HOW do we go on?
everyday we are getting closer to the very end of our time
im so scared of that day
How can we be happy when we know we are going to die?
the thought never leaves my mind i am terrified of it and i cant escape
i feel like a caged lion
how can we all be normal and not be scared of our inpending recline with age then death
i need help with this
please share your thoughts

Angel, I cant share thoughts, which are continous and disrupting my every day living. Im in the same boat as you, and cant understand it. Im afraid of death, a little about my death, and an overwhelming fear of those i loves departures. I dont know if its the fear of pain ill endure, the fear of lonliness, the fear of abandoment, the fear of not having anyone, etc..... I know my mom also had this fear around the time my started, 28ish, yet hers went away on its own. MINE CONSUMES ME.
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

Im sorry you too suffer from this horrid fear How do we control the terror and just get on with life other peaple seem to handle it okay
i wish it would just go away
thank you for your reply
at least im not alone although i wish you did not have to feel this way

Angel; you are definitly not alone with this fear. I started being afraid just before my 70th birthday, and it seems to get worse every day. I have tried to discover the exact reason; fear of possible terrible .pain before dying, fear of the unknown, fear of leaving those I love, fear of being incapacitated, lying in a vegatative state. I really think the fear of the unknown is what frightens me the most. I do believe in God, but I don't have a strong religious background. I just want you to know that you are not alone,.....there are probably more people with this fear than we will ever know. My doctor has suggested that I quit reading the obituaries.

im so sorry you suffer from the fear of death too i would really like to swap emails if you would like to
do you believe in reincarnation or the other side?
i do and that helps some
best of luck to you

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[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 02-07-2003).]

oghhhhhhhhhh im so sorry you too feel this way
i wish there was something that could take away this horrid fear
Do you believe in life after death?
that helps me a bit
i have lots of books on the subject
bless you

I feel so badly for those who cannot enjoy life because of the fear of death. My suggestion would be to stay as busy as you can helping others. When we stop thinking of ourselves and put that energy into something else, we do not have time to worry. Also you must have a trust in the Lord to see you through. I am 68 years old and have enjoyed my older years as much as I did when I was younger. I have a sense of freedom that I never had when I was younger. I hope you can get some professional help and not let your last years go wasted. I enjoy every minute of mine and pray that you will too.

As I read through these posts concerning death and dying, it seems the common thread is fear, fear of the unknown. Something that might help is an honest examination of ones self. When did the feelings start? Were your relationship with others stressed? Were you seeking a way out of a difficult relationship? There may not be anything in particular that you can recall but just being able to find where you derailed from wanting to live and focused instead on dying may be a starting point. Being able to pinpoint the exact fear should help with how you will deal with it. No one is fearful for no reason, there is always a reason be it logical or not.

Allow me to enter this discussion. I have a deep compassion for those who fear death; both the death of loved ones as well as their own.

I can not identify with such fear yet I understand and feel compassion for those who suffer from it.

Each day I wake up, if indeed I do wake up, may be my day. I can hardly wait!

What I see around me in the beauty of nature as well as the beauty of love is such a loud testimony to me that there is a God Who designed it all. If this God is so caring to put such beauty into our lives as brief as they are, there can be no reason why He would provide less for the eternity that is left.

I don't wish to deepen your issues by high-lighting my joy. My only wish to to offer for your consideration other possibilities.

I can understand why people might feel hopeless, if they believe that this life we have here and now is all there is. But God did not intend this to be all....If you have a Bible, please read it....for those who trust in God...they can have eternal life in heaven. Please read the following verses in the 2nd half of the Bible.....John 3:16, Romans 6:23, Romans 3:23, then Revelation 3:20 & Romans 10:13. We don't have to fear death if we know God and his love.

I think this is a very common fear..but one we don't talk about. I think it's the fear of the moment of death we worry about. Will I have pain, will I know I'm dying..I'm not saying that there are no painful deaths..but as a nurse, I've seen a fair share of patients die, and was present at my mother-in-laws death..in all of the cases the period of time from life to death was almost unnoticiable one long breath and they had passed out of this world and on to whatever lies beyond..I am reminded of a verse from my favorite hymn at church "Be not afraid I go before you always come follow me and I will give you rest".

Most often the fear of dying is masking an underlying fear of life, or fear of regret...of approaching death and having regret over not living, regret over wasted years of being IN fear and doing nothing, doing nothing to overcome the fear or realizing that you did not have anything TO fear. But now it's too late, so you die with regret.

I believe from the day you are born your life is laid out before you. You cannot change what is to be. From day one , we are all part of this universe and everything in this universe dies at some point. I think everyone has a number and when that comes up it is your turn to go, just as our ancestors and theirs before them. Have no fear, you cannot change that you are going to die some day but your fear is probably how....

Perhaps a more salient point would be: If you could only know WHERE you were going to die; you could live for always if you never went there.

If you can believe that it is just up to a random or preselected "number" what the hell do we need crosswalks, doctors and hospitals for?

Esoteric musings are generally best when kept under wraps!

Yes i agree lol
If we knew where we were going to die we would stay away from there lol What is your biggest fear? thank you for responding

You people totally misinterpreted my statement. Your musing were uncalled for. I did not mean litterally a number but from the time you are born your life is mapped out for you by a higher being. The time of death or place we cannot control. It will happen, it is inevitable when it is supposed to.

