I'm going to be 52 this year. It has finally hit me that I'm not sure what I am doing with my life. I keep thinking I can start over and do what I want and then I remember how old I am. I started working again about a year ago and finally found a company I really like about 4 months ago. I only run labels from a computer program, but the money and the benefits are awesome. I know I should be happy I have a job. I had 9 brain operations within 2 years 14 years ago. I have a husband of 20 years who has stood by me through all of it and 2 boys (14 and 15) who are miracles in their own rite. I was operated on while pregnant with both of them. I have worked since I was 18 except for the times I couldn't when I was ill. I never finished college, but I learned quickly and well and was able to have some very good jobs. I am waiting to see if I have gotten the Human Resources Assistant position at the company I work for. This would be the job I've been working towards. One minute I feel I'll get it and the next I just know I won't.
Besides the job issues I've been dreaming about all the people in my past. I get very sad when I think about them and what could have been and all the stupid mistakes I've made.
I thought at this age I was suppose to be satisfied with myself and my life. I'm tired of being tired and sad and just plain 'ol blah.
Has anyone gone through this and survived? Have things gotten better or do I just learn to live with it.
Now that I have brightened everyone's day - thanks for listening.

Yes, I have gone through this self-renewal process. I see such personalized self-reflections as the stuggle for self-realization. A mature mind works toward a continuing self-development.

Metaphorically speaking, one begins to clean out the attic and basement of one's inner house, making room for more important and realistic life changes, as "The Nexus Experience."

C. G. Jung called the experience "the process of individualization," and Dane Rudhyar called the individualing experience "the process of personality development." These processes of self-development take decades of experience to realize as self-actualization.

Throughout our lives we collect a lot of baggage along the way, holding on to things we think we cannot do without; and then the time comes when we realize that a lot of what we thought we needed just is not worth keeping anymore; so we start to revision our lives in a more worthwhile and meaningful way as mindfulness.

And in other ways we realize just how well we did do under extremely difficult circumstances, how we survived such difficulties mentally and physically, and we start making amendments to our life experience by evaluating and discarding, "letting go" of the use-less items of our lives. We keep the more value-able experiences of our lives in mind, and we start looking for completions to the "no-things."

Through self-reflection we can glean a worthwhile life experience from what we have grown through by revisioning our past efforts, as future orientations and mindfulness. As for myself, I get a great deal out of reading novels or watching films dealing with science fiction themes in the now-present, as future aspirations.

H. G. Wells, Olaf Stapledon, and other Sci-Fi writers more or less show the way towards thinking in terms of "Eonic Consciousness." Such writers offer a broader perspective of our human horizons. "Taking The Quantum Leap of Consciousness" is a worthwhile way to stay current with the self-organizing universe, all the while aging gracefully.

No one can sanction your life better than you can.

[This message has been edited by chiron (edited 04-10-2003).]

Hi,

Yes you did brighten my day! It sounds as if you believe that opening your heart a little would bring everyone down. Nah. I feel much the way you described. I'm the same age as you, I've been very sad for a long time about the many people I've cut out of my life for stupid reasons, and for the many people that have cut me out of their lives because of my stupid behavior. I'm not trying to out-stupid you here. Just trying to say that you're not alone. And for me, not being alone in the world is a real step up. I don't know if there's anything that I could say that would really cheer you up, except perhaps that I can empathize, and that I hope that my life is currently in a transition for the better. I've noticed my priorities are changing; I'm becoming noticeably less self-centered. I'm finding reward in doing things for others, and in being helpful. It may not sound like much of life (I guess it isn't), but I've struggled like hell since I was about 18 to become rich and famous, and have utterly failed. I am anything but rich or famous. But life goes on and so must I; I have to do something with my time and I wish to make it something useful and of benefit to someone besides just me (had enough of just helping myself).

I don't mean to say so much about myself except to let you know that you and I are not the only ones feeling the way you described. It's uncomfortable at best, and can be pretty painful emotionally, but we will grow and learn. I feel that as long as I don't succumb to the urge for isolation, I won't fall into my self-pity trap (which makes me want to isolate myself even more). And if I don't do that, and I stay involved with other folks, I will continue to learn. And perhaps my best efforts will turn out to be those that I've been able to pass on to others.

