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Old 08-28-2012, 10:59 AM   #1
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 7
gobnait06 HB User
No where to turn

I am in serious need of some help. I am disabled and spend most of my time alone with my pets. My husband is facing being laid off, my daughter just graduated from college and can't find a job ( can't even get an interview), my son and his wife have seemed to cut us out of their lives for some unknown reason and my anxiety over it all is taking over my life. My husband is very stressed as he is being pushed out of his job in favor of a younger person so I can't really share my feelings with him. I don't want to burden my daughter either. I'm so terrified of what what will happen if my husband loses his job. I can't work to help with income and I dont' know if we'll be able to manage financially. I am so scared because my daughter will lose her medical coverage and she needs to take expensive medications for allergies. Years ago, I lost my leg above the knee, spent many months in the hospital and my husband went through four layoffs in two years. Never thought we'd be facing this all again and I don't seem to be able to handle things anymore. Most of my friends left me behind following my medical problems and I can't socialize much because I am wheelchair bound. I am alone a lot of the time and depression and chronic fear of the what-ifs consume my thoughts. Medications haven't helped my much over the years and I just don't know what to do anymore. I cry most of the time, can't sleep and am paralyzed with irrational fear. I can't see a doctor because I have no one to take me during the day. Does anyone have any suggestions that I can try myself to ease the anxiety and try to find some hope for the future? thanks

The following 2 users give hugs of support to: gobnait06
crookedhearts (08-29-2012), devyn2727 (08-30-2012)
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Old 08-29-2012, 12:44 PM   #2
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 86
crookedhearts HB Usercrookedhearts HB Usercrookedhearts HB User
Re: No where to turn

I'm so sorry, I'm not sure I have any useful advice but I just wanted to let you know that I'll be thinking of you (for what it's worth, which is not much, lol). I understand why you can't go the doctor during the day, but is there any way you could get your daughter to take you? I really think you should try to get therapy through your health insurance and they probably have a group therapy group for the disabled. You'd be surprised by what's available through your health insurance, and you're already paying for it so you might at well take advantage. Either way, it's something to research at the very least.
Also about your daughter--as long as she's 26 and under she can still be covered under you. That's part of the new healthcare act. It's supposed to make it available to everyone (regardless of employment status) and more affordable, so try not to worry about it so much.

Anyways, you might find that your insurance or even just your city offers some kind of ride system for the disabled people in your community (mine seems to), so that's worth checking out too. I know it's hard, but I think it would benefit you to get out of the house and socialize with people--dont let your wheelchair stop you from it. You might also find that your friends are open to socializing with you. I know it's hard, but maybe try ringing them up and seeing what they're up to. You've got nothing to lose by doing this. Worst case scenario they tell you they're doing fine and then there's a long awkward silence and you never call them again, lol. So what? At least you will have tried to reconnect. Good luck. I hope everything works out.

Old 08-29-2012, 02:21 PM   #3
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 7
gobnait06 HB User
Re: No where to turn

Thank you for your kindness, crookedhearts. My daughter works cleaning houses and works very long hours. I am able to drive but my problem is managing my wheelchair in and out of the vehicle. I really need someone to help me with it. As for the insurance, my husband is facing the prospect of losing his job which covers our daughter. If he is laid off, she will lose her coverage too. I have tried therapy in the past but it didn't help me at all. Maybe I need a different therapist, though. It doesn't help that I'm having hormone issues amidst perimenopause. I have tried over and over to reach out to my friends to do things together but I got turned down so many times, I just gave up. I think I'm having a perfect storm of isolation, hormone swings and generalized anxiety that is exacerbated by the hormone imbalance. My doctor is reluctant to address the hormone issues and tells me to simply ride it out. It gets painful at times. I really appreciate your reaching out to me. It touched my heart and made me feel like I'm not totally alone. Thanks again and I wish you all the best.

Old 08-29-2012, 04:20 PM   #4
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York City
Posts: 54
berkeley3525 HB Userberkeley3525 HB User
Re: No where to turn

I'm completed saddened by your families situation. Both your husband and daughter are victims of this awful economy and unemployment. You don't deserve this. I truly and deeply admire your college education daughter for swallowing her pride and is working cleaning apartments. Does your daughter qualify for Medicaid? If you husband is laid off hopefully he will find work again which has happened four times in the past.