Maude we were not talking about what you stated i actually agree with what you said and im glad someone feels and believes what i do i was just joking about where we die lol i really appreciate and respect what you said and thank you for you reply
angel

1goodgirl explained my thoughts. It is the
uncertains that give us problems. That is what we
tend to dwell on, not constantly, but at the times
we have "down" days, which we all have to an extent.
The best is to live everyday to the very fullest
unless you have a down day, than "oh well", but try
to pick up from there and enjoy every day that you
are here. We are only here for a little while. God
Bless!

I have some of that fear also but the fear is mostly a fear of making a fool out of myself screaming in pain during the final hours on this earth. I trust and believe in my Saviour Jesus Christ and I know he has a beautiful place for us in his Fathers house BUT, I love life through all it's ups and downs and don't like getting older as I really have had a wonderful time here on this earth for the last 54 yrs. I grieve for loved ones I have lost, grieve for those who never get this far to complain about their getting older and I grief for my youth in many ways. I'm angry at my body as it has been letting me down since I was 44 and it is spiraling when, in my head I don't feel any different than when I was 30! My life has been good for the most part even in these crippling age related diseases and I really don't want it to end but such is the Master's plan! I guess i'm not alone on this

I believe in life after death. I also from time to time fear the same as you do, but it also helps that I have a spiritual husband. When he puts it into perspective, it makes sense...make me teary eyed, but makes sense. Here's how he puts it. We are only temp. residents here on earth. When we get to Heaven, we feel so much better, we are happy and the way he describes it and what I have heard elsewhere also, it's a great place to be! Don't get me wrong, I am not embracing death, but, I do believe that when we go or loved ones go, they are much happier and healthier and I believe that they are our angels that can watch over us. The biggest thing that I think that I fear is if one of us goes first. I thought it would be conveinient if we could go at the same time (hopefully that will be MANY years away). I just have to think of the good part of it otherwise, I could worry myself into lots of health problems. Remember, when you are stressed or scared etc... that in itself can bring on health destruction, so do yourself a BIG favor and think happy thoughts....you'll extend your life! Hope this helps someone out there! God Bless you all!

My mother died of lung cancer at the age of 57. As the decline began, I had the fortune to sit down and talk about death and dying, and the fear of it, with her. She was a bold Christian, always strong and confident. Many took their strength from my mother.

My greatest fear at the time was that she might be afraid, but unable to share that with anyone because of our expectations of her to be unafraid. So I asked her. Immediately she said, "No". Then in a small child's voice said, "Well, maybe...a little."

She was allowing herself to be human....and I've never felt so humbled. God intends for us to be human. And He loves the honest doubter. That's simply (and not so simply!) where faith comes in. Ask God to increase your faith and ease your fears....He will answer!....franjo

If you waste your life away worrying about death, which happens to all of us and it is something we can't change, you'll never have any good times or memories. It sounds like you may be able to benefit from an antidepressant and take stock of the world around you. Chances are you will live to be a ripe old age and you should enjoy every second of it. Your fears are normal to a point, but they have to be put aside so you can live your life that you were meant to. The truth is, we come in to this life alone, and we leave alone, no matter how many people love us or are around us at the end. I'm sure you are a stronger person than you think, and barring any unforeseen accidents, you have a whole life ahead of you. Dying is part of all our lives and I want you to try to find someone to assuage your fears and maybe help you with some counseling and perhaps, medication, and you will feel like a veil was lifted from your shoulders if you will do this.

[This message has been edited by maryjom (edited 02-05-2003).]

[This message has been edited by maryjom (edited 02-05-2003).]

When I was High school age I couldn't imagine myself as old as I am (43). I look back and wonder where did it go. I was in the Army and during live fire exercise something told me to stop running and look at my partner. She was still firing live rounds right where I was suppose to be hitting the dirt. I was 19 then. From that point to now through everything I've been through I'm glad I made it this far. The look in my grandsons eyes (9 months old now) my son getting married (his own father couldn't even show up for it still mad from divorce) I have a great husband now. I think back now and thank God that I looked that day as I would have missed it all if I hadn't.

What an amazing topic...... "The fear of death" I too suffered from the fear of death early on in my life...I am now 45....It was somewhat amusing to me......afterwards....when I lost this fear....At one time in my life...I wanted to DIE.....but.....the FEAR......kept me from committing suicide? Wanna be in a real dilemma...? Have a desire in your life to die....but be too afraid of death to actually die? Anyway......I begin to have many moments in my life where I was consumed by panic attacks.....I just knew that something was wrong....I felt I was about to die...that increased the "fright" I was feeling...many times I have went to the emergency room... knowing I was about to die.....Many times....I could lie in bed.....and notice that my heart...just wasnt beating right.....man it would skip beats....then race....I couldnt sleep? I was a WRECK....One night.....I was almost asleep....and a panic attack hit..and I JUST KNEW that I was a goner.....I managed to get up....I went to the sink in the bathroom....begin to splash water on my face.....nothing helped....I had the STRANGEST sensation in my body.. as if ......life was leaving me.....My wife asked what's wrong....I said....I am dying....I can feel the life leaving me...I was TERRIFIED.......you know what ......though......I cried out to the one I had heard of so many times...but never really thought of....as such......I cried out to JESUS...DESPARATELY I cried to JESUS to save me....I was petrified.....I had heard about hell......I was scared of dying......I was in an awful fix. I cried out with all the desparation I had in me......THE FEELING passed... I went to bed.....that was in 1995....I am now.....an ordained preacher of the gospel of Jesus Christ....I dont force "religion" on anyone....Jesus never did...I can only give testimony of what I KNOW......I wont quote a bunch of bible verses...it wouldnt mean anything to you anyway.....But I can say this...CALL ON JESUS....not religion....not spiritual stuff......JESUS and JESUS alone...in desparation...will take away those feelings...I sleep like a BABY.....I havent been to a doctor.....since that night....When you learn about the differences.... in the body and spirit....and soul.....it's not the spirit and soul...that fear....its the fallen nature of the flesh......that fears death......I would love to chat with anyone that is open to hearing......I pray for you all....that have this fear......whether you believe in Jesus after life....or any of this....Doesnt matter to me.....cause you see.....I know....where I am going.....and I know why....I would love to share with whoever wants to know more....God bless you .....Randy Sullivan

