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Old 02-19-2012, 06:08 AM   #1
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Question I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

I am wondering how I can get out of my currently discomforting situation. There are days that go by pretty well. But then there are those were I feel light headed, can't concentrate, have negative thoughts (sometimes even ones in which I am dying), get dizzy and sometimes nauseaous. Everything seems to be so stressy and I literally don't want to do anything. Yet if I don't do something I know that I wont distract myself from what I might feel. It is very difficult to convince myself that I am healthy and it's because my nerves play tricks on me.
In the past I have been to several doctors and done several EKGs and also a stress test, but they all came back fine. Just like the ones of most of you here.

Everything started on an evening when I was at home and prepared dinner for myself. At that time I was studying and not exercising at all. School was difficult and I spent my spare time learning and playing computer games (counter-strike and world of warcraft). I also played until late at night and had sometimes only about 6 hours of sleep. What a fool I was.
That particular night I experienced what people call a panic attack. Chest tightness, difficulty breathing, feeling week, burning sensations in my chest and felt like I was collapsing. My parents where there and they calmed me down. It seemed to work and I was feeling well rather shortly. But after a few minutes it almost started again. Not so bad, but my heart was racing and I was very scared. This was the beginning of my life with anxiety. Things got worse and finally I was prescribed 40mg Paxel and 30mg of Mirtabene.

I wanted to add that a few days before this happened I saw a professional soccer player collapse and die on a soccer playground. It was broadcasted on television and it struck me. Ever since I always thought that this might happend to me as well. Especially since I had the panic attack, which somehow "proved" to me how instable a persons health can be. Although I am not drinking, alcohol nor coffeine. I eat in a healthy manner (no fast food at all) and I exercise at least three times a week (karate). I take vitamins as well. However my star sign is Aquarius and those are prone to have difficulties with their heart (circulation function). And I did notice even when I was younger that I sometimes had what people call missed heart beats. My twin brother has them as well, but he had no panic attack at the time and can deal with stress more easily, so it seems.

The last few years I was rather relaxed and everything felt alright (that was a time where I took 40mg for over 3 years). I also started dating girls, which I didn't do before. Unfortunately everytime I tried to get off the meds the anxiety would come back. It is like it was lurking there all the time just waiting to get me.

Last year I was tapering down from 40mg to 30, 20, 10 and then nothing (suggestion by my doctor). The 11th day into being of Paxel I got extremely anxious at night. My heart was racing and I couldn't sleep. It was terrible. So I went back to 10mg, without relief.
On the 1th of January I started taking 20mg, since my doctor suggested that. After two or three weeks I was somewhat starting to feel better. But ever since now I am still not doing good.

Like I said, there are good days and bad ones and I know that I have to believe in that it will get better and I was alright before and it has to become normal again. The problem is that it takes sooooo long to recover. I hope I will. I am reading books on the topic and trying different techniques to relax (relaxing music, deep breathing, autogen training), but when it really gets bad they all seem to stop working.

Has someone mad it through the process of recovery. How long do you think it might take? I know it is hard to answer, because everybody is different and everyone's life is different. But I am like not having to stress myself, not in my familiy and not even at work and still I feel anxious about every small thing. It's simply not normal.
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Current medication: Paxil 40mg, Mirtazapin 20mg

Last edited by d0ink; 02-19-2012 at 06:16 AM. Reason: additional information

 
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Old 02-19-2012, 09:08 AM   #2
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Well you're right, nobody can give you a timeline, because it truly is different for everybody. I'm going through a rough patch as well, and am choosing to ride it out medication free. Exercise and diet are what I concnentrate on as well, but I'm just like you, still have some really tough days. I keep telling myself on those days to just remember the good ones and that they'll be back before you know it. Just ride it out. It works the majority of the time, and I take comfort knowing that there are alot of people out there who are worse off than me! Physically and mentally. While I can't really answer your question of time, I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely one of many, and there are alot of us who can relate to your feelings. Keep your head up and and think positive as much as you possibly can. It WILL get better.

 
Old 02-19-2012, 09:53 AM   #3
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Yes I think that exercising does help. Although I tend to get anxious about going to karate everytime, because of how I might feel. It happened in the past that I couldn't finisht the training, because I started to feal nauseaous. Sometimes I can pull myself together and make it through, but there is always the thought about the next training which lies ahead.

It is also extremely difficult to work this way. When these sensations come and you are in the middle of something and can't concentrate on anything else. I won't tell my colleagues, because there is one person in our company who has similar issues and now everyone knows about it and that is something I don't want. But pretending to be alright, whilst you feel like crap is a hard thing. I do hope that with warmer weather and more sunny days my mood will get a boost and my mind be free of this crap. I want to make it without taking more medication, since I could take the easy road and start taking 40mg again, which is most likely what my doctor would advise. She always tells me to take more, because maybe I have to take them all my life. But that is not what I want to do. Oh god, I fee like breaking out in tears right now. I have to be strong.

