I haven't had an [offline] friend since High School (I'm 23 now), and I was curious as to how people with my condition make friends? Even in HS, they weren't my "friends" since they constantly used me for my vehicle. I've been on Klonopin for three years (which was a complete nightmare
), and quit about six months ago. My anxiety is 50x worse than it was before I started taking it, and I'm still having extreme
anxiety with erratic breathing. I also still wake up with my heart beating out of my guts, and feel very awkward in day to day social situations, not only with strangers, but with family members.
My family (including my brother who I consider to have the closest relationship with) treats me like an alien. I even lie sometimes saying that I'm sick, or busy, so I won't have to be around other humans. I am a pathetic failure, and I'm still living with my mother and her boyfriend. I hate conversing with people to the point where I get ****** off and quit talking to them directly. My voice is extremely shaky 100% of the time when I'm not yelling. If I have to repeat myself, I automatically get angry beyond belief. I promise that I am not really mean, I just want to be "normal". Please help me.
I haven't left my room since I was around 18. When you're afraid of everything that's out there, you quit going out there. Frankly I blame my severe social anxiety & shyness, but I know I've made it much worse with my Klonopin addiction.
I know people are going to say "just get over it and talk to people". I gave up on that method long ago as it doesn't work. The second I begin "talking", I fear that they are making fun of me in their mind completely turning me off to the whole idea of having them as a friend. Even if they aren't, I don't care anymore and I would much rather just be alone. I have been taken advantage of my whole life by people I have considered "friends".
I signed up to this site to address another problem, but I am sick and tired of this. I literally dream every single night of the people I hung out with in high school. We are close friends, and we do nothing extraordinary in these dreams. I think my dream last night is that we went to a baseball game... I've been having these dreams every single night for the past two years or so... In all honesty, I really miss high school. While I had very low self-awareness, at least I could somewhat hold a conversation and laugh occasionally.
Anyway, how can I go about making friends without having to talk to other humans face-to-face. If you advise me to talk to people, forget it. I'll say that I am perfectly content with my dog and to hell with humans (yes, I am that
Again, I promise I am not mean. I'm actually very nice when you get to know me.