troubled_husband
04-04-2003, 06:41 PM
I was hoping to get some further insight on a problem my wife is having. She had a hysterectomy 3 years ago and is on hormone replacement therapy. The problem is she has horrible mood swings which cause her to be extremly irrational and often has trouble even functioning in daily life. She won't see a doctor becuase she doesn't fully realise the problem. We talked about it many times when she is rational but says she can take care of it. The mood swings have caused us to seperate numerous times with promised that she will see a doctor and we would seek counceling, but she never goes. We had a rediculous argument last night and this morning and I don't see any other choice but to leave again becuase she won't help herself and the problems keep getting worse. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
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familyfull
04-04-2003, 07:04 PM
After reading your post I felt compelled to make a few comments. I only have a vague idea about HRT. Some women are very sensitive to hormones. I urge you to and find a Marriage, Family Therapist (MFT) and get some couseling for yourself, even if your wife won't go. I think your leaving only exacerbates the problem perhaps when she needs your support the most. I am not saying you should be a doormat though; this is where the counseling will help you not to personalize her irrational actions/words. If you change the way you respond/react she will have no choice but to change as well. After some time, hopefully you two can diffuse the sitation a little and have some dialogue about addressing this with the doctors; you could go with her and support her.
A few days per month I suffer from PMS and I just can't take about much of anything. I end up with a zero tolerance for about any stress or frustration; it's really almost beyond my control. At least I am aware of it now and can warn my husband (we used to get into huge arguments; when really I needed his support and acceptance).
I really hope you two can work through this together.
A few days per month I suffer from PMS and I just can't take about much of anything. I end up with a zero tolerance for about any stress or frustration; it's really almost beyond my control. At least I am aware of it now and can warn my husband (we used to get into huge arguments; when really I needed his support and acceptance).
I really hope you two can work through this together.
kat721
04-05-2003, 01:05 AM
double post oops
[This message has been edited by kat721 (edited 04-05-2003).]
[This message has been edited by kat721 (edited 04-05-2003).]
kat721
04-05-2003, 01:07 AM
Post>>She had a hysterectomy 3 years ago and is on hormone replacement therapy. The problem is she has horrible mood swings which cause her to be extremly irrational and often has trouble even functioning in daily life. She won't see a doctor becuase she doesn't fully realise the problem.<<<
How can your wife be on HRT and not see a Doctor?
Hormone Replacement is available only by prescription from a medical professional and they don't give out 3 year refillable prescriptions.
I dunno about you guys but I take spouse priviliges and have a talk with the Doctor myself when I'm concerned about my husbands well being.
He's my husband. I get involved.
Then the Doctor handles things between him and his patient and I at least know that my concerns regarding my husbands health are being considered.
I think working out a marriage is about being proactive.
If your wife won't get help, you get help for yourself and learn and become involved in the health process.
kat
How can your wife be on HRT and not see a Doctor?
Hormone Replacement is available only by prescription from a medical professional and they don't give out 3 year refillable prescriptions.
I dunno about you guys but I take spouse priviliges and have a talk with the Doctor myself when I'm concerned about my husbands well being.
He's my husband. I get involved.
Then the Doctor handles things between him and his patient and I at least know that my concerns regarding my husbands health are being considered.
I think working out a marriage is about being proactive.
If your wife won't get help, you get help for yourself and learn and become involved in the health process.
kat
northernlights
04-05-2003, 06:51 AM
I have to jump on the band wagon here and say you have to be proactive too.
At some point, she MUST see a doctor for refills. A doctor can not prescribe meds for months and months and years and years without seeing his/her patient. I would especially think for hormones. Don't they do blood work for that? I thought they would check the levels?
Anyways, maybe when your wife IS going, she's not telling the doctor everything. YOU need to get involved and make a phone call to schedule an appt. to talk to the Dr., or talk to him on the phone. If he cares for his patients, he'll find a minute and talk with you.
Then be upfront with her and say, "Look, I love you, I care for your wellbeing, I care about us, I want to help. I've made you an appt. to see the Dr. and I'm going to come with to see if there's anything I can do to help you get through this." Be there to support her without making her feel like you're backing her in a corner. Hormones can be wicked!! They CAN be controlled.
I'm sorry you're both going through this. Hang tough and remember that her hormones are talking and acting for her......it's an awful ride not having control. I've been in a situation where my husband had to be the one that got the ball rolling on my health. Sometimes we don't see what other people see. We are in so much pain and agony inside, and we try to hide it because we don't know what's happening to us. It can be a living hell.
Help her to help herself. It may be difficult at first, but be persistant! It'll pay off in the end.
~northernlights~
At some point, she MUST see a doctor for refills. A doctor can not prescribe meds for months and months and years and years without seeing his/her patient. I would especially think for hormones. Don't they do blood work for that? I thought they would check the levels?
Anyways, maybe when your wife IS going, she's not telling the doctor everything. YOU need to get involved and make a phone call to schedule an appt. to talk to the Dr., or talk to him on the phone. If he cares for his patients, he'll find a minute and talk with you.
Then be upfront with her and say, "Look, I love you, I care for your wellbeing, I care about us, I want to help. I've made you an appt. to see the Dr. and I'm going to come with to see if there's anything I can do to help you get through this." Be there to support her without making her feel like you're backing her in a corner. Hormones can be wicked!! They CAN be controlled.
