Kirsty
07-01-2002, 08:04 PM
I live in Britain and unlike america there is very little counceling or pyciatric help available apart from in certain subjects e.g. if your suffering from a berevement.
If I went to a doctor, as well as having to make something up to my parents, I feel he would want to know why I feel so depressed and the truth is, I don't know.
I think he would put it down to hormones as i'm 16 but I am not an average 16 year old I have a mature outlook on life as I feel being in a hweelchair for most of my life has made me grow up faster then fello 16 year olds.
Nobody understands my main problem and I have only managed to talk to two people about it which was hard enough.
I would love to get it all off my chest and make some feelings I have just go away, however I am sure this isnt really a possibility.
Please send your comments as to what I should do becuase my main problem has been going on for three years and somedoays its so hard I just want to cry.
Thankyou
Kirsty.
If I went to a doctor, as well as having to make something up to my parents, I feel he would want to know why I feel so depressed and the truth is, I don't know.
I think he would put it down to hormones as i'm 16 but I am not an average 16 year old I have a mature outlook on life as I feel being in a hweelchair for most of my life has made me grow up faster then fello 16 year olds.
Nobody understands my main problem and I have only managed to talk to two people about it which was hard enough.
I would love to get it all off my chest and make some feelings I have just go away, however I am sure this isnt really a possibility.
Please send your comments as to what I should do becuase my main problem has been going on for three years and somedoays its so hard I just want to cry.
Thankyou
Kirsty.
Sponsor
Ksavage
07-01-2002, 09:13 PM
:wave: Hi Kirsty!
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time right now! I am not sure what advise I can give you other than you can come here & talk to the people on the boards & they will really lift your spirits! They are so wonderful. Please know that anytime you need a shoulder to lean on there is allways someone here for ya! I also think that maybe should talks with your parents & explain to them (as best you can) what has been going on with you. It might be hard at first but I have come to learn over the years that parents are much more understanding than I ever expected them to be. I think I always forgot that they were young once too. They might be able to help you find the kind of help you need. I wish luck Sweetie & please feel free to come here anytime you need to!
Hang in there!
(((((Kirsty))))) (a hug for you)
Kim http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
------------------
Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a GIFT, that it is why it is called the present.
[This message has been edited by Ksavage (edited 07-01-2002).]
I am sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time right now! I am not sure what advise I can give you other than you can come here & talk to the people on the boards & they will really lift your spirits! They are so wonderful. Please know that anytime you need a shoulder to lean on there is allways someone here for ya! I also think that maybe should talks with your parents & explain to them (as best you can) what has been going on with you. It might be hard at first but I have come to learn over the years that parents are much more understanding than I ever expected them to be. I think I always forgot that they were young once too. They might be able to help you find the kind of help you need. I wish luck Sweetie & please feel free to come here anytime you need to!
Hang in there!
(((((Kirsty))))) (a hug for you)
Kim http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
------------------
Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a GIFT, that it is why it is called the present.
[This message has been edited by Ksavage (edited 07-01-2002).]
Kirsty
07-02-2002, 08:52 PM
Thanks for your comments Kim.
The only reason i have never realy spoke to my parents is becuase it is a hard thing to get across.
I'm really close with my mum and I talk to her about everything and i'm sure she would be great but I don't think becuase of how she is, that she will never understand properly.
I may as well say the problem but writing down makes me feel that you won't see it as stongly as I feel.
ok, when I was in year 8 at school (thats when your 13-14 in Britain) I was totaly alone. My friends werent real friends infact they were bullying me, I was going through a really low point in my illness and had been told I would never walk againand everyday was just so hard. I would sit alone and couldnt conentrate and started smoking and there was just nothing for me to focus on.
Then my brother was born.
For a start nobody expected it to be a boy, I already had 2 younger sisters and he was just suddenly here. I loved him since I first saw him and now he is 3 (last week) I have been maternal since he was born. Everytime he is taken away I want to cry becuase I really love him so much, I am always treating him and I am the one he loves spending time with. I have taught him somuch and he realy is advanced for his age knowing all the colours, shapes, numbers, letters and I have taught him how to us ecomputers and he even knows some spanish.
He means everything to me but I so want him to be mine, or for me to ahve my own child.
