Hi
I'd like to hear from some people that have been with a loved one when they have died; particularly cirrohsis.
I'd like to know exactly what happened, how they acted, etc.
This might be hard for some people to talk about but my dad passed from cirrohsis a month ago and it wasnt pretty.
I just feel it would help me some to be able to share with others what happened to our loved ones up until they passed....

Thanks
-r

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[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 03-02-2003).]

Hi Roach,
First of all, let me say that I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad to lung cancer almost 7 years ago. He only had it for 3 months (that we knew of - I'm sure he'd had it for a long time), and he had a hard time with it, and so did we. I was holding my dad's hand when he died. He was in the hospital, and hadn't been conscious (sp?) for a day or two. I knew that he didn't have much time left. When I was holding his hand, I was sitting on the bed with him, talking about all the things he did that brought good memories and made me happy. My dad and I had had some hard times while I was growing up, and I really think that he heard me while I was talking about all the good stuff. And I think it made it easier on him to "let go" knowing that I had forgiven him for all of the bad times. I'm sitting here crying while I type this. You'll have times like this too. Crying for good times, bad times, and for the loss. It took me at least a year to really be able to deal with it, but I still cry sometimes. Again, I'm truly sorry for your loss. I hope you are dealing with it okay.

I did a similar sort of thing with both my parents and with a few others. I'm quite certain that the dying person could hear and understand me even if they could respond only in the smallest way. The staff in hospitals, who experience many deaths, seem also to be of this opinion. Talking to a dying person, especially someone very close, can be a very positive experience, although it seems silly when stated as baldly as that. If the death is an expected one and there is sufficient time leading up to it, there can be a wonderful opening of the gates of communication. I know this was the case with both my parents.

I thought I had dealt well with the grief of my father's death, and by most standards I probably had, but what I didn't reckon on was the surprising fact that grief can affect someone physically. I experienced unaccountable weariness and a host of minor ailments and aches and pains which had no apparent physical cause. People seem to expect floods of tears for a week or two and then want you back to normal. That just isn't the way it happens. I found that I wasn't ready to talk about it at the time and soon afterwards, and then when I was ready to talk about it a few months later nobody wanted to listen.



[This message has been edited by FrJackHackett (edited 03-03-2003).]

Thanks guys for posting.

I've had a really hard time with this. I too was with my dad until his least breath. He was in his bed, at our house. I woke up at 4:30 am and heard him grunting. I went in too see what he was doing.

My mom got out of bed to go to the restroom, while she was there I grabbed his hand and told him he's going home (heaven). I was crying as he stared at me with his eyes wide open, but he wasnt looking into my eyes.

It was like he was seing something that i didn't know was there.
Anyways, a couple minutes after my mom left the room, he was breathing really hard, then the blood just started pouring out of his mouth and nose.

He was dead so fast. Im glad I was with him until the end, but seeing this has really messed me up in the head.
I keep having nightmares and flashbacks of the blood and my dad suffering. Its been a month and I cant see ever getting over this...
What should I do?

I also had difficulty with many of the unpleasant physical and visual aspects of my father's decline and death.

I can't pretend to have instant answers for you and if you are really unhappy then professional counselling is always an option. What I can do is say how I dealt with it myself. For many weeks after his death these terrible images would spring to mind (which is hardly surprising, since he deteriorated abominably for a year) and we chose to look after him ourselves rather than commit him to a home.

The breakthrough came when I realised that these images were not the sum total of my dad and his life. Why, I asked myself, do I choose to keep on seeing him in that state when I have about fifty years of wonderful memories to play through ? The more I reflected on this, the more apparent it became that I was getting my own perspective hugely out of proportion. There is the fact of suffering, but there is also the fact of the end of suffering. To concentrate on moments of what Huxley called the "essential horror" to the exclusion of the beauty, the integrity, the mystery and wonder of the human being who was my father was simply wrong, even in the most prosaic terms.