Please stay in touch with us here on the boards.

Was wondering whether cnl2138 got the Human Resources job? and just in general how you are.

I know when people hit 30, 40, 50 years of age they tend to often look at life in retrospect. I guess it takes skill or just not caring to grow older and not give a damn, but we all have to go through the aging process.

I never realised till i read some of the posts how some people are totally afraid and depressed about various aspects of aging. I recently met an 85 year old lady who was a customer at my work and she was an utter inspiration. She just seemed so cheerful and even wore pink glitter lipstick!! She said she always made it a point to move with the times and keep up with what the youth of today wore and listened to music-wise. She admitted to having down days when she'd wake up in the morning and think back to the past, and would get a bit down and depressed. The moment that happens she said she never sayed in bed, but got up and went out. She was such a darling and i hope i end up with her attitude, actually just making it to 85 and being reasonably healthy would be magnificent!!

i turned 49 in april this year and i feel like you do
what is left for me now? i feel old yet i look young my life seems empty yet i have a lot of teenage kids living here with me
when i listen to their laughter i feel like its too late for me....im just too old......how do i stop feeling like my life is over///i suffer from agoraphobia and that keeps me trapped and caged into my own hell
each day i wake up scared to face the day
help can this kind of thinking pass..can we move on and be happy as we watch the passing years with regret for things left undone in our youth?...how can we stop the feelings of being too old stopping us from living?
is 49 too old?
peaches

I know exactly how you feel; the only difference is that I am 70. Do what you can now.

I too, am being more introspective. I've had some major eye openers in the last 2 to 3 years that have forced me to look at my life and have forced me to make the best of it.

The thing that gives me purpose in life is that i believe I am fortunate to have found my 'calling' AND am able to live it. The last three years I have been doing that. I started a very small inner city school and i am in my element. It's the most difficult thing I've ever, ever done, but the most rewarding! (putting it mildly) I believe it's a 'God' thing. The school is adamently based on love and trust. A student's prerequisite is that he/she HAS to WANT to be at the school.

I cannot tell you how this has come full circle and given me so much incredible satisfaction. I do it all for free. I work 5 days a week, 7 hours a day, for free. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm certainly no mother teresa. But, the wonderful power of God's grace is truly amazing in my life.

I encourage you to look into your heart and see what it is you really want to do---and go for it. In spite of lots of pain and obstacles, I love my life most of the time...You can too.

Hi everyone. I'm sorry I haven't replied to you all sooner. No - I did not get the Human Resources job, but a month ago I actually got a much better job, at more money and closer to home. I'm Administrator for a company here in my town. I guess the saying about there's a reason for everything is true.
I'm doing better. I don't seem to be quite as blah as I was in March. I'm still having the weird dreams and I'm waking both myself and my husband at night by screaming out and kicking alot. I have no idea what is causing it. I have a social security hearing this month. I had been on social security for more than 10 years, since my last brain operation. Then they decided I was "better". Somehow they seem to think that the fluid on my brain has just gone away and that the scar tissue and lesions all went away. I'm not trying to not work, but it's hard keeping a job when I don't know when the headaches are going to start or when I get a "seizure" episode with no warning. You know what I mean. But I finally have my hearing and if I'm approved they owe me my benefits for about 12 months and I'd be able to get my medical insurance (Medicare) back. As excited as I am about this job, I'm afraid that it will prove to be too much or that I'll screw it up and have to start all over again.
I'm not thinking about my age too much, at least not as much as I was. I was thinking I would take an online business administration course, but then I know myself and I don't really think I would actually follow through on it. One thing that drives me crazy about myself is that I can't decide how I'm suppose to look at this age. I don't mean "look" as in physical, but "look" as in hairstyle,nail polish, etc. One minute I just want to be myself, no age, and the next I have this belief I'm suppose to look "mature" or whatever. I don't think I felt like this when I was suppose to - as a teenager.
I still don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I'm perfectly content going to work, coming home and hiding out in the bedroom either on the computer or watching tv. I don't even spend time with my teenagers or my husband. Of course I spend a little time with them, but not as much as I think I probably should. They don't complain - well maybe the husband a little - but it doesn't seem right. It doesn't make me want to anymore, but it doesn't seem right.
So all in all - that is what is happening. Again I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. You have know idea how good you made me feel my replying to me.
I hope all of you are well and I promise not to take as long next time if you want to write again.
Thanks for listening and God Bless.


