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Old 09-03-2010, 12:56 PM   #1
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Angry Fairytale life - how did I get anxiety and fear of dying?

I can sum up the last 15 years of my life by saying that I've been through A LOT of emotional and mental changes. My family has high expectations of me which encouraged me to be an extremely competitive person today who cares about reputation, materialism and pleasing other people (even though often it goes against what I really want).

At 25 I finally broke down from all the pressure and suffered depression. So for 2 years, I moved to another city, far away from everyone I knew (my boyfriend came with me). At this time I cried almost every day, was angry and irritable. I had a job I ended up hating and it paid average - this didn't help because I was living in an expensive city and couldn't really enjoy it fully. I was so deep in my dark hole of depression (but refused to get any help or take any meds) that I decided to pickup and run again - to another city where I didn't work but tried to just enjoy life and lived on my savings for 6 months (my boyfriend came with me too).

By 28 I felt more relaxed and was ready to tackle the world again and move back home. But I still held onto issues in my past but was making great progress at forgiving people, moving on and figuring out what I wanted instead of trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. This was a big turning point in my life.

As I arrived at my big 3-0 birthday, everything completely changed. I had a career I loved, the boyfriend who followed and supported me through everything proposed and I had a dream wedding! We worked real hard but made so much money that I pretty much bought whatever I wanted - the beautiful home, car, luxury handbags, tech toys, traveled all over the world, bought lavish gifts for everyone, etc. I had good friends, my family was finally real proud of us and honestly, everything was perfect. There were times I had to actually pinch myself to make sure it wasn't all a dream. Most importantly, I've learned so much about myself during this process of change and at last, was "happy".

Then one night, out of nowhere, this dreadful feeling appeared. I was at home watching TV and doing chores when I had this panic attack that something was going to end. I felt sick with worry. Was I going to get some disease and die or is something wrong with my husband?! It went away as quickly as it came but the thought has been lingering for over a year and now I am almost always anxious that something bad is going to happen!! It got so bad at one point that I cut down on traveling (feared that the plane was going to go down or something)! I know a lot of it is in my head - since I now have everything I've ever wanted and worked my butt off (including getting over depression), I am so afraid of it all being taken away!

My body has definitely been taxed (dealing with depression first, then anxiety, working long hours and the usual daily stresses of life) that I've developed a bunch of health issues like nausea, lump in throat, headaches, tingling body parts, etc. and each time I get freaked out that it's cancer and I'm going to die!

Obviously it's silly thinking and I can't talk to anyone about it (because they all think I have this perfect life) but it's driving me crazy to the point that I have a hard time getting up in the morning and now getting depressed again about being anxious! So I just want to know if anyone can relate and/or comment on how I suddenly became so anxious and how are you getting over the fear of cancer, dying, etc.?

Thanks for reading - I know it's long!

 
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Old 09-05-2010, 04:38 PM   #2
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Re: Fairytale life - how did I get anxiety and fear of dying?

Please please please get help now from a therapist who specializes in anxiety/depression etc, a very good one

avoid medications if possible.

it is better to lean on yourself than others because that is how you will get stronger. only you can help yourself. too many people offering advice will confuse you.

You do not want this to get so out of control that it is too late like it is for me.

No matter how hard it is MAKE yourself live your life fully. Do things that go against your feelings of anxiety/depression. Force yourself to exercise and very important remain social.

If you give the fear and depression power it will gladly take over

Take risks, do things you love, pamper yourself

The more things you do and the more you disprove your fear the better and better you feel

All those physical things you are feeling ARE NOT REAL, YOU ARE NOT DYING and will not anytime soon.

Just live

Last edited by ms_mod; 09-05-2010 at 05:05 PM. Reason: Removed unnecessary quote. Ms_Mod

 
Old 09-05-2010, 09:27 PM   #3
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Re: Fairytale life - how did I get anxiety and fear of dying?

Haha I'm 18. I have the same exact thing you have!

You need to be confident. You have anxiety and anxiety attacks, which are medical conditions that CAN be treated if you take proper action. Every day I feel as though something is wrong with me, usually it's something new because after I find out that nothing is wrong I feel a bit better. As you learn how to cope with anxiety you'll see improvements in your symptoms and they will eventually fade away. But you need to get help from someone who's willing to listen.

1. Get a counselor. Most counties have mental health buildings where you can speak to someone who can give you advice and teach you how to face your fears. Your fear may be strong but when your mind knows how to fight that fear and dispel it quickly you'll see improvement.

2. I know what it's like to have anxiety attacks and yeah, they blow. It's like you're feeling like yourself one minute and the next you are feeling like crap and you know you shouldn't have to but your mind keeps going at a mile a minute.

3. Whenever you start having hypochondriac-like thoughts, sit down, take some deep breaths and think of a chalk board. Each thought that comes to your mind goes on that chalk board, but before you can even get into that thought, erase it with the eraser. Keep focused on erasing those thoughts with your "eraser".

4. You have to understand that you will have good days, and you will have good days that go bad. That's a really good thing. That means you're making progression from the bad to good. Over time you'll notice that the amount of time you're doing good will highly outweigh the bad and will eventually fizzle out over time.

5. Depressive moods are common during anxiety. Do not think you're going back into a slump.. you're not. It's just that built up frustration controlling your emotions. Take a nap or do something you usually enjoy to get your mind off things...

Hope this did something for you.

 
Old 09-06-2010, 05:31 AM   #4
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Re: Fairytale life - how did I get anxiety and fear of dying?

I learned alot from watching Dr P. and reading other articles on how the mind works. I watched several interviews of celebrities and other famous people who mentioned how they too were in such fear over what they had to do, but they fought through it and it caused them to be successful.

I learned that everyone has fears, thats not the bad part. The bad part is if you let that fear control you instead of motivate you. Educate yourself on what your fear is so that you can have more amunition to tell your fear - your not true!

I learned that your brain can actually lie to you! The connections in your brain may be mis-firing which in turn is causing you to have wrong thoughts.

There was a Dr A. that wrote several books on the brain. I watched one of his shows and he was very funny but extermely informative. Just doing research on the net can be very informative.

When I get really down now about something that's happening I look at past experciences and how I got through them even though I felt overwhelmed and I keep telling myself "This to shall pass!"

 
Old 10-16-2010, 01:30 AM   #5
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Re: Fairytale life - how did I get anxiety and fear of dying?

Hi, i am so glad i read your story because it could be me. I am a mum of 3 in the Uk, that woke up four weeks ago and felt the same. Numb pressure feeling in head, nausea and the overwhelming feeling of doom. I have a great life, no reason for it that i can think of, but must be something underlying. I am now on citropram, i think you call it something else. Really hope it kicks in soon, cause i want to get me back and start enjoying life again. Hope you are feeling better and life is on the up for you .

Last edited by ms_mod; 10-16-2010 at 05:50 AM. Reason: Removed unnecessary quote. Ms_Mod

 
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