Hi; I was diagnosed back in 1994 with an Anxiety Disorder, after over a year of being diagnosed with just about everything else first. It is safe to say that i lost all confidence in the doctors, because I thought I was having heart problems and was going to die. Anyway I was discharged from the Navy in 1994 with a medical discharge for this wonderfull thing called Anxiety. I was prescribed many different drugs over the last 20 years, including Xanax, Valium, Prozac, Paxil and many others. The Xanax worked the best for a while, but I got addicted to them and was taking much more then prescribed, however I had no problem getting more as the VA sent my bottles and bottles of pills every month. In the time from 1994 until 2007 I used alchohol and later pain killers such as percocet and vicodin to self medicate, and of course I went through that hell. I went on a drug called Subutex, which helped me stop taking narcotics, but is addictive itself. Little did I know that this drug has caused more problems then its worth. I am down to about 2 mgs of the subutex and I am way down on the xanax and valium as well. About 2 years ago I started having bad anxiety again. I thought it was my job, so I changed jobs and it got worse. I admitted myself into a psych ward for help as I thought I was losing my mind. I was put on Abilify and Prozac 80 mgs. After a week I was taken off the Abilify because it made me feel a little manic, however I am not bipolar. After discharge I was let go from my job due to too many absent days missed. Funny I was in the hospital!! I was relieved however because again I blamed it on the job stress. I took another job and was let go after 3 months for the same thing. I was admitted to the hospital again and attended a full day
partial program for 2 weeks. That was back in August of 2012. I have been unemployed since! Anxiety has taken over my life! I am afraid to work, and I am afraid not too. I feel scared all the time and I dont laugh or smile at all anymore. I avoid everything I can. I have a family that is very supportive of me, but I feel terrible because I am not acting like a father/Husband should. Needless to say our financial situation is in the toilet. Our house is in foreclosure and we had our water and phones turned off a couple times already.
Now I wake up every morning in a panic/anxious state. I see in many of these posts that I am not alone. The feeling is so awfull and it takes every bit of effort to get moving in the morning. I cant sleep in past 8am. I usually feel my best, if you want to call it that, at night. I fall asleep ok, but when I wake up in the morning its "Hell" all over again!
I was put of effexor but had trouble urinating and I am weaning off that and being put on paxil 20 mgs. I am not optimistic the meds are going to help.
I started seeing a therapist last week and paying 100 bucks a pop without insurance really hurts, but I need help.
If anyone out there can relate or has any advice, please chime in. This is just a very high level description of my life.
I was abused as a child by my father and by a nun while attending cathlic school as well. Not sexually.