I've been on prozac now for 14 years due to depression. But I must admit before being on prozac, I spent too much time being afraid of death.
Now I'm 58 and I'm talking about maybe having 20 good years left. None of us want to die. Who would want to leave such a wonderful life? But everyone does die. And we don't have a choice.
I'm not terribly religious so it's not religion that keeps me from worrying--. I watched my mother & father die and it was soo painful. And we always miss them esp. at the holiday time.
Maybe you should be looking into self relaxation methods. Really. My daughter does Yoga and meditation to calm herself down. Because your too young to let those thoughts overpower you. You need to enjoy life NOW.

I don't have a fear of dying. I am an 18 year old male and I read a few posts on this forum because of interest to see if I could help someone. Fear of death... we all go through it, I think the most common thing that people who fear death is, is that they believe they are alone in their struggle for survival and have to achieve everything on their own. My x-girlfriend, although never directly said it to me, talked about certain issues in her life where I can totally see that this is the way she felt. I have my depressed days and I have great days... thats life guys. As for one of the comments where someone said

"From the day we are born our lives are mapped out and God has chosen where we will die" (along those lines)

Simply put, I don't believe this. In saying this you don't believe in Free Will. I believe everything that happens in life is caused by everyones free-will. A baby getting alcohol-fetal syndrome then the mother being mad at God for giving her baby such a terrible disease. Everything that happens to us is caused by everyone's freewill in life; from what we watch on T.V, to what music we listen to and who we talk with. One thing I told my ex-girlfriend was that, what purpose could we fulfill in life if we carry this kindof weight with us? God wanted us to suffer with this kindof fear? no. Well, thats what fate is. I don't believe in fate. I make my own life and I will continue to grow and be a better person. I am a strong person who has been depressed and has been happy, and my only goal in life is probably to find the perfect lady to share my life with. As corny as that sounds and considering I am only 18 years old that is.

But reading some of things people have said, live your life... your friends, your family are all going through the same thing and you are no more intellectual or 'enlightened' for thinking this way. Everyone thinks about death in their life (I have before).

I will share a personal experience from my life: My family is Roman Catholic and I live in Alberta Canada, growing up we went to Church pretty much every Sunday... I have one older brother and an older sister. When I became a teenager (13-14), I was pretty much the only person out of me and my siblings that really paid attention in Church. Now my brother is 20 and my sister is 23 and neither have any interest in Church anymore and probably wont go regularily the rest of their lives. I had a kindof religious awakening when I was about 15, where I was more God-fearing and it made me a better person. I no longer judge people before knowing the full situation and I no longer feel hate towards people. My fascination with God grew from there and what I should be accomplishing in my life. Although, it scared me. Images of Jesus Christ on the cross and sacred pictures from that time intimidated me for some reason. My parents were one day watching a special on T.V about Stigmata, and this scared me quite a bit that I couldnt watch it or be near the room. They filmed people goign through it, etc. Yes, and I was 14-15 or something around there at this time. I was so scared when I went to bed that night that I feared if I opened my eyes in the dark I'd see these images. (Of course this passed in a few days). I see life so differently now, I base my life on being a good man, what my definition of a good man is. Noone knows everything about the higher powers that watch us, but it is like that for a reason. I do believe we have to be strong to succeed as a person in life, but it seems that people forget that you can draw strength from eachother... you are doing so by reading eachother messages on this board. You are not alone. Jesus calls us his brothers and sisters, we are equal. He washed the feet of his disciples.

I don't want this to turn into a battle of Life Vs Religion. My ex-girlfriend (I use her frequently because when I met her she was in a fragile state about what life was). I remember her and her friend saying that basically, "Life Sucks", it made me sad. I wish everyone could be as enlightened to life as i am now. Draw conclusions from experiences in life and become stronger. Be strong for your friends. Be strong for your family. We are in this life together, and many people would agree that its no fun to live in fear. Thats not what God wants for us. People have answers to some of lifes questions but the interpretations of those answers are our own.

Someone also said to basically put al lyour effort into other things so you won't think about it. I disagree, unfortunately. That does not work. We have to come to grips with our fears and find comfort in others and their messages. We need to research what is important to us in life and work towards that goal. For those who think this way and have kids... its not fair for your kids to have to suffer your pain, because obviously they do considering the severity of this fear which is present all daylong.

Simply put angel and others in the same situation:

You arn't alone in life. You are no more intellectual or enlightened for thinking this way. You have to come to grips that you will die and so will everyone on this planet at one point or another. You think after you die there will be pain? You cant escape dying, so embrace living. It'll help you and everyone around you.

-----

I dont use this particular board but if anyone would like to contact me for some reason : [removed].ca

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[This message has been edited by moderator2 (edited 02-27-2003).]