Grief takes its own time and is different for all of us. At one month you probably have a long way to go but you WILL reach the farther shore in time and be able to look back without hurting. The fact that you are communicating on this forum is a very positive indication of your strength. Keep on communicating with those close to you and do not hesitate to seek counselling if you feel the need.

roach, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost an uncle to cirosshis(sp) several years ago and you are right, it is not a pretty thing to experience. I am glad you were there with him. When I lost my paternal grandmother, I was holding her hand telling her how much I loved her. I swore that I would not do that when my maternal grandmother died. God chose differently. I helped them clean her up and turn her over and as soon as she was made comfortable, she passed away. I was so glad I was there because my mom had just left and I was glad that I was there to let my mom know that she did not suffer. I do not know how it feels to lose a parent, but know it is worse than when you lose a grandparent. I really dread when I lose my parents, but hope I can be there to hold their hand when they go. You have my prayers.

------------------
Let's get better.

This is something very hard for me to talk about so I am not going to say to much but I just wanted to say I have watched many people in my family take their last breath and well your never the same. Death is something I thought I was coping with pretty well with having such a strong faith in an after life but when your faith seems to fall,Well nothing seems right.

My grandpa(who raised me) died of cancer and so did my aunt,then in the same year my great aunt died and so did my great grandma. And well like I said to see someone take their last breath and all the pain they go through in suffering with this cancer....I will never be the same.
Death is a part of life but how in the world do we handle it?????

*******disabledsue*********
The statement you made about losing a parent is harder than losing a grandparent just isn't true.


[This message has been edited by west virginia girl (edited 03-04-2003).]

Deepest symapathy for your loss and continued sadness.
I have no idea what it is like to lose a parent yet, although my mother is dying from Liver disease. and it is SO hard to watch her suffer. I thought seeing a slow decline would help me to prepare, and more importantly, help HER to prepare. But it is not something you can really ever be ready for.

The only thing that gets either one of us through is knowing that she will be at peace, after all this suffering, regardless of whether she believes in an afterlife or not.

My thoughts and peace to you.

Blue

Roach,

My heart goes out to you in your loss. I was with my mother when she died of lung cancer. Hers was a relatively peaceful death, but I have images of that early morning carved forever into my brain. Death is such an intimate moment, and your father was blessed to have you there to comfort him.

I think what you're experiencing now is a temporary form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The little flashbacks you are having is your brain's way of "dosing" you with a little bit of that memory at a time. It's just too much to take in all at once, and your psyche is protecting you by giving you little bits and pieces of it to process.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done, watching my mother die. I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world, but yet I wanted to run out of the door. I'm sorry you're going through this, but it does get easier. It won't always hurt this bad. God Bless and Keep You....franjo

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. I know it doesn't seem like you'll ever feel stronger, but you will.
You won't ever forget, but you will be able to live without it consuming you.

Back in 1988 my dad suddenly went into the hospital with pneumonia, which actually began as a cold, but his immune system was way down as he was fighting Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma at the time. Anyway, my brother and sister and I went to visit him in the ICU on Sat. morning. We never got to see him that day mainly because his new wife was in control and kept us out of the room. He died that day at 2:34 pm. I will never stop wishing we could have been in that room with him. We don't even know for sure if he knew we were in the waiting area all day. Anyway, my point is, death is not easy no matter how you slice it. If you can be there at the time of death for someone you love, it will be a whole lot easier to cope than spending the rest of your life wishing you had been there. You're lucky you were able to be there.

Mish

Roach, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope things are getting easier for you. My mother died the end of January. She was 82 with advancing dementia. I spent two years caring for her at home, but finally had to place her in a nursing home last November. I got a call one morning that she had choked on some medication and that she was having trouble breathing. I rushed there to find that she had aspirated and they didn't expect her to make it.

We spent a very long day together as she struggled for every breath and pleaded with me to help her. Of course there was nothing I could do. So I just held her and talked to her and reminded her over and over of how much I loved ber. I finally had to tell her that she wasn't going to make it, that she would be going home to Heaven soon. I talked about Heaven and who was waiting for her there. I assured her that she'd done a wonderful job of raising me, but that I would be fine now, and it was okay for her to let go and go home. She breathed her last breath in my arms at 1:00 in the morning.

