LuvinLiftin
02-04-2003, 10:20 AM
Hi everyone,
I just found out that my 12 year old sister is being bullied at school. She wants to drop out. She's in 7th grade. I don't know if this was a one time occurence or ongoing because I haven't talked to my mom about it yet. My grandmother just told me briefly last night.
I guess some girl basically cornered her into a class room and had her friends block the door, and called my sister a lesbian and spit in her face!! And she told her if she told any of her friends or teachers, that she would spit in her face everyday.
I know she obviously has to tell someone, I mean, if she does, the girl obviously has to stop or she's going to get suspended and whatever else. But I know my sister doesn't want my mom to tell anyone. I'm ready to go to the school to beat up some lil 12 year old punk! (i'm 23 btw) But I know I can't.
To make matters worse, my sister is extremely sensitive, and dealing with self esteem issues as it is. Can I please get some advice on how to explain to her that she needs to tell someone at school who can confront the girl, and that if she just lets it go on, it's not going to stop.
I just found out that my 12 year old sister is being bullied at school. She wants to drop out. She's in 7th grade. I don't know if this was a one time occurence or ongoing because I haven't talked to my mom about it yet. My grandmother just told me briefly last night.
I guess some girl basically cornered her into a class room and had her friends block the door, and called my sister a lesbian and spit in her face!! And she told her if she told any of her friends or teachers, that she would spit in her face everyday.
I know she obviously has to tell someone, I mean, if she does, the girl obviously has to stop or she's going to get suspended and whatever else. But I know my sister doesn't want my mom to tell anyone. I'm ready to go to the school to beat up some lil 12 year old punk! (i'm 23 btw) But I know I can't.
To make matters worse, my sister is extremely sensitive, and dealing with self esteem issues as it is. Can I please get some advice on how to explain to her that she needs to tell someone at school who can confront the girl, and that if she just lets it go on, it's not going to stop.
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Maedae
02-04-2003, 02:01 PM
If I were in your shoes being the older sister I would personally go see the school principal with your sister.
The school is responsible for her while she is there and when things like this happen it really should be taken under control before it gets out of hand. As a student of that school, your sister has a right to a safe education. At this time although she may be scared to speak up but she really needs too. There are laws that protect her as a student and if the school fails to protect her rights, they become responsible for all actions against her including harrasment. Tell her to always remember its not tattletelling it Defending Your Rights :)
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The school is responsible for her while she is there and when things like this happen it really should be taken under control before it gets out of hand. As a student of that school, your sister has a right to a safe education. At this time although she may be scared to speak up but she really needs too. There are laws that protect her as a student and if the school fails to protect her rights, they become responsible for all actions against her including harrasment. Tell her to always remember its not tattletelling it Defending Your Rights :)
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LuvinLiftin
02-04-2003, 02:16 PM
The girl is 15 btw, I just found out! 3 years older than my sister (and in the same grade). I'm going to pick her up from school today, I guess she's been running home :(
Pinkroses
02-04-2003, 02:30 PM
I agree with Maedae
I feel so bad for your sister. Kids can be very cruel.
I was in her shoes once. The kids that were mean to me followed me up through highschool. Its heartbreaking. Please, please talk to the school on her behalf. She is being physically and mentally abused and it will take its toll.
I feel so bad for your sister. Kids can be very cruel.
I was in her shoes once. The kids that were mean to me followed me up through highschool. Its heartbreaking. Please, please talk to the school on her behalf. She is being physically and mentally abused and it will take its toll.
friend
02-04-2003, 03:47 PM
LuvinLiftin
You should not take on the role of mother.
Your grandmother should have told your mother first, not you.
Please talk to your mother, first.
THEN if your mother does nothing, go speak to the school principal about this.
Your mom is first responsible to protect your sister.
Your sister may be frightened of this coming out, but being fearful keeps her a victim. Don't help her stay a victim. Teach her by example that bad behaviour needs brought into the open and confronted.
You can help by bringing this out onto the open, first to your mother, then to the principal of the school, if necessary.
I hope that you will let us know what happens!
You should not take on the role of mother.
Your grandmother should have told your mother first, not you.
