Ok. I hope you people don't think that I am vain or snooty or anything.....but I need someplace to turn about this. Up until 4 years ago when I remarried for the 4th time (Yes, I finally found a fantastic loving "loyal" man) I was the lead vocalist for a very locally successful alternative rock band within the Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio area (I have been in bands since the age of 13)....It was easy for me as I looked in my early 20's throughout my late 30s...well, I quit the band when I remarried, not due to my marriage but due to that fact that I couldn't work all day and still set up equipment, play till 2 and 3 in the morning and get up to work anymore...plus I am now very happily married and just want to be with DH....BUT I look at myself and even though people tell me they can't believe I am 48 years old..."I see it" I'm seeing lines that were never there and I'm gaining weight....(I have started on Sugar Busters) I'm feeling old and used up...I miss my music, yet I don't really want to put all that time into it anymore. I'm just feeling awful, tired and old! My knees hurt....my breast are falling (I have nursed 3 children and still had nice breast but now they are beginning to fall) DH thinks I am beautiful and says it's just me.....but it's not!! If he ever breaks those rose colored glasses....I'm in deep chit!!! I'm having real trouble dealing with this!

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You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because your all the same.

[This message has been edited by LadyV (edited 07-21-2003).]

Lady V-
This is how I am trying to look at things-maybe this will help. I've always read that men do not critique us the way we ourselves do. The thing that may bother me most no one else ever notices. I am very self-conscious because I have acne but when I mention it to other people they just look at me strange and say I can't tell that you do.

On a show about plastic surgery there was a lady in her 50's-very attractive, great figure-the only thing that I could see that would help her appearance was to cut her hair because it was so thick and was overwhelming. She chose to have a cheek implant which after it was done you couldn't really tell much of a differance. I look at larger women than myself and think they look better than me. It's all in how you perceive yourself.

Ask some of your friends what it is they do not like about themselves and it's probably something you've never noticed.

Hi, LadyV,

I'm 52 and my metabolism came to a screeching halt, and I've gained weight, too. It's a bummer!! My DH of 31 years says I'm still beautiful, but I can't believe it!! I have lupus and arthritis, too. I think we're finding out why it's said that getting old ain't for sissies!

I used to live in Louisville (loved it!) and suggest you find a church choir or city chorus to sing with. You'd have practices, but probably no responsibility for time consuming equipment set-up and take-down. That might give you the boost you need. Maybe your husband would join you!

Visit Home Made Pies and Ice Cream on Bardstown Rd. for me!!

Peace - Barbara

It's really odd that I'm reading this at this moment. I have a girlfriend whom I've known for 25 years. We were roommates for years, and she was always singing & playing guitar in a band. She moved to Nashville years ago to try and make it as a country music singer, but it didn't pan out, partly because she married a jerk who was jealous of her music. After 13 yrs in Nashville and a divorce, she moved back to Cincinnati about 5 years ago.

A mutual friend had a party this past Saturday, and I talked my singing friend (who hadn't picked up a guitar in over 6 yrs) into bringing her guitar & singing at the party. She did and it was just like old times and she had so much fun. It was like riding a bike for her.

I just got off the phone with her 10 minutes ago. She began guitar lessons this evening and wants me to meet her at this restaurant/bar down the street because she wants to sing kareoke! She has found herself again. I'll talk to y'all later, I'm getting ready to head out the door to see my best friend sing!

If your man loves you, he'll love you no matter what happens to your body. I know what you mean about things sagging, everything is starting to go South. I'm 52, look 35, at least I look younger, but I feel older with all these changes in my body. My husband thinks I look great, but as you say, I can see the lines forming around the eyes, and things sagging where they didn't sag before. We either have to learn to live with it or have cosmetic surgery. I'm a great believer in that, if only I had the money. Nothing major for me though, just a nip and tuck here and there would be enough. Doctors actually do cheek lift operations now, kind of like a face lift, but not as drastic, just that part of the face. Now that I wouldn't mind. Hang in there LadyV, just remember, you're not alone in this age thing.

[This message has been edited by 3tbear (edited 08-04-2003).]

