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Old 04-23-2010, 09:19 AM   #1
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Anxiety Causing me to Question Relationship?

Hi Everyone...

I'm new to the board but I need some help. First let me say, I know i have General anxiety disorder. Sometimes I have panic attacks, but msotly it involves obsessing until I convince myself of having a certain problem that may or may not be real (I think? Im not sure). I see a psychologist, and recently got off of Lexapro after a year of being on it. Panic attacks are manageable now, and I'm not feeling abnormally anxious, but I am having one issue: I think I'm desensitizing things in response to being overwhelmed, and its affecting my feelings for my husband. I think it's making me over-react and think that I shouldnt be married.

Backstory: My husband and I just got married and we've been together for almost two years.. Let me just start off and say he's amazing. We love the same things, he's responsible, smart as hell, determined.... He just bought a house for us, he cooks me food, its unreal, and hes adorable too....his family is amazing, its just great. that being said..

I know i have GAD, and tend to "freak out" when I'm overwhelmed, and I think it affects how I feel about my relationship. Example: When I graduated college, all of a sudden, I was so stressed I just didn't feel 'in love' any more with him. Then because of this, I freaked out... and obsessed so much about it, I actually talked myself out of being in love with him, for about a month... utnil I finally calmed down and things finally got back to where I was head over heals again. (I did this a lot when I was a child, where I used to be so afraid i would puke, I'd actually end up convincing myself i was sick and actually puking). I never told him my feelings for HIM were changing, but he knwos about my problem, and tries to help. He just really can't understand.

I did a mini freak out when we got engaged too, but it didnt last long. Now that we're married.. I'm doing it again. I have no reason for this either, because he's a great guy. I think I may be over-reacting to some of his fairly small flaws... like he has a weird way of getting 'emo' or moody and depressed, and it scares me. It almost makes me panic, however its not REAL depression, where he's violent, or anything... he just needs to be alone, or gets offended easliy, for no more than like an hour once in a while. I think I'm so afraid, because I used to be in an emotionally abusive relationship, where the end result was me being screamed at. My counselor thinks i'm reacting to the past feelings, and therefore becoming terrified. I dont understand why his moodiness makes me question US. I think moodiness when upset, and then eventually talking issues out, is exactly what I've always wanted.... so why am I so scared of him when he does this?

On top of his moodiness, I've got a lot on my plate: Marriage, changing my name, starting grad school, etc. Could this be why I dont feel that head over heals in love feeling? Our sex life is still good, but its not as.... passionate? I look at things he does, like the moodiness thing, and then automatically analyze them and worry about even smaller things, that thigns arent right... and these are little things.. I know they're stupid... .and i think I'm convincing myself to pick him apart to where I am almost not finding him attractive at all right now....I think its all because I want so badly for this to go away, i obsess about why I feel this way, analyze him more, and convince myself somethings wrong, that he's not THE ONE for me.. which makes me feel trapped, and then I panic more.

I go to counseling for my anxiety issues, and my psych. already told me that thsi can happen, but I really just need some people to share if they've had this experience, and if it's gotten better for them. I think I'm starting to get better now, we're apart for a month (hes in the army) and we're being more normal with each other... i think he was overwhelmed too! I'm sorry for this long email, i think its a trait that comes along with my anxiety problem

Thanks for your help!!

 
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Old 04-23-2010, 10:27 PM   #2
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Re: Anxiety Causing me to Question Relationship?

I'm not married, but I have been dateing my boyfriend for over three years. I recently have had a slew of panic attacks and have been feeling anxiety every single day for months. I am not on any medication but do see a psychologist regularly. I get the MOOOOST anxious when I'm with my boyfriend and it was at the point where I would have to get the heck out of his house, and would end up having an attack right when I got home. When I was with him all I could do was think about how anxious i was around him and my stomach would churn ever minute I was with him. I began to question if i still loved him, or if he was right for me since I was feeling so darn awful around him. The worst part was that he wasnt even doing anything wrong, he was being as close to perfect as any person could get. Things are getting better with time, but every so often I get really panicky. The thing that my psychologist said that helped me out was that anxiety can come out of no where with no cause, and as anxious people we want a quick fix to get out of our scared state so we will pick at things to no end. Your body could be going through something that you yourself dont really have a grip on, and it will pass, you just have to remember that it will pass. Anxiety is like having a sprained ankle, even though it hurts you just have to go on. When your having those picky thoughts about your husband you have to tell yourself to STOP! Dont let the anxiety egg you on. I dont know if this will help at all, but just know that you are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not alone, and I have read a few posts on this site of people feeling the same way as you and I. Its getting better for me, and I hope it will get better for you

 
Old 07-06-2010, 06:30 AM   #3
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Re: Anxiety Causing me to Question Relationship?

I just came across your posts now so I'm not sure if you're on here anymore but I wanted to say, I know exactly how you guys feel. I've recently been diagnosed with separation anxiety ( sounds pretty pathetic, I know). I'm engaged now and just bought a house with my fiance but often I freak out about how I truly feel for him. The anticipation of the change is causing my anxiety to be extremely hard to control. I didn't really start freaking out about my feelings until I started looking for a house. I would picture my fiance and I together in "our" house, picture him standing at the altar, get excited and then a moment later freak out thinking " is this what I want", "do I really want to be with him".

