Life Long Struggle
I have not posted before but have struggled so long and hard with anxiety and am looking for support right now.
I have had panic attacks, OCD, anorexia, phobias, and a constant tense muscle tone that causes aches and pains. Because of my inability to live free of stress and obsessive thoughts, I find myself in a depressed state as well. The problems definately wax and wane and change but are always there to some degree and I am always close to a complete breakdown. I dislike medications but I get to a point I cannot take it anymore. I am struggling now with health related phobias and obsessive thoughts.
I also have children and I feel like I am so drained from being anxious that it is hard to be an effective parent. I am so frusterated because I so want to be like everyone else and be care free and happy. I want to be a good mom and not constantly worry about chemicals and sicknesses and all that stuff,. Things got really bad during my pregnancies and I could barely leave the house because I would panic.
Anyway, I just felt like writing, I don't know why. Just want to have others to relate to I guess who are struggling with the same thing. I do have a strong faith and cling to it when I am feeling really bad. I have had a difficult several months with a real valid health problem (unlike the ones I create in my brain) and now currently dental pain from a procedure that is becoming chronic. These things have really thrown me off and I again am spiraling. Now I have chest pains, exhaustion, and feel like I am not really here at all as weird as that sounds. I look at people around me so at ease and I am jealous. At the same time I realize that we have all been dealt our own deck of cards and some have worse problems. I also know that it will be a constant struggle for me. Parenting is a challenge because it is so stressful to have other people to worry about in addition to yourself and also to have to take care of when you can barely function yourself. Can anyone else relate to this feeling??