Please talk to your mother, first.
THEN if your mother does nothing, go speak to the school principal about this.
Your mom is first responsible to protect your sister.
Your sister may be frightened of this coming out, but being fearful keeps her a victim. Don't help her stay a victim. Teach her by example that bad behaviour needs brought into the open and confronted.
You can help by bringing this out onto the open, first to your mother, then to the principal of the school, if necessary.
I hope that you will let us know what happens!
Dawnrise
02-05-2003, 06:33 AM
My heart breaks for your sister. My daughter is 27 and I just found out within the last month how much she was harassed when she was in school. I had no clue because she never told me anything. She said to me, "Mom, you have no idea how much I was harassed." I wanted to wrap my arms around her so bad but couldn't because she lives in Florida. All I could say was, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that by yourself." Had I known I would've gone to the school and reported it. You and your mother (who needs to know) need to do the same. There are laws. Please keep us informed.
niecsey
02-05-2003, 07:00 AM
Hi l understand how you feel my little one had been bullied from age 5 from kids outta my street and school yes children that YOUNG!!! You MUST or your mother confront this head on l did and it was a waste of time but it might not be for you...........l removed my child from the school reluctantly and put her in a new school and weve never looked back, get in touch with education board/govenors etc to fight for you if you have no luck do not let this continue it is very damaging even for a child my daughters age it is heart breaking http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif l know you feel like bashing the lot of them lol but we know we cant have you been to this girls parents? in my case this was a waste of time as the parents were as bad as their kids dont let it continue you must persist good start is contacting school education dept who have a welfare officer every child is entitled to be taught in a safe environment your sister does not have to endure this l started by telling teachers what was going on and it never got better so l decided to go to monkey not the organ grinder lol act now dont leave it any longer dont leave it up to your sister to report it this is serious and she needs outside help like other children who are bullied they really believe if they do tell things will get worse please help her http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
PS MODS..WE DO NEED A BULLYING BOARD http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif
[This message has been edited by niecsey (edited 02-05-2003).]
PS MODS..WE DO NEED A BULLYING BOARD http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif
[This message has been edited by niecsey (edited 02-05-2003).]
LuvinLiftin
02-05-2003, 09:37 AM
Sorry I wasn't clear. My mom knows. I'm just worried she's not doing anything, which is why I needed advice. My mom was the first one my sister told, but she told my mom she didn't want her contacting the school. My other sister 17 told my grandmother, who told me.
I don't know what happened last night, I didn't have a chance to talk to them, but Amy (my sister) had said she was going to confront the girl, tell her to stop, and if the girl pulled her hair or pushed her again she was going to hit her (and run real fast I'm sure). But I don't think she will. Obviously that's not a good thing to do, but the girl has been in so much trouble at school that if she gets in one more fight, she's expelled. So if they fight, it gets taken the principle, both parents go in, and THEN the whole thing comes out about what the girl's been doing to Amy. (and I'm just guessing, but I doubt the parents are going to care their daughter is a bully, she's 15, in the 7th grade, and has been suspended probably more than she's in school, so I doubt there's much discipline). When I picked her up from school yesterday, she told me it normally happens before lunch in her science class. When class is over, the teacher leaves, and the girls block her in. So I told her to tell her science teacher, who could be on the lookout for it, and possible leave the class for 10 seconds, and come back and catch the girl in the act. That way Amy won't be the "tattletail", but the girl will still be in trouble. But I don't know if she's going to. But if after today, nothing has changed, I'm going to make my mom go to the school regardless of what Amy says. It's just not going to stop otherwise.
