Hi Members: One of my favorite movies ever is "City of Angels". There are several things that parallel with my life. But most of all once I hit an all time low and I am suffering......

I usually play the song In the arms of the angels. I am sure most of you know the lyrics. I can always think of them.

Spend all you time waiting for that second chance;
For a break that would make it ok
There's always some reasons not feel good enough;
And it's hard at the end of the day;

I need some distraction, oh a beautiful release,
Memories seep from my veins,
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe I will find some peace tonight;

In arms of of an Angel, fly away from here

Members--Thanks for allowing me to post a part of that song and a part of me. Risky Business http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

Risky...it is scary, real scary how we can relate to songs and how songs or musictouch us in ways nothing else can. I started a thread about it, but songs that touch the soul seem to seek us out to keep us company and become engrained into us. Certain songs will totally throw me to the time when I made a very wrong choice when deciding between a special loved one or addiction, and I lost a very special girl from addiction. Now anytime I hear a song from that part of my live...it tears me inside out. A have been a huge Eagles fan since I was around 10(im 29 now) my parents played them all the time, so I grew up loving them. When I met my ex-fiance I had an Eagles tape in the car playing and she feel in love the song "After The Thrill is Gone". Now, espcially since being clean, everytime I hear that song I have to pull over and listen with it up way load. You would think I would turn the damn thing offm, but I cant...that song holds so many happy memories for me it makes me sad...sounds weird I know. So anyway, I thought and write you my feelings on music...It does give me a rush to hear a song I really like while cruisin home from work orto the store...higher than the pills ever did I read once hear by someone. But it can also bring you down, make you feel sad. Music can bring every emotion God gave man at any given moment and that is why I think music is like life, with soul and emotions dripping from every line. Of course it has to be MY kind of music, right http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

Thanks Timsworld: You know?? Songs do leave a lasting impression. They have for me most all my life. When "In the arms of an Angel" was released....I wept and did not know why...partly pain...partly depression.

However, it is important to greive and to feel connected to songs. Sons are actually poems put to music. The thought of an Angel taking me far away as the song says sounds so inviting.

I am so weary and I do care for you all. May You All Be Blessed,

Your Friend,

Risky Business http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

I agree 100% the song "ordinary world" by Duran Duran has been playing here all day. Its my song for Steve and being his month aniversary tomorrow I feel very sad but this song encourages me to survive and do the best I can knowing he lives in my heart for always.

Autumn

Autumn: I can deeply appreciate your greiving and losing Steve. As we most know....everyone knows that the process takes longer for some than others.

I do care and support you Autumn Angel. At some point soon in your life I would just suggest that in the memory of the one you lost....

To stop dwelling so much on the past. It's like my former family that I shall never know. I have to reconcile in my heart and soul that they are forever gone on this earth.

But if I dwelled upon it continiously, I know I would be a basket case. I may be anyway...but I am honest. You are not moving on. Do you wish to move on?

Or do you wish to stay in a doom and gloom state of mind. That's your choice. I have lost loved ones and I greived and I realized that nothing I could do would bring them back

Also, I felt their presence. Which means that they are not really gone rather just going from body to spritual planes that we cannot undrstand. I do admire your greif and all I seek is your well-being.

You have to want your well-being before it can happen. Meanwhile we all on the board are still greiving with you and and supporting you. I am not being cold. I am simply speaking the truth.

I feel that Steve is watching you even now. I do offer the best recovery and support I can if you want it. May you be blessed and May God strenthen you if that's what you wish.

With Kind Luv,

Risky Business http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

Risky
Please try to understand it has only been a month since Steve's passing. If Autumn wishes to grieve and talk of Steve on here, we should let her " move on " in her own way.
I don't believe Autumn is in any doom and gloom, she shares her thoughts of her loved ones as we all do at times on here.

Just my 2 cents and not meant to offend you or anyone else.
Take care
#1Texan

Sorry Risky but I disagree a month is not too long at all to grieve the possible love of your life. There is no time limit and it does not consume my life. You were telling me 2 weeks ago its time to possibly move on. I guess maybe you really dont understand what this man meant to me. But thats okay I am thankful for your support in any form. Its possible you have never loved someone this much I have no idea but anyone here or anywhere that has lost a partner to death it sure doesnt take a month or less to stop "dwelling" as you call it and start to move on. My heart with never move on and he will always live inside it sharing mine. I will in time possibly be with someone but its not a big issue in my life. Thank you for your help I know you are supporting the best way you know how.
Autumn.

