canthelpbeinginlove
04-16-2003, 08:56 PM
Well, it's not about me it's actually about my guy friend. I know this might sound strange to all of you but....wait before I say this..let me tell you what happened last sunday...he (my boyfriend) broke up with me and said it was over because he was going through issues and he didn't want to bring me down with him...he's been battling through something that he can't control and it was affecting our relationship..emotionally. We've talked about getting married and saving sex for marriage like 6 months ago...resently that all changed. We started talking about it and the more we did the more curious we were (about going all the way). That lead to us really wanting to and we were getting impatient. One day..I snuck him into my room late at night...and we messed around...and we almost got to the point where we were going to do it all the way. Thank God we didn't...he stopped it...he felt it was wrong. And for that I so regret it and I know it was wrong. After that night...his emotions were stirred. well, on monday he told me that he didn't want it to be over because he does love me but that right now he needs me as a friend right now but that he doesn't want it to be over, he wants to get his stuff straight first. I'm so confused.
n e ways....let me get to the point here...he's addicted to masturbation. I know this may sound wierd. but it's a big deal to us. He barley told me he was going through this two days ago. He said he's confused about his feelings for me. He told me that he asked himself, "If I do love her, why did I keep this all from her?" Well, that's why he's confused about me he said he was afraid of my reaction. This is all on the emotional level :( My question is.is there any suggestions or ideas for him to stop. Please, I love him and it scares me because i don't want to lose him even though I am...I still care for him and I want to help him as much as I can. Please help! Any spiritual people out there?!?
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-17-2003).]
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-17-2003).]
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-17-2003).]
n e ways....let me get to the point here...he's addicted to masturbation. I know this may sound wierd. but it's a big deal to us. He barley told me he was going through this two days ago. He said he's confused about his feelings for me. He told me that he asked himself, "If I do love her, why did I keep this all from her?" Well, that's why he's confused about me he said he was afraid of my reaction. This is all on the emotional level :( My question is.is there any suggestions or ideas for him to stop. Please, I love him and it scares me because i don't want to lose him even though I am...I still care for him and I want to help him as much as I can. Please help! Any spiritual people out there?!?
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-17-2003).]
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-17-2003).]
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-17-2003).]
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Blastoff9600
04-16-2003, 10:27 PM
Ok first it is masturbation. Now as in addicted what does he mean by that?? You see there isnt anything truly wrong with masturbating. It is a great way to releive stress and pleasure oneself.
If by addicted you mean he cant go without it and his life is ruined from him doing it all the time then only way to true help is talking to a counselor or doctor.
But if he can still functiona nd do the everyday normal things that life requires then chances are he isnt addicted. Though only a qualified doctor can tell for sure.
So you can offer your support and suggest he see a doctor to get a proper diagnosis if that is what he needs.
If by addicted you mean he cant go without it and his life is ruined from him doing it all the time then only way to true help is talking to a counselor or doctor.
But if he can still functiona nd do the everyday normal things that life requires then chances are he isnt addicted. Though only a qualified doctor can tell for sure.
So you can offer your support and suggest he see a doctor to get a proper diagnosis if that is what he needs.
mlgable
04-17-2003, 12:02 AM
I agree with blastoff that unless the masturbation is controlling his life and making it so he can't function normally every day then there is nothing wrong with him. Masturbation is a normal thing and a good way to release sexual tension harmlessly. If it doesn't interfere with his normal every day activities of life there is no reason he needs to stop.
canthelpbeinginlove
04-17-2003, 02:59 AM
Yeah...I heard it's normal but tell me. Doesn't it make you want to go all the way with your girlfriend since you're getting use to the feeling? Like doesn't it make you want to have sex with her? As in making you more impatient?
villagegal68455
04-17-2003, 04:05 AM
i wouldn't think so......he's probably been masterbating for years...he's was probably just embarrased about bringing the issue up to you...i commend him for admitting to masturbating...i was really embarrased when my hubby and i discussed it when we first started dating...i tease him because when we are separated for seven and a half months that is all he'll get...and i've heard it's normal to masturbate several times a day...it's a man thing i guess...
canthelpbeinginlove
04-17-2003, 04:46 AM
WEll i guess it's cool to be very open with your love. Wow...hey Villagegal68455.....you and you're now husband been separated for 7 whole months!!!!!!! i give it up to you girl! Wow...that gives me hope for me and my guy. Thanks. Any suggestions for me to help him out and no i don't mean doing any sexual favors. Just clarifying that. Or anyone know someone in a similar senario???
mlgable
04-17-2003, 09:47 AM
How about looking at a page dealing with masturbation that tells how it is normal to do this and then discuss it. Or tell him very nicely that you have been doing some research and find that this is completely normal and since it is normal you would like to continue your relationship etc. I am wondering where he got the idea that it is an addiction if a man does it and not an addiction when you (a woman) do it? Also since you would like to get into a more sexual relationship without having actual intercourse until married why not try some mutual masturbation and if this doesn't help.
awakatnight447
04-20-2003, 09:30 PM
Certain faiths hold that self-pleasuring/lust is sin and therefore wrong and must not be done.
That said, it is a physically normal thing to do and is a good outlet for release of "tension." One very good thing about it is that after men complete "the act" they typically do not desire intercourse for several hours (if it is not presented to them on a platter.) This means your boyfriend should be much more able to resist "going all the way" with you after self-pleasuring to orgasm (by himself). That said, you both bear an individual responsibility to avoid heavy petting if you both are serious in your desire to not "go all the way."