If you belive in the Lord he will take away the fear of death because when you die you live in peace, you become whole again no pain, no diseases and definately no fear.I look foward to the day I can meet my Heavenly father on the otherside and my worldly father will be there to greet me.I don't believe in reincarnation but I believe in resurrection. If you are a Christian and follw the works of God then you know that there is life in heaven."Death have no fear" The 23rd Psalms sums it up.

[This message has been edited by delrae4753 (edited 02-27-2003).]

Does Jesus care when my heart is pained
Too deeply for mirth or song,
As the burdens press, and the cares distress
And the way grows weary and long?

Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.

Does Jesus care when my way is dark
With a nameless dread and fear?
As the daylight fades into deep night shades,
Does He care enough to be near?

Does Jesus care when I’ve tried and failed
To resist some temptation strong;
When for my deep grief there is no relief,
Though my tears flow all the night long?

Does Jesus care when I’ve said “goodbye”
To the dearest on earth to me,
And my sad heart aches till it nearly breaks,
Is it aught to Him? Does He see?

Oh yes, He cares, I know He cares,
His heart is touched with my grief;
When the days are weary, the long nights dreary,
I know my Savior cares.

HE REALLY DOES CARE and CAN HELP!

Words: Frank E. Graeff, 1901.
Frank Graeff (1860-1919) went through some very dif*fi*cult trials. The per*i*od be*fore writ*ing this song was one of great de*spond*en*cy, doubt and phys*ic*al pain. When he turned to God’s Word, 1 Peter 5:7 gave won*der*ful com*fort: “He cares for you.” Af*ter med*i*ta*ting on that truth, Graeff wrote these lyri*cs, with the re*sound*ing af*firm*a*tion in the cho*rus, “O yes, He cares…”


[This message has been edited by Powlfamlee (edited 03-12-2003).]

I just turned 50 last week. and yes i have a fear of dieing.
I am a struggling Christian , with a lot of guilt about the lives i took in 1971-72
I enjoyed what i did at the time and that makes me feel worse now.
I soon felt i was wrong to do what i did half way around the world.
I think it was being hit in the face with a piece of pizza and booed when i returned that made me think i did wrong.
just something wrong about killing people half way around the world in there land just because they do not do, think , and run their government the way my government thinks it should be done.
there was no way these people would have ever caused me any harm.
so the fear of dieing is compounded by the blood on my hands.
I think i lost all faith in mankind on that day.
I stay secluded in my own compound and have never fit back in society.
I also take Prozac 20 MG , and Valium from the VA
this kind of feeling takes its toll over the years and make you numb and very callused about life.
So i wait for death and hope i somehow make it to heaven, that is the only way out!

Death is the only inevitable we are given in life, and that doesnt have to be a bad thing. The best way to deal with it that I have found is find a way to live on. Be important in others lives. Make a difference. When my time comes, I want people to be happy for the life I lead instead of dwelling on the fact that I am gone. I hope that this can help someone in some small way.

The only thing I fear worse than my own death is the fear of losing those that I love. I fear being alone, helpless, and without sufficient money or health insurance (which can be impossible to get if you have pre-existing conditions). I also fear being ill and having to undergo the tortures of medical treatment (I don't mean excessive end-of-life stuff, but rather the standard nastiness). Reading your responses have made me not feel so alone. I guess this stuff is sort of a universal condition and if life wasn't worth living we wouldn't dread the loss of it so much. For me, I try to keep up my curiosity about life and learning by taking classes and music lessons. This gives me other stuff to think about http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

There are now classes on Death and Dying that you can take on college campuses. Seniors can audit them for free if space is available. The point of these classes is to face death, talk about it, and be prepared. Don't have unfinished business or regrets. Take charge of your life and in death you will have control as well. Plan ahead, get your affairs in order, and then relax and enjoy what each day brings. We all think you have to be old to die, but children die all the time. Any of us could at any moment. We need to live each day to the fullest. I think the fears all stem from wanting to control what we can't. But there is a lot we can control, and if we are giving, loving people who are learning at all stages in our life, we feel content and can more easily accept the inevitable. Anyone who truly believes in God should not be afraid. They just couldn't.

I really hope those of you who are afraid can overcome this fear and enjoy the rest of your life. As for me, I am kinda interested in seeing what happens when you die. I am only 21 though, so I got a while to wait, lol. (I hope) You just gotta try to live everyday to it's fullest, and be active. It will help keep your mind from wondering and brewing up such horrible thoughts.

I never realised that this type of fear existed within a physically healthy person. I thought only people with severe illnesses, who know they only have weeks/month's to live, felt this way.

I'm 36 and i realise that's still a young age, but to be honest i'm too busy to even think of death. My job is fairly mentally draining and by the time i get home, cook dinner and do other things which need doing i just have a little time to do something relaxing before bed.

I have given "death" a thought and i tend to view it as a new adventure. I'm not overly religious, but do believe that there is something else for us after death and i believe in reincarnation. On the other hand, if this life is all that there is, then there's no use worrying about the end, just get out and enjoy what this life has to offer.

Possibly you are unhappy with the way your life has panned out and maybe you have regrets, but it's never to late to change things. Just because we age, doesnt mean we should be limited by a number. So long as you are physically fit, there is no limit to what you can achieve. I know of a woman in her 80's who still plays golf 3 times a week. We can't just sit around expecting to be entertained by others all the time, we have to get out and live a little ourselves to be entertaining to others also.

If aging and thoughts of death severely affect your quality of life you can always try counselling.

