8800GTS

Hello everyone. First I'd like to thank anyone in advance for reading anything I type onto this website. I appreciate everything and anything that is said - towards my questions / needs, wants; for answers.


I would like to know; if anyone else (in general) has problems with feeling alone... Or feeling the need to have someone nearby... It isn't necessarily true; that I NEED someone ALL the time - its that I PREFER to have someone at an arms length - in case I NEED them...

Anyone relate to that? If so; to what degree, and why do you feel this way? What makes you feel this way? PLEASE be honest - as this is bothering me.



I'm starting to get over alot of my problems - personal issues. One of them is, "caring too much about what other people think..." I'm sure that is a common one - BUT; its been a hard thing to overcome; and occasionally - its bound to come back and haunt me...

The problem with me; is that when I do start to care too much about what other people think; I start to rumminate thoughts - and because of this; it becomes hard to be alone... As, naturally - I like to have someone around - in case I NEED to talk...

Its like - I start to think something is wrong - and I start to feel like people are talking about me... I start to think that people hate me, or maybe they even like me - either way - it puts a negative stress on me that I cannot handle...



This is a simple example...

Lets say, I have a huge fight with my Mom right before going to sleep... My mom goes to sleep and locks her door.

I want to talk to her - because she's found a way to use something against me. Something that should not be used against anyone... Something personal... (Afterall - words can do more damage than anything else; IF used right)

Well, I can't talk to her because shes locked her door - so I have to find a way to control my urge to change what she thinks about me... The only problem is - I CANNOT CHANGE ANYTHING...

So here I am... Pacing - because its past 12 midnight - its too late to call anyone... Its too late to talk to my mom; whose already locked her door... (And believe me; I've tried it before - it was NOT good) So I simply allow my mind to take care of someone else's mess... Something I have to ACCEPT; rather than fight...

I cannot sleep because of this - and that effects everything... If my Mom would simply talk - it would help prevent alot of uneeded stress. But whenever we DO talk; it goes around in circles... And why? Because my mom cannot use logic and put two and two together... Theres simply no way; she'll take my words as seriously as someone elses. Its just the way things are... And THAT; is why we argue over and over again...

BECAUSE I WISH; my own MOM; would take me seriously... Would give me the benefit of the doubt... I WISH; that she would look me in the eye - and trust me, without having any shred of doubt - that what comes out of my mouth - IS purely based on truth...

Therefore, I must use...

God, grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot CHANGE; the courage to change the things I CAN; and the wisdom to know the difference...

That alone - has been quite a Godsend; occasionally... I don't know about anyone else - but that has definitely made an impression on myself in more ways than one... Unfortunately - a simple sentence cannot change the way I FEEL; it may dampen the feelings - but can never truly mask it. And sometimes - as any human must do - I have to get rid of negative energy - and unforunately it goes in my Mom's direction...

And in the end - when all is said and done - I AM ALONE... Why? Why me? Its like; no one takes me seriously... People somehow - get the best of me; move on - take everything they can from me - and forget that I ever did anything for them... And THEN - they have the urge to share their negative feedback about me - and those people agree with everything - even before asking me...

Its like - when you walk into a room - and everyone shares the same kind of glance... Somethings up. And it only takes one genuine person, WITH A SOUL; to explain reason behind the glance... I cannot fix a problem - if I don't know what it is...

So I'm rambling right now - because there really is no right way to explain all this... I'm assuming most people would relate to everything that I've stated. BUT; in the event that you don't; be HAPPY about that... I WISH - I didn't have to deal with unfairness...


Please; anyone care to answer my question? Its at the top of the page.

Thanks,
8800gts