I would have been nowhere else at that moment, and I know that she is in Heaven now. But, for weeks I was haunted by the memory of those final hours and the look of struggle and pain on her face at the end. Writing this, the tears are flowing again. It's a process, Roach. It will take time. Little by little, the good memories will come to replace the bad ones. And if they don't, please don't be afraid to find help. You have some pretty tough memories to deal with. A few sessions with a grief counselor or psychologist, or even a support group, may be all you need to get you over the hurdle. You have to face the memories when they come, though. If you push them away, they will never leave you. But, balance them by reminding yourself of everyday times with your dad. That final moment is not the sum total of his life. Fill your mind with pictures of him as you knew him growing up. Spend time in the old photo albums filling your mind with good pictures. You did a wonderful thing for your father, Roach. And, even if he was not responsive at the end, believe that he knew you were there.

In a sympathy card from a friend, she said something that really helped me come to terms with my experience. She said, "How many of us are given the immeasurable privilege of walking our loved one right up to Heaven's door and kissing her goodbye, of being the last voice she hears on this earth before she is ushered into the presence of her savior?" My prayers are with you, Roach.

Hi Roach,I watched my fiance die on 03/03/03 from cancer. It was probably the most horrible thingI have ever seen. He did not die a peaceful death, he got to live in 'hell' for 2 days before he died.

I'm glad I was there for him, but I now have to live with daytime nightmares. I don't think that will ever get better, I just pretend each day and do what I have to do.

I hope things get better for you roach, but please know there are others who suffer like you, and it is real. Sometimes people with good intentions try to sugar-coat things. Ususally they are the ones who never been through this kind of thing.

Hope you had a good day today,
Catster

[This message has been edited by Catster (edited 05-17-2003).]

Dear Roach

It seems that the more unpleasant the death of a loved one is, the harder we take it (understandably)nobody wants to see anyone suffer let alone someone we cared about.
I really think you should speak to someone, these boards are useful, also your priest or clergy-person.
If you are not a religous person, many hospitals have grief counsellors.
I am very sad for your loss, I also know you will find peace (it takes time and talking) again.
Take care
Jules.

My grandfather passed away after a long battle with cancer last month. We really began to realize that it was coming a few days before so we spent every second up there. I visited him the day before he died after school, then he died early in the morning. In a way, it was good beause he was in so much pain and he wasn't even able to recognize anyone anymore. It was peaceful for us, we went up and just sat on the bed with him until the funeral home came in the morning.
Then a few weeks ago we suddenly lost my grandmother- who was in perfect health. It was such a shock... everyone was just numb.
My grandfather loved trains and it was funny, everytime my dad's brothers and sisters went to make some sort of arrangments, a train would go by. Even as we put the casket on the burial plot- a train went by and to beat that, it had only two engines. It's peaceful to know their together, she missed him so much.

Hello.
Im not sure why im here.My Mother passed away july 19 2005 from Pancreatic cancer.She would have turned 60 tomorrow.Its been so hard.I was with her till 3 hours past her death.She died at home.and Hospice took 3 hours to come get her.My sister and I cleand and bathed her and re-dressed her.(Mom requested no strangers see her nude she was very shy)My mom started getting sick in Jan 2005 and by April the doctors told us she wouldnt live.She weighed 168lbs when she first got sick and at the time of death she weighed 62 lbs.I havent talked about any of this.My family refuses to discuss it.Everyone seems to pretend she doesnt exist anymore.Its been 6 months and i still cant move on.I myself have lost over 30 lbs.I cant eat I cant sleep.I see my mom screaming in pain every time i close my eyes.She was a Christian and since watching how she died I have so many confusing questions.Im angry and lost.I have tried everything to move on.My mom was a special lady and for her to die the way she did it messed me up.I thought i had everything all figured out.U be a good person,Live a good life and die and go to heaven.now im so confused.at 5:30pm on July 19th 2005 I felt my moms head to check for a temp.Its was 107.for 30 mins she screamed and squirmed in pain.her temp kept rising.she never lost conciousness.I stood by her feet rubbing them and telling her it was ok to go.(I feel so guilty for that)Moms feet were like ice cubes.I looked into her eyes till the last second.Her death was like watching someone go thru hell.I dont know how to handle it.Im 39 years old with a husband and 4 kids and a house full of animals and all i seem to be able to think of is moms last 30 mins.If anyone out there has any ideas on how to deal with this please tell me.For 6 months now ive kept myself locked in my home.I dont have any friends to talk with and I seem to argue with my sisters over this.they have moved on and think i should have also.But its not taht easy.....I shouldnt even be writing this but im so confused and lost that i was hoping being able to talk about it may help and I'm hoping that by getting an outside opinion may help.Lord some days i think im going crazy.Thank you for taking the time to read this.I cant discuss this any more at this time.The pain is just to much

