cherifree

I have had trouble with anxiety during bad times during my entire life, actually started when I was about 20 and found out that my first husband was playing around with any and every girl he could.

EVERY time I get a cold, it turns into a major infection, and usually the doc puts me on antibiotics, I get a bit better, then get sick again, and the doc tries another antibiotic. This process takes a month or more each time. These are the times that I get the worst trouble with panic and anxiety. It is as if I get so run down physically that I just can't cope any more.

Last Thanksgiving my teen daughter and I both got something really wierd. We were nauseous the entire time. Felt achey all over, and ran a low grade fever. We came down with a definite URI in the middle of all that, but the nausea stuff started first for a few weeks, and never did go away. My daughter missed off and on for the next 3 months from school because of this. We went to the doctor 3 times during this interval. Got on 3 different antibiotics. We finally got over it, but then around April 1 we started doing the exact same thing.

I am a single parent. I haven't had any medical insurance in years, so the sickness is stressfull financially as well. (BTW, I just found out about CHIP program for kids and signed up for it).

Now the school system is suing me, I have to go to court on Friday and pay $115 for "Failure to attend". I can get a doc's receipt or note, but I don't have a way to excuse all of the time. I avoided the doctor most of the time because of the money. So now I have that stress to deal with, and am in the middle of this new sickness or bug or whatever again. I went to a doctor a few weeks ago, got on antibiotics, ALMOST got better, but am down again, and so is my daughter.

Here's the major kicker though. I worked doing medical transcription for a local lady for 3 years. This woman was very hard to work for, she was always stressed herself, and is just not a nice person. When the hospital that she had us working on decided not to renew her contract, the new company taking over the contract offered me a job. The hospital wanted me to keep working for them, since they liked my work, and I was reliable. My ex-boss told me I had signed a non-compete agreement and couldn't do any work for that particular hospital for 2 years. I knew I signed a contract, but had no idea of the particulars, and she never gave me a copy. The new company told me they would take care of any legal issues if the ex-boss tried to cause trouble. The new company promised me MEDICAL INSURANCE, and that was the clincher. They said my ex-boss could not tell me who to work for unless she could offer me full time work similar to what I was already doing, and I knew she couldn't.

So, I took the job with the new company. For 3 months I talked them into letting me work on other hospitals. My ex-boss evidently had connections and was threatening everyone else not to work for this new company, so the new company begged me to do this hospital. I finally gave in and did that.

February 17th, I got an email from the new company saying that they were "closing immediately" due to circumstances beyond their control. I spent 5 months working on that account that I was not supposed to. I never got ANY MEDICAL INSURANCE.

And now, I am being sued by the ex-boss. She says I have to give her 50% of all the money I made working for that hospital, plus damages, plus legal fees. There was one other girl involved in this with me, and she is being sued as well, so I am not totally alone. This other girl used to work for a law firm, and has contacted them to represent us. She and I had to beg and borrow to get enough money for a retainer. She has a new job, I have a VERY part time job, and unemployment. Of course, the new company isn't helping any with the legal expenses, even though they promised too. They are being sued as well. And the ex-boss is even claiming that we "conspired against her".

SOOOOOOO, major major panic attacks! No money! No help! I'm sick and can't do anything but lay in front of the TV and cry. And I have never been the type to handle confrontation well. I KNOW I will go nuts in court in front of this evil woman. I KNOW from experience that this sort of thing will make me cry nonstop, and I feel sick physically as well.

I seriously don't want to continue with life as I know it, but I don't have a choice because I have a teen to take care of, alone. We live with my father, so I don't have to deal with rent. But he is getting on up there in age, so I really can't dump all my fears in his lap. My Mom used to be the only person that kept me sane in times like these, but she passed away in 1997.

I am so scared, and so alone.

I wish I had a really good friend who could just take care of my daughter for me, because my mind, my head, it's just tired. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Friends tell me to go sign up for medicare or medicaid or something. It is all I can do to get up every day and take care of getting my sick daughter to school for one more day so that the school won't yell at me and charge me money again. They have told me she doesn't have much hope of passing, since she has missed so much school. We already know she will have to go to summer school, so she's basically only going each day because she legally has to. She lately is exibiting signs of anxiety, which she probably inherited from me and my mom. It hurts me to think of her having to go through this same stuff, the anxiety I mean.

I'm so scared and alone now.