Autumn
I can only imagine what you are feeling, I know if something were to happen to my husband my life would never be the same, it is rare that we get the opportunity to share our lives with someone special and we grasp every moment with that person.
In an earlier post I stated that I was giving my husband an out if he didn't feel like he could deal with all this health stuff I have going on, and he said wer'e a team, I'm here for you. I gave him a card yesterday letting him know I'm so very glad he didn't bail on me.
Hang on to your special memories and know that Steve is right beside you.
You and I are lucky that we have had these wonderful men in our lives.
Love and Hugs.
Vicki

Vicki and Autumn: Sorry to have offended you. My opinion only.

Risky Business

edited Autumn I would please request that you please not make suggestions about about how much I have loved and lost. You have no idea. Your Support is appreciated

[This message has been edited by Risky Business (edited 06-17-2003).]

Well Risky as you say "its only my opinion". Neither of us has any idea what the other has lost so instead of it being ok for you to suggest you know me and think I should be moving on and implying I am in a doom and gloom phase etc..and calling it your opinion making it ok. And then requesting me not to state my opinion. How about we just stick to the facts or say nothing.

Hey Tex...Yes we are very blessed to have found such wonderful men. Once in a lifetime I tend to call it. I have never felt such an uncondtional love and friendship
in my life as I had with this man. Pure and unselfish. I am doing better today than I thought and the last week or so my pain levels have been returning to the "norm" my Pm doc will be happy to hear that. Your support means alot to me Tex just wanted you to know...God Bless.
Autumn.

HELLO AUTUMN, HOW ARE YOU?

Hi Deerme http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif just answered your "last post" thread. I am doing pretty good really. How are you doing? I saw that discussion with the other member you had and I still dont think you should leave but thats your choice. You have helped so many here. If we let one misunderstanding get in the way and each of us who had one with another member left we wouldnt have a board http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif Keep in touch please? God Bless you.

Luv
Autumn.

Originally posted by Risky Business:
Hi Members: One of my favorite movies ever is "City of Angels". There are several things that parallel with my life. But most of all once I hit an all time low and I am suffering......

I usually play the song In the arms of the angels. I am sure most of you know the lyrics. I can always think of them.

Spend all you time waiting for that second chance;
For a break that would make it ok
There's always some reasons not feel good enough;
And it's hard at the end of the day;

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

Risky, This movie and song are my ALL TIME FAVORITE!! I TOTALLY crank the radio when this comes on! Do you have a CD player? I have two copies of this CD by mistake and I would be willing to send you one sweetie. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Just let me know, okay?

Autumn
Thank you for the kind words. I try http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif God Bless You as well.

Tex
(Vicki)

Dont thank me for the truth Vicki...I am a talker if I feel something I will say it. And I think you are a wonderful person the way you stand by everyone here and dont "sugar coat" your statements. I luv ya my friend and say hi to hubby for me and tell him he better take care of my new friend http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Luv
Autumn

Thanks Robinsegg: Your are nice. Actually, there many very nice members on here. I was not trying to hurt Autumn. I just wish to her happy and yet I know it takes time.

May all be in the arms of an angel, Risky Business http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif

Its ok Risky...No harm done I returned the favor in another post lol. We all need a kick in the pants at times. We cant be letting ourselves get buried in too much gloom then we bring others down too. I did very well yesterday and I am proud of myself.
Now you still havent told me about your doc appt yesterday how did it go? Be safe and God Bless.

Autumn.

My Doc's appt: Was a big disappoinment. I am being rx percs that I cannot keep paying for and they do not have a program. The only problem this med seems to work well with my pain.

Also, he is suggesting that I start tapering and I know why he done it. It was because I called him almost a week early and told him I needed some help that I was not well.

So I guess that puts up a flag that I am wanting more. I am not wanting more I require more. My tolerance is built up and I already had to sacrifice before I asked for help.

I am going to have to find another doc or be referred to a nother pain specialist. I do not intend to live like this. I will request them to admit me for exhaustion if necessarry.

I cannot fight that kind of pain. Also it's make's no sense. Thanks for all who are pulling for me and supporting....that's all that's keeping me going right now.

Bless All, Risky Business http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif