I have major anxiety and I also have OCD. I am so sick and tired of being a worrier. I feel like I am wasting my life worrying about what might happen. I waste too much time on worrying and not enough on living in the moment. I have a really hard time with change. I just recently moved out of my boyfriend's mom's house with my bf. We moved to his hometown about 3 years ago to finish school. That was the hardest time of my life as I left my family and friends. For 3 years we wanted our own place again and now that it has finally happened, all I am is depressed. I miss his mom's place because it was nice having someone around while my bf works nights. Now, all I worry about is someone breaking in or hearing strange noises. Not to mention, I am utterly and horribly lonely. I have not been very successful in finding friends in this town and when my bf is at work, I am at home alone and all I want to do is cry. I have been crying since we moved and I feel so guilty to turn what should have been a wonderful time in our lives into a big depressive mess. Not only do I worry about people breaking in, I worry about my loved ones and myself dying. My bf and I are going to visit my family for Thanksgiving. It is a 4 hour drive and the weather has been pretty nasty. He has to come home early, by himself and I am a mess worrying about him ALREADY. I worry that since we have to travel so far to see my family that it is only eventual that someone will get into an accident. I want to move back to my hometown so bad, just so I don't have to worry about all that (not to mention, I won't be lonely anymore), but he is not done with school. I also worry about getting sick. I have been a mess this week worrying that I will get sick or my bf will get sick and I can't go see my family. I miss them so much and if I can't go, I don't know how I will cope. Coping...not so good at that.
Some of the best times of my life have been touched by my worrying. I went to Europe for the first time this past summer. I worried that my bf or I would get sick during the trip and it would damper our time there. I worried that I would get us into an accident driving on the other side of the road. I worried about the plane crashing. Guess what? None of that even happened and I wasted so much of my energy on the worrying. My chest hurts, my eyes are red from crying and I am mentally exhausted. What can I do to be happy, even if I am alone? How can I relax and not worry and just let things be what they are? Ugh, someone please give me some guidance...