Regardless of what you do, I hope you take advance precautions for birth control and see a physician to learn your individual risk of HIV infection.
There is no tragedy like a casually acquired HIV infection.
Best regards
That said, it is a physically normal thing to do and is a good outlet for release of "tension." One very good thing about it is that after men complete "the act" they typically do not desire intercourse for several hours (if it is not presented to them on a platter.) This means your boyfriend should be much more able to resist "going all the way" with you after self-pleasuring to orgasm (by himself). That said, you both bear an individual responsibility to avoid heavy petting if you both are serious in your desire to not "go all the way."
Regardless of what you do, I hope you take advance precautions for birth control and see a physician to learn your individual risk of HIV infection.
There is no tragedy like a casually acquired HIV infection.
Best regards
Krismo
04-22-2003, 05:01 PM
I agree that masturbation is very normal, and most people do it whether they are told not to by church groups, parents, etc. There is no need to feel guilty!! I was raised very religiously, and these issues were very real in my life too! But even after I got married, the issues still lingered. I felt guilty everytime I had sex, or acted "too" dirty. That is SOOOO NOT right!!!! It has taken me many years to realize that many churches go overboard in trying to scare you so you dont get pregnant before marriage! Sometimes it takes a long time to feel NORMAL having sex. I do not wish these feelings on you! Be careful for sure....but dont be paranoid!
I have been married for 12 years. My husband told me that when he was a teenager, and through his early 20's ( When masturbation was sort of a new thing for him) He could not go one day without doing it!( some days, many times) I know he probably still does it on occassion, but he doesnt have to tell me about it. I really dont care.He is a great man, and a great father to our kids. I doubt he will go to hell because he masturbates.
I think that is how you know your relationship is secure. Dont worry about the little things! Masturbation shouldnt even be an issue in a loving relationship. He doesnt love you any less if he masturbates. I am sure he would like intercourse with you much better! And when that times comes, you will know that.
It sounds to me like he is just a normal guy, and it is normal to get carried away and want sex before marriage. In fact, I was considered a "sinner" in my church because at 18, after over a year of just "making out" with my boyfriend ( my husband now)...we gave in.I knew I would, so I went to the gynocologist alone, and I got birth control three months before. My boyfreind used condoms too. And even though we acted responsibly and as adults, it still didnt feel right given my upbringing. SAD!!!Now, I am very proud of how responsibly we acted. Many of the other kids I knew didnt. It is up to you what you decide to do, but being turned on doesnt make you a bad person, and dont let this issue come between you and someone you really care about.If you both want to wait, I look up to your decision. I do.More power to ya. But if it DOES happen, you are no less of a person, and either is he. The most important thing about this issue is following your heart, and mind...and being smart. Carry condoms in case it does get too intense to stop. Trust me, the feelings you feel are so normal! I felt them once too... everyone does. Follow your heart.But dont live your life being scared of something that can be so wonderful! Best of Luck.
[This message has been edited by Krismo (edited 04-22-2003).]
I have been married for 12 years. My husband told me that when he was a teenager, and through his early 20's ( When masturbation was sort of a new thing for him) He could not go one day without doing it!( some days, many times) I know he probably still does it on occassion, but he doesnt have to tell me about it. I really dont care.He is a great man, and a great father to our kids. I doubt he will go to hell because he masturbates.
I think that is how you know your relationship is secure. Dont worry about the little things! Masturbation shouldnt even be an issue in a loving relationship. He doesnt love you any less if he masturbates. I am sure he would like intercourse with you much better! And when that times comes, you will know that.
It sounds to me like he is just a normal guy, and it is normal to get carried away and want sex before marriage. In fact, I was considered a "sinner" in my church because at 18, after over a year of just "making out" with my boyfriend ( my husband now)...we gave in.I knew I would, so I went to the gynocologist alone, and I got birth control three months before. My boyfreind used condoms too. And even though we acted responsibly and as adults, it still didnt feel right given my upbringing. SAD!!!Now, I am very proud of how responsibly we acted. Many of the other kids I knew didnt. It is up to you what you decide to do, but being turned on doesnt make you a bad person, and dont let this issue come between you and someone you really care about.If you both want to wait, I look up to your decision. I do.More power to ya. But if it DOES happen, you are no less of a person, and either is he. The most important thing about this issue is following your heart, and mind...and being smart. Carry condoms in case it does get too intense to stop. Trust me, the feelings you feel are so normal! I felt them once too... everyone does. Follow your heart.But dont live your life being scared of something that can be so wonderful! Best of Luck.
[This message has been edited by Krismo (edited 04-22-2003).]
canthelpbeinginlove
04-22-2003, 10:39 PM
Hey you guys!!!!!
I want to thank you for your support about my doubts. Hey awakatnight447...thank you for your advice...I feel more self secured! And Hey Krismo, your short story really inspired me and I admire you. It's so cool that you married your boyfriemd...thus you have no regrets. Sorry about your up bringing at church..I know how it is...but hey you were responsible. I'm gonna try that too and be very cautious. Thanks for your love and support! God Bless!!
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-24-2003).]
I want to thank you for your support about my doubts. Hey awakatnight447...thank you for your advice...I feel more self secured! And Hey Krismo, your short story really inspired me and I admire you. It's so cool that you married your boyfriemd...thus you have no regrets. Sorry about your up bringing at church..I know how it is...but hey you were responsible. I'm gonna try that too and be very cautious. Thanks for your love and support! God Bless!!
[This message has been edited by canthelpbeinginlove (edited 04-24-2003).]