to make a long story short...my sister-in-law keeps having babies and they test positive for drugs at birht and get taken away from her by the state. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif i have custody of two of them but she is due to have her 4th baby in three days and i just can't seem to make her understand. she has been in counciling groups for over a year but skips group all the time and hasnt taken 1 UA (drug test) through-out her entire time there, which she is supposed to do 3x's a week. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/nono.gif she is still living in the drug infested neighborhood with the abusive boyfirend who is 25 yrs older than her and she wont leave him. she went to a half way house but left it within 17 days because she didnt know what her so called boyfriend was doing. the state gave her 1 year to get her kids back and she failed but she honestly believes that the state isnt going to step in with this new baby she is having. thats how wrong her thinking process is. she has a 3yr old, a 2yr old a 11 month old, and she is due in 3 days with #4. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/eek.gif

has anyone been in a situation like this before whether in my shoes or my sister-in-laws shoes?
i don't know what goes on around her house and why its so hard for her to leave. i need help and so does she.
she can't live with me and she can't live with her parents. she wont stay in a group home or a half way house. she says her friends are GOOD people that she can stay with, but they all do drugs. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/confused.gif
any thoughts or opinions??????? http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif

There really isn't much you can do for her. She has to want to change.
Let's just pray that she gets her tubes tied. It is not right to keep bringing children into the world that are not loved and care for by their own parents.

One of my friends sisters is about 24,she has had 3 kids(all diff,dads) her mother has the oldest who is 7 and the other two who are around 5 and 2 were adopted by the same family.Although she does stop drugs during her pregnancies she picks right back up where she left off.She won't have her tubes tied and said one time "I want to keep a baby when I get married!(just wanted to smack her!) She also lived in a home for unwed mothers,had the alcoholic,cheating boyfriends,etc,etc.If she is doing the same stuff you may have to call childrens services.Are you willing to take the 3rd child?These girls have a glitch somewhere and the kids are obviously the ones to suffer.Does she see any of her kids? I wish I had some encouraging words for ya but unfortunately you know no changes are coming.....If she didn't do anything for the 1st,2nd or 3rd why would she for this one!?!?! I'm sorry to hear about this.......please keep us posted!

thank you geneva and okieatheart for your responses http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif
it's amazing that someone else has said the same exact thing my sister-in-law said. she said "i don't want my tubes tied because i want to make sure i get to keep at least one of my babies." unreal hugh?
to answer your questions okieatheart...no she doesnt see her children...CPS (child protective services)put her on a 1 year plan. if she went to counciling 4x's a week and took UA's(drug tests) randomly 2-3x's a week then she could have a once a week visitation with her children and then after the year she would get them back. well, she never got a single visitation the whole year because she never once went a whole week of counciling nor did she ever take a UA. not 1! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/eek.gif
the one year plan is over and she is not getting her kids back that i have been taking care of. her 11 month old was taking from the hopital at birth due to drugs in the babies system and the godmother is adopting her.
yes i am willing to take this next baby that she is having in 3 days but physically i can't.
i have cutody of her 3yr old and her 2yr old, plus i have my own kids that are 4yrs old and 2yrs old. plus i just found out i am pregnant with a high risk pregnancy myself. not because of drugs mind you. pregnancies are very hard for me but my sister-in-law seems to have no problem popping out a baby every year while using drugs....i dont get it...anyways i wish there was a way to make her see reality because she honestly thinks that the state is not going to step in on this next baby.
CPS did a background check on her boyfriend and they said at the beginning that if she stayed with him she would never get her kids back.... well she is still there even though for the whole year she says her kids are more important to her than he is. she knows that she is not getting her kids back but she still says theres got to be a way for her to get them back....i dont understand her. has the drugs really screwed her mind up that badly? i am so at a lost of what to do. she calls me all the time asking how her kids are and acting like nothing is wrong. i am going CRAZY..... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif

Geez girl!!! What a card she is! I must say you have your hands full to with 4 lil ones and 1 on the way(congrats!) Mine are 6,5,3,3..twins....all boys........How long have you had her kids? Will you get to adopt them soon? Does she try to talk w/ the kids,do they know about her or are u mommy to them?(sorry,full of ???s here..I just find some situations truely amazing...What kind of drugs was/is she on? Is the 11 month ok now? So when she has the babies does the state just come in and take them away at the hospital? Too bizarre! That girl I was telling about,she has an "open-adoption"with the 2 youngest and she does the same thing...shows people pics of em acts like its no big freakin deal! Amazing! I think if someone gives up more than 1 child they should automatically tie their tubes,singe em,hysterectomy,something! Do you know who will take this baby?

okieatheart......
dont worry bout all your questions...its nice to talk to someone about all this. my hubby is so fed up with it all, he doesnt like to hear about it and i need to get some of this craziness off my chest.
heres the answers to your questions.....
1)i have had her kids since february of last year when CPS(child protective services) brought them to my house.
2)the godmother that has the 11 month old wants to some day adopt the 11 month old that she has had since birth plus the two that i have but she is struggling with her own issues right now plus, CPS left us in a pickle because even though my sister-in-law isnt getting them back, her parental rights havent been severed and she wont sever them, and neither the godmother nor myself have the money to higher an attorney. we do however have permanent guardianship of the kids so hopefully one day we can figure out a way to adopt them. its amazing because she does the same thing...talks about her kids to people like she has them in her care, and shows pictures of them to everyone bragging how beautiful her children are.
3)she used to try to see her kids but hasnt ask lately. she asks how they are doing but thats about it.
4)the 3yr old calls the godmother "mommy" but he knows the truth because he said "my mommy cant take care of me so can you be my mommy?"
and the 2yr old calls me mommy. she has no idea who her real mommy is. i am the only mommy she has ever known. she had just turned 1yrs old when i got her and before that my sister-in-law bounced her from house to house having complete strangers watching over her for weeks at a time.
5)her drug of choice is crystal meth but does crack and weed. it might be more than that but thats all i know for sure
6)the 11 month old little girl is doing much better. she goes to physical theropy twice a week because she is really behind. she is just now starting to roll over and sit up if you prop her up with pillows.
the 2yr old little girl that i have is starting to show signs of a learning disability and the 3 yr old little boy i think is color blind. i need to get a test done but they dont do it til he's 5yrs old.
7)i dont know if the state will take this next baby because she technically doesnt have an open case with CPS right now like she did when the last one was born, and CPS said unless a family member steps up and tells the hospital to test the baby for drugs, then no one will be the wiser and she will take the baby home. but i dont know if the hospital will just take someones word for it that the baby is in danger and they might just ignore the request. it makes me sick because CPS knows she is having another one but it seems as though they are closing their eyes.
well i think thats all your question...i dont remember but cant go back without losing everything i just wrote... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif

oh by the way okieatheart....
god bless you and your little ones.
twins http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bouncing.gif ...thats what i fear the most. my hubby is a twin and i just pray it skips generations like they say it does http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/hammer.gif ...lol

