Hello, Im 20 years old and since I was 16 I've been dealing with anxiety/depression. It got so bad I even dropped out of high school! I am constantly doubting my self, EVERYTHING about myself. My mom and finace tell me to get over myself, that im not the only person on the planet. They have no idea how badly I wish I just could drop my thoughts of how stupid, fat, ugly, unworthy, ect. It is almost all i can think about. Self doubt haunts me! I try and hold it in and then after a couple weeks have an anxiety attack and it scares the hell out of my family and fiance. They all tell me they are there for me, but when I try and blow off steam, they tell me I'm crazy! I NEED someone to understand because they make me feel alone, like I should be in a looney bin! It is soooooo bad that sometimes it is sooo hard to leave the house. I swear I spend close to 3 hours out of my day just doing my hair, makeup, and picking out clothes, because I never feel beautiful. Everybody thinks it is rediculous, but I can not BEAR to leave the house otherwise It consumes my life!! I constanly feel like I am not good enough for my finance, or he's not attracted to me, which I know in my head he is. It just seems like no matter what he says or does it's not good enough! I know I sound like a shallow mess, but the truth is, I am TRULY hurting inside!!!! I just need to know that someone feels the same, that I am not alone! I am CONSTANTLY anxious!!! My body is starting to feel the effects as well. I constantly feel like there are weights on my body and I have been breaking out in rashes on my chest and stomache! I need help pllllllllleeeeeeeeeasssssssse!!!
There isn't a quick fix. Some anxiety triggers and/or phobias can be worked through simply by talking to yourself and or using a routine that soothes you. As an example, I am (probably) OCD about our house catching on fire. I can't even bear to have the dishwasher or the dryer running when I leave the house if no one else is there, or if we're going to bed. I constantly worry I've left my curling iron on. So- I have steps I take. When I turn the curling iron off, I'll say the day out loud- IE "Wednesday- Off". If I say it out loud, I remember I turned it off. Now I realize this is different than what you suffer from, but you might think whether you can come up with some affirmations or thought alterations that will help you. However, your anxiety sounds severe and in that case you probably need some therapy. If you don't have insurance, there are often therapists available through women's organizations or churches. But you should start telling yourself some good things. I'm sure you're attractive, and I'm sure your family and fiance love you. One of the best things you can do, when you start to doubt yourself or think bad thoughts about yourself is say out loud- "STOP!" and then change whatever it was you were thinking to something positive. For example, if you are thinking "I'm so fat." You might say, "STOP! I am only a size (?) and that's perfectly normal. I am NOT fat. And I have great legs." See what I mean? You need to actively take control of your thoughts, and start treating yourself the way you would treat a good friend.
Thank you for your reply I can see how a routine like that would help, I'm just kind of lost how to start one. I have tryed to stop myself when I think these things but as soon as I realize how hard it is to actually beleive I just give up!! I should see a therepist, and I am lucky enough to have health insurance, I just almost feel ashamed in a way. It's so easy to vent here because nobody knows who I am! I'm just really scared for some reason to actually face going to see someone:/ Really though, I'm more scared to feel this way forever! Thank you for your advice I sincerely appreciate you!
Don't be ashamed to see a therapist. Unfortunately that is the reason so many people suffer silently...there is a stigma associated with having a mental health issue. Frankly, I don't understand it. If you had a problem with your heart, you wouldn't hesitate to see a doctor. If you have a problem with your brain, you shouldn't either. Anxiety and depression and personality disorders often have physical causes and they are all treatable to some extent, some are totally curable.
Oh, consider hypnosis, also. I recently purchased some hypnosis apps for my iPhone and there are several available for positivity and for social issues. It's not all woo-woo like you see on tv. You're fully aware of what's going on but the speaker will implant positive thoughts into the program for you to focus on and they stay in the back of your mind. I use hypnosis to sleep and it helps me a lot.
I just can't emphasize enough- treat yourself like you would treat a friend. You wouldn't run your friend's looks down or say mean things to them, so don't do it to yourself.
Yeah I just need to put my big girl pants on and buck up! I AM going to find a doctor on Monday and hopefully work all this out. Now that I have told my fiance I'm acutally going to go talk to someone he has been alot more understanding. So things seem to be looking on the bright side as of today haha. Also I had never thought of hypnosis, that would be worth a try! Thank you so much for your help!!!!!