I'm a 45 year old female (everyone says I look younger) not overweight, been told I am very attractive, very sharp dresser and have a good personality. I work for a large cooperation made up mostly of men.(I am an assistant to one of the top executives). I haven't dated in 8 years due to a very bad experience. I would like to have the companionship of a male but it seems that no one is interested. In all of the time I have worked for the company (4 years) NO ONE has ever asked me out.

Okay men and women- any advice for the dateless 43 year old?

[This message has been edited by Golden Girl (edited 07-13-2003).]

[This message has been edited by Golden Girl (edited 07-13-2003).]

Maybe you should be the pursuer. If you're interested in a man, pursue him; you know, casual talk, keep the conversations frequent and then ask him over for coffee, a drink etc. What do you think??? I'm really not so good at this sort of advice, but that's just what I'd do.

I think you should be more agressive. You should really try to put in that extra punch.

Since you work for the "boss" other employees may think of you as "off limits".

Try joining some non-employment groups of interest that have male members.

G

Thanks GINE2D

I have been told that by one other person-I try to be friendly from the President of the company to the janitor. Also I can take some of the blame- for so many years since the last relationship, I have been wrapped in my own little world and it was like I saw men but really didn't (if that makes sense)I feel like I'm coming back to life again and maybe that will make a difference in how I act or how I am perceived.

I have to agree with BigJake. I'm 48 (and hating it...see my thread) BUT I am constantly hit on by younger men (20 to 40) My DH is 10 years my junior. Perhaps you are unintentionally giving off an aura of being unapproachable. Joke around and chat with some of the men....if the opportunity presents itself....say something like, "Ya know Bob, we have worked together xxx amount of :::years. months whatever fits::: and I don't know too much about you...do you like ??????::insert whatever::: OR do you have kids.....say something to show an interest.....
chin up! Please keep us informed and good luck...

Thanks Lady V- You may be right. Even before I read your post tonight I did a little bit of that at work today - I'll keep it up and see what happens.

I read your post - see my reply.

You could try a different approach by asking some of the people at work if they know of any decent, eligible men who would be interested in being fixed up. My girlfriend's husband worked with a single, 40-ish guy whom he'd known for years and knew was a good person. He bluntly asked the guy if he would like to be fixed up with a great girl he knows, and the guy was very interested. To make a long story short, he called me, we hit it off, and have been together for over 2 yrs now!

Doing this also lets people around you know that you are single and eligible. Maybe somebody knows somebody special who they can match you up with. My parents met each other through a blind date and were married for 35 years when my dad died.

Sorry- double posted!

[This message has been edited by susiejb (edited 07-29-2003).]

Hello,

I would never date anybody I work with, especially the boss' assistant. Too uncomfortable if things do not work out. I think you should expand your prospects to areas outside of work.

Sal

Hello again,

After considering your situation again, I want to add, and please I mean this in a construtive sense, but I think you need to become more comfortable and confident with yourself and your age. Look at your post. You state you are 45 and 43, you call yourself GolderGirl, and you put your post in the Aging thread rather than the Relationship thread.

I think this all shows you are very uncomfortable with your age and do not feel good about yourself. This undoubtedly shows. You are hardly a GoldenGirl. Dating changes as we grow older but the basic issues such as yours exist in all age groups. Talk to a single professional 24 year old and she will probably have the same problem of meeting interesting men.

I am 53 years old and dating again and you are right in the age group I feel comfortable dating. I have women in their 20s ask me out, but that is not relationship material, just sex. And that is not what I am looking for -- well, sometimes. Someone like you is a hot commodity for someone like me.

I know for women getting older is oftentimes more difficult than it is for men. But at this point in my life I want someone that is fun to be with, secure, and comfortable with themselves. Physically I want them to be fit and stylish but not trying to look and act way younger then they are. Appropriate for their age.

I am trying to say the dating and relationships are based on chemistry and feelings, and you have to give off the right vibes. Secure vibes.

I hope this gives you some prespective, and I wish you the best. Remember, there is a lid for every pot.

