cozy
07-02-2002, 02:09 PM
My hubby & I don't see eye to eye on this issue at all. I think him visiting the porn sites is the same as cheating. I wouldn't feel any different if he snuck a woman into the putor room & said " Show me what ya got". It ain't gonna happen . So why should lookin at it on the putor be any different?? Oh, I had back surgery almost 2 mos. ago so he feels neglected. BOO-HOO! No ones ever died from that, Have they??
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Sinnrah
07-02-2002, 03:00 PM
Well, I probably should not touch this...but I can not help it. There are going to be a lot of different opinions on this. But mine is that I feel the same way. I think if you look upon an individual and lust after them then you have cheated in your heart. I had an ex that always did that. And it eventually broke us up. That was all he could think about was that. Now my husband now has absolutely no interest in porn at all. Which is great.
And as far as you having surgery....well, I hope he is not looking at that stuff because he feel neglected. And no he wont die.
Sinnrah
And as far as you having surgery....well, I hope he is not looking at that stuff because he feel neglected. And no he wont die.
Sinnrah
LisaL
07-02-2002, 04:17 PM
Sinnrah,
I have to agree with you. I am proud :D to get bashed about this along with you!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/hammer.gif
LisaL
I have to agree with you. I am proud :D to get bashed about this along with you!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/hammer.gif
LisaL
EmtShirl
07-02-2002, 04:35 PM
Cozy,
How are you girl? I miss talking to you. I am going to get in on this one too. I see this in a different way. I hope it doesn't get people up set with me. I think visiting the sites alone is not right. So I have to agree with you on that part but........ my husband and I have visited together for ideas. I know that sounds pretty sad to some of you but, myhusband and I have been together since we were 14 y/o and we both will be 39 this year. That is a long time together with the same person and neither of us has dated or even seen anyone else. In my case I don't think it is cheating if we both view together. We both like new and different things to try. :) Is this wrong?
Cozy~ I know what you mean about the back surgery thing and neglect. I think my hubby feels the same. BTW how are you doing with your back? I hope to talk to you soon on the back board.
Shirl http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
How are you girl? I miss talking to you. I am going to get in on this one too. I see this in a different way. I hope it doesn't get people up set with me. I think visiting the sites alone is not right. So I have to agree with you on that part but........ my husband and I have visited together for ideas. I know that sounds pretty sad to some of you but, myhusband and I have been together since we were 14 y/o and we both will be 39 this year. That is a long time together with the same person and neither of us has dated or even seen anyone else. In my case I don't think it is cheating if we both view together. We both like new and different things to try. :) Is this wrong?
Cozy~ I know what you mean about the back surgery thing and neglect. I think my hubby feels the same. BTW how are you doing with your back? I hope to talk to you soon on the back board.
Shirl http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
YadaYada
07-02-2002, 05:44 PM
Hmm...
I think it is totally disrespectful of him to visit the porn sites. Have you told him how you feel and he still does it?
It would be a different matter if you didn't care and he has some kind of impotence problem. Then I could understand needing the "stimulation". Personally I would be very hurt and offended if my husband did that.
OTOH: My sister-in-law and I were best friends (she is dead now) She used to tell me things about her marriage. I tried not to think of it as "my brother" but as "her husband" :)
Anyway, her husband had tons of the girly magazines. They didn't have a computer, but if they had - he would have been on the porn sites. He bought the dirty movies and would watch them all the time. Sometimes she would watch them too. She used to joke about it, but I know she was hurt. She was a very large woman (over 400 pounds) and her husband (around the same size) apparently sometimes needed the "stimulation" from the porn to aid in their bedroom activities. Men tend to be visually stimulated first and emotionally stimulated second, where as women generally are the opposite.
My sis-in-law felt bad about herself and I'm sure it broke her heart -- but she was so thankful to have a man who loved her so much and who she loved. They were both very large people and my brother never cheated on her. I still think it was disrespectful.
Anyway--- I think you need to make it clear to your husband that this bothers you and if he can't or won't quit, then get some counseling.
[This message has been edited by YadaYada (edited 07-02-2002).]
I think it is totally disrespectful of him to visit the porn sites. Have you told him how you feel and he still does it?
It would be a different matter if you didn't care and he has some kind of impotence problem. Then I could understand needing the "stimulation". Personally I would be very hurt and offended if my husband did that.