Yep - I am 54 - and doing the menopause thing. It's not easy. I still look a lot younger than my years but I can see some gray hairs now and some lines that just appeared overnight.

There are great anti aging creams that make some of those lines disappear. Clinque has one and actually I think most of the other make-up companies have them also. Just see what is right for you. They usually work pretty well.

The thing that everyone is going to see when they look at you is your attitude. If mentally you feel like you are 35 then that young attitude is going to project to what other people see you as.

I don't believe in plastic surgery. If I get lines and wrinkles down the road it will be because I have earned them. They will say that I have lived and loved. I have been through good times and bad. Some will be laugh lines and some will be worry lines. Aging is not something you should be ashamed of. Age gracefully. Make the most of the your life at every age.

Love yourself. You are a lot more than your physical appearance.

Hi GoldenGirl,

Just wanted to comment about your statement, "it's all in how you perceive yourself" because it is as close to the truth as you will ever get! I have very thin, underdeveloped calves, and so whenever I see someone with nicely shaped calves, I think "gee, I wish I had legs like hers". I tend to admire traits in others that I lack in myself.

Just a thought
Tears

Hey LadyV,
I'm 49 and am actually having more trouble with perimenopause than I am with looking older. (I was never "pretty" to begin with so I've never really made looks one of my top 5 concerns).

But what I wanted to mention is that for over a year now I've been planning the most awesome Fiftieth party for myself. Its going to happen whether we like it or not, right? Might as well take up some of the "oh my God I'm getting older" time planning a get together for family and friends.

It's a thought that might work for you to get thru some of those rough "almost 50" years some people have - may as well celebrate rather than deny the inevitable.

(My party is going to be a "Hawaii Five-0" party and have a luau theme with everyone urged to wear colorful Hawaiian shirts!)

I'm 48, soon to be 49!!!!! Some days are better than others, well... most days, anyway, I have the outlook that if I'm so bummed out today, tomorrow will have to be better. It usually is, although the wrinkles, sagging chin/neck/breasts, chubby body and the rest will be there again tomorrow.

I hate that hanging chin thing, god, I never wanted to have it, but I do, I think its a genetic thing, perhaps, some people never get one. In reference to our chests.... well, they are supposed to react to the pull of gravity as those ligaments can't hold the weight even if we do imprison our breasts in bras for most of our life. Hey, have you seen on tv, "Free the Twins"! Braless or not, we will have saggy breasts, unless of course they aren't real.

PARTY, A PARTY, YES, THAT IS THE ANSWER! I was thinking the same thing the other day. We are SUPPOSED to get old, wrinkles and all, we are lucky if we get old and don't die young. Gosh, I want to live to be over 100, and I know I'll have thin, wrinkled skin, saggy, baggy breasts (won't wear a bra then, I guarantee it) have trouble walking, and lets not even talk about the memory issues, they exist now!

A Party is a great way to have your friends help you, support you emotionally, and go with you to the other half of your life. I want live music, good food along with family (the few who are still alive) and friends. You see, I am the oldest of our group of friends, so I get to go to the big 5-0 first!

We cannot expect ourselves to remain cute little girls, hot sexy ladies, and compete with images that america throws at us daily. Forget it, accept it, deal with it, the reality is, we may have wrinkles and not so perky breasts, but hey, I'm way smarter, wiser and tougher than I was years ago.... and happier too.

Why?!

Because I do what I want, and I am in control of my life. I no longer work at a terrible, horrid job, and I've had two years to put my life back together, unofficially retired, now going back to work because I want to, and on my terms in a job that I want to have. If it turns out to suck, well, I'll quit, life is too short to spend it worrying, being taken advantage of and unappreciated. We must live our lives to the fullest and not let others pull us down.(Happy marriage, two #@%& teenagers, and two dogs that I love dearly. The teens are a struggle but that is getting better. My husband loves me, we tease each other about the changes in our bodies, what else can you do, it was nice when we were young, now we can just enjoy life. )

Think about the wise, beautiful older women we know in history or in movies, they had just what we now have and we thought they were beautiful, well, its not surprising that someone will think that of us, too.

daisy