sonowwhat

Hi I recently found this place and it is good to know you can come to the net and find a little solace I was diagnosed with depression but if not for SP I would be just a little blue sometimes like everyone else. I was given Zoloft hey happy as heck locked up in my house cant even answer the door without cringing behind the door. been diagnosed with agoraphobia but if not for SP I would go out everyday with no doubt, was given Paxil (I persisted after too many years of going through this) thinking this is the one well goodbye agoraphobia I can now go out actually it would push me to go out, aahh the outside world nice huh Not feels like every step by take someone is judging me making up their own horror stories about me it feels like I'm famous but all I want to do is blend in (better still be invisible) like my life is a constant scandal that never dies down and all I can feel is, come on world step up to me I will fight you all, can I really go around challenging everyone I see that I think is laughing or whispering about me at first I'm thinking hell yeah a brave person only dies once and then SP clicks in, hey remember me I'm your bad self-esteem and your twisted ego and I say your a frightened little girl who will not stand up for yourself until actual hands on put on you which you know will never happen because why should anyone when this is so easy now tense up that's right you cant move can you try to speak you cant speak well, can you your heating up rapidly its like your actually boiling over oh no don't do that lookout someone is behind you was that an insult focus on that voice did I hear that right you feel confusion and desperation your breathing is shallow losing composure your going down ooohhh the grip is gone but wait there's more I'm not done with you yet ha ha ha ha and there's nothing you can do about it, now run, hurry back home scat its not safe (for you, only for us) and as you flee (mind you your just trying to walk normally with a little bit of the quick step) the faces of people look normal and smiling until their right up on the then their true nature comes out as a horrible nasty judgmental elongated nightmare faces shouting at you yuck your different from us go, all this is presented, emitted as surges of anxiety and adrenaline from me (its like your body is missing or wasn't meant to have surge protection) aahh your out but don't forget you will have to come back to grocery shop again or wherever you go outside of your home and I will be here waiting for you. I have just described my daily attacks just going to the supermarket, post office, doctors office, sitting on the stoop reading a book, walking the street for goodness sake wherever I will come into contact or see people any social situation no matter who the person is kids, the elderly, even over the phone for fear of not defending my self properly or completely thanks for reading if you have felt this way I would like to read your version.

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why do people kick you when your already down