Hi LIl Squirt http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif I read your post with mixed emotions it shouldnt matter if her kids have 3 different fathers it can happen to good people as well. My daughters have 3 different fathers as well and I am in no way like your sis in law. I dont feel I have to jusitfy myself to anyone but there are many women some even on this board that have children with different men. I was with my oldest daughters dad since I was 16 I had my daughter at 21. She is 21 herself now...I had my second daughter in 1984 with my then husband an abusive man that I divorced in 86. I had my youngest daughter (now 12) in 1990 and I was with her father for 7 years 3 before she was born and 4 years after he was a mean alcoholic that just wouldnt stop drinking so I left him. Everytime I had a baby I thought the relationship was "forever" and we all know how that can end up. I raised all my children ALONE and never even saw a "childrens services" worker. I was drug and alochol free always.
The part that angers me about this is she has already lost 3 kids shouldnt she be taking the steps and conditions to get those 3 back instead of having another baby?? Women that just pop around having babies for the sake of having them does bother me and being on drugs while shes pregnant just drives me crazy. My oldest daughter who is almost 22 years old now was diagnosed when she was 17 yrs with Mayer Ratinsky Kuster Hauser Syndrome..it happens at 5 weeks gestation and affects 1 in 10,000 births of baby girls.
Its the absence of the uterus, cervix and upper one third of the vaginal canal. We noticed it when she failed to get her "cycle" by 17 and my then 11 year old had gotten hers. So here I am frustrated to say the least that I followed everything by the book...took vitamins no drinking (I didnt anyway) No drugs except the "water pills" doc gave me at 8 months because of the leg swelling I had and thats all. I hope the state or whover does intervine and take over this baby and force her onto the depo shot or something untill they feel she is ready to have and raise a child. It must be so frustrating for you and the lady that has the other baby to go through this but I commend you both for taking on someone elses children you are Angels. Take care and God bless you.
Autumn.

autunm angel....
thank you for your response. but i just want to clarify something. i never mentioned anything about my sister-in-laws babies having 3 different fathers...in fact i never mentioned anything about the father/fathers, or that having more than one father is wrong. that has never been in issue because whoever the father/fathers are, they are not in the picture. she has been known to work the streets(prostitute). my whole story is about a 24 yr old women who can't stop doing drugs and cant stop having babies one right after another.
the state tried to help her and her family tried to help her but there is no getting through to her. but we have to live with decisions she makes because we have all her babies. it's not fair that she lives her life like nothing is wrong , while i am struggling to keep food on the table for my family and her kids.

i apologize if i affended you in anyway, however i do think you misread something above

OOPPSS sorry Squirt got the 2 stories mixed up lol..it was Okie that mentioned the diff dads about her friends sister or something. I put both stories together whoops...Either way a good mother would be fighting to get her children back not having more and addiction should never be more powerful than our loves for our children right? Just too many "stereotypes" attached to women whoses kids have different fathers. There are the bad ones that jump from guy to guy in a few months and have children but then there are the good ones too http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Take care and God bless Ya's.
Autumn.

autumn angel,
that's ok...you had me thinking i was going crazy http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dizzy.gif for a sec there.....thanks again for sharing your story with me. it really means a lot to me. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif

My sincerest apologies AUTUMN.......how right you are about the "stereotyping" ....lord knows I have nor right to do that! I just got caught up in the story.....and I was relating and mixing 2 stories.....I nned to stick on the subject at hand!
You could call the hospital before she goes in or childrens services and explain your concerns/situation. I cannot imagine they wouldn't step in especially because of all the exposure they have recently been receiving over losing files/children,etc....You absolutely should not focus on getting HER straight because as I am sure alot of people on this board can attest to she will only change when she is ready. I used to be addicted to pain pills and you could have talked to me until you were blue in the face but it came from within me.I was only addicted for 3-4 months BUT it was/is still a very hard thing to let go of. You become "accustomed" to a certain lifestyle and change is very difficult. I wish you the best of luck and you ARE an angel for taking in those babies!

well i called the hotline number this morning to report the situation because she is having a scheduled c-section on wednesday and even with all her history they told me there is nothing they can do until the baby is born because the state doesnt see it has a humane being yet. but by that time it will be too late because they have to test the 1st stool of the baby to test for drugs. the case worker i spoke to said i should tell the hospital to test the baby which is what i am going to do but it just makes me mad that the state knows exactly what is going on with my siter in law but they dont step up and do anything about it. my state is 50yrs behind all other states when it comes to child protection laws. makes me so mad.

Her inability to stop may require medical help. There are medications that can help for opiate/opioid addiction and for alcohol. New discoveries for other drugs may be just around the corner.

Methadone maintenance and taper and buprenorphoine maintenance or taper are available for opiate/opioid use disorder and naltrexone (Rivia) has been approved for alcohol use disorder.

George