I come from a very close knit family and my sister is my best friend. I've never been apart from my family and have never lived anywhere else. I'm so afraid of leaving them that it causes me to question my feelings for my fiance. He's the greatest guy ever and is so understanding of my anxiety. He knows how to comfort me and make me feel better. I hate how my anxiety makes me question how I feel because this is a great relationship. My psychiatrist explained to me that being so afraid of leaving home, wondering how I'll be without my family right there, how they will be when I leave and making such a huge commitment can cause me to "freak out" and question how I truly feel. I understand this is my problem and it really has nothing to do with my fiance but my mind over thinks everything and it keeps dwelling on the fear and then I start thinking crazy thoughts, all the "what if's". My mind thinks it's easier to pull away then to keep going. I keep pushing myself everyday but it's hard. I've been this way since I was twelve but was never diagnosed properly. Back then, I was told I had "School Phobia" which caused me to miss a lot of school but my doctor didn't do anything to help me overcome the anxiety.

Any ways, I just wanted to share my anxiety situation and let you know you're not alone but i guess at the same time, reassure myself, I'm not alone.

 
Old 07-11-2010, 07:51 AM   #4
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Re: Anxiety Causing me to Question Relationship?

KMH1339, i totally understand! i go through the same thing and i don't know why and i hate it!!! the worrying and over analysing things always seems to creep back in for really no reason. my wife is great pretty much in the same way as you describe your husband. i have a good job in the field that i want to be in, we have a house, all of our bills are paid, we don't have any debt (besides a house and car but no credit card debt) and i'm married to a great wife. if you would have told me that i would be in this situation 10 years ago, i would have said "great! i can't wait to get there, it sounds like i finally made it!" but it seems like i just can't be as happy as i should be, or happy at all sometimes. that's when i start rethinking everything and the first thing i rethink is my relationship even when there is absolutly nothing wrong with it. i guess that's because that's the most important thing in my life right now. sometimes i think if i wasn't married i would be ok because i wouldn't be thinking about it anymore. but i think if that happened then something else would fill that hole to worry about. i've had panic attacks and anxiety before i was married and before i was in a relationship with my wife so i don't think that would fix it in the long term. but i still dwell on that when i'm feeling bad and it's so frustrating! so i know what you are going through and i'm glad i found several people on here that go through the same stuff.

 
Old 07-11-2010, 08:30 AM   #5
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Re: Anxiety Causing me to Question Relationship?

KMH1339, i totally understand! i go through the same thing and i don't know why and i hate it!!! the worrying and over analysing things always seems to creep back in for really no reason. my wife is great pretty much in the same way as you describe your husband. i have a good job in the field that i want to be in, we have a house, all of our bills are paid, we don't have any debt (besides a house and car but no credit card debt) and i'm married to a great wife. if you would have told me that i would be in this situation 10 years ago, i would have said "great! i can't wait to get there, it sounds like i finally made it!" but it seems like i just can't be as happy as i should be, or happy at all sometimes. that's when i start rethinking everything and the first thing i rethink is my relationship even when there is absolutly nothing wrong with it. i guess that's because that's the most important thing in my life right now. sometimes i think if i wasn't married i would be ok because i wouldn't be thinking about it anymore. but i think if that happened then something else would fill that hole to worry about. i've had panic attacks and anxiety before i was married and before i was in a relationship with my wife so i don't think that would fix it in the long term. but i still dwell on that when i'm feeling bad and it's so frustrating! so i know what you are going through and i'm glad i found several people on here that go through the same stuff.

 
Old 07-11-2010, 08:48 AM   #6
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Re: Anxiety Causing me to Question Relationship?

Hi,

I'm only a teenager and I've been with my boyfriend for around 2 years. I know how you feel. For a whole year I suffered anxiety and right now, it's not as bad as it was. You can get better, and I realize that you have to get rid of the beliefs and most of all, trust yourself.
For instance, I used to freak out thinking I'd cheat, or be a terrible girlfriend. I'd imagine us arguing (we don't argue badly, but I'm very sensitive to almost ANYTHING) and I'd imagine myself walking away and ignoring him for a good few minutes. I'd feel bad about that, and would promise that I wouldn't do that because I certainly wouldn't like that. I'd watch T.V., notice good-looking guys (they're everywhere in TV) and I'd go even more anxious thinking that because of those thoughts, I didn't truly love my boyfriend.
But I remembered that although I always had the impulse to cry or ignore him, I didn't. Instead, I asked for a minute to calm down and would talk to him. I think it's what you do that matters. As for you over-analyzing, guess what? I noticed it's you trying to find some reason to reject all those anxious thoughts, like you're finding evidence to prove it wrong, but instead, by analyzing SO MUCH, you find yourself going crazy and that everything isn't right! For something that you naturally worry about, the anxiety blows it into proportion. The BEST thing to do is talk. Let all your feelings out and let the little things go. Also, laugh a lot. Have a humorous convo with your husband and the worries fade away for just a moment, and you can deal with them when they come up.

Have hope for a better tomorrow !

Last edited by ms_mod; 07-11-2010 at 10:18 AM.

 
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