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Sorry to "eavesdrop" on this thread... I don't feel like I really belong here because I'm only 30. But what some of you are saying is really interesting, and it's giving me a lot of insight into a situation I'm dealing with right now.
My dad and I are extremely close. He is the only parent I've ever really had. He turned 51 recently, and for the past few months a change has come over him. He seems very withdrawn and depressed. He's not his normal self at all. He keeps saying he's getting old. All he wants to talk about is the past; the mistakes he's made and the things he wished he had done. He seems so different lately that I've been scared to death, afraid he's sick and doesn't want to tell me.
He's facing manditory retirement from the fire department soon, and I think that's contributing to his depression. I think he's wondering what the h*ll he's supposed to do for the rest of his life. He's also drinking a lot lately, which is something he's never done before.
Can any of you give me some insight as to how I can support or encourage him? Any of you who are around 50, and feeling kind of down about it... is there anything your grown children could do to cheer you up and help you get past these sad feelings? Any advice and/ or suggestions would be appreciated. My dad means the world to me, and to me he still seems young... it is hurting me to watch him feeling old and sinking into despondency, and I wish there was a way I could help him.
Pauline

Hi Pauline. I just read your post and I'm not sure if I will be of any help, but as you can read from my posts, I've been going through the same things. I'm not sure there is much you can do for your dad other than let him know you are there and you are listening and understanding. I do believe he will come around, but, like me, it may be ok one day and then the next 3 are the pits. It has alot to do with how you feel about yourself. I have a husband who keeps telling me how great I look and that I'm alot "younger" than others my age. BUT, it doesn't help me. I have to believe it myself. There are days I do and days I really don't. My new job has helped alot, but it was a long time coming.
He's lucky to have you - I have 2 teenage boys who do think I'm "old" and don't understand why I get so depressed at times. Hang in there with him - he'll be ok.

hi everyone,

i'm so glad i dropped in on this topic ... i'm 58, female, and for the last two years i've been thinking much as you think -- just reflecting on life, the mistakes i've made, how much better off i'd have been if i'd done this or that, instead of something else ...

i married young, an abusive guy (but that's the way i thought it was supposed to work!), got out of that marriage with a beautiful daughter and headed straight into another relationship, but meanwhile, i changed cities, got a job and learned to drive and bought a car and got an an apartment and my kid into nursery school, all in the course of six months -- i was flying! then i took some courses to get myself a better job ... i had it made! i too learned quickly and well, and got ahead thru' diligence and smarts ...

later, i married ... and then my health problems began -- a stroke in 1996 (young!), a brain biopsy (negative), several broken bones (i kept having bone density tests and no one told me i had osteopososis -- i'm recovering from a broken hip now), my thyroid stopped working, and for a while i could stand it, you know? my stroke left me minimally impaired (right-side weakness) and got me out of a stressful environment ... but lately ...

i also think well, i can start ag--oh, i'm too old for that, so i'll do this -- but i'm too old to take this course, and then i decided to do something i've been toying with for a couple of years now -- volunteer at a hospice ...

so as soon as my hip heals, and barring any other disasters (a real fear for me), i'll try it at the local hospital ...

also, i've been feeling fairly lonely lately and craving company -- gradually, my acquaintances have fallen by the wayside and i'm left with a (very) few friends, but it's not enough ...

so while i miss the challenges of my youth, and after wandering about aimlessly for a time, i may have found a gentler, quieter pastime that will give me back more benefit than i could have forseen ...

fascinating to see that others are facing the same moral dilemma as i -- wise words, chiron ...

my ex-husband used to say, "there was a man who longed to play the cello, and 10 years later, he still couldn't play the cello ..."

on this great journey called "life", i've realised one cannot take anything for granted -- who knew all this would happen to me? that i'd have all these health problems? that much of my life would be, if i decided it were so, a disaster? i'm struggling against that thought, but it's hard not being able to start again ..