Originally posted by Semper Fi:
I just turned 50 last week. and yes i have a fear of dieing.
I am a struggling Christian , with a lot of guilt about the lives i took in 1971-72
I enjoyed what i did at the time and that makes me feel worse now.
I soon felt i was wrong to do what i did half way around the world.
I think it was being hit in the face with a piece of pizza and booed when i returned that made me think i did wrong.
just something wrong about killing people half way around the world in there land just because they do not do, think , and run their government the way my government thinks it should be done.
there was no way these people would have ever caused me any harm.
so the fear of dieing is compounded by the blood on my hands.
I think i lost all faith in mankind on that day.
I stay secluded in my own compound and have never fit back in society.
I also take Prozac 20 MG , and Valium from the VA
this kind of feeling takes its toll over the years and make you numb and very callused about life.
So i wait for death and hope i somehow make it to heaven, that is the only way out!
I am of your generation. Your words and feelings brought tears to my eyes. Since you regret and are sorry for what you did, I believe you are forgiven by God. However, I can imagine how awful it is to carry that around. You are a good and kind person and you deserve to live the rest of your life happy. I offer you my sincere best regards. Rebeckah

Wow...very hot topic...I guess because it seems that this is the one thing..besides our own birth, that we don't have control over.

I really don't want to sound like a religious idiot but my faith has caused me to not be so afraid. I see death as a huge, final experience. I actually see it as real life.

I have faith in Jesus Christ and he (as i choose to believe) physically conquered death. That gives me hope. This is an imperfect world and soon I will see the perfect one face to face. I must admit that I pray for my death (not 'to' die..but the way i die) and the way my family die. That it will be as peaceful as possible.

Hi,i worry alot about dying .I lost my Mom in feb..that was hard but she's better off...I am 52 ,my hair is streaked with gray,arthritus is tugging on my joints .I have smoked so long ,I of course have copd ,which is not good .My youngest daughter is mentally ill and I worry ,I will die before she's grown .It's sorta funny because when I pass a mirror and see myself ,I wonder where the years went ,my mind still feels like I am in my 20's...Things I could do 5 years ago ,I find I can't do now .I still have so much I want to do but am no longer physically able to do them .Dying ..yes I worry about it but I was with my Mom and she left this world so peacefully after suffering so long .Her last breath was like her release ,she looked beautiful ,the lines of struggle falling off her face .I am so glad I was there .I know that the Lord took her hand just as He will take mine (I hope anyway)..but i'm still a lil scared of the actual dying part .Thanks for letting me put in my 2 cents worth .

keri

death to me is some form of punishment and something that we cant run away from....i think of the people who know their dying and i feel so sad for them...and i can imagine the terror they must feel. Has anyone had a near death experience that they can share to help a troubled mind find some reassurance?
sunset

sunset...i did a huge research paper on near death experiences for two college classes. It was the most interesting research I've ever done, with lots of consistancies. If you'd like to know more, let me know.

I think it's tragic that a person is paralyzed with fear about death. The paradox about that is that it causes a person to not fully live. How sad and ironic!!

Hi Annie. I would certainly like to know more. Will you post? Romi. Originally posted by annie7:
sunset...i did a huge research paper on near death experiences for two college classes. It was the most interesting research I've ever done, with lots of consistancies. If you'd like to know more, let me know.

I think it's tragic that a person is paralyzed with fear about death. The paradox about that is that it causes a person to not fully live. How sad and ironic!!

yes Annie
i would be so pleased to hear more about your near death experience research please ...how do i get in contact with you?,,,this is what i have been looking for........research and interest in near death....thank you
sunset

I've been aware that we will all die someday since the age of 11, guess that's when it really hit me the hardest, it bothered me so much then that I used to cry alot. Now, I try not to think about it, 'cause if I did, I'd just feel miserable and sad, so I choose to ignore it, and choose to be happy, well, at least try to be happy. It's the only thing we can do. We can't dwell on it or it'll make us crazy.

This thread has been a wonderful read. I am 24 years old and share many of the same fears as the rest of you. The main problem I have is when I go to bed at night. My mind always tends to wander to things like this when there are no more distractions of the day. As others have stated, at this age I worry more about losing my loved ones than my own departure. It's good to know there are others out there who have these feelings as well. I think most people do, but shy away from bringing it up.

I totally understand you! I know this may sound rediculous to you & many others, but I am 21 years old & so scared that I am waisting my life away... I am afraid that I am just gonna wake up one day & be wicked old & so close to dying! These thoughts scare me b/c I want to be able to enjoy life while I can, not worry about this stuff.

I never used to think of this at all, then I had my daughter when I was 18 & I believe what brought these thoughts on was some mild post-pardom depression. That turned into anxiety, which started when she was a few months old. I was starting to see how fast she was growing & it seemed like time was flying no matter what I was doing! I used to feel like time went by so slow... but now I just wish it would slow down.

I wonder all the time stuff like what is the meaning of life? What is the reason we are here?? It seems like life is soooo meaningless!! All we do us work, work, work & there is a little play & fun mixed in there somewhere... oh, I wish I could just forget all that stupid s**t & move on, have fun while I can - b/c I am not getting any younger (LOL)!!

I feel so rediculous that I think like this. I have only told a few of my closest friends b/c I feel so embarassed! They were both like,"Just stop thinking like that, you shouldn't feel like that at all - you are so young!" Oh, how I wish it was THAT easy - to just STOP!! I just feel like they don't quite understand as much as they try b/c they don't have kids or anything, they just go out & have fun whenever they want.

