I have not posted before but have struggled so long and hard with anxiety and am looking for support right now.
I have had panic attacks, OCD, anorexia, phobias, and a constant tense muscle tone that causes aches and pains. Because of my inability to live free of stress and obsessive thoughts, I find myself in a depressed state as well. The problems definately wax and wane and change but are always there to some degree and I am always close to a complete breakdown. I dislike medications but I get to a point I cannot take it anymore. I am struggling now with health related phobias and obsessive thoughts.
I also have children and I feel like I am so drained from being anxious that it is hard to be an effective parent. I am so frusterated because I so want to be like everyone else and be care free and happy. I want to be a good mom and not constantly worry about chemicals and sicknesses and all that stuff,. Things got really bad during my pregnancies and I could barely leave the house because I would panic.
Anyway, I just felt like writing, I don't know why. Just want to have others to relate to I guess who are struggling with the same thing. I do have a strong faith and cling to it when I am feeling really bad. I have had a difficult several months with a real valid health problem (unlike the ones I create in my brain) and now currently dental pain from a procedure that is becoming chronic. These things have really thrown me off and I again am spiraling. Now I have chest pains, exhaustion, and feel like I am not really here at all as weird as that sounds. I look at people around me so at ease and I am jealous. At the same time I realize that we have all been dealt our own deck of cards and some have worse problems. I also know that it will be a constant struggle for me. Parenting is a challenge because it is so stressful to have other people to worry about in addition to yourself and also to have to take care of when you can barely function yourself. Can anyone else relate to this feeling??
Marie: How are you doing now? I just came to these boards and noticed your post is older. Hopefully you've been reading others and have found some help. I also look at other people that seem to handle everyday life with such ease & I can't. Just know you're not alone, and sometimes seeing others from the outside just doesn't really give indications of what is going on inside. Hope to see other posts from you.
Re the obsessive thoughts, I know how horrible these can be. If you haven't read any of Claire Weekes' books, you should try them, eg 'Self Help for your nerves'. Don't be put off by the title, - I found her books to be a godsend a few years back when my life was basically one long obsessive thought. I was also living in a state of pretty much continuous anxiety, & thought it would never end, but it did. There are some real simple yet effective tecniques in the books.
I also have obsessive thoughts but about aging and dying fears that interfere with everything
I also see others at ease and am jealous
I am also am a parent to two kids and also feel it is so difficult to take care of them while I can hardly take care of myself
I was managing well until my abusive husband really hit me and then filed for custody and now we are divorced and I am all alone with no life and we share the kids 50 50 which is a nightmare because it feels so unnatural to have them away from me
medications and therapy do not help at all so I am completely frustrated and confused about what to do and how to ever improve
I worry constantly about everyone including myself and everything every second
I hope your personal life is much better than mine and I wish you all the best
I know exactly where you are coming from Marie. The constant anxiety causes so much distress and I have panic attacks and depression along with it. It's like, you want to turn your brain off but you can't. I need meds so badly (wish I didn't) but cannot do this on my own. Benzo's help but are not a long term solution. I am in the process of finding an antidepressant to help me. Have you found anything and are you feeling better? Sandy