Need help/Anxiety/Derealization cant take it anymore
I have been having anxiety for the past few years and was usually very good at controlling it. I was able to recognize panic and stop myself from having an attack.
However, a few days ago, I had what I thought was a panic attack and have never been the same since. My friend was driving me and as I was in the passenger seat, I noticed something funny about all of the street lights. They all had circles around them and thought it was kind of odd. I think this is what offset the panic at first (later I found this so silly because I noticed I had put my contacts in the wrong way). I started to feel very strange, like something came over my whole body.
It was a very difficult feeling to explain but all of a sudden I thought, am i dreaming? Just to back track, I tend to have very vivid dreams sometimes and tend to realize I am dreaming while I am dreaming. Often I will find myself pinching myself in my dream trying to force myself to wake up because I am terrified when I am in the dream state and aware of it.
This is exactly what I proceeded to do. I started pinching myself as anxiety overcame me. My whole body felt numb and was tingling. I couldn't feel any of the pinches (later I had many bruises on my arms and legs) and in a state of panic I started yelling to my friend if I was dreaming. My vision felt so odd it felt so weird to look into the world because I was convinced I wasn't truly there. My whole body started shaking and I felt very cold I think it was all out of the tremendous fear I had. I demanded to be rushed to the hospital.
At the hospital, of course they couldn't find anything wrong except that my blood sugar was extremely low. Nevertheless, I spent the next few days all in bed, not being able to move, scared to get up, terrified of being alone in case anything happens. Ive been questioning reality and having so much doubt lately I just want my life to go back to how it was before the attack. I have this terrible feeling in my stomach that I cannot get rid of and am not really sure what is wrong with me.
Its hard to focus, hard to sleep, Im unable to eat I feel nauseous all the time.
I feel like im not truly here, I question those who are close to me, im scared to go outside. Im pretty much afraid of doing anything. i feel the most comfortable laying in bed on the computer, looking at random websites to keep me busy. i cannot go out anymore, im afraid to drive. I feel as if everything lies in my vision and I pay to much close attention to what I am seeing through my eyes. its difficult to explain but sometimes i focus myself in a certain way that starts to build up this doubt.
does anyone have any similar stories to share? am i going crazy? i just need confirmation i want to be able to trust in the world again.