Am I making sense to ANYONE out there??

~TeTr0

Let me tell you a true story. Over twenty years ago
my then husband and I were sleeping at his mom's house. We were staying 2 nights. The first morning
he said to me, "Susan, did you smell that flower smell last night?" and I said no; what do you mean.
"In the middle of the night" he said, "there was such a strong flower smell it woke me up. Do you want me to wake you up tonight if it comes back" and I said "yes!" So we went to bed the second time. Hours later he woke me up. "Do you smell it?" he asked excitedly. "Yes!" I answered. The window was closed , there were no flowers in the room. He said, "go away, Granny." The next day we told his mom and she said,
"Yes, Granny used to sleep in that bed."
After my mother died in '95 I was at the computer and suddenly the sweetest roses scent came through the air. It lingered just 10 seconds and vanished. I am positive there is life after death.

------------------
Best Wishes to All,
Susan Gene

[This message has been edited by SugSparkles (edited 08-19-2003).]

I have also had instances where I can smell the sweet fragrance of Carnations. I truly believe that it's a brief visit from my Grandmother who died in 1980. We took her a beautiful bouquet of fresh Carnations when she was in the hospital...she passed away while there. I have no fear of dying as I truly believe that a better place awaits us. I just wish my 81 year old Mother wasn't so fearful of dying. We need to know her last wishes when she passes, but she chooses not to discuss death, which makes it very difficult to make sure that we do what she wants. I just wish she would talk about her fears, so I could help her. But, she won't even do that.

I'm the opposite about death also. I don't fear it, and I've been through so many painful experiences in my life that I don't fear the pain of death anymore either. I'll tell you a brief version of my story.

I was once trapped in a fire while holding my 18-mo old son tight in my arms. I fought to save our lives by trying to break out of the bedroom window, knowing also that my 3-yr old was trapped in the room across the hall.

Delirious from smoke inhalation, I began beating uncontrollably at the window with my free fist. Suddenly I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and I froze. Something then took me by my hand and led me away from the window while whispering in my ear to stop fighting and accept that our lives were over. An overwhelming feeling of peace and tranquility flowed through my body from my head down to my feet, and any fear I had vanished. My last thought before everything went black was that of my little boy in the next room. I prayed he wasn't suffering.

The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes and my mother was standing over me. She told me I was safe, a fireman had saved me, and that I had been unconscious in the hospital for four days. My baby also survived, and we were both burned over 20% of our bodies. But my other little boy wasn't so lucky. He was burned over 80% and died.

It's 12 yrs later, and it was a long, painful recovery. I am somehow here, but I feel that I should not be. I was supposed to die in that fire. Ever since that night I feel I have lost my place in this world, except only to be here for my surviving son. I wish I could explain myself. I truly think my deceased little boy was the lucky one after all.

I will never forget that tranquil feeling, and am craving to experience it again. Deep in my soul I know that it will come to me some day and then I can finally live in peace forever.

[This message has been edited by susiejb (edited 08-21-2003).]

susiejb, I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you in this life. It really tears me up. You are a strong woman, this is something that will always be painful, but I beleive you will see your son someday. Yes I can relate to all of you that fear of dying, this is my biggest fear, I'm 44 and have been suffering from this for at least 7 yrs.I am trying the best i can, since death is inevitable, and I don't want to miss this life and be consumed with fear. But I figured out one thing. FEAR is fear of the unknown, and when you are faced with fear ,there is NO FEAR. When I was a flight attendant, my plane needed to make an emergency landing. Yes, I had a few tears, but other than that, I was strong, yes scared, but the dreaded fear actually goes away when you are in the situation. It is really true. So, even though many of us are afraid of dying, i'm sure when our time comes it will be peaceful. I have had a big problem with this issue, I'm still trying not to think of death and diseases. I guess embracing life every day like it could be your last is the only answer. My Mom passed away, she told me she would contact me if there was life after death, I miss her so, it hasn't even been a year, almost, but I have been waiting and waiting for her, a scent, a feeling , anything so I can know that she is ok and still seeing us. But nothing. I want to talk with her so bad. I still believe in life after death, but I sure wish I had some proof.............formerlsa

We are born & we die.

What we do in between is what makes us different. We each can make our destiny, it is not fixed at birth.

I have cheated & defeated death 3 times. I live each day knowing it can be the last one. Each day try to make someones life a little bit better, it will also make yours better.

We can fall down the steps & break our neck & die. Does that stop us from going down steps?

We can get hit head-on in a car wreck while going to church & die. Does that stop us from going anywhere in a car?

Live the life you have left. Take one small step to help someone else, then another.

G

Hi,

I can relate.

prudie

I generally don't read this Forum, but I caught this thread some time ago, and posted on it. I can't believe it is still going! No, that's not true, I actually can believe it. What does it say about us as a whole? There are some cultures that welcome death. (Not my culture!) I don't know where the years have gone....I will be 71 in November (Thanksgiving Day), and it seems I just turned 50. I have not done many of the things I wanted to do. They were always in the future; well, the future is now, or actually maybe even yesterday was the future. I get very depressed, not just about dying, it must be okay or so many would not do it. LOL!
I talk to God daily, even several times a day. I don't mean formal prayer, I mean I really TALK to Him. So far he has not answered me. I feel very alone in my fear, and I often have panic attacks. I had a near death experience during my hysterectomy in 1985, and it was not scary; it was very peaceful. So why can't I apply that to my life now? Is it because I don't know how long I have left? I really do NOT want to know this. I believe we are not meant to know it. However my will is up to date, and there are funeral instructions, and I have even written my obituary. Sad, isn't it? Where did I go wrong? I have a strong belief in God, I'm just not real sure about the here after....is this all I get? I have rambled way too long.....