Death is not an easy thing to watch, medically or emotionally. I think that talking to a person makes YOU feel better. When a person is in a vegetative state, there may be sight and sound capabilities, but when in a coma for a length of time the brain is deteriotating and sight and sound are not possible. Ppl that are on heavy duty pain meds may not hear either. But there's no harm in talking and making peace. A friend of my hubbys was in a coma and not expected to live...he was a really bad alcoholic and his wind pipe blew a hole and he bled out and his blood count was 6...he was interbated and was in a coma...they repaired the wind pipe as best as they could...but anyway, he was also a mean scrooge type guy....there was no family and so we stayed with him...i sat by his bed and talked in his ear and called him names and said all kinds of things like, oh well Johnny, this is what you get...I also sang songs...after one week, he opened his eyes and everyone was shocked....they took the tube out of his throat and he looked at me and said, So this is what i get huh? Did anyone ever tell you that you were an annoying brat? How dare you call me Johnny!!! We all cracked up!!! The nurses said i must have annoyed him so much that anger woke him up and brought him back...LOL...

Roach,
I am sorry for your loss. It's never easy, though the worst part of the memories will fade (if you let them!) and you will be able to remember the loved one as they were.
Everyone knows that life is fleeting....but watching the end of it for someone you love is frightening and sad. I was with both my father-in-law and, eight months later, my own daddy as they passed away. In both cases. they were with family, a feeling peace was present and we all just spoke normally to them as they made that final transition into the next life. (Yes, I believe in a life after this one...I know that's why I can view these passings with the belief that they are still "with us", in a way.)
My dad also had some terrible physical symptoms clsoe to his death. I was a partial care-giver (just would spell my mom so she could rest or get away for a bit) and i had a few occasions where dad would be violently ill, or incontinent or even at the very end of his life, have chronic vomiting of what we later found out was actual liver cells. Though it was horrible to have him suffer, I remembered back to all the times as a child when my daddy so tenderly cared for me when I was sick and I felt it was just the circle of life.
Grief manifests itself in many ways..it's ok to feel what you feel and learn to go on. We reminisce about dad and laugh and know that he is finally out of pain. As siblings we keep his memory alive and if one of us is down then we all rally around each other...we especially do that for mom. There is no time frame for "being ok" about someone's death. I think about my dad all the time, but not with tears, but with love and gratitude that he was my dad. I feel sad he had to suffer, but I don't dwell on that.
Best wishes to you..I hope you can find the peace you need.

VickieLynn and Roach...my heart goes out to you both.

I just turned 40 in November and I've lost both my parents. My dad passed away 12 years ago at age 71 from throat cancer and I lost my mama 4 years ago to heart failure at age 65.

I was with my dad when he passed away. It wasn't necessarily his death that was hard, but his deterioration. My father was over 6 feet tall and a strong man..never a sick day in his life until the cancer. Seeing him in bed with diapers, looking like a skeleton is something that still haunts me to this day. He looked better in his coffin than he did in the hospital bed. When he passed, I remember screaming and then throwing up.

My mom's passing was different. She had quintuple bypass surgery in 2000 and we were all hopeful that she would be around for a long time, but she never really recovered. Me and my sister and our spouses were over for dinner on a sunday when my mom had a nosebleed that wouldn't stop. We took her to the hospital. Two days later, she was gone. I visited her after work the day she passed and remembered saying to myself on the way home "Ma is going to die today." Sure enough, I got a call from the hospital that very night, saying she was in distress and to come down right away. I picked up my sister and even though we got there 15 minutes after the call, she was already gone. I felt guilty that I wasn't there with her when she died. She was always there for us when we were sick and was there for my dad when he passed, but nobody was with her when she died. I also didn't cry...totally opposite reaction to when my father died. To this day, I don't think I've accepted her death. And I'm a totally different person. It's almost as if I don't feel anything anymore. I rarely cry anymore and no longer enjoy life....I miss her so much. I'm practically void of emotion. But I think that's how I cope because if I did start to cry and let it all out, I don't think I would ever stop crying.