I'm sorry you're both going through this. Hang tough and remember that her hormones are talking and acting for her......it's an awful ride not having control. I've been in a situation where my husband had to be the one that got the ball rolling on my health. Sometimes we don't see what other people see. We are in so much pain and agony inside, and we try to hide it because we don't know what's happening to us. It can be a living hell.
Help her to help herself. It may be difficult at first, but be persistant! It'll pay off in the end.
~northernlights~
HeyThere
04-05-2003, 12:12 PM
You should go to the cancer issues for breast, ovarian, etc. They may be able to address the issues from a first hand experience. let them know if it was a total or partial. I think you are great to go searching for answers-When you want to yell just remember it would be like having your decending life contributers gone for good. Also go to the menopause section and read up.
kat721
04-05-2003, 02:41 PM
post>> Don't they do blood work for that? I thought they would check the levels? <<
Actually, not all Doctors are prudent enough to check hormone levels.
So that lack of testing could be a valid point in the consideration of any woman who is on Hormone replacement and having trouble.
Or even not on hormone replacement and having trouble.
The bottom line is this, with women, it's always the best idea to start with a hormone panel no matter what her situation or age.
You would be amazed at the horror stories that happen because of hormones.
And all that excitement is not reserved for menopausal women or hysterectomized women.
However, by virtue of the fact that a woman has had a hysterectomy, it's a fair guess that her hysterectomy needs were caused by messed up hormones in the first place so it's a fair guess that the hormonal problems have continued long after the removal of the diseased body parts.
Just because they take out vital pieces of equipment
that have begn to cause problems (mostly either pain or bleeding or both) Does not mean they got to the core of the whole problem that is probably a metabolic endocrine matter more than a gynecological matter.
Maybe the "type" of Doctor that has been sugested is the type of care that might meet with resistence.
Nothing worse than having a metaboic endocrine problem making you fly off the handle and cry and freak and get lost and be told you need to see the Psychiatrist.
Now, learn a bit about the role of the Endocrine system
in the whole hysterectomy hormone nightmare, and then you have a whole other perspective and heaalth matters to explore.
It is unfortunate that most Doctors who hand out hormone replacement are so lax about keeping up with hormone blood work.
I went theough 4 gynecologists and one Reproductive Endocrinologist in less than a year.
Of the doctors only one Gynecologist and the Reproductive Endocrinologist took hormone levels as a standard practice of procedure before making medication and health care decisions.
I had my whole hysterectomy done with nary a hormone level ever taken.
And I asked.
More than once.
But by then I hurt so bad I would have agreed to anything so blood tests were not my priority and I didn't fuss enough when I was told no, the test is not necessary.
So, if a woman is getting HRET with out the charting of her levels then there could be big problems.
However, any doctor who would be tending the physical writing of the prescription should be told if there are problems so even if they think they do not need the blood test (which I think is faulty) then they can at very least consider a change in dosing or substance.
Not all women do well on the same kind of hormone.
That's the big reason there are so many different kinds.
kat
Actually, not all Doctors are prudent enough to check hormone levels.
So that lack of testing could be a valid point in the consideration of any woman who is on Hormone replacement and having trouble.
Or even not on hormone replacement and having trouble.
The bottom line is this, with women, it's always the best idea to start with a hormone panel no matter what her situation or age.
You would be amazed at the horror stories that happen because of hormones.
And all that excitement is not reserved for menopausal women or hysterectomized women.
However, by virtue of the fact that a woman has had a hysterectomy, it's a fair guess that her hysterectomy needs were caused by messed up hormones in the first place so it's a fair guess that the hormonal problems have continued long after the removal of the diseased body parts.
Just because they take out vital pieces of equipment
that have begn to cause problems (mostly either pain or bleeding or both) Does not mean they got to the core of the whole problem that is probably a metabolic endocrine matter more than a gynecological matter.
Maybe the "type" of Doctor that has been sugested is the type of care that might meet with resistence.
Nothing worse than having a metaboic endocrine problem making you fly off the handle and cry and freak and get lost and be told you need to see the Psychiatrist.
Now, learn a bit about the role of the Endocrine system
in the whole hysterectomy hormone nightmare, and then you have a whole other perspective and heaalth matters to explore.
It is unfortunate that most Doctors who hand out hormone replacement are so lax about keeping up with hormone blood work.
I went theough 4 gynecologists and one Reproductive Endocrinologist in less than a year.
Of the doctors only one Gynecologist and the Reproductive Endocrinologist took hormone levels as a standard practice of procedure before making medication and health care decisions.
I had my whole hysterectomy done with nary a hormone level ever taken.
And I asked.
More than once.
But by then I hurt so bad I would have agreed to anything so blood tests were not my priority and I didn't fuss enough when I was told no, the test is not necessary.
So, if a woman is getting HRET with out the charting of her levels then there could be big problems.
However, any doctor who would be tending the physical writing of the prescription should be told if there are problems so even if they think they do not need the blood test (which I think is faulty) then they can at very least consider a change in dosing or substance.
Not all women do well on the same kind of hormone.
That's the big reason there are so many different kinds.
kat