OTOH: My sister-in-law and I were best friends (she is dead now) She used to tell me things about her marriage. I tried not to think of it as "my brother" but as "her husband" :)
Anyway, her husband had tons of the girly magazines. They didn't have a computer, but if they had - he would have been on the porn sites. He bought the dirty movies and would watch them all the time. Sometimes she would watch them too. She used to joke about it, but I know she was hurt. She was a very large woman (over 400 pounds) and her husband (around the same size) apparently sometimes needed the "stimulation" from the porn to aid in their bedroom activities. Men tend to be visually stimulated first and emotionally stimulated second, where as women generally are the opposite.
My sis-in-law felt bad about herself and I'm sure it broke her heart -- but she was so thankful to have a man who loved her so much and who she loved. They were both very large people and my brother never cheated on her. I still think it was disrespectful.
Anyway--- I think you need to make it clear to your husband that this bothers you and if he can't or won't quit, then get some counseling.
[This message has been edited by YadaYada (edited 07-02-2002).]
Kirsty
07-02-2002, 08:31 PM
I have a worse sinario.
I caught my dad looking up stuff he shouldn't have been!
I was looking for some work that my sister had saved put conveniently not told me where and I came across all these girly pictures and stuff.
To tell you the trth I wasnt mortified or anything it looked just like bikini models and stuff but I wwiped it and decided not to say anything.
However the next day there was stuff in the 'History' part of the computer and one of the sites was really horrible, I mean like girls as young as me and my sister.
I ended up showing my mum who is completely non computer literate. She ended up having a massive go (as she rightly should have) and she realy laid it on thick.
What annoyed me was that he was so stupid as to leave it there, my other sister was only 11 at the time and I would have hated it if she had of seen it.
The thing is after he was caught he has never gone near it again infact he is afraid of going on the computer when it comes to internet stuff.
It's taught him a lesson anyway!
Kirsty
I caught my dad looking up stuff he shouldn't have been!
I was looking for some work that my sister had saved put conveniently not told me where and I came across all these girly pictures and stuff.
To tell you the trth I wasnt mortified or anything it looked just like bikini models and stuff but I wwiped it and decided not to say anything.
However the next day there was stuff in the 'History' part of the computer and one of the sites was really horrible, I mean like girls as young as me and my sister.
I ended up showing my mum who is completely non computer literate. She ended up having a massive go (as she rightly should have) and she realy laid it on thick.
What annoyed me was that he was so stupid as to leave it there, my other sister was only 11 at the time and I would have hated it if she had of seen it.
The thing is after he was caught he has never gone near it again infact he is afraid of going on the computer when it comes to internet stuff.
It's taught him a lesson anyway!
Kirsty
drs
07-03-2002, 12:23 AM
Dr. Phil on Ophra says your either contributing or contaminating your relationship. If this hurts you then he's contaminating it. I agree with Dr. Phill. Anyone ever catch that show on tues.? Diana
cozy
07-03-2002, 01:18 AM
Say thanks everyone. Well, it's like this. My hubby has been a great one. He lost his job & long story short he is now going to colledge for TECH training. He no longer wears the logging clothes day in day out. Showers & shaves every mornig for shcool. Everything is different. Unemployment & wc checks are all we have to live on now. I'm grateful, don't get me wrong. I leave him be in the putor room to do his homework everynight. Understand , He doesn't need the putor for homework & never used the putor at all before now. I'm looking for a site I visited the night before & looked under GO & wallah! I asked him about it & he said it was a mistake. He was trying to find something else. Well, according to the list visited, I don't see where the mistake began as all lists showed only these "places". He knows how I feel. He says it's no big deal. I say if it hurts me & you do it anyway, it's disrespectful. Shirl, I am not a prude & my back doesn't keep us "apart". If he were to say " Honey come see what I stumbled upon" I'm sure we would have had a laugh. As it is, I feel like he knew exactly what he was doing & all I said is don't sneak about in my own home. I wouldn't allow you to sneak a gal into the putor room for such purposes. I surely wouldn't watch for tips. But hey, thats just me.LOL!
niecsey
07-03-2002, 06:21 AM
remember to have a good virus scanner http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif lots of virus's are picked up on them sites http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif and everything you look at is registered/noted to your hard drive memory if it should ever need seen too lol :wave:
Starbuk498
07-03-2002, 11:56 AM
Ok everyone.
I cannot beleive all of you have pretty much the same opinion about this. If your husband looks at porn on the internet, or looks at porn magazines, SO WHAT?