I have made countless baby names lists and I have been in teen parent chatrooms saying I had a daughter called Shreece.
I have made the character of Shreece so real and know I just want he rto be real, and matthew to call me mum.
My heart aches so much I feel like somebody who has been told they cant have children, or somebody who has lost a child.
A part of me just believes I never will be a mummy becuase nobody wants a wife that cant even walk.
I would be a great parent and I know i'm so young and its so impracticle but it doesn't stop me from getting this stab in my chest when Matthew says no I want my mummy.
I get him to call me mum, and when we go out together just me and him if somebody mistakes me for his mum it makes me so happy (i do look older)
I don't know what to do, I don't want all maternal instincts to go awya with a drug or something becuase then I won't love Matthew as much. I just want to not think about being a parent all the time.
You all think i'm a freek now, and I know I am realy. I felt stupid the second I told my best friend becuase she didn't understand becuase she has never had feelings like these.
I also could never tell my mum incase she tried to take Matthew away from me, I need him to get through and I won't let anybody take him from me.
Kirsty (The ugly wheelchair freek)
The only reason i have never realy spoke to my parents is becuase it is a hard thing to get across.
I'm really close with my mum and I talk to her about everything and i'm sure she would be great but I don't think becuase of how she is, that she will never understand properly.
I may as well say the problem but writing down makes me feel that you won't see it as stongly as I feel.
ok, when I was in year 8 at school (thats when your 13-14 in Britain) I was totaly alone. My friends werent real friends infact they were bullying me, I was going through a really low point in my illness and had been told I would never walk againand everyday was just so hard. I would sit alone and couldnt conentrate and started smoking and there was just nothing for me to focus on.
Then my brother was born.
For a start nobody expected it to be a boy, I already had 2 younger sisters and he was just suddenly here. I loved him since I first saw him and now he is 3 (last week) I have been maternal since he was born. Everytime he is taken away I want to cry becuase I really love him so much, I am always treating him and I am the one he loves spending time with. I have taught him somuch and he realy is advanced for his age knowing all the colours, shapes, numbers, letters and I have taught him how to us ecomputers and he even knows some spanish.
He means everything to me but I so want him to be mine, or for me to ahve my own child.
I have made countless baby names lists and I have been in teen parent chatrooms saying I had a daughter called Shreece.
I have made the character of Shreece so real and know I just want he rto be real, and matthew to call me mum.
My heart aches so much I feel like somebody who has been told they cant have children, or somebody who has lost a child.
A part of me just believes I never will be a mummy becuase nobody wants a wife that cant even walk.
I would be a great parent and I know i'm so young and its so impracticle but it doesn't stop me from getting this stab in my chest when Matthew says no I want my mummy.
I get him to call me mum, and when we go out together just me and him if somebody mistakes me for his mum it makes me so happy (i do look older)
I don't know what to do, I don't want all maternal instincts to go awya with a drug or something becuase then I won't love Matthew as much. I just want to not think about being a parent all the time.
You all think i'm a freek now, and I know I am realy. I felt stupid the second I told my best friend becuase she didn't understand becuase she has never had feelings like these.
I also could never tell my mum incase she tried to take Matthew away from me, I need him to get through and I won't let anybody take him from me.
Kirsty (The ugly wheelchair freek)
Ksavage
07-03-2002, 12:55 AM
Hi again! First off just let me say that I can now see why you are having such a hard time with things. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through & trust me......every word you said makes perfect sense http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif I do not think for one second that you should not be having the feelings that you are. & about how you ended your last responce......PLEASE DO NOT THINK OF YOURSELF LIKE THAT! I know that this is NO comparison but I am an Epileptec & have seizures & am unable to work, drive, or basically do most things that "normal" adults are able to do. I mean crap....I can not even take a bath if I am home alone. So I do know what you mean when you say that your friends will not understand you. I really think that you should post your story over on the depression board. There are so many great people over there & they give some of the best advise I have ever heard. & if nothing else they will make you pee your pants at times because they get so funny. Do you mind if I ask you what caused you to be in a wheelchair? Do you have any other problems with your health? The reason I am asking is because you think that nobody will ever be interested in you because you are in a chair. I have a very good friend from high school who was in a car wreck & was paralized. He is now married & has a 3 year old & one on the way. Trust me.....I spent many nights with him talking about how he thought he was going to be alone forever. He was actually in a support group & almost everyone in there ended up getting married & now they have a big family reuinion every year & all get together. The few that never got married were very bitter & could never relax around anyone that was not handicapped or in a chair & that just makes it very hard for anyone in any situation to be able to meet people. ( I hope that made a little sense to ya) I talked to him about you so I would know a little more of what all he has been through (I hope you do not mind). Please keep your chin up & try & stay strong & talk with your mom. You do not have to tell her everything but surely she has to expect for you to have a hard time dealling with everything you have to deal with so she should be willing to help you find the help that you need! I hope this has helped a little! I will keep in touch with you everyday so please keep me posted!