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jinglebts
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hypo, DX'd march 22, 2003
life is not a dress rehearsal!

[This message has been edited by jinglebts (edited 07-10-2003).]

I have read that many people in the 50+ group have hormone imbalance & this can cause the problems you have. Have your doctor do a complete male/female hormone blood workup.

If everything is OK, then try making yourself go to a class of your choice at the local night college.

A change of pace from the work schedule.

G

Hi

Just found this topic/board.
I just turned 53 yesterday. Things haven't been good since I turned 50; these last 3 years have been very difficult; seems that I had some kind of life prior to that.

My mom died 3 years ago, the man I had hoped to spend the rest of my life with abandoned me about the same time, my period stopped, and seemingly my desire to live and pursue any interests stopped over time.

I have isolated myself; i do own my own house with 2 wonderful cats; they are my angels and am pretty healthy except for the fact that I have a substance abuse problem; with pain medication, in trying to numb my feelings of being depressed and alone at this age!

I have resigned myself to the fact that I will be alone and that's so sad. Even when a man expressed interest in me (for whatever reason recently); I could not fathom why-altho others tell me I'm pretty and look younger. i don't feel it, I don't think so ... and I just feel invisible.

I have not worked for 5 years. At first it was disability for pain, then depression/anxiety; so I've pretty much been out of the mainstream of society. I have done catsitting and massage therapy here & there...but that's it.

I probably could go back to work ...(maybe, Im not sure I have the confidence to interview); but I still dread gonig back to what I was doing. I feel I have also failed in the career department. I had so much potnetial and I've wasted it. And it's hard to start at 53, especially when I'm not sure what I want to do when I grow up.

I would love to have my youth back .... but I know I can't control that. Sometimes, I'm not sure I want to live and get old; altho a lot of people just say it's better than the alternative. sometimes, I just don't know.....

Thanks for listening.

Kitty

I know exactly how you feel. I just turned 52 years old this year. Right now I am going through menopause. Well, I was having hot flashes before, but only in my ears. I know, that sounds weird, but now I'm getting them pretty major, chest and arms. It's difficult to sleep. I had some major depression a couple of days ago, hormonal changes of course, my doctor prescribed Sarafem for those, it also gets rid of anxiety which is caused by the hormonal changes. At least the pills are not cumulative so I can take them on an as needed basis.

Now that I'm older I feel as you do, I ask myself, is this all there is to life, there must be more. As I age I guess I reexamine things more. I think everyone should ask themselves, is there anything in my life that I will regret if I don't do it? Mine was not finishing college, so at age 51 I went back to college. I go to school and am physically sitting in classrooms with 19 and 20 something year olds. Talk about a shock to my system. I keep thinking they are going to find out how old I really am, not that it really matters, but it would just make me feel old if they did, like I'm not on their level or something like that. Guess I'm not crazy about getting older, but then, who is right? There are others in my class that are in their 40's, so at least I usually have someone to converse with, and I feel a bit more normal then.

percokitty, I thought I was the only one who felt that way, not knowing what they want to do when they grow up, and here it is, I'm all grown up, and still wondering. I've at least given myself some direction to go in and am majoring in Marketing in college. I'm still not sure that's what I want, but at least it's a start. If you look younger than you are, companies are more apt to hire you for employment. They say they don't discriminate against older people, but believe me, they do, they just don't say it. I look younger too, plus I have a bubbly personality which helps me to appear younger. If you're not sure whether or not you can handle going back to work, try volunteering somewhere, see how you handle being out amongst people, then decide. No need to push yourself into something your not ready to do.

[This message has been edited by 3tbear (edited 08-05-2003).]