Your message has helped me tremendously yet I can't help you. I've been dealing with depression since January but I'm gratefuly that it came very late in life (I'm 72). How you have helped me is that I have fixed income, a home with no mortgage and great health insurance. I have so much to be grateful for. I'm alone with no close family and few friends but again I have so much to be grateful for. Depression is truly a bummer.

I'm so hoping that your daughter will eventually find employment with medical benefits and that your husband will find re-emplyment if he's laid off. Does your husband qualify for social security? Will he get unemployment insurance? I understand unemployment benefits in New Jersey are fairly decent.

You do have a daughter and husband and pets who care for you. I envy you. So sad about your son. How he returns to his family.

I'm wishing you and your family the very best. You must have hope. Best Wishes.

Last edited by berkeley3525; 08-29-2012 at 04:21 PM.

Old 08-29-2012, 05:18 PM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 7
gobnait06 HB User
Re: No where to turn

berkeley3525: Thank you so much for your thoughtful response to my post. I can't begin to tell you how heartened I was by it. Depression is a terrible, dark thing. Only those who have experienced it can understand the toll that it takes on one's life. This economy IS hitting so many people so hard but sometimes it's just overwhelming. I've been feeling especially sorry for myself and allowing the anxiety to get the better of me. The best thing I could have done was reach out on this board because I am feeling better today. You're right, I am lucky to have my family and pets (the pets are especially wonderful because they don't judge or criticize and being responsible for them all- two dogs, three cats and two parrots does take one's mind off one's troubles.). I hope it brings you a measure of comfort to know that your writing such a kind and encouraging message has truly lifted my spirits. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope that you find peace and a release from the pain of depression because you deserve it.
Thanks again.

Old 08-30-2012, 12:55 AM   #6
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 35
Skip4 HB UserSkip4 HB UserSkip4 HB User
Re: No where to turn

If I lived in America and if it weren't creepy I'd offer to have wheelchair races with you down the street that would have to cheer you up! - oh and help you getting your wheelchair in and out of the car so you can go to the doctors of course (I have my priorities sorted!) :P

I'm sorry to hear how tough your situation is at the moment. My dad's job was made non-existant recently, but the company did it in a way where they won't have to pay anyone redundancies, which means we're very likely to lose the family home unless he can find a new job within 2 months or unless anyone else in the house can manage to find enough work between us to take over paying the mortgage.

I think the worst part is not knowing how things are going to go down... But at the end of the day, family is the most important thing and we'll stick it through together like I'm sure your family will by the sounds of it

As for being able to see a doctor... Are you on speaking terms with any of your neighbours? If you're able to drive, maybe a neighbour could help you put your wheelchair in the car and then you could call ahead so that someone at the clinic could come out and get the wheelchair out again for you?

PS. pets are the best, I have a giant lap dog (golden retriever) sitting on my feet right now with his head on my lap looking at me like "why aren't you patting me? What could be so important that you wouldn't love me?" :P he is very much a clingy, sooky, mama's boy lol

Old 08-31-2012, 04:11 AM   #7
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 7
gobnait06 HB User
Re: No where to turn

Oh Skip4: I'm so sorry for your troubles and you're right: The worst part of it all is the overwhelming fear of uncertainty. But it sounds to me that you are far wiser than your years and you and your family will see it through together just fine- there's always a way. Your post made me smile- I' d wheelchair race you anytime!! Even though I'm kinda old, I've been using a chair for twenty years and I have freakish upper body strength and might leave you in the dust! Your dog sounds wonderful. We had a golden retriever in our family and he was so sweet and loving. Pets give us great comfort and warmth especially in times of trouble and they always seem to know when we need a cuddle. Thank you so much for responding to my post. It gave me a big lift and reminded me that people everywhere are struggling and we are all in this together. You seem like such a caring, sensitive person and I can't thank you enough for reaching out to me.

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