I don't know what happened last night, I didn't have a chance to talk to them, but Amy (my sister) had said she was going to confront the girl, tell her to stop, and if the girl pulled her hair or pushed her again she was going to hit her (and run real fast I'm sure). But I don't think she will. Obviously that's not a good thing to do, but the girl has been in so much trouble at school that if she gets in one more fight, she's expelled. So if they fight, it gets taken the principle, both parents go in, and THEN the whole thing comes out about what the girl's been doing to Amy. (and I'm just guessing, but I doubt the parents are going to care their daughter is a bully, she's 15, in the 7th grade, and has been suspended probably more than she's in school, so I doubt there's much discipline). When I picked her up from school yesterday, she told me it normally happens before lunch in her science class. When class is over, the teacher leaves, and the girls block her in. So I told her to tell her science teacher, who could be on the lookout for it, and possible leave the class for 10 seconds, and come back and catch the girl in the act. That way Amy won't be the "tattletail", but the girl will still be in trouble. But I don't know if she's going to. But if after today, nothing has changed, I'm going to make my mom go to the school regardless of what Amy says. It's just not going to stop otherwise.
purple2067
02-05-2003, 03:31 PM
Boy, I really feel for your sister. As a student teacher and a future educator, I can tell you that the only thing she can do is to tell either the teacher or the principal. They have a legal responsibility to protect her. Even if she's not comfortable telling the science teacher, is there another teacher who she likes and trusts? Another thing for her to do might be to ask some of her own friends or kids that she likes to stick around after class, so that she is not alone. Bullies usually only attack when the child is alone. If she's got a group of friends around her, maybe these other kids will feel intimidated and not be so likely to pick on her. I was bullied in elementary school. I didn't have that many friends, and the girl who was bullying me was much bigger than me. But I was very very close with the principal. I used to eat lunch with him, be his monitor, etc.... I thought it would just go away on its own, but it didn't. And believe me, once I mentioned it to him, it never happened again! And you know, the teachers have also got a responsibility to see that each and every student is comfortable and the school is a safe learning environment. I imagine that your sister is not learning very much or able to concentrate in science class. What I personally would do in a situation like this if I were her, would be to go up to the science teacher before class or at a different time of the day, when these girls aren't around and tell him or her what is going on, and ask if he or she would stay in the room until I leave. Also, I don't know about where you live, but where I live we have school security guards. All she would have to do is go up to one of them and point out the girl(s) that spit in her face.
If this girl is 15, what is she doing in the same grade and class with 12 year olds? There is something very wrong with that. I mean, I can understand being left back once. But it seems that she has been left back much more than that, and usually when that happens students would be placed in a class for kids with behavioral problems and learning disabilities. Your sister should not be in the same class with these girls. It never should have happened.
I understand how difficult it must be for you to sit back and not do anything. The best thing for her to do though may be to assert her own power in front of these bullies/intimidators/thugs, whatever you want to call them. If she can show them that she is stronger than them and what they are doing does not bother her (even though she may be crying on the inside), the thrill for them might wear off. Bullies only pick on people who they think are vulnerable, and they usually do it to increase their own self-esteem. That's why I say that if your sister has a group of friends, or even just one friend who is in this class with her and can stick around so she doesn't have to walk out alone, she might be better off. But I wouldn't let it go on much longer. This can be very damaging to her self-esteem and she does not have to put up with it. Every child has the right to feel safe in school. If she doesn't feel that getting a group of friends together would be a good idea, or if she tries it and it doesn't work, then you have no choice but to talk to the principal. Try to let your mother handle it, but if she's not then somebody has to stick up for your sister. Also, if you are going to go see the princial (or if your mom is), don't walk in with your sister. Let her go to school on her own, and you just go there on your own also, preferably sometime before her science period so that she doesn't have to endure it again! The reason I say that is because you don't want these girls to see her walking in with you because that will make her seem much more vulnerable to them, like she can't defend herself. But once you get into the principals office, have him send for her. And the girls who are doing the bullying should also be sent for, so that she can confront them with the principal there and he can let them know that he's not going to stand for it. Obviously these girls have done this before and he probably knows them very well, especially if one is on the verge of being expelled! Maybe the bullying will be what puts her over the top, and your sister can get her out of the school. The girl's friends may still bully your sister, but at least that's one less bully she'd have to deal with. It may also be a good idea for your sister to try and talk with each of these girls individually, when the others aren't around. She can tell them how she feels. There is probably one who is the ring leader, and the others follow her. But if she can get them alone, chances are they are not going to be as confident or as intimidating as they are with the whole group.
Good luck and I really hope things work out. Please also let your sister know that she is not alone, and any time she wants to come on this board and talk to us (or me) we will welcome her with open arms.
