Good morning all....well i am on day 6 of being pill-free. Feeling mentally a mess today. This morning I had a huge outburst with my husband and kids. My husband and I had a huge fight at 6 a.m. and he said he is leaving and sick of me being a psycho all of the time. He has no clue that I am going thru w/d. I have been mentally ill every since I had the baby 18 months ago....wondering if it really is postpartum depression or the PILLS. I really think I was not aware at the time I went to the doctor what was really happening. I hate this part....don't want to take care of anything especially my kids. I am a horrible mother lately. I just want to run away. I can't think straight and xanax isn't even working today. Can't focus on anything but misery. My husband went as far as to choke me this morning...I have pushed him to the edge. I really don't like myself anymore....don't even know who that girl is in the mirror anymore. Every time I try this my husband and I fight and it causes relapse, to numb this insanity. I can't even write anymore too shakey and out of my mind. I have no family to help me except my husband's alcoholic parents. This is so hard to do with no one knowing/caring. What have I gotten myself into this time. And to top it all off it is FRIDAY!!! Feeling like giving up on this....cravings are soooooooooooooooo strong.

Lisa (is that your name?) PLEASE don't give up. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I don't know about pill abuse but I know about addiction. Giving in is the easy part, ugh! Why not just come clean with your husband? By not knowing, he is guessing what is wrong with you. In turn, you are second guessing your addiction. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/nono.gif Wrong move there. You need some support from somehwere right now. Please look for it. Don't use sweetie, it only masks the problems not solve them. Be stronger than "it". We care. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

MY HUSBAND IS LEAVING ME ONCE AGAIN AND IF I TOLD HIM THE TRUTH HE WOULD KILL ME AND DEFINITELY DIVORCE ME. HE KEEPS WRITING ME E-MAILS. TELLing me the f*** off and he is sick of me crap. Bad day for all of this to be happening. i can't believe it is only 9 a.m. and my day is going this wrong. He and I always fight and that is how I found my little magical pill. It just seemed to numb everything so nicely. Now what........sobriety is extremely trying today. I don't think I can handle all of this at once.

Lisa...I agree with Robin with telling your husband AFTER I had him aressted for choking me!! My God there is NO reason on this earth that he should have done that. Anyway on to you. I think it goes much deeper than the addiction you say you have felt this way for 18 months? Well you have only been WD 6 days. I would say its PP depression and its worse now because of the WD. Maybe you should have a look at the depression board here too you might find alot of similar situations. I have heard post partum can last for years without treatment. Call your doctor tell him everything and see what he says. I would tell him about the pills too maybe he can give you something to ease the withdrawls. You are very strong trying to detox in your situation arguing with your husband trying to chase kids etc...But hey you have done it 6 days!! The physical part should be ending soon its the mental stressed out part making you want the pills now. Keep posting here, take a nap when the kids do take advantage of your husband not being at home. And when he comes home tell him. And if he ever touches you again dont be afraid to call the police its not your fault and nothing excuses what he did. Take care of yourself Lisa.

Autumn.

Let him go then...you dont need his crap right now. And he wouldnt kill you because he would be in jail and you make sure he knows that. He is messing with your recovery whether he knows it or not. Get rid of the extra baggage (him) that you dont need right now. And when you are recovered and if you want to work things out make sure he knows hes not calling the shots its a 2 way street.

Autumn.

i don't know if i am coming or going today. I am already on meds for post partum depression. zoloft and xanax. they aren't working at all today. my husband just turns everything around so that it is me. i don't know maybe it is. me and the baby are taking off for a few hours because he just threatened to come and take the baby away from me. god help me today

Lisa, I am a wife of a drug addict and I'll tell you once my husband came clean with me and told me he had an addiction I WAS RELIEVED!!! Yes, it hurt and I was angry and we had a lot of work to do . . . but that explained his behavior and craziness that was getting worse and worse over the months and years.

Maybe you can call a treatment center today or another professional, even your medical doctor, to start some kind of recovery, then come clean with your husband and it shows him that you want to live a healthly life. Just my two cents . . . if he still wants a divorce after you tell him (and maybe that's the right thing to do?) . . . than you must move on and put yourself and your children first. But, please, love yourself . . . that's the first step!!

Originally posted by lisaaahubb:
This is so hard to do with no one knowing/caring. What have I gotten myself into this time. And to top it all off it is FRIDAY!!! Feeling like giving up on this....cravings are soooooooooooooooo strong.


oh (((((((((lisa)))))))))) I feel for you so much...it's so hard to have to go through w/d w/out your husband's support. I've done it before so I know what it's like. Can you take your kids and go to your parents or soemone who cares about you & your kids? You need help my dear, you can't do this alone. I will keep you in my thoughts. try not to make any rash decisions under this pressure...if you could distance yourself for a few days while you work yourself out that would be good. ((((((((((lisa)))))))))

Iris

i am literally going nuts today. i can't and do not want to even play mommy today. I have no close friends or family to help with my children. I am just too scared to tell my husband, he just thinks i am nuts. i have the worst cravings.... i don't know what to do or where to turn to today....although time is going by quickly today. My sister will be taking my older children tonight, but not the baby. He is the one who I am having a hard time taking care of today. probably a god-send that she isn't taking him because i would probably go out and get into trouble. what a day

I THINK YOU NEED TO BE WITH SOMEONE TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF THINGS. (LISTEN TO ME I AM HAVING THE SAME CRAVINGS AS YOU). BEING ALONE WHILE CRAVING THESE PILLS MAKES THINGS ALOT WORSE. I AM IN THIS HOUSE BY MYSELF TIL THE KIDS GET HOME AT 3:00, AND IF YOU DONT HAVE SOMETHING TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF THINGS IT MAKES IT MUCH HARDER. I WILL KEEP A GOOD THOUGHT