I am interested in what the symptoms you feel are? What is the most anoying thing, is there something that always returns? How often do you have bad days? Is a bad day one with constant symptoms?
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Method to face anxiety:
facing, accepting, floa-ting, letting time pass

Current medication: Paxil 40mg, Mirtazapin 20mg

Last edited by ms_mod; 02-19-2012 at 12:08 PM. Reason: Removed curse word. Ms_Mod

 
Old 02-19-2012, 10:15 AM   #4
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

A bad day for me is definitely one filled with symptoms all day long. Some days I have them and I just chalk it up as a loss. I win most of the days though, but I rarely get through a day without some sort of symptom. I've had every symptom you can possibly imagine! I wouldn't even know where to begin. If you'd like to list some of yours, I'd be happy to tell you whether I've experienced them or not. One thing that took me forever to get used to is that you'll experience a new symptom that you've never experienced before and it sends you into a bad spell! I remember thinking, "I've never had that one before!" Mine have changed through the past few years, and as a result my anxiety level has remained high. It definitely affects my work and quality of life. My bad days some weeks can outnumber the good days, but other weeks I feel pretty good and they don't hold me back at all. Even while exercising I'm chased out of the gym somedays by symptoms, like a racing heart, chest pain, etc. I just let it win that day, and vow to come back the next day. I know when you're burdened with symptoms it feels as though they will follow you forever, but they won't. You will get past them. If I were you, I read something interesting. I'd go get all of your levels checked, like your vitamin E's and D's, and look into some good supplements. I don't think you'll necessarily have to take medications the rest of your life. I'm a firm believer that we can beat this. Go to the depression board and read some of the depression tips at the top. There are a lot of people up there who have done a lot of research and found many things that help them. Don't give up, just keep searching and researching and get yourself back.

 
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Old 02-19-2012, 10:29 PM   #5
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

It really does help to know that I am not alone. Thank you very much for your help.

Sometimes actually new symptoms seem to come up. I try to list a few I can remember or am experiencing currently:
- feeling that I can't breathe properly. like if it's somehow different, harder
- feeling exhausted
- tingling or a moving needle like sensations in my bottom chest and belly
- missed heart beats
- quick heart rate (once I measured it when feeling it rather quick and it was aprox. 100)
- occasional dizzy spells (although these seem to got less)
- nausea
- feeling like I am floating and am not really here
- can't concentrate, because my thoughts run around my symptoms
- irritability: don't want to talk to anyone or do anything
- strange, diffuse feeling in my shoulders at the front, sometimes the chest that make me feel like I don't have energy to do anything
- feeling very nervous and sudden strikes of anxiety that seem to come out of nowhere

I think that is enough for the beginning. What about your symptoms?
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facing, accepting, floa-ting, letting time pass

Current medication: Paxil 40mg, Mirtazapin 20mg

 
Old 02-19-2012, 11:04 PM   #6
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Hey Doink,

I'm 41, raised 3 of my own sons & 1 step son. This battle with Anxiety for me comes & goes with several year spurts. There is no way of saying when you will ovrcome or if you will. I've been on Xanax for years (Paxil made me suicidal, literally). Last week they added Cymbalta & Seroquel. Who knows, maybe it'l work. I know I'm tired of hiding all the time cause of my attitude or cause I might trip on someone. I always use music to calm me. It blocks everyone and everything out. If your tapping your feet to music, people dont notice your tripping either.

I do like how you keep up with how your condition affects you. It's different for everyone. The only thing that worries me would be the more you think about your issues the more they are going to cause you stress and continue causing attacks. If I were you I would ask your Dr if there was another medication you could take. You never know, obviously Paxil isn't quite doing the job anymore.

Good Luck
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Old 02-19-2012, 11:10 PM   #7
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

I've had almost all of those at one time or another. Especially nausea, dizziness, rapid heart rate, fluttering heart beats, not breathing properly...all of which I've been experiencing here lately. The dizziness is something new to me too, so of course that got my mind racing. Lately the worst symptoms for me have been this feeling of a cloud/fog hanging over my head, making me think weird thoughts. Thoughts that just aren't me, but I sit here and just get through it, knowing the good feeling will be coming back soon enough. Its weird to think something that isn't you, and new to me. I've also had this feeling while driving once that I was going to pass out and go to sleep. Like I was having mini blackouts. A depressed feeling on and off has come about recently too, even though I don't really have any depressed feelings. Its weird and hard to explain. I'm happy about things and like doing the things I love still and everything, just feel differently. Either way I've got to get it off my chest soon! In the mean time I just keep being me and not letting anything get me down, and ignoring all of the symptoms. It seems to be working, amazingly well without any kind of medication.

