat, etc.....
I'm sorry if this makes no sense. I am just so frustrated and at my wit's end because I have tried sooo many avenues to cope or avoid this thing. I am tiered of it getting in my way of living my life and being me@!!!!
Even when I feel ok (mentally) I sleep very heavily, but awake not feeling rested, I am lethargic, I grind my teeth HARD at night, and I keep waking up DRENCHED in sweat. What is going on???? I know I am fine, and can get through these changes if I could just relax and focus, but I cannot!!! It takes up all my time just managing my anxiety, and so I am so draineed/afraid/unfocused/ill that I cannot do what really needs to be done--it's like i am just surviving, barely!!!
I want to evolve, but anxiety gets in my way whenever I make change. I have lost my appetite the past few days, and even if I hungry, when I try to eat I feel like i am going to throw up--everything makes me nauseaus.
I have had enough! This is not going to rule my life anymore!!!
But what can I do, if I become so dysfunctional and cannot even concentrate or eat!!!???
I am consdiering medication, very bregrudgingly...but i do not know what else to do anymore....
I try meditation, therapy, exercise, diet, vitamins, yoga/...and they all help, but only to manage it just enough to be ok....but not when it get this bad....and I cannot afford constant self-maitenence---it is like I am constantly having to babysit myself....how will i ever advance, get a carreer, go to grad school, travel, if I can hardly get through the day?????
So, I guess my questions are:
can anyone relate?
Do you have any idea what my problem is?
How can I resolve the problem of not being able to eat--cause this just makes the anxiety/dysfunction that much worse!!!
Has anyone had similar type of anxiety...what has worked for you??what allowedyou to finally move forward and live your life?
have you had any success with medications? which ones?