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Kim
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif Kim
Zafu
07-03-2002, 04:20 AM
Hi Kirsty,
Just wanted to say hi and send you a big hug...
(((((((( http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gifKirsty http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif)))))))))
I spent 3 years in Manchester at University and love the people there.
I just know you'll find the right partner and have a good life. You have a great personality and a lot of warmth that will help you through the tough times.
With lovingkindness
Zafu
Just wanted to say hi and send you a big hug...
(((((((( http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gifKirsty http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif)))))))))
I spent 3 years in Manchester at University and love the people there.
I just know you'll find the right partner and have a good life. You have a great personality and a lot of warmth that will help you through the tough times.
With lovingkindness
Zafu
Kirsty
07-03-2002, 08:25 PM
thanks for your responces and it is nice to hear about people in wheelchairs that have made a great life for themselves.
I don't mind answering why i'm in a wheelchair. It's becuase I was fine up until I was nearly 3 then I got this rash and started falling over all the time, the doctors didn't know what it was but eventualy I was diagnosed with Dermatomyositis (JDMS for short)
It meant that overtime my muscles got weaker and weaker, the drugs they gave me helped to slow this down but it made my bones weak.
I broke my leg when I was 4 but recovered from it. I went through ups and downs but by the time I was 7 I ws walking and learning to go up and down the stairs.
the disease came back though and I ended up falling and breaking my leg again, It wasn't a bad break and I got back on my feet but wansnt steady then just before my 9th birthday I broke my leg again.
I neve got walking again after that.
my muscles are now to weak and I have been in a sitting positon for so long my legs cannot straiten more than in a 90 degree position.
The thing is I feel know pain or anything I have just reached a point where doctors cannot do anything more for me. I feel slightly afraid that the disease will return agai despite the doctors saying this is extremly unlikely.
I do get around in an elctric wheelchair and I am becoming quite independant so I should be happy and except everything, but some days it's tough.
I do see myself as an unnatractive person and I have very little confidence, Matthew keeps me going but not much else, I have a few close friends but even this will change in a few weeks becuase they won't be at my college.
I hate that I can't talk to my mum about all this as she has been through it worse in someways. io don't remeber when I was first ill and was too weak to feed myself and could barely move my arms. She has raised me and my 2 sisters and know my brother as well she can do without me moaning about how scared I am for the future.
her moto is it will all work out but she doesn't know and she doesn't know how I feel about having children, realy she is clueless to whats on the inside thats why I want to know if I should find a councelor or something becuase it is good to talk about it and not keep it bottled up like I am constantly doing.
I don't even cry anymore they never know when i'm sad becuase I don't show it the only place where I feel I can let it out is when im alone before I fall asleep but its just so tough sometimes.
Kirsty
I don't mind answering why i'm in a wheelchair. It's becuase I was fine up until I was nearly 3 then I got this rash and started falling over all the time, the doctors didn't know what it was but eventualy I was diagnosed with Dermatomyositis (JDMS for short)
It meant that overtime my muscles got weaker and weaker, the drugs they gave me helped to slow this down but it made my bones weak.
I broke my leg when I was 4 but recovered from it. I went through ups and downs but by the time I was 7 I ws walking and learning to go up and down the stairs.
the disease came back though and I ended up falling and breaking my leg again, It wasn't a bad break and I got back on my feet but wansnt steady then just before my 9th birthday I broke my leg again.
I neve got walking again after that.
my muscles are now to weak and I have been in a sitting positon for so long my legs cannot straiten more than in a 90 degree position.