What is the big deal? Have an open mind ladies....he is just LOOKING. :eek: and how "looking" can be interpreted as "cheating".....is utterly ridiculous.
If you trust your husband (or significant other) then what is the problem?
Lets face it. Men will be men and they will look. Us girls look too.
I got my husband for a Christmas gift last year a subscription to Playboy for the year....and we actually BOTH read it.
I think a lot of the ladies that were so strongly against it are very insecure with their relationships...or had some type of bad experience.
GET A GRIP LADIES......YOUR MEN CAN BE DOING A LOT WORSE. Put things into perspective already. SO WHAT.
Stefanie
I cannot beleive all of you have pretty much the same opinion about this. If your husband looks at porn on the internet, or looks at porn magazines, SO WHAT?
What is the big deal? Have an open mind ladies....he is just LOOKING. :eek: and how "looking" can be interpreted as "cheating".....is utterly ridiculous.
If you trust your husband (or significant other) then what is the problem?
Lets face it. Men will be men and they will look. Us girls look too.
I got my husband for a Christmas gift last year a subscription to Playboy for the year....and we actually BOTH read it.
I think a lot of the ladies that were so strongly against it are very insecure with their relationships...or had some type of bad experience.
GET A GRIP LADIES......YOUR MEN CAN BE DOING A LOT WORSE. Put things into perspective already. SO WHAT.
Stefanie
cozy
07-03-2002, 02:02 PM
Hi stephanie, I guess my main problem is the denial & sneaking. Like I said if he yelled & said come see what I found we both would have had a giggle. The cheating starts when you need these other avenues to get by with something your conscience is bothering you about. Otherwise, why lie at all. I'm not stupid & he mistook me for such when he claimed it was an accident. Just be honest & there wouldn't have been a big deal about it. I bought him the garage calender for x-mas & I buy playgirl (for the articles) but nothings hidden anywhere. I hope you know what I mean. Thanks for the input & everyone else. :)
Dawn1973
07-04-2002, 12:19 PM
I have to agree that it does not bother me. I know for a fact my husband looks at it. but I couldn't care less. I look at it too sometimes!! So whats the big deal? Like you said the sneaking kinda sucks, but I don't always tell my husband when I look at it and I am far from cheating. I just like to look at it. Nothing more, nothing less. And he looks at it when I am not home. Maybe your husband thinks you will be turned off by it and that is why he sneaks. Ask him to look at it with you, you may be surprised.
Dawn
Dawn
rebecarooni
07-12-2002, 04:55 PM
Ok, here we go. My guy and I have been through beaucoup crap for the last three or four months. Part of it was that he would come home from work, drink, look at porn on the net and masterbate. And there's me all proud of having lost weight and starting to look really good and wondering why we were having less sex rather than more. Finally, I confronted him with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat and he told me that it has nothing to do with me. He understands now that I was tremendously hurt to think that he would rather look at pictures and take care of business himself. We talked about it openly and now, while he does do it occasionally, our relations have improved (there have been many changes in our lives recently) and I can accept that occasionally, he needs "relief" so to speak. Men do this. They tend to be visually stimulated and just want to do the deed and be done sometimes. If you just had back surgery and are unable to have relations, particularly if you had a vigorous sex life previously, he undoubtedly needs an outlet. Let him peek at the net, it's better than him peeking at the neighbor! If you are confident that your husband loves you and all, relax, be willing to be a bit understanding. Check out the men's health, sexual health page on this board. Get a man's input. Feel good about yourself. Good luck.
bluetonic
07-13-2002, 06:18 AM
i think its kind of wrong. my ex used to look at porno, and he compared me with those women.. and by far worse.
its either them or me...
its either them or me...
cozy
07-14-2002, 03:19 AM
This is a touchy subject for me. Mostly because I have always appreciated the openess me & hubby have had. I get hurt & I'm no longer my perky self. I am glad to say he hasn't went to the porn sites since I posted this. Why?? Not because of me. But our email is full of some of the dirtiest stuff ever. The worst was from some girl who just turned 18 & could do this & that. Then theres the " Make your penis bigger & wider " junk. All I know is, I need to understand my mate & it's hard to understand the secrecy he so blatantly lied about. It's over now. He no longer needs the cheap visuals. Especially the degrading ones of our 18 year olds out there thinking this behavior is okay. I guess you have to be a parent to understand that one. It totally breaks my heart.