Sal

I don't think any male would be foolish enough to have that "deer in the headlight look" should a relationship go astray at work. With many alligations that women use in their struggle for power and control in business and in their social life a male would have to be delusional to have any association with a female at work that could lead to a social storm of injustice. Many male exec's will not travel with their secretaries and go to extremes to provide protections against false alligations. Infact most males know that a female is a pirate of the heart and doesn't even wear a black eye patch, lipstick or daisy mae shorts or wave a black cross and skullbone flag for warning. Just look at the divorce rate and court awards! A common male thought in meeting a female is that she is nothing but a female gunslinger for the court and the social services and doesn't even own a horse but wears that fancy lace and polished lips in the same manner a a bushwacker would conceal themselves and their rifle.
Theres alot of caution in male judgement today.

*snip* A common male thought in meeting a female is that she is nothing but a female gunslinger for the court and the social services and doesn't even own a horse but wears that fancy lace and polished lips in the same manner a a bushwacker would conceal themselves and their rifle.
Theres alot of caution in male judgement today.

:rolleyes: thank god most men don't think like this :)

Approach men. You're old enough to know or experienced women's lib. Men are very flattered to be approached by women. I am always more interested in even less than attractive women who approach me than I am with women I have to approach or pursue. Women who are not afraid to approach men just seem to have such great character.

Thanks GINE2D

I have been told that by one other person-I try to be friendly from the President of the company to the janitor. Also I can take some of the blame- for so many years since the last relationship, I have been wrapped in my own little world and it was like I saw men but really didn't (if that makes sense)I feel like I'm coming back to life again and maybe that will make a difference in how I act or how I am perceived.

I use to have that unapproachable look too....people thought I was "stuck-up"...but actually it is a protective barrier....try smiling a lot more in a friendly..(maybe a little flirtatious) way...men are turned on by a pretty smile....when I say unapproachable....that is not meant in an offensive manner....sometimes we portray that image and are unaware of it...but others sense it....good luck and don't worry....when you are ready...and you will know it...the men will flock to you...You can count on that....and you won't have to pursue them or even try very hard....you will have more dates than you will have time for....lol...Good luck to you...you sound like a very nice person....
Annabel

This is long, but hear me out. I'm 38, and have had this problem all my life. Men that have made it past my barrier say that they were afraid to approach me. That I put off a "not interested" vibe. By some of your comments, it sounds like you've had a few bad experiences, and maybe you have put this barrier up too. I have also been told many times that I am too attractive, and men think I would never go out with them because they aren't good-looking enough. Those two things, plus the lack of self confidence about your age ( your username is Goldengirl, boy I hope you picked that name because your hair is blonde!) could be working against you getting asked out.
In the last few years there are a couple things I have learned that have made men start asking me out.
1. Eye contact with someone you are interested in is huge! Men are probably trying to make eye contact with you all the time, but you look away or don't even look people in the eye. If you meet or see a man that seems like someone you would like to talk to, look at them until they look at you. Once you get mutual eye contact, HOLD THE EYE CONTACT AND SMILE. This was so difficult for me, my automatic reaction is to look away when someone looks at me. If someone you like is talking to you, hold eye contact the whole conversation. I had to take a big step out of my comfort zone to do this, but it works! This tells the person " I'm approachable, I'm interested, I'd like to meet you".
2. Like you mentioned before, be friendly to everyone, and smile. You never know who might be, or know someone that is Mr.Right. If you come off as open, friendly and fun, people will want to fix you up with someone. People love saying, " I know this great person, you should meet her!"
3. Let people know you are single and looking. Joke about being single. Joke with people, " Yeah, my cat is getting pretty tired of spending Sat. night with me!" and laugh. It lets people know you are wanting to date, but aren't too depressed about it.
4. Look at your off-work wardrobe. Ask your girlfriends what they think. Is it plain and say " I am not sexy, I'm trying to not attract men" ? If it is, think about what part of you body you love the most and think is flattering. Buy some clothes that really accentuate it. This is more for YOU than anything. Nothing looks more attractive than self confidence. If you know you have a great butt ( or waist, or bust, hair, etc.), show it off. Even if you are just going to go running, or whatever, always wear something that makes YOU feel like you've got it going on ;)
5. Don't have preconceived notions of who you need to date. Just because some guy has a blue collar job, is older , younger, shorter, or not your same skin color, doesn't mean he wouldn't want to go out with you or be great to date. Keep your mind open, you never know who will meet. My boyfriend is 25, and my first thought was , " too young". But he has ended up blowing all my preconceived notions out of the water.
I encourage you to try these suggestions. I know for a fact they work! Good luck!