The thing is I feel know pain or anything I have just reached a point where doctors cannot do anything more for me. I feel slightly afraid that the disease will return agai despite the doctors saying this is extremly unlikely.
I do get around in an elctric wheelchair and I am becoming quite independant so I should be happy and except everything, but some days it's tough.
I do see myself as an unnatractive person and I have very little confidence, Matthew keeps me going but not much else, I have a few close friends but even this will change in a few weeks becuase they won't be at my college.
I hate that I can't talk to my mum about all this as she has been through it worse in someways. io don't remeber when I was first ill and was too weak to feed myself and could barely move my arms. She has raised me and my 2 sisters and know my brother as well she can do without me moaning about how scared I am for the future.
her moto is it will all work out but she doesn't know and she doesn't know how I feel about having children, realy she is clueless to whats on the inside thats why I want to know if I should find a councelor or something becuase it is good to talk about it and not keep it bottled up like I am constantly doing.
I don't even cry anymore they never know when i'm sad becuase I don't show it the only place where I feel I can let it out is when im alone before I fall asleep but its just so tough sometimes.
Kirsty
mikesgirl
07-03-2002, 09:22 PM
Kirsty, please don't be upset, because we have the same name :). Actually I spell mine Kirstie...but how could I not write?
It sounds like you have indeed had a rough time of things. To me you sound like a very strong person. It also seems like the thing that you want most in the world is for someone to love you unconditionally. Unfortunately this is idealistic...however you really do have a lot to offer the world and people in it. Don't sell yourself short. I know...easier said than done right? But you are young and you have a lot of time to do all of the things that you want to do...I just turned 30 and am just now figuring all of this out.... :)
It sounds to me like you are a really good person...you should have no trouble making new friends...think of yourself as being an inspiration to others...look how much you have gotten through already.
Just hang in there. Trust me, it will get better...
Take care of yourself... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Kirstie
------------------
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
It sounds like you have indeed had a rough time of things. To me you sound like a very strong person. It also seems like the thing that you want most in the world is for someone to love you unconditionally. Unfortunately this is idealistic...however you really do have a lot to offer the world and people in it. Don't sell yourself short. I know...easier said than done right? But you are young and you have a lot of time to do all of the things that you want to do...I just turned 30 and am just now figuring all of this out.... :)
It sounds to me like you are a really good person...you should have no trouble making new friends...think of yourself as being an inspiration to others...look how much you have gotten through already.
Just hang in there. Trust me, it will get better...
Take care of yourself... http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Kirstie
------------------
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
friend
07-03-2002, 10:16 PM
Kirsty:
I don't have your physical problems, but I have physical limitations, bad scars, twisted muscles from an accident when young. I am still amazed at the man who loves me, still, after 21 years of marriage. He never even notices any disfigurement, he just taps to the music in one of the indented scars on my leg, like it was nothing wrong at all.
It amuses me.
You might get inspired if you read some of Joni Erickson-Tada's books. She is a para-plegic; became paralyzed in a diving accident at a young age.
She is now married and is very happy, and paints with a brush in her mouth.
No one can predict your future. But if you stay bottled up, trying to look happy on the outside, you will not be being all that you are. Your parents will miss out of being a comfort to you, and you may miss out because you are busy being trying to be invisable. Anyone that loves you would not want you to suffer alone, esp. not with you thinking it helps them!
Babies are easy to love because they love back unconditionally, but we don't remain babies, we all grow up and have expectations, hopes, dreams for different things. Your brother will grow up too, and move away from you and his parents, to go do his own thing, like all babies do. That is another very hard loss in life, when a child moves away.
So you need your own life.
If you open up and come out with the truth of your fears, you will feel much better over time and will be able to see some options.
Like you can go to college and meet people/get a job, etc.
There are always small minded people. But I found that when I accepted myself as I am, my body as it is, and got a sense of humour about myself, then others accepted me too. I'm far from perfect in any way, but no one is perfect.
Plenty of people are attracted to those that accept themselves. It helps them feel OK about who they are, too.
You really seem like a wonderful young lady with a lot to give.
I hope you will share your burdens with your mom.
It is OK to tell her you don't want to hear it will all work out and ask her to just listen and let you express what you are feeling.