 
Old 02-19-2012, 11:57 PM   #8
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Anxiety is a very difficult illness. It real sucks, for me I am also slightly manic depresssive & bi polar. Honestly, it didn't help to learn last June that I had MS. Truth is all of us have to try to learn our triggers & fight them off. It's a hard road, but we're here, alive and as long as we have this place we're never really alone. As far as our crazy thoughts, well your not alone there either. Not even the feeling like you had a blackout. I know most of my triggers and do my best to avoid them. Well, the rest, just pray for those around me if I trip. LOL
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:18 AM   #9
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Thank you for your answers. I really like how you (db851) cope with it not taking any medication. That is one thing I would like to do too. Currently I am taking 20mg Paxel each morning and it does help somewhat, but not in a way that I can enjoy my life. I do want to enjoy what I am doing, but I do not want to take any more medication. So it is a succcess for me if I can stick with 20mg and do not have to take more. That is why I was asking how long it will take for me to feel better.

I am writing sort of a daily diary to keep track of how I felt and what I felt. I compared this to my biorhythms and I do see some anology. I hope that I can change the way I look at things and don't put pressure on myself, especially not blaming myelf for how I feel and what I feel. Thankfully my brother and my mother understand what I am going through and help me whenever they can, but I have to get through this on my own I guess.

I do take Omega-3 fishoil daily since three days. I also take vitamin supplements and see a psycho-therapist ever two weeks. I do EDxTM against stress caused by the symptoms and I read interesting books about how my thoughts influence my life. When I am occupied with something that takes all my attention, I don't feel the symptoms and am happy. However it is difficult to find such things, very difficult.

What kind of medication did you try db851?
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Method to face anxiety:
facing, accepting, floa-ting, letting time pass

Current medication: Paxil 40mg, Mirtazapin 20mg

 
Old 02-20-2012, 12:57 AM   #10
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Somewhere in here I read something about sixty minutes having a special about doing all of this naturally. No need for scripts. Maybe you can search the web & get some good info about going ALL NATURAL. That would be awesome. I know if it worked really for others I might try.
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Old 02-20-2012, 12:09 PM   #11
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

I haven't found it yet, but one about antidepressants that made people commit suicide. Maybe if we all search we can find it quicker.
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Old 02-20-2012, 01:40 PM   #12
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Where is that one at? The antidepressants and suicide article. What did it have to say?

 
Old 02-21-2012, 01:42 PM   #13
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Quote:
Originally Posted by db851 View Post
Where is that one at? The antidepressants and suicide article. What did it have to say?
It brought up the story of people who got worse by taking the pills and killed their relatives and themselves. They got very irritable and angry and some simply turned into murderers whilst they used to be calm and normal. Shocking to see.
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Method to face anxiety:
facing, accepting, floa-ting, letting time pass

Current medication: Paxil 40mg, Mirtazapin 20mg

 
Old 02-21-2012, 07:20 PM   #14
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

Wow, thats scary. How have you been doing lately?

 
Old 02-24-2012, 10:11 AM   #15
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Re: I hope that someone can relate to my feelings

d0ink, your symptom list was like reading my own. I have had anxiety for 3 years now almost exactly and have been trying to tackle it med free like db851. I am free from the panic attacks now(was house ridden almost for a year), but the symptoms you listed are still with me almost 24/7 and the mental piece of obsessing over them is there as well. Somedays I wonder how I make it through the day with teh lighteheaded, brething issues, nausea and random burts of anxiety. The lightheaded feeling you described makes me feel at times like I am zoned out 24/7. The breathing issues are the same for me as well, It constantly feels off and it feels as if I am breathing in, but the air makes it no farther than my neck. This breathing I believe is what causes the lightheadedness, bc I breathe with my neck muscles not my diaphragm. I know this will sound weird, but every once in awhile I will take a breath and its like my diaphragm opens up and I get a full breath like a normal person, but then it startles me and I'm right back to the shallow breathing. I've had a full breathing work up, so I know its not my lungs, but everytime I explain it to my doc, he just says its anxiety and I need to relax. He says the random deep breaths are when my muscles spasm and open and that I have programmed my chest muscles to be tense as a default. In any case, exercise is about the only time of the day that I start to even resemble normalcy and that lasts for maybe an hour. I take alot of vitamins, which I'm not sure whether they help or not, but they can't hurt the way I look at it. Keep me updated and ill do the same.

 
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