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Old 04-23-2013, 09:18 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: SC
Posts: 33
kchelle6888 HB User
My story.. and how anxiety is taking over



Well it all starts somewhere right? I am 23, nearly 24 female. I moved out of my parents house for the first time this past July and that is where everything went downhill.

I found out in August that my ex-fiance was dating another girl. He had JUST had me at his house (he had recently moved away from our hometown), and slept with me. I was devastated when I found out. We had been broken up for a bout a year.. but still saw each other and there was still a huge attachment for me and I always thought we would stay together. Pure stupidity of me.. I understand this.. my lesson is learned, you cannot trust ANYONE. Then I find out they're engaged after being together for 3 months.. my heart broke all over again. In dec I had my first panic attack, I seriously thought I was going to die. I had to call my grandmother to pick me up at 2 in the morning and I moved in with my grand parents shortly after.. they're the only people I have ever truly felt at home and safe with and I trust them.

Come January, I had not had a period for a month or two, and then I would have one for weeks at a time (helllllllo, hormones going crazy here). The anxiety was getting WORSE and WORSE.. I was afraid to sleep because I didnt think I would wake up. My gynecologist put me on klonopin and birth control. My cycle has regulated.. but I still have the anxiety, I live with it everyday and it basically consumes my life. I feel that I am this huge fake person, Im so happy go lucky during the day and with friends, and then when I am in my room at night, alone, I am a completely different person. I don't feel in control of anything.

Also in January, I find out my mother has breast cancer. (she is fine now, and is recovering and is cancer free, thank God)

To make matters worse, two weeks ago an ex of mine passed away in his sleep, and cause of death is unknown. This consumes my mind as well.

I am scared of life. I am just plain scared. I want piece of mind, I want my life to be MINE again. I tell myself that this is life.. and everything I heard about it growing up, is happening to me.. and I just can't seem to deal with the downfalls of it. I am lost and feel that I have no place to go and no place to turn. I am scared to live alone. I don't want to be on medication, but it seems its the only thing I have when I feel that I am about to lose it.

Any advice would be great.. even your story on how you deal with anxiety as well.

Thanks in advance.

K


AND i will add.. that i am a christian and i pray constantly. i feel that i am not trusting in God because i am always so freaked out.. i believe he is in control.. i want to FULLY trust in him and let him help me with this.. everyone as their own belief..

Last edited by kchelle6888; 04-23-2013 at 09:29 AM.

 
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