Pauline, I'm 52 years young, I say it that way 'cause I act like a kid, look much younger than my years. But, I worry about the job market too. If your Dad faces mandatory retirement, he could get another job, maybe not the same type of job, but something to keep him busy. Even working part-time at a burger place is better than staying home feeling depressed, at least he'd be out there serving the public, being needed. Men are different from women in that their whole being is based on how good they are on the job they hold. It's like a part of them, more than it is for women. It's like a piece of your Dad is being taken away from him. If he has enough money to get by on this early mandatory retirement, he should join some clubs, what are his interests? Or if you have a yard, take up gardening, many men do that. When my Dad was in his 50's his lost his job, had an awful time trying to find another one because of his age. He did finally get one, one that he was very happy with, a tiny company, which also hired a good friend of his. Things worked out. Your Dad could even go to school nights, learn a new skill. Many high schools have adult courses at night. Your Dad could start a lawn mowing service, many people use those, advertise in one of those free newspapers that comes to people's homes. There are so many things for him out there. He's still young. Today 50 is not what it was years ago. Tell him to hang in there and to maybe even consider at least one of the things I've suggested. It'll bring him out of the doldrums so to speak. I feel for him, I know it's hard losing a job, I have, but you do bounce back, I know I have. You just have to have faith in yourself.

[This message has been edited by 3tbear (edited 08-05-2003).]

I see I'm not alone. I wonder if people in their 50's who have a successful career feel this way too? Haven't heard from any of them !
I'm 59 and happily married for the second time.
My mother died in '95 then dad in '97. I divorced in
'85. Feels like it all happened at once. I wanted a career but with only two years college and a man of means wanting to marry me I gave in. I know it was the right decision for me; might not have been for someone else. I've been blessed with three grandchildren, have the material things but I too feel I've wasted some years. Not sure what I'll do with my sixties and hope I don't continue to plant flowers, email my friends and clean house. Maybe I'm lucky; maybe I'm stupid. I just don't know anymore.

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Best Wishes to All,
Susan Gene

I am sure all of us go through a little (or a lot) of depression as we age. When you hear "life goes by so quickly," it doesn't affect you when you're young, but suddenly you wake up and find you are past 60 (in my case, 67)and those words do ring true. In my case, I am fortunate that I look much younger and have been blessed with good health. But some mornings I wake up in a terribly depressed state. I was taking antidepressants for a while, but now I am trying to wean off of them. I take one-half of a Celexa daily.
I also have a wonderful treadmill that I force myself to use each morning (30 minutes). I listen to a rock station while I exercise, and it *does* lift my spirits. I also love my job, which helps.

I think the most important thing to remember about aging, along with having interests and hobbies, is to try to maintain a positive attitude. And I know that is sometimes hard, especially when we go through some trying times. And I would love to meet a nice guy who does not insist on dating only 30-year-olds <smile>.

TierniM : )

Hi all,

I just found this board today... and here's my story:

I'm 51 (will be 52 on April Fools Day!), am married to a VERY immature and insensitive man ... whom I'm planning on separating from, since he has no desire to work on the marriage or change ... I have Lupus, cfs, and fms ... and only 400 bucks to my name!

I need to get OUT of this house as we rent a very TINY OLD house in the middle of nowhere ... and we're now out of propane (no heat or hot water), owe the landlord $1,200 back rent ... and every day my husband is ruder and meaner to me than the day before.

If I go ... I have to find a room only, because it's all I could afford ... then have only 300 left until I could find a job .. and that's IF I can even work, since I get flu-like symptoms all the time without warning, and can't even seem to function at home let alone a job!

I've applied for SSI ... but have heard nothing yet, and it takes anywhere from 6 months to 1 year! So, what do I do in the meantime?

I have NO family or friends that want to help ... my church has been very unsupportive, and I get depressed off and on also.

I'm on Toprol to control rapid heartbeat ... I have MVPS and the Toprol makes me extremely tired ... add to that the exhaustion of cfs, and fms ... and you have one VERY pathetic woman!