Part of being strong is being honest and vulnerable with people that love us. It is a healing thing to grieve, and you need to take time to grieve your real losses, and the losses you fear you may have in the future. It is totally normal to feel lke you are feeling. This is something you have to work through yourself, but people are here to provide support and understanding! Please keep in touch with us!
[This message has been edited by friend (edited 07-03-2002).]
I don't have your physical problems, but I have physical limitations, bad scars, twisted muscles from an accident when young. I am still amazed at the man who loves me, still, after 21 years of marriage. He never even notices any disfigurement, he just taps to the music in one of the indented scars on my leg, like it was nothing wrong at all.
It amuses me.
You might get inspired if you read some of Joni Erickson-Tada's books. She is a para-plegic; became paralyzed in a diving accident at a young age.
She is now married and is very happy, and paints with a brush in her mouth.
No one can predict your future. But if you stay bottled up, trying to look happy on the outside, you will not be being all that you are. Your parents will miss out of being a comfort to you, and you may miss out because you are busy being trying to be invisable. Anyone that loves you would not want you to suffer alone, esp. not with you thinking it helps them!
Babies are easy to love because they love back unconditionally, but we don't remain babies, we all grow up and have expectations, hopes, dreams for different things. Your brother will grow up too, and move away from you and his parents, to go do his own thing, like all babies do. That is another very hard loss in life, when a child moves away.
So you need your own life.
If you open up and come out with the truth of your fears, you will feel much better over time and will be able to see some options.
Like you can go to college and meet people/get a job, etc.
There are always small minded people. But I found that when I accepted myself as I am, my body as it is, and got a sense of humour about myself, then others accepted me too. I'm far from perfect in any way, but no one is perfect.
Plenty of people are attracted to those that accept themselves. It helps them feel OK about who they are, too.
You really seem like a wonderful young lady with a lot to give.
I hope you will share your burdens with your mom.
It is OK to tell her you don't want to hear it will all work out and ask her to just listen and let you express what you are feeling.
Part of being strong is being honest and vulnerable with people that love us. It is a healing thing to grieve, and you need to take time to grieve your real losses, and the losses you fear you may have in the future. It is totally normal to feel lke you are feeling. This is something you have to work through yourself, but people are here to provide support and understanding! Please keep in touch with us!
[This message has been edited by friend (edited 07-03-2002).]
ItsBabs!
07-04-2002, 01:47 PM
Kirsty I just don't have a lot to add to these wonderful responses, but I do want to say please, please don't think of yourself as an ugly wheelchair person. That broke my heart!! Your are a young woman, you have so far to go and so much to see. One person said that she didn't figure out many things until she was nearly 30. I am 33 and I am amazed at how LITTLE I knew at 16, 18, 24. I have changed tremendously over the years. I promise that if you want a relationship you will find one, I know you will. You will not always be alone.
As for your love of the babies, I can relate to that. I am 33 and baby-less. I will probably never have a baby, and all I can say is that I understand how you feel. I can't make it better, I can only nod and shed a tear...
Love and blessings!
As for your love of the babies, I can relate to that. I am 33 and baby-less. I will probably never have a baby, and all I can say is that I understand how you feel. I can't make it better, I can only nod and shed a tear...
Love and blessings!
Alex Shea
07-04-2002, 08:57 PM
Kirsty honey-
Sorry to hear you feel so down. I know it's hard to get help sometimes, but surely your folks would understand that you need help, and a psychiatrist is a doctor same as an opthomologist is. It took me a while to seek help for my depression and anxiety, but I called a mental health clinic in my city and went in to talk to the dr. there. He was very nice and helpful, and I felt so much better after talking to him on the phone and when I went in.
My friend lives in Yorkshire, and he suffers from post traumatic stress disorder, and I know he's sought help there in Britain. There ought to be somewhere you can go and get CONFIDENTIAL help. After all, 16 is practically adult.
last and most important - DON'T talk to yourself so harshly!!! You are not a freak - I have a hard time telling myself the same thing (I limp from having a split spinal cord and a severly atrophied leg - I was born with this disease). Trust me, I'm sure you're a beautiful young thing. When my kids (4 and 7) first asked me "why does he/she ride in a chair?" when they were toddlers, I always explained to them that the wheelchair was just an alternative way to get about, and they have an appreciation for people with health problems, from watching me go through garbage with my back and feet over the past few years of their young lives. People don't look at you like you're a freak, girl. Hell, the pain I'm in while walking the short distances I can (I also get ulcers in the bottoms of my feet), this may sound silly, but I wouldn't mind a spin in a wheelchair.
