Another long night of anxiety ahead of me
Alright, so let me start this off by saying all I know in my life is anxiety and stress. When I was little and learning about HIV in school, I worried myself sick for weeks and was crazy depressed thinking I had HIV. I had to sleep with my parents and didn't want to do anything that young kids love to do.
In middle school, I had heart palpitations and I thought something was wrong with my heart, so I went to a cardiologist and they put a heart monitor on me. Everything turned out fine... but it's another example of me worrying myself sick about something.
Around 2.5 years ago, I woke up feeling light headed and absolutely freaked out. I thought for sure it was a brain tumor, even though I didn't get any headaches or any other brain tumor symptoms. and this one just hit me really hard. After about a day of stressing hard about it, I developed these small muscle spasms around my body, and that scared me even more because like the hypochondriac that I am, I looked it up online and read that it's a symptom of a brain tumor. I started taking days off from school and stopped going out with my friends because this crippled me. At the same time I was dealing with this, I was feeling some pain in my left testicle but didn't have any lumps, and worried about testicular cancer. I went to the doctor and he checked me out and basically just said it's anxiety. Over time, I guess I just got over it. The small twitches never went away, I just decided to live with them and ignored them because they were that minor.
Now I'm 20 years old, and I woke up a few days ago with a small hard painless lump on the back of my neck on the hairline near my right ear. Once again, I freaked out. I've convinced myself that I now have lymphoma, and now my anxiety has gone through the roof again. My twitches around my body are a little more extreme, and I now feel these short tingling sensations around my body including my face.. so now along with thinking I have lymphoma, I once again think I have a brain tumor. I also have this slight soreness in my left armpit / left groin, but no lumps. I read this is a symptom of lymphoma, so it's worrying me.
It's hard for me to pass things off as anxiety, because this all feels real to me. I just fixate on things and make them feel worse than they actually are, which scares me. I think I have a billion different types of cancer and I'm just doomed. It's so hard to deal with.
Thanks for reading.