NOW ... let's top that off with a cherry ... or shall I say a LEMON, and add the fact that my husband was with VERY young girls before me, met his first wife at age 14, and he was 22 in the Navy! Started cheating on her after 2 years ... with hookers in bars, etc. THEN started having sex with their 16 year old babysitter, and the was 32!!! He ended up leaving his wife a year later and moving in with the sitter for 4 years! He LOVED that part of his life .... as, as he put it, it was his fantasy come true!

He STILL gawks, stares and watches young teens ... and you can just see his admiration for them! It's quite sickening .. and even though I truly believe he's never cheated on ME ... it's just that he's also not happy with me ... and not able to have a relationship with a mature woman .. so you can imagine how THAT makes me feel about myself ... I allready feel crummy about being older ... and for the last 7 years I've felt I should be a teenager for him ... and that isn't possible ... so imagine how hard that is on me!

Also, he goes to his brother's house ALL the time, and works on race cars ... and guess who hangs out there? Why his nephews teenage girlfriends of course! They really like him ... and they all work on the cars together ... and the language there is crude and rude and just downright vulgar .. and his sister in law is VERY unfriendly to me... and pretty much ignores me while I'm there ... Jim insist's on being in the garage most of the time we're there ... and leaves me up in the kitchen with a woman who could care less about me and my sons and family. So, needless to say, I don't go there anymore .. but he insists on going there at LEAST 2 times a week, if not more.

SOOOOO .... I'm just literally trying to survive here, day to day right now ... angonizing over where I'll go and how I'll live ... and it's very traumatizing!

I HOPE I'll get through this ... but I tell ya, as stupid as it sounds ... I wish I could go back to a teenager sometimes ... if only to make my husband happy ... and be young again ... crazy notion I know, and some days I feel I have something to contribute, if only to be there for my sons ... but it's hard to hang onto that with all of THIS going on.

By the way, I lost both parents to cancer several years ago ... both sons moved to the other side of the USA ... and I can't see them, because I can't afford to go there. One is moving back here this summer, so that's SO good! About the ONLY good thing that's happening in my life.

I've been told I look and act allot younger than my age, and sometimes I try to tell myself that age is only a number ... but it's not easy to believe it.

HUGS to all ... I truly understand!
Dee

[This message has been edited by dd50 (edited 10-21-2003).]

Would it help us all, give us some faith, to think about the famous phrase from somewhere in the Bible, "They shall rise up with wings as eagles...renew their strength," etc.?

Some people change careers in middle age, to do what they should have chosen in their youth. Not quitting one job before having another, of course.

I strongly advise going out and doing something for others. Something you normally may have no desire to do. Or secretly send cash to someone you know really, really needs it. Volunteer at homes and help the old folks out or read to children in hospitals or foster care waiting facilities. Get your mind of yourself and put it all on others. That's truly what I believe makes us feel fulfilled inside because God designed us that way. Try it. When you're on your death bed, the fact that you've brought sunshine into someone else's life (lives) will be more fulfilling than ANY job you obtain. The work world will be forgotten. Hearts will be remembered.I'm going to be 52 this year. It has finally hit me that I'm not sure what I am doing with my life. I keep thinking I can start over and do what I want and then I remember how old I am. I started working again about a year ago and finally found a company I really like about 4 months ago. I only run labels from a computer program, but the money and the benefits are awesome. I know I should be happy I have a job. I had 9 brain operations within 2 years 14 years ago. I have a husband of 20 years who has stood by me through all of it and 2 boys (14 and 15) who are miracles in their own rite. I was operated on while pregnant with both of them. I have worked since I was 18 except for the times I couldn't when I was ill. I never finished college, but I learned quickly and well and was able to have some very good jobs. I am waiting to see if I have gotten the Human Resources Assistant position at the company I work for. This would be the job I've been working towards. One minute I feel I'll get it and the next I just know I won't.
Besides the job issues I've been dreaming about all the people in my past. I get very sad when I think about them and what could have been and all the stupid mistakes I've made.
I thought at this age I was suppose to be satisfied with myself and my life. I'm tired of being tired and sad and just plain 'ol blah.
Has anyone gone through this and survived? Have things gotten better or do I just learn to live with it.
Now that I have brightened everyone's day - thanks for listening.