It is gratifying to hear that others also think about dying and all of its implications. I am in the medical field and have seen death close up. It always amazed me that one minute there was a real live struggling person and the next there was nothing but an empty shell, which led me to believe that there had to be something more after death. I think about dying more now that I've turned 62, supposed retirement age...lol. I plan to work until I am 70 if my health holds up. I've all ready had a bout with cancer which was sort of strange because I never thought I had to worry about that. Being told I had a life expectancy of only five years was a real shocker to me and my wife. Fortunately, I've surpassed that 5 year limit so I look at every day as a bonus. I had a friend who had the same type of cancer I was diagnosed with and he had a saying that made a lot of sense to me and has stuck with me. Here it is: "Every day is a good day, and when the bad days come, I'll deal with them.". There is really nothing else we can do, so worrying about it is not going to help much except to make your good days miserable. We can choose to enjoy the good days and live them to the max or we can worry and fret and it will not change a damm thing. No one is getting out alive. Sure, I have a lot of regrets and I don't like getting older, and I don't like the arthritis and all of the other things that happen to our bodies as we age, but you can choose to take care of yourself and do the best you can or you can piss and moan about it and it won't do a bit of good. The biggest thing that bothers me about dying is not dying, but leaving those we love and care about behind and wondering if they are going to be o.k. without us. I believe that dying is the easy part. With all of the medicines out there, you don't have to worry about having a painful death. Pain control is no problem these days. I am an anesthetist, and I put people into a deep sleep which is as close to death as they will ever get every day. I have often heard it said that "Dying is easy, it's the living that's hard", and I believe that. I try to live each day as fully as I can and deal with the bad days as best I can. What other choice do I have? I have also found books or tapes by the Dali Lama to be very helpful for anyone who might be interested. Our time here is a gift, which we can choose to appreciate or not. Heredity may somewhat determine how long we may live, but not how well, that is up to us. I love life, and can't imagine how anything could be better, but that just goes to show how little I know. I try to concentrate on people, loving people and showing them that I care while I can. I don't worry too much about things because they are going to outlast me and I can't take them with me anyway. I just hope and pray that my loved ones will be o.k. after I'm gone. I guess maybe that's a little egotistical, but that's my main concern. I think dying is just God's wake up call.

------------------
R.J.

I was reading through this thread, and I can relate. Some things were very comforting to read. I don't know when I started thinking about dying. I guess that comes along with anxiety disorder. At first I obsessed about family and then somewhere along the line I started thinking about my own health and dying. I am only 25yrs old. And I didn't really think of it that much until my 25th birthday. I can't believe just how fast the last 10 yrs have gone by! And I know that the next 10 will go by even faster. I guess it is true that you are really thinking more about regrets. I too always felt that I have a stronger purpose here that has not yet been fulfilled. I am 25 and unemployed (laid off) and looking to go back to school again. I have an assoc. degree, but the field it is in is wasted. I still live at home and my boyfriend of 4 yrs still lives at home as well. I guess I get to thinking that I am going to get a late start on a career, marriage, children....especially when most around me have already reached that point. I am also very, very close to my mom. We went through a heck of a lot together when I was a kid and a teenager, when I was 10 we started a brand new life from scratch. (Alcoholic father) So, I can remember, even a young child, being scared to death of my mom dying. I would be so sad when she would leave the house for a fear that she may not return. My mom is only 54. In actuality, that is still young. And she goes to church every Sunday. When we talked about it before, she said that she has no fear of dying. The only thing that makes her sad is to think that my sister (10yrs older than me) and myself would be so sad and she is afraid that we will not cope. She said that she knows there has got to be something better on the other side than this earth and on the one hand, she is excited to explore it. I am starting CCD classes today and will be going to church every Sunday...so I hoping to get a new insight and maybe that will comfort my fears. My brother also had a heart attack almost 1 yr ago. And he was only 32. Of course...that only made my thoughts worse. He lives about an hour and a half away and I surely don't see him enough...even though he and I are probably the most alike in my whole family. I always seem to look at the glass as half empty...but I am hoping to work on that. I know life is too short to view it that way. But I just wanted to thank you all for some of your wonderful posts. They were very inspiring.

Laura

I have feared death since I was a child. Although, I think I fear losing a loved one more than fear of my own death. My dad suffered a heart attack this year and underwent quadruple bypass surgery. We almost lost him and it scared me to death. My mother and I were nervous wrecks until he came out of surgery okay. The thought of losing my parents scares me something terrible. Perhaps because I am an only child and I fear that I will have no one else once they are gone. We have a close relationship and I rely on them for a lot of things, emotionally. I do have a wonderful partner of over 5 years who I will marry some day but the thought of losing my mom and dad is so hard to even imagine as they are such an important part of my life.

I lost my grandmother last year and was very sad about it but she was very old and was not feeling too well in her final months. I miss her every day and wish I could talk with her but I can't, so I deal with it. I have one grandparent left and she is very healthy and happy. The thought of losing all my grand parents is very scary too. It just makes me realize that I am moving closer toward my own death.