Death is hardest on the people that are left behind. I feel totally cheated not having my parents with me anymore. I get so lonely for my mom. And there are times when I hate God for taking them away from me.

The visions of my parents in their last days is something I still can't get out of my head, but I don't get as distressed over this as much as I used to. When you're grieving, everything seems so vivid. But as your body and mind start to heal and learns to cope with the grief, things get just a little easier.

God bless you both.

Thank you......It does help to talk about it.Its been 7 months since mommy passed away But it still hurts daily.God i miss her so very much.......My prayers are with everyone who has lost a parent.Its so hard.Its like a part of you dies wiith them.This is a daily struggle for me and im sure for others....God Bless you all and I pray its gets easier Because i just dont know how to handle it anymore........Thanks, Vickie Lynn

My dad passed away from lung cancer last April at age 61. It was the worst thing I ever had to experience in my life. My dad did not want to go and fought until his last breath. What he went through and what my brother and I went through I would not wish on my worst enemy. I miss him so much......

My mom passed away 6 years ago at age 57 and my brother found her. It was very shocking as it was unexpected. I miss my mom so much even after 6 years....

After reading all of these posts I cannot help but feel a great deal of compassion for all that so many of you have gone through. All of you have my sincere sympathy and prayers.

Yes, it is quite hard to watch someone you love die. I have watched my first newborn son die shortly after birth, as he could not catch his first breathe due to a long drawn out labor.
I watched my mother deteorate from liver cancer over a period of two weeks, and to be honest, it was not really a dramatic horrible death as she just weakened and weakened until she went unconscious and died.

But , I think what has really helped me get through everything is what my mother told all of us (9) throughout our lives, and now, I find myself telling my own 2 children. Mom always said""" When I die, I know where I am going...you kids do NOT worry about me..get on with your lives...raising your families..enjoy the life God has given you...I'll be just fine.. I am not afraid to die...what you see will be just a shell...I will go be with the Lord and wait for you there."""
When my mother died I cried, yes, but it was short lived as I remembered her words. And I have done what she said...get on with my life. One could say that my mother prepared us.
Also please consider taking an actual part in your mother/fathers funeral. By that I mean burying them. I mean, literally taking a shovel in your hands and doing so, in place of a machine. I arranged this for my family and Dad and it was a beautiful experience in that, it was the last and final testament of our love towards our mother. I had a Minister tell me once that LOOONNG ago, in biblical history, this was practiced, and that it HELPS the grieving process. I can tell you emphatically, that for us, it did. As we shoveled, shovel after shovel, we cried and laughed as we recalled good memories and our love for her.


Please take the time and tell something similar to this to your children, if you have any. It can and will really help them if you should happen to pass away. :)

You are not alone. On Feb. 5th, my husband of 33 years died of cirrhosis after only a definitive diagnosis of 10 days. I think he knew, as he had a physical last October, but he did not tell me. That is the hard part, I think he let himself die. He was only 52 years old.
We went to the ER because he had the hiccups for over 4 hours and his abdomen was hurting very bad. He was admitted with ascites and the CT scan confirmed what the doctor suspected. This was on January 27th. He died on Feb. 5th.

He deteriorated rapidly with jaundice, dementia from the ammonia buildup in his brain, and kidney failure. He slept most of the time, except his last full day . He was very agitated and his breathing became labored. He slipped into a coma his last hour and went very quietly to the Other Side. We had home hospice care for the last 5 days after hospital discharge. Hospice Ministries and the other Hospice Groups are angels. My youngest son and I were with him as he took his last breath. He was suffering,cirrhosis becomes painful at the end stages, as we now know, so it was a blessing for him to pass. He never knew he was dying and that was a blessing also. In spite of the shock of things happening so rapidly, things progressd as the doctors said they would. We never got the chance to say good bye, he didn't know who I was. I am sad beyond belief and have a lot of questions and " what-ifs". You can find comfort in knowing that others feel like you.

Blessings,
Lori
If you have any other questions or would just like to post back and forth to get through this sad time, I am here.

