Good morning all! I thought I could try not to take any of the vics last night, but hubby needed one so I had to go get it for him...then I had the bottle in my hand..then you can guess what happened next!BUMMER! My little stash has now turned into 8 of the little devils to help me with the tapering I had planned out sooo carefully! (forgot that poor hubby might "actually" have some pain and need one..DUH!) I was very unhappy with myself until the "fuzzies" kicked in...then I just decided to get up and try abit harder today! When I finally did get to bed (I'm a nightowl anyway!)I had this terrible nightmare as soon as I fell asleep! Something about walking down a long hallway with lots of doors and I was afraid to open any of them because I knew something horrible was behind them...but right before I woke up I remember I opened one and this horrible gust of wind and a creature came at me...then I woke up in a sweat and grabbed my hubby!WOW! Talk about facing your demons head-on! I really believe our subconsious tries to "tell" us things in our sleep! Well, hopefully I won't have anymore dreams like those...gonna' try to start getting to bed at a normal time and getting up to walk in the mornings!

What happened to mp1954 or wahtever it was?? Such a rude person!! I saw the moderators message, so must have posted something bad...just can't understand why people want to be so cruel! I agree with whoever wrote that we have been "judged" so much that we are beyond that...good point!

PS...Along with the coloring book and crayons, I have found a good "belly-laugh" is wonderful!!! Hopefully we can all find something to chuckle about today...I am beginning my search..LOL!!! TC all!!!

Hang in there we all hit rough water. Just keep your head down and keep trying.

Hey, just one question for ya. If you have a bad problem with opiates, did'nt you tell your husband, because it does'nt seem right that he would ask you to go get a prescription filled just so he could take one?? Was it your prescription? I would tell him whats going on if he does'nt allready know, because if hes gonna support you doing this it does'nt sound like alot of help asking you to go out and fill a prescription, and if it is his I would tell him to go get it filled and not let you know about it!! Just a suggestion?

See my post at "NO PROGRESS" for information on where to find help with Buprenorphine or Methadone Maintenance or taper.

Hey whatever... I agree with rlcowboy. My last relapse was at my parents house, it was my first day of no medications (I had just done a 3 day subutex detox), and my mom just had knee replacement. I hit everything on the H.A.L.T. list (I was hungry, andgry, lonely, and tired), and saw mom's bottle of vics. TADA! I also had a stash of 8 in about 3 seconds, and of course the 8 lasted me about 3 hours, then I was off to the races!

Tell your husband what's going on (of course, just a suggestion - I don't know what kind of guy he is, etc.) but you will now always see that as a kind of "safety net" when you're feeling weak. (not criticizing - it would be a temptation for ME...) Plus, as this forum itself shows, getting support while we fight is they key! The guilt from taking the pills, or simply the guilt of hiding your problem from hubby could cause you to want to use.

I wish you luck. If it's okay with you, I'll add your name to my prayer list, and take it to church tomorrow night and light a candle for you (it's not something anyone else will hear - just me, God, and the candle! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Here is what happened: I had run out of my usual suppy of vics with no refills left...the very next day hubby had to go have knee looked at for pain and the docs gave him a prescription of 15...hubby said he didn't really need them and to keep them around just in case...knowing that I had been worried that I didn't have anymore refills, but still had some pain left from oral surgery! He has been "couch-bound" so when I said go get them for him, I meant literally because he isn't moving about too much!

He is a wonderful man and sooo level-headed...I wish I could be more like him! He knows what I am going through...I have dropped enough hints and don't really need to say more...sometimes you don't have to with someone who you are that close to! The script is slowly, but surely getting down to empty bottle and that is when we will see how strong I can be...I think I can, I think I can...etc!!! Thanks for listening! TC all!!

PS..Thanks Mike! Any help is sooo appreciated! I will keep you in my prayers too! TC! :-)

Hey Mike, please include me in your prayers also, I have the Lord Jesus in my heart and one thing that I know is, that he will never leave me and will always be there for me, he is my best friend, and if anyone else would like to have that joy in your heart I gotta tell ya that there is nothing else in this world loke it!!!!!I wouldnt try to push the Lord on anyone here but I will tell anyone who wants to know Him how too and to have Him in your heart! Wow, and talk about having somone in your corner while trying to get through addiction problems!!!!

Well rlcowboy, you hit the nail on the head. I wanted to get clean, but (as the AA big book says) lack of power - that was my dilemna. Getting clean, that's hard. Staying clean, that's even harder. I truly believe that God has a special love for addicts and alcoholics - we're just so broken, and open to help. Rich guy in a big mansion - doesn't think he needs God (no knock on rich people - just an example here). But somebody beaten and battered, ashamed, laughed at, put down by everyone (why don't you just stop using the drugs? don't you have any willpower? don't you love your childredn? the list goes on and on ...)

I've been praying for everyone on this forum that I've had contact with (like you said rl, I don't want to push anything on anyone). My hope in praying for others is simple - I cried out to God for help, and He answered. That was a request for MYSELF. Certainly God will listen if I ask help for somene else! He TELLS me to care about others, and to pray for them.

I'm certainly no saint. This is my second time struggling with this problem (okieatheart asked me to post a short story about myself, on the thread "mike99", which I will be doing right after this). God didn't say "Sorry, Mike, I helped you ONCE, and you messed up! So sorry..." No. I only have to TRY, and to FIGHT, and God will make up the 99% that's needed to win that I don't have. I heard somebody say at an NA meeting, "God can move mountains, we just have to bring the shovel".

Anyway, I have church again tonight (I go to a service on Tues, Thur, and Sat nights, besides Sunday. Because I'm so holy? No, because I'm so messed up, and need the "extra tutoring"....) and will be sure to pray and light a candle for you, rl.

When I was tapering I asked my wife to be the pill keeper and she told me if I was going to do this I needed to have the will power to hold my own pills and ration them out to myself as needed. Well I followed this course and it worked out OK for me, but this is not an easy route to take. Either approach is OK in my book, each individual has to decide how they are going to defeat the evil.

Good luck, put your mind to it, want it so bad you cant stand it and go for it.


phil

Hey Whatever~ Ive not been around for a couple of days but I have relapsed. I had 60 vics and looked at them for 7 days and I just didnt have the willpower that it takes to not take them. Now I am down to about 45 pills and I have scripts that I could get and I know what I have done to myself. Back to ground zero and feeling like hell. Why in the world do I do this to myself~ who knows. How are you doing? I noticed you posted about 3 days ago. I care about everybody on this board and Im not saying that I could have maybe stuck to my guns had I not gotten kicked off the board when I did, because I know Im an addict and I was just looking for something, a reason, if you will, to take them...I was just wondering how you are and hope you have done better than me! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Here is some info on Buprenorphine through Approved MD Offices
http://www.nida.nih.gov/NIDA_notes/NNVol17N5/DirRepVol17N5.html

To find approved MD's nearby:
http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/facilitylocatordoc.htm