I feel for you, Kirsty - it's never easy facing health problems when you feel that no one understands you. I'm still young too - I'm 27, and sure life gets you down, but you need to focus on the things that make you happy - like your brother. I was like that with mine when he was born. You're just perfectly maternal, and you'll be a great mother and wife someday soon enough. Heck, enjoy being single!!!!!!!
Good luck girl. I'll think of you often and I wish you the best. You can always post back to me if you want. Take care!!
Alex
[This message has been edited by Alex Shea (edited 07-04-2002).]
Sorry to hear you feel so down. I know it's hard to get help sometimes, but surely your folks would understand that you need help, and a psychiatrist is a doctor same as an opthomologist is. It took me a while to seek help for my depression and anxiety, but I called a mental health clinic in my city and went in to talk to the dr. there. He was very nice and helpful, and I felt so much better after talking to him on the phone and when I went in.
My friend lives in Yorkshire, and he suffers from post traumatic stress disorder, and I know he's sought help there in Britain. There ought to be somewhere you can go and get CONFIDENTIAL help. After all, 16 is practically adult.
last and most important - DON'T talk to yourself so harshly!!! You are not a freak - I have a hard time telling myself the same thing (I limp from having a split spinal cord and a severly atrophied leg - I was born with this disease). Trust me, I'm sure you're a beautiful young thing. When my kids (4 and 7) first asked me "why does he/she ride in a chair?" when they were toddlers, I always explained to them that the wheelchair was just an alternative way to get about, and they have an appreciation for people with health problems, from watching me go through garbage with my back and feet over the past few years of their young lives. People don't look at you like you're a freak, girl. Hell, the pain I'm in while walking the short distances I can (I also get ulcers in the bottoms of my feet), this may sound silly, but I wouldn't mind a spin in a wheelchair.
I feel for you, Kirsty - it's never easy facing health problems when you feel that no one understands you. I'm still young too - I'm 27, and sure life gets you down, but you need to focus on the things that make you happy - like your brother. I was like that with mine when he was born. You're just perfectly maternal, and you'll be a great mother and wife someday soon enough. Heck, enjoy being single!!!!!!!
Good luck girl. I'll think of you often and I wish you the best. You can always post back to me if you want. Take care!!
Alex
[This message has been edited by Alex Shea (edited 07-04-2002).]
lascot
07-05-2002, 03:09 AM
hi there,
i saw your thread & thought i should share my story. i have cerebral palsy. i was told not to have children for medical reasons. that's ok. although, i did have some issues that i discussed w/ the Dr. when i was your age. fanily issues, disability etc...
it really helped me. also, what i've done for myself helps. exercise (as much as i can do) and stretching helps.
i have a boyfriend. we live together & have for a few years. it will happen for you too :)
i saw your thread & thought i should share my story. i have cerebral palsy. i was told not to have children for medical reasons. that's ok. although, i did have some issues that i discussed w/ the Dr. when i was your age. fanily issues, disability etc...
it really helped me. also, what i've done for myself helps. exercise (as much as i can do) and stretching helps.
i have a boyfriend. we live together & have for a few years. it will happen for you too :)
Kirsty
07-05-2002, 07:31 PM
Thankyou all for your kind words.
it's stupid becuase some good days I feel so much happier and then for no reason I plumet back into the depressed state of mind that leaves me feeling useless and weak.
It realy is so good to hear when people have succeeded and married or have children becuase it makes the prospect slightly more realistic. I have never had a boyfriend and find it hard to even be mates with boys I guess that also makes me depressed, my cousin Ian is 16 like me and I can realy talk to him he has a lot of feminin qualities and he realy is great to talk too, he makes me see that there are a few realy nice guys who see past initial looks.
I am looking at a lot of things wrong and somebody on the board said something about how the future holds surprises so don't worry about it all the time. They are right, the fact of this has already been proved by my baby brother arriving. I actualy have a diary that I write in every few months but I write loads, I looked back ot when Matthew was about one and a lot of the things that were going on then have improved so I don't know why its suddenly know that I go through these low points.