I am almost in tears reading some of these! My neighbor, my best friend, passed away in Aug. 2005. I was with her til her last breath. She had cirrhosis and hepatitis c. It was, well, horrible! I had never seen so much blood before. I wouldn't wish that death on my worst enemy!!! It was pretty hard to get over. Heck, I still am not over it completely! I don't think I ever will be. I am just so glad that I don't burst into tears every time a though of her crosses my mind. Really gorry, graphic and violent death. I had never seen so much blood. I haven't even seen that in horror flicks. I felt like I kept reliving that moment over and over and over again. Huh, my doctors wonder why I am still having migraine problems! lol! I don't! I just wish they would finally go away!

Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know that I definately sympathize with them!! I have been there! In a way, I wish I wasn't, but then again, I'm glad I got to be there holding her hand. Even with the tears pouring out of my eyes. I already have a thread here if anybody wants to read it. I still go occasionally and pretend that I am talking to her. Plus, it lets others realize they aren't really crazy! Some of them I sound like I should be locked away! lol! Hey, I can smile again. That's a miracle in itself. It took me awhile to be able to do that again. Anyway, the thread is Just lost best friend. Or click on my name and find it that way.

God Bless!!!!
:angel:

Hi Folks, After a long battle with parkinson's my Dad passed away. i seen him go from a very strong man to a feeble old man. He had parkinson's for 10 years and was in a wheel chair. He had always been independant and doing things for himself. I know it was hard for him when the nurses came and had to change him. What he had was freezing parkinsons, his legs went stiff <like tree trunks> and then moved up slowlyuntil it hit his lungs and heart. The Dr said he knew what was going on he could still hear us. I remember getting the call to come to the hospice where he was. I was there when he passed away along with the rest of the family. He was in another state and was in and out of the hospital with many close calls but he held on, I only heard of this after the fact. My family told me that he didn't pass away the other times is because I wasn't there to say goodbye to him. I thought at the time what an awful thing to tell me, I felt like if I didn't visit him he would still be alive. I got over that and realize that he wanted to teach me one last lesson in life. He passed away very peacefully, I had nightmares of how he looked when he passed away, that blank stare, mouth open. He didn't look like my Dad. he looked like he was 200 years old. The funeral home did a fantastic job and I thanked them for what they did. I got to see him as I remembered him. He looked as if he was sleeping and I expected him to get up at anytime, but I knew that wasn't going to happen. He had suffered enough in this life and it was his time to go. I remember telling him just before he passed away I said "Dad, it's Joe, It's ok now you can go now and rest. Thatwas the hardest thing I have ever done done. As I type this I am emotional and teary eyed again. I am sorry for your losses and may God bless you all.

Joe

I am sorry for your loss! I too just lost my Mom March 28, 2006 to ****. She lived with me and I would not send her to a nursing home and that is where she mentioned going because she did not won't me to sit and have to watch her die. I told her I wanted her right here with me until the end and Hospice came in and took over and she lasted 10 days after that. She died peacefully and that is the one thing that I had prayed for and asked God to please not let her struggle and he answered my prayers.

My Mom started having that death rattle and when she did I went to talking to her because the nurses had already said that the last thing that she would lose would be her hearing. I got to tell her how much I loved her and I thanked her for being such a good Mother to me and that if it wasn't for her, I would not of turned out to be the person that I am today. I bent down and kissed her and as hard as it was, I told her it was alright for her to go on home and be with my Daddy and my Sister. I held her in my arms and she took her last breath. It has been very hard on me sitting here in my livingroom because I catch my self looking at where I had her bed set up and I can still see her there in that bed that night. Something else I would like to share with ya'll is, when my sister passed away November 29, 2004 she was a organ donor and my Mom had said that she would like to meet just one person that my sister kept alive by her being a organ donor. The Good Lord seen to it that a lady called my neice and told her who she was and that she was the one that got my sisters liver. When the lady found out that my Mother was still alive she wanted to come and meet my Mother. My neice told her that if she wanted to meet her she better come soon that my Mom was not gonna last much longer. The lady said she would drive from Sherman Texas to our house the next day and would be here by noon. Sure enough she made it and she met my Mom and my Mom was still at her self, but kinda like in a daze. The lady that got my sisters liver stayed here and visited with the family and didn't leave until around 9:30 that night. Well that night at 11:21 my Mother passed away. But my Mother got her wish and she knew that the lady was coming to meet her. I think my Mom was hanging on to meet her. We are still corresponding with the lady that got my sisters liver and matter of fact, we just went to the Organ Donor Memorial on April 29, 2006 and the lady went with us to the Memorial. We all sit and cried together, but we feel like we still have a part of my sister with us still!

