I watched my grandfather die (cancer). I made it home(for three days) about a week before my dad passed away(from smoking).I watched my mother in law die(cancer). I knew the last time I saw my grandmother that she wouldn't be here much more(diabetes). I was right.As I watched and waited I prayed to God that he would take them. That he wouldn't let them suffer any more. I told my grandfather to go as he laid in the bed.He was in a drug induced sleep. Told him grandma was waiting for him. I still wonder to this day if he heard me.That was 20 years ago. Does this make me a bad person? I'll probably end up in hell for what I asked God to do but I didn't want them to suffer any more. I sit here now crying cause yes I miss them. But after what the disease and meds did to them they'd had had enough. Now my mom is in a nursing home and I hope I can make it home one more time before the end. She has diabetes and Parkinsons.

You know, suffering is so difficult for them and for
you. Don't blame yourself and make yourself miserable
as you only want what is best for them. You have
feelings, too, and you have not done anything wrong,
but praying that they be cared for. God bless you!
I am going through a trying time with my Mother, she
is also in Health Care, and it is so difficult,
probably more for us than for them. Keep in touch!

Hi Irish Cream,

No, you are not a bad person for thinking these things. As the above post states....you are human with human feelings, and God knows that....after all, He made us that way!

As my mother was taking her final breaths, I didn't think I could take one SECOND more. It's the most helpless feeling, because our instincts are to help when we see suffering. But there are times when there's nothing we can do to help....it's maddening.

I too asked God to just take her. I cried this out in desperation....she took one more breath and then died. Keep in mind, too, that God knows exactly how much each of us can handle, and as long as He allows us to breathe, He is still working through us to perfect His will.

Don't beat yourself up over this. You sound like someone who loves, and if THAT isn't why we're here, then I don't know what other reason there could be. Take care and God Bless.....franjo

An extremely uplifting book to read is "Embraced by the Light", by Betty J. Eadie. She had actually died following surgery, but was brought back to life. She tells of her experiences on the other side, and being comforted by Jesus, who told her that she had died prematurely, that it was not yet her time, and that she had to return. It is living proof that there is life after death. In fact, a great many other people have had similar experiences. We do NOT die!

It's just a body. Your spirit can't die. It's not physical.

There is a difference between compassion and killing. Cream, you were compassionate. If there is an ultimate judgment, it goes by what is in the heart, and yours was full of love.

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif Hello everybody, my heart ached as I read all your posts. I don't have time right now to present my view, but I hope these words (author unknown) will help in a big or even a small way! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/angel.gif
I feared being alone
until I learned to like myself.
I feared failure until I realized
that I only fail when I don't try.
I feared success until I realized that I had
to try in order to be happy with myself.
I feared people's opinions until I learned
that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection
until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned
that it's necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until
I saw the ugliness of lies.
I feared life until
I experienced its beauty.
I feared death until I realized
that it's not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny until I realized
that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw
that it was nothing but ignorance.
I feared ridicule until
I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until
I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until
I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until
I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until
I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until
I learned that the truth would give me strength.
I feared change until I saw
that even the most beautiful butterfly
had to undergo a metamorphosis
before it could fly...

If you want to take your mission in life to the next
level,
if you're stuck and you don't know how to rise,
don't look outside yourself. Look inside.
Don't let your fears keep you mired in the crowd.

Abolish your fears and raise your commitment level
to the point of no return, and I guarantee you
that the "Champion Within" will burst forth
to propel you toward victory.

My mother went into respiratory arrest and was dying .she was put on a vent to do her breathing for her .that happened on Feb.18,2002.She lay in ICU for 6 weeks ,the doctors finally put a trach in to help,where she could be suctioned .She had emphysema from smoking .I sat beside her begging God not to take her .My mind knew she would be in a better place but my heart wanted her with me.After 2 months in the hospital,my oldest daughter and myself brought her home after she was finally weaned from the vent ,but still had the trach and a feeding tube.She wasn't able to talk out loud so we learned to read her lips ,She tried so hard to learn to use the passemeer valve that would allow her to speak ,but felt she was suffocatting .So she stopped trying .For 1 year and exactly 5 days ,the Lord let me have her .The last 2 months ,we watched her suffer and keep trying ,we also started praying that he take her .She never cried or felt sorry for herself the whole time .then 1 day ,''I had pulled her up to the side of the bed and she laid her head on my chest ,when she lifted her head ,tears streaked down her face .I asked her what was wrong ,she told me she was so tired of laying in the bed ,looking at 4 walls and struggling for each breath of air.That's when I realized how selfish I was ,I began praying her suffering would ,stop ,On Feb.18,2003 ,her breathing was so much worse I dialed 911 ,I didn't know it would be my last time calling it for her .She finally fell asleep on Feb.22.She never woke up .On Feb,23,with me holding her hand and my daughter by her side ,we watched as a nurse tried to wake her ,my Mom ,raised her head ,shook it no and took 2 small breaths and was gone .I cried alot and felt guilty because I prayed he would take her in her sleep ,so she would go peacefully and He did .Believe me when I tell you ,i know how you feel ,but there are times when the suffering of a loved one is worse than loosing them .I'm sorry this is so long but I just wanted you to know ,I understand .Alot happened this last year ,I learned I was stronger than I thought .I miss her and love her but she is in a better place where breathing for her will be no problem .Put any guilt behind you .You gave them all you could and only wanted thier suffering to stop.You are a wonderful and feeling person to have been able to pray their suffering to stop.God loves and understands our pain better than we do ourselves. Thanks for allowing me to tell you my story .You are not alone .

keri

Just to let you know my mom passed away on April 6. I made it home two days before she passed away. I held her hand the night before and told her it was ok to go. That we would all be fine and that dad and her parents were waiting for her. She passed away peacefully in her sleep around 3:00am the next morning.