Am feeling quite bad at the moment,had a few weeks in which things were ok,well the anxious,almost panic feelings are always there but worse sometimes.I feel so frustrated,not sure where its all crept up from.I am a stressed person i guess with a lot to do,i have 4 children,i work and i host students in my home.I beat myself up though and am always thinking i can do more and better.I think i should not be as tired as i am.At the moment i feel absolutely exhausted,lightheaded,drained.Have been having abnormal heart rhythms and the odd, negative thoughts have crept in.I just feel like i cannot stand it anymore.The health anxiety has kicked in with a vengence also.
Saturday night i thought to hell with this i'm going out.I drank 2 beers,i wasnt drunk but the beer took the edge off of the nerves.Got home,i know that i get palpitations after alcohol but i really felt i would be alright.Anyway went to bed,heart was beating a little quick,began drifting off and was woken by my heart taking off like a steam train.It was awful,the force was pulsing my whole body,freaked me out.I really had to dig deep to prevent a panic attack which i knew would only make it worse.At the same time i felt like i was dying.Sometimes i think whatever this is should just kill me and be done with it as i feel i dont have the strength to endure the thoughts and feelings anymore.I just feel like i cannot live my life.Almost panicked in my car the other day while stuck in traffic,ended up in tears instead.
I mean after feeling kind of ok why does the anxiety creep back in after a while? I feel like i might be consciously seeking it out i dont know.If we do this all to ourselves why cant we stop it? I'm tired of feeling like i cannot breathe,tired of planning what i do around anxiety,i just want to be.
What should we do while we are in an anxiety phase? Should we carry on as if all is well or what? But how can we when the symptoms are so bad?
I could go on and on here.....
Whoever choses to read this thankyou,i know i have gone on a bit.
well you have come to the right place- you will find lots of support here and many different types of people with many different types of anxiety/panic but we all have one thing in common WE SUFFER!!-- to the outside world (i.e. someone who thinks anxiety/panic are all in your head)- well then step into our heads for a day or two and see how much you like it :-) sometimes it does indeed seem there is no rhyme or reason to the anxiety and that is one of the worst problems- mine started shortly after my father passed away suddenly and i was overtaken with worry that someone else in my family would be taken away- that lead to dizzy spells- hands shaking- sweating- heart palpatations- loss of sensation on one side of my body- feeling disconnected from my body- and the absolute feeling that i was going to melt into a pile of blood-tissue and bones on the floor of wherever i happened to be having the anxiety attack- at first they were months apart then they started weeks apart then they disappeared for almost a year however they returned and with a vengance- unrelenting and every day often up to 3 a day- i was controlled by them and when i wasn't having anxiety i was having anxiety about having anxiety!!!! you know what i mean- right? it is sooooo frustrating- so embarrasing- so uncomfortable to talk about but so painful to live with so finally after 6 years i have started on buspar- it has only been a week and i am slowly upping my dose every day and it is really helping (except for today when i had a breakthru the med panic attack and was very upset with myself- but i suppose you cannot be cured in a week) so i'm not saying by any means to rush out and get on medication i'm just recommending you talk to someone you trust and see what kind of help is out there for you- good luck and welcome to our very strange little world-
Last edited by ritualangst; 08-06-2009 at 08:11 PM.
Hello there and thanks for your reply,it means so very much to me .I will just say though i have been a member on this board since november last year lol.
Anyway,so sorry to hear what you have been going through and i understand fully,especially the endless circle of worry and the symptoms.Have suffered for almost 16 years and have had 3 lots of cognitive therapy,counselling,seen a psychiatrist,self help books.Only things i havent tried are meds.I try to get by without as i get anxious about what i put into my body and how i would react to this.I feel desperate at times especially this year.Oh i dont know.
I believe i have good times and bad,am going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment though.Finding it hard to eat,like i cannot swallow or breathe when eating,feeling as if all the blood has rushed to my head causing pressure and a feeling as if i cannot hear,tight chest,tingly and prickly,dizzy,light head,thoughts of dying,its awful.Each time i pray the feelings will subside,eventually after a couple of weeks it usually does,then couple weeks later here we go again and each time is dreadful,scary,tiring,frustrating but i cant stop it,why is this?
I know how you feel.I do believe we have the power in us to control what we all are going through.I also believe we are so strong,we go through so much.We have faced the thought that we are dying! and come through it,i mean my God that is courage in itself.I know we all have times of self doubt and put ourselves down but we are so,so strong.
Never give up hope.
hi ceg741- my bad on not realising you are a "seasoned" poster- i am just learning my way around these boards- nice to hear from you this morning and sorry you are suffering with the choking feeling- that one is hard to get under control- for almost a year i did not eat any solid foods- drank lots of liquids and pureed everything else- not sure how i got that far into my obsession but i did and it was not a good experience- i still struggle with it and have a very limited diet and as i'm writing this it seems crazy but to even consider eating something not on my list seems impossible- i have been about 2 weeks on and off the buspar and am going to go off again today- took 5mg for the first time yesterday and was drugged out for almost 20 hours :-( had to work and felt miserable because i was not in the best of shape mentally and realised that is not safe so off i come again- maybe just knowing that 99% of my anxiety symptoms disappeared with one little pill will help me get a handle on my situation without meds- i don't know- as always it is so confusing- oh well i guess we just need to fight the good fight and like you said never give up hope-
I know exactly how you both feel. I am going through a "rough patch" as well. Mine started this time when I was in a meeting with my boss and my face flushed red. I have this flushing sometimes but never really worried about it. Well when this happened in the meeting I panicked and felt like I needed to bolt from the room. Now in every meeting since I am anxious that it will happen again and panicky. I am also obsessing over the flushing...everytime someone comes to talk to me about something at work, I worry that I will flush and they will notice. I also have health anxiety so I wonder is it hormones, high blood pressure what ( I check by bp weekly and the average is 101/72 so logically I know it isn't that). I know these seem to run in cycles, I was obsessing over my breathing last month or so and it will pass but the difference this time is I feel like people will notice. Do you guys have any similar feelings or situations with "public type" symptoms. I feel like the flushing is particularly harder because I am afraid people will notice and think I am crazy or unstable whatever.
Thanks and I feel for you.
oh i have the flushing and it comes out of nowhere :-( i can be having a normal conversation at work and someone will mention a situation and my brain will like work triple overtime and i will think it was- of course- my fault and my face will go totally red and my heart will pound and my hands will shake- and for no reason whatsoever!!! it is unbelievable and so embarrasing- luckily it has gotten better over the last few years because when i start to feel i may flush i slow down my breathing- take in everything around me- not just the person i am having the conversation with- start to tell myself this has nothing to do with me and the moment passes without any redness- it takes awhile but you will get control of it- good luck - never give up!!!
Yes i get symptoms in social surroundings in which i think everyone will notice.The shaky hands,cant write sometimes or eat in front of strangers.Anything really in which i have to perform or be on show if you know what i mean.So embarrassing.I was told to think about what i think the worst case scenario would be and im not sure.Its a hard one.