Elyse
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
If this girl is 15, what is she doing in the same grade and class with 12 year olds? There is something very wrong with that. I mean, I can understand being left back once. But it seems that she has been left back much more than that, and usually when that happens students would be placed in a class for kids with behavioral problems and learning disabilities. Your sister should not be in the same class with these girls. It never should have happened.
I understand how difficult it must be for you to sit back and not do anything. The best thing for her to do though may be to assert her own power in front of these bullies/intimidators/thugs, whatever you want to call them. If she can show them that she is stronger than them and what they are doing does not bother her (even though she may be crying on the inside), the thrill for them might wear off. Bullies only pick on people who they think are vulnerable, and they usually do it to increase their own self-esteem. That's why I say that if your sister has a group of friends, or even just one friend who is in this class with her and can stick around so she doesn't have to walk out alone, she might be better off. But I wouldn't let it go on much longer. This can be very damaging to her self-esteem and she does not have to put up with it. Every child has the right to feel safe in school. If she doesn't feel that getting a group of friends together would be a good idea, or if she tries it and it doesn't work, then you have no choice but to talk to the principal. Try to let your mother handle it, but if she's not then somebody has to stick up for your sister. Also, if you are going to go see the princial (or if your mom is), don't walk in with your sister. Let her go to school on her own, and you just go there on your own also, preferably sometime before her science period so that she doesn't have to endure it again! The reason I say that is because you don't want these girls to see her walking in with you because that will make her seem much more vulnerable to them, like she can't defend herself. But once you get into the principals office, have him send for her. And the girls who are doing the bullying should also be sent for, so that she can confront them with the principal there and he can let them know that he's not going to stand for it. Obviously these girls have done this before and he probably knows them very well, especially if one is on the verge of being expelled! Maybe the bullying will be what puts her over the top, and your sister can get her out of the school. The girl's friends may still bully your sister, but at least that's one less bully she'd have to deal with. It may also be a good idea for your sister to try and talk with each of these girls individually, when the others aren't around. She can tell them how she feels. There is probably one who is the ring leader, and the others follow her. But if she can get them alone, chances are they are not going to be as confident or as intimidating as they are with the whole group.
Good luck and I really hope things work out. Please also let your sister know that she is not alone, and any time she wants to come on this board and talk to us (or me) we will welcome her with open arms.
Elyse
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
purple2067
02-05-2003, 03:50 PM
also check on the teen issues board or the children's health board.
LuvinLiftin
02-05-2003, 04:12 PM
Thanks so much Purple. One problem is, I don't think my sister has any friends at school. She's got 2 friends out of school, but neither go to her school (One is a year younger, in elementary school, the other goes to private school). I'm learning more and more about the situation as it goes along. I guess one of the bullies friends is ok with my sister. Someone stole money from her, and the bully blamed Amy. The girl said she knew Amy wouldn't. So if anything, that's good.
And you're absolutely right about that a 15 yr old shouldn't be in the same grade as a 12 year old. It just shouldn't be allowed to happen. Especially a 15 with social problems as well, should be somewhere else.
I'm going to call now and see how today went. If it didn't stop, I'll make my mom go up before this week is over.
Another thing, I guess the girl is in like 5 of her classes, so even if she talks to the science teacher and he sticks around, it will just happen somewhere else. I think she is close to her homeroom teacher, and it's been brought up that she should talk to him.
Something else I just found out. SOmeone (I don't know student or teacher) SAW the girl spit at her, and the principle called Amy to his office, and she denied anything happened :(
And you're absolutely right about that a 15 yr old shouldn't be in the same grade as a 12 year old. It just shouldn't be allowed to happen. Especially a 15 with social problems as well, should be somewhere else.
I'm going to call now and see how today went. If it didn't stop, I'll make my mom go up before this week is over.
Another thing, I guess the girl is in like 5 of her classes, so even if she talks to the science teacher and he sticks around, it will just happen somewhere else. I think she is close to her homeroom teacher, and it's been brought up that she should talk to him.
Something else I just found out. SOmeone (I don't know student or teacher) SAW the girl spit at her, and the principle called Amy to his office, and she denied anything happened :(