I haven't posted for awhile because I have been muddling along and dealing with things fairly well for awhile. I've been checking in and reading others' posts but have been keeping my own anxiety fairly low key and mostly in check. And then it just all blew up. I've been a mess. Mine pretty much always manifests itself as health anxiety so the past week or so I've had every scary symptom under the sun -- heart palpitations and chest pain, I don't feel like I'm breathing correctly, strange pain in my legs (which of course I've decided are blood clots!) -- and on and on, etc., etc. No matter how many times I try to tell myself I've been through this before (countless times!) and it's just my anxiety flaring up, it doesn't help. I'm just sure that this time it's for real. The ativan that I haven't touched for months is now almost a daily thing again -- and it only takes the edge off. I'm just so tired of all this. I'm 46 and this has been going on since I was 13. You would think your brain would learn to deal with this after so much time but apparently not. Why does this suddenly happen? I have been stressed out at work but why can't it be just that -- work stress? Why do I have to turn it into full blown, full body anxiety?! And, as usual, I keep it inside and tell no one. Very few people in my life have any idea that I suffer from anxiety. I go thru each day pretending like everything is normal when inside I'm terrified that something horrible is about to happen.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. I guess I just needed to vent my frustration to people that understand. Thank you to those of you that took the time to read this. And to the rest of you out there whose posts I read. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this. Take care everyone.
Yeah, anxiety has a very high relapse rate. Once you've had it, chances are you'll get it again. I've gone long periods feeling pretty good then all of a sudden I'm back to being anxious again and have no idea why. Just the way this stuff is, I guess.
Im sorry that this "demon" has crept up on you again. I can totally relate to what you are going through. I was diagnosed with GAD and Panic Disorder when I was 14 years old, and I am now 39. So I have been dealing with this for 25 years myself. I went most of the time not taking anything, but then I had to do something because it got totally out of control. I took Zoloft off and on for almost 10 years. I'd go off of it for a while and feel fine, then it would all start again, and i'd have to go back on it. I experience the same thing as you though, the health anxiety! It's the worst because you know EXACTLY what is happening to you, a PANIC ATTACK, but yet you start thinking of every medical condition that could be causing it, from heart attack, to stroke, to cancer, to brain tumor etc... Oh yea, i've had all of them! (in my mind anyway). I was just in the ER about 2 weeks ago thinking that there was definately something wrong with my heart, or I was having a stroke or something, and that I was gonna die. After EKG, cardiac enzyme test, and every other blood test, blood pressure monitoring, and one mg. of Ativan through IV. I was given a clean bill of health and sent on my merry little way with my panic attacks. *sigh* It gets so very frustrating and aggravating at the same time. I was having one this morning and got so mad that I started thinking to myself, "ok come on, if you're gonna do this, do it now and get it over with, i'm so sick of you interfering with my life!" I'm so fed up and tired of it anymore. Somethings got to give! So yea, this is the perfect place to vent, because EVERYONE here has experienced exactly what you are going through. I truely hope you get some type of relief and start feeling better soon. God Bless, Fox
The Following User Says Thank You to Foxxii For This Useful Post: dcs316 (09-30-2011)
I definitely can relate, I have been there soooo many times.. My anxiety also can manifest itself it many different ways sometimes as panic attacks sometimes as health anxiety. I hope that you find a way to make your anxiety better.
I did try an antidepressant once several years ago. HATED all the side effects I experienced. I realize they don't all cause the same problems but I had so many I just didn't even want to keep trying different ones. So I stuck with the ativan on an 'as needed' basis which usually does pretty well for me. Thanks for the suggestion, though. I can tell that everyone who has responded really understands and that really does help. You're absolutely right --it is a horrible way to live.
Love your name, by the way, as I am a major dog lover myself!
I'd talk to your doctor- most side effects do go away the first couple weeks. It's imperative to stay on an antidepressant at least a couple months to see how it will work & what side effects, if any, will be permanent for you. I honestly can't even fathom how I'd manage with out my meds, always waiting for the anxiety to rear it's head. Good luck, and yes, dogs are great anxiety reducers themselves
My thoughts are with you, I am on anti-depressants, mood stablizers, ADHD meds, and sleep aids because I can't turn off. Just when I think I'm under control I my anxiety (which is a new issue for me) seems to flare. I am afraid that I will have a heart attack and no one will pay attention because I have these symptoms so often now. Well that dosen't do anything for my stress level, now does it.
Last edited by fuzzybrayn; 10-02-2011 at 01:42 PM.