My name is Samantha, and I'm a teenage girl struggling every single day with anxiety and paranoia. This only came about around 3 months ago, but each day it gets worse.
I can't be home alone. Why? Home is supposed to make you feel safe and secure. For me I'd rather be anywhere but home. I don't know why I do this, but whenever I am alone in my house I will have these images that play back in my head of this man in my basement waiting for the right moment to come and kill me. Every noise I hear when I'm home alone makes me think that it is him and I will have panic attacks, start to cry, and I will tense up and I won't move until someone comes home.
I am alone for at least 3-7 hours every day.
I called my parents once, crying, and my dad got on the phone and started yelling at me, telling me it was ridiculous of me to be acting like that and that I had the mentality of an 8 year old. He said I couldn't act immature about one thing and mature about another, so if I wouldn't stop being like that he would take away my license because I shouldn't be operating a vehicle. I haven't talked to them about it since then.
The only person I have told about this and the way I feel is my boyfriend. He has strongly urged me to tell my parents because he fears for my well-being, because he thinks I will become depressed and cut myself again.
I don't want to tell my parents, though, because I am afraid that they will judge me too much. They aren't very "open-minded" about this type of thing. However, I want help. I want to stop feeling like this. It interferes with my everyday life. I don't get homework done, and my grades have gone WAY down. Also, I don't get my chores done, which makes my parents more mad.
Please tell me what to do.
I just want to be able to cope with simple things like being home alone.
Last edited by ms_mod; 01-28-2012 at 10:23 AM.
The following user gives a hug of support to xomatherxo: BelleoftheSouth (02-07-2012)
What happened around 3 months ago that made you have the fear of a stranger being in your house?
You could invite someone over to your house or take a walk outside. Lock the basement. Did you move to the house recently? If so it is normal to have some kind of fear, which might be caused by the unfamiliar surrounding. Don't blame yourself for anything. Try to accept your feelings. It's normal for a young girl to be scared. But don't let these feelings take over your life. I think that positive suggestions can help you. Everytime you have this irrational fear, tell yourself that if someone actually is in the house you will notice it soon enough to have the chance to call for help. Maybe you can ask the neighbor for his number. It would also help to attend a self defense course (maybe karate). It would give you more self-confidence.
Method to face anxiety:
facing, accepting, floa-ting, letting time pass
Current medication: Paxil 40mg, Mirtazapin 20mg
The Following User Says Thank You to d0ink For This Useful Post: xomatherxo (01-28-2012)
Is there a counselor at your school that you could talk to about this? I think a counselor or someone will probably be more supportive and open-minded about your situation than your parents. If you don't feel comfortable sharing all the details with a counselor you could just ask for help in learning ways to reduce the anxiety and paranoia you've been feeling.
The Following User Says Thank You to flamesabers For This Useful Post: xomatherxo (02-07-2012)
So sorry you are going thru this, I can't imagine what it feels like. I have some anxiety too but not the same kind.
I think you should talk to the counselor at school too. He/she may be able to help you talk to your parents about it too eventually. Once you can get them to understand you can get to the Dr. and get on some medication to help you, that's what I did and it really helps with the anxiety.
Do try some methods to talk yourself out of it. I know I have a book and it says to remind yourself that its just your anxiety doing this. To take deep calming breaths when it happens.
Please let us know what you decide to do, ok? (((HUGS))))
The following user gives a hug of support to noevr: xomatherxo (02-07-2012)
I think talking to a counselor at school is a great idea. A lot of kids get nervous home alone, as even some adults. You should not have to just deal with it alone, go talk to a school counselor and maybe if you can join clubs or any after school activity to keep busy.
The Following User Says Thank You to itburns2004 For This Useful Post: xomatherxo (02-07-2012)
I'm sorry I waited a while to reply, I didn't have much access to my laptop. Thanks for all the ideas and support, though, I haven't decided what I want to do yet. I'm just taking it day by day and trying to help myself through it. It's gotten a little better as I tell myself it's not true, but I still have those really bad moments. If I can't get it little by little myself I might just avoid being alone and talk to a counselor about it!
Hi Samantha..I hope you're feeling better. Like the others have said maybe talking to a school counciler will help you.
I would suggest that you stay away from horror flicks and if the News/Newspaper is bothersome then don't watch/read it for a week.
Can you lock your basement door?
This is where my nosiness comes in..I'd open the basement door and yell that if there were anyone down there to please come up so you can face him or tell him that your dad said that he has to pay rent if he's going to stay in the basement..but thats me..
I never journaled until a couple of years ago and once I put my anxiety ridden thoughts down on paper I soon forgot what was scaring/bothering me.
I hope you get this fixed... don't allow it to live your life for you...you're young and have a lot of fun living to do
The Following User Says Thank You to BelleoftheSouth For This Useful Post: xomatherxo (02-08-2012)