Thankyou again for your words, it has helped just typing out some of my worries so that is a great start for me, I realy don't believe that I should talk to my parents at the momment I want them to concentrate on their lives and not worry that i'm going through some stupid teenage chrisis. I spoke to my sister a few weeks ago she is 14 and I thought she would listen to what I was saying but it was a mistake, I realy do hate what she is turning into (i.e. a selfish, bully who follows the croud and doesn't think for herself) she is driving my parents mad so talking to them wouldn't be fair at the momment but at least I can chat on here, becuase it realy is a big help.
Thankyou for taking the time to write me notes,
bye for now
love Kirsty
it's stupid becuase some good days I feel so much happier and then for no reason I plumet back into the depressed state of mind that leaves me feeling useless and weak.
It realy is so good to hear when people have succeeded and married or have children becuase it makes the prospect slightly more realistic. I have never had a boyfriend and find it hard to even be mates with boys I guess that also makes me depressed, my cousin Ian is 16 like me and I can realy talk to him he has a lot of feminin qualities and he realy is great to talk too, he makes me see that there are a few realy nice guys who see past initial looks.
I am looking at a lot of things wrong and somebody on the board said something about how the future holds surprises so don't worry about it all the time. They are right, the fact of this has already been proved by my baby brother arriving. I actualy have a diary that I write in every few months but I write loads, I looked back ot when Matthew was about one and a lot of the things that were going on then have improved so I don't know why its suddenly know that I go through these low points.
Thankyou again for your words, it has helped just typing out some of my worries so that is a great start for me, I realy don't believe that I should talk to my parents at the momment I want them to concentrate on their lives and not worry that i'm going through some stupid teenage chrisis. I spoke to my sister a few weeks ago she is 14 and I thought she would listen to what I was saying but it was a mistake, I realy do hate what she is turning into (i.e. a selfish, bully who follows the croud and doesn't think for herself) she is driving my parents mad so talking to them wouldn't be fair at the momment but at least I can chat on here, becuase it realy is a big help.
Thankyou for taking the time to write me notes,
bye for now
love Kirsty
Kirsty
07-05-2002, 07:45 PM
can I also add a quick comment to say thankyou to 'friend'
Your words realy were good to read and i will look out for thouse books.
I agree with what you say about how easy it is to love baby's, I mean they need you so much and always forgive you and when you come home they just make your day better by showing you there picture they drew of a rainboy or by grabing onto you a cuddling you really hard.
it is scary the thought of Matthew growing up, even on his 3rd birthday, he was the same boy he was the day before but now aged 3 its like he is going to nursery in the mornings in september but he still looks so tiny.
I think I have done the best possible for him I have taught him so much and he now is in the frame of mind where he wants to learn and will like his school.
Keeping him at home with me wouldn't be helping him he already loves playing with other children and when I take him to the park he runs off strait away now to play with the other children, he only looks back to ask me to watch him do something.
My cousin's little boy, Benjamin was round at our house for Matthew birthdy and he is 3 months, when I got my cuddle off him it was like, you forget how small they were.
I want the best for Matthew so letting him go off even though it is weired is best in the long run, and I realy am proud of him.
Love Kirsty
Your words realy were good to read and i will look out for thouse books.
I agree with what you say about how easy it is to love baby's, I mean they need you so much and always forgive you and when you come home they just make your day better by showing you there picture they drew of a rainboy or by grabing onto you a cuddling you really hard.
it is scary the thought of Matthew growing up, even on his 3rd birthday, he was the same boy he was the day before but now aged 3 its like he is going to nursery in the mornings in september but he still looks so tiny.
I think I have done the best possible for him I have taught him so much and he now is in the frame of mind where he wants to learn and will like his school.
Keeping him at home with me wouldn't be helping him he already loves playing with other children and when I take him to the park he runs off strait away now to play with the other children, he only looks back to ask me to watch him do something.
My cousin's little boy, Benjamin was round at our house for Matthew birthdy and he is 3 months, when I got my cuddle off him it was like, you forget how small they were.
I want the best for Matthew so letting him go off even though it is weired is best in the long run, and I realy am proud of him.
Love Kirsty