Hi Friends-

I've been lurking for some time & decided to join in. I've been using hydro on and off for the past five years. Got them for legitimate reasons, two surgeries, but.... I like them way too much. I've been reducing my use & let myself go to an Outer Banks vacation without enoough to last the week. I went through some very mild withdrawals and as soon as I got home, I got some more from an OP. I have been out since Monday and, again experienced a day of mild withdrawal and today, am being pulled to order again. I know this is the drugs talking. I am powerless when it comes to these pills. I do not want to spend the money, set the cycle in motion, or detach myself from my family again. Do I have pain in my body? Yes, but it's not enough to resort to the cycle again. The next week is going to be tough as I have a refill coming up & the drug will sing its siren song. Today, I do not want to give in to the song. Today, I want to get 24 hours (a minute at a time) further away from the drugs. I am grateful for finding this site. thanks.

OBXboy . . . recognizing you have a problem and wanting to stop are both moves in the right direction. There are a lot of people on this site who have walked in your shoes who can offer support. Take care of yourself . . . life can be so good without those pills!

Thank you, Hope. I am going very slowly. I know how my ego gets in the way. You know, I think this was planned for me. I have had terrible withdrawals in the past when I couldn't wait to get a script from the MD. This time, I had it really, really easy. I had an appointment with my MD scheduled for today and was torn on telling him or taking the script he would most certainly write. Instead, I got a call from his office postponing the appointment because he's sick. Left me high and dry for today, which is what I need. I feel better now than I did this AM. Used the personal day to rest and be home for my son when he came home from school. I just need to stay away from the OPs. I realize I can't do this alone and this place is one of the spots I will use. I am in grad school and attended some Al-Anon & AA meetings for a class and I recognized myself in the meetings. I know what I have to do, I just need to do it.

The "willingness" to do those things is huge. Don't forget that. Actually doing it is even better. Good luck!

Welcome to the boards OBXboy, I assume you're into motor sports like myself, no? I started out the same way, not curiosity but for pain which lead to a complete horror. Hang in there and stick around, you'll find some useful information on these boards. Best of luck.

Thanks Red. Not a motor sports fan, a lover of the Outer Banks of North Carolina, which is shortened to OBX. I'm hanging in today. My body is fairly flushed out, it is the mind that takes so much longer. I went through this 15 years ago with cocaine and went on to a very healthy life. I have a loving family and a great job. I can't be of proper service to them and taking hydro, too. I know I am saying the right things. It will be the minute-by-minute actions that tell the tale. Thank you for your kind words.

Hi OBXBoy,

I've been reading these boards for awhile too. I'm not ready to quit, altho I want to quit. Being on the fence causes me alot of anxiety. They help me and they hurt me. I know something will happen that will make me readier...when they start to rule myh life.

WP

WP-

I know the feelings. I had to come off the fence this time. I ws down this road a long time ago and never thought I'd be here again, but I am. I want to minimize the physical pain to myself and not hurt my family. Told my wife about this after dinner and she supports me. I plan to return to NA. I am also using this as part of my grad school training. I am, of all things, a rehabilitation counselor. I have spend a good deal of time focusing on myself this sememster in readiness for working with people in need. I don't want to bedoing what I was doing when I go out to do the work. So much to be concerned with once I turn my gaze away from myself...

All I have to say is that you are sooo on the right track and im glad your using your "less" better half to help others. Best of luck with NA and your academics. And there is nothing better than having a loving family. I'd be lost without mine.

Again, Best of luck and god bless.