Today I had been having flashes of watching my mom die. And then I read this thread that brought tears to my eyes. Truly, if you have not experienced this, it is very hard to understand. On Dec 10, 2004, I watched my mom die. She had an abdominal cancer that was basically suffocating her organs. We knew she was dying, was just a matter of time. We sat by her side for days, but when the time came, we were not prepared. She never really went into any type of coma. There was nothing peaceful about her death. It was agonizing to watch. We could do nothing for her. For more than eight hours, she slowly vomited up blood and whatever else was coming up. It was the most traumatic event I have ever witnessed. Even now, going on a year and a half, images sometimes come to me that make me want to just curl up and die myself. The horror of it is hard to describe. But as time has went on, days get easier. Still there are hard days, but I have two children that I need to be there for.

I am crying reading these posts because of the sad content, but also because of how much I relate to every one of your posts. I lost both of my parents. My Dad died in 1998. It was a sudden accident and I was living across the country and my imagination wildly played through possible images of his death.

My mother died 3 weeks ago, had been sick for a long time with C.O.P.D. There were 7 months of detioration and I am also struggling very very much with traumatic images of the process. She finally died in a hospital. My sister and I were both with her holding her hands which were ice cold when her heart took its last beat.

I do not know how to get these images out of my head. Only time will help to lessen them. I am seeing a grief counselor next week. All of our reactions are normal. There is no way to erase or skip over the harsh memories of it all, but I believe others when they say that there will be a day that it won't be so debilitating and consuming. I am so sad and I am crying now.

But, it helps to know that I am not the only one struggling with negative images and thank all of you for sharing and roach for starting this thread.

Hello All
I have just lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer after an amazing 11year battle, she was only 57. She died 3rd May 2006 at 12.15pm the day before her birthday!! It was horrible to watch her go, she was very ill and found she couldn't eat or swallow for weeks. We could only get her to take ice cubes with a frozen stick so she could pick them up. The pain she went through was terrible.
We were all with her at the end, though it was still a shock. She hung on and hung on all those years and she was due to become a grandmother for the first time in a few days. She never made it, but we were able to tell what we were having and the names we had picked just before she died.
It was horrible to see her vomiting and crying out in pain in the night, I can't imagine what was going through her mind and the pain she was enduring.
I can still see her taking those last couple of breaths, i held her the whole time, my sister flew in from america, the doctors told us she didn't have long the day before she died and didn't expect her to live more than a few hours at most, but we kept vigil all night and my father wouldn't let her sleep, he kept talking to her and telling her that her other daughter was on her way and was on the plane and would be here in the morning. I don't know how she did it, as i found it so difficult to stay awake.
I picked my sister up very early in the morning and we got to my mother by 9am.......she died at 12.15pm when we were all together. She must have waited for us to all be together. She died at home, with my dad my sister, me, my husband, my mothers sister, my dads sister and husband and a close friend. We were all sobbing, but she was ready to go.
I wouldn't let go of her hand and held it to my bump (her unborn grandchild).
My sister and I cleaned and dressed her with a nurse and my aunt. It really helped doing this. I sat and talked to my mother even though she was gone and She was never left alone until the undertakers came to take her.
I chose an outfit for her to wear which was so difficult as nothing in her wardrobe would fit as there was nothing left of her, she was just a skeleton when she died. Her eyes wouldn't close, in fact she never shut her eyes for days before she died and she never blinked.
It wasn't my mother laying there, she had left a long time ago.
When I went to see her at the chapel of rest, she didn't look at all like my mother. I have to say, being with her and helping her to the end and looking after her after she had gone and dressing her etc. has helped me to come to terms with what has happened. I am not sure how I will be when the baby arrives, I am sure it will be tough. I still can't get the image of her immaciated body out of my head.
I understand how you all feel, its just so raw.
God bless you all