I am not a very religious person but I am spritual, I believe in GOD and I do believe there is something out there after life on earth but I think the fear of the unknown is what really scares me. The thought of dying and just being dead and nothing ever happens again, is absolutely terrifying. If I definetely knew that there was something out there after death, I would probably not be so scared.

The only death I fear is that I lose my children before me or that I do not live long enough to see my girls become women.
After that it is bonus time, and I will be OK.

lol, I need to stop coming back here and looking at this topic, I'm only 17 and I'm scared thinking about it, I gotta go to bed so when I wake up I won't think about it.

I just turned 72 this year, and it's taken almost this long to come to a realization that has given me peace in most everything. I would pray to God and then felt put out when my prayers weren't answered. I then realized that I was angry because I didn't get my way. But it came to me His will be done on earth as it is in heaven, not my will. When I pray I now include "if it is your will Lord", please give me strength to handle whatever situation I need help with. I don't go to church since my divorce but God has helped me many times in my need. I have an incurable blood disease. The Doc says with the treatment I can have l5 more years of a normal life. But it could be less or more. I share a house with my daughter. We have no close family left and my regret is leaving my daughter behind. She has no children. But I don't fear death for my own sake. Have faith in the Lord and you will not fear dying. He will be with you. M

Don't be afraid of dieing it is a life process.
Think of it as something better than here , A place with lots of love and all the family members that had past away that you will get to see again .
The peace that your arrival in a new spare in a new life form ...an engery that is so beautiful and peacefull no more suffering ,no pain, no war ,no hardship, and above all no turmoil only peace .

There are lots of books on the subject that will guide you through process and your fear will go away by the knowledge of death .We enter this world and learn to breath our own air and we learn fear from others and fear is learned not given to by birth and it can be confronted with learning and by learning we come to terms with it . I know that death of a body is just that the body dies but the sprit goes on to a place to other than this world that we know and I feel that it is a beautiful place and that it is a learning place to grow and when we learn the lessons needed to be reborn again we shall be reborn once again in this world and do it all over and do it till we get it right.
I bleive that we have the chance to grow spritual and if you blieve in a higher power ( God) it would ease your pain and your fear will go away .

In my family death was never feared sure when a loved one dies we get sad because they are gone .but in a way they aren't because they are with us in mind we have memories that keep there sprit alive .

Please those of you who fear death try to see it in another way .
Pacy26

Sorry to see this message. Helen, don't let death depress you!

Death is a transition, a beautiful one at that. Read Elizabeth Kubler Ross' work on death and dying. The dying are at PEACE.

I hope to have a long life, but when it's time I will welcome the "end." I know the transition will be beautiful. The same universe that created us is there for us.

You've never been alone, Helen. You never will be.

Angel, I cant share thoughts, which are continous and disrupting my every day living. Im in the same boat as you, and cant understand it. Im afraid of death, a little about my death, and an overwhelming fear of those i loves departures. I dont know if its the fear of pain ill endure, the fear of lonliness, the fear of abandoment, the fear of not having anyone, etc..... I know my mom also had this fear around the time my started, 28ish, yet hers went away on its own. MINE CONSUMES ME.
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

zoloft helped me with fears

i had the same fears, death, unreality, along with others and zoloft helps me 100%

I just turned 50 last week. and yes i have a fear of dieing.
I am a struggling Christian , with a lot of guilt about the lives i took in 1971-72
I enjoyed what i did at the time and that makes me feel worse now.
I soon felt i was wrong to do what i did half way around the world.
I think it was being hit in the face with a piece of pizza and booed when i returned that made me think i did wrong.
just something wrong about killing people half way around the world in there land just because they do not do, think , and run their government the way my government thinks it should be done.
there was no way these people would have ever caused me any harm.
so the fear of dieing is compounded by the blood on my hands.
I think i lost all faith in mankind on that day.
I stay secluded in my own compound and have never fit back in society.
I also take Prozac 20 MG , and Valium from the VA
this kind of feeling takes its toll over the years and make you numb and very callused about life.
So i wait for death and hope i somehow make it to heaven, that is the only way out!

I just turned 50 last week. and yes i have a fear of dieing.
I am a struggling Christian , with a lot of guilt about the lives i took in 1971-72
I enjoyed what i did at the time and that makes me feel worse now.
I soon felt i was wrong to do what i did half way around the world.
I think it was being hit in the face with a piece of pizza and booed when i returned that made me think i did wrong.
just something wrong about killing people half way around the world in there land just because they do not do, think , and run their government the way my government thinks it should be done.
there was no way these people would have ever caused me any harm.
so the fear of dieing is compounded by the blood on my hands.
I think i lost all faith in mankind on that day.
I stay secluded in my own compound and have never fit back in society.
I also take Prozac 20 MG , and Valium from the VA
this kind of feeling takes its toll over the years and make you numb and very callused about life.
So i wait for death and hope i somehow make it to heaven, that is the only way out!

:) Hey my brother in Christ don't feel let down because of what you feel was sin. Repent and throw it as far as to the east to the west. What you say you have done so many do just verbally. Yes, there are lots of people like verbally say something wrong to each other and people can die over a broken heart just over The me and my big mouth. Wash off that blood on your hands because Jesus done payed the price. We are still in are fleshly bodies and our God is a very forgiving God and a understandable one, and at most a very loving one. Remember God did not give us the spirit of fear. So enjoy peace, love, and a sound mind and never give up the Faith. Faith is just believing and confidence in him on what he said he will do. He will never fail us because his promises is are true. Keep walking spiritually and don't let ***** attack you anymore. May God richly Bless you in many ways..:angel: