kooky
09-26-2003, 03:46 AM
ok i kno ive never been the most popular person, but my life is getting to be too much! i just graduated from highschool and was accepted at UCLA. but my grants and scholarships did not cover my tuition and i ended up at junior college. this doesnt sound bad except for the fact that ive been in advanced classes and all my friends are all super smart. i am the only one of them that stayed in california and is going to a community college. all my friends left for the east coast. i still live at home b/c i own part of the house we live in, and my mom doesnt really want me to go. im really shy and its hard for me to make friends, even if someone is nice to me, it seems they are just being polite. my baby kitty died about a week ago... she was eaten by a coyote. my mom found her gutted a block away from our house and had a nervous break down. (she was the apple of our eye and my mom's surrogat child) the only person i had was my boyfriend to comfort me but he had to go back to pomona to study and work... his cell doesnt work and never has time to email me. im really really lonely and i hate my life right now. i have noone to lean on and it seems sometimes like no one cares about me. i miss my kitty, i miss my friends, i feel like a huge loosser and a failure at 18!!! even when people are nice to me its such a surprise and i always have to hold back tears. i love my boyfriend and i wish he was here, but he never calls anymore! whats wrong with me! why am i such a looser!!!!!!! please i know im pathetic but im slowly trying to get sick because of all the tension and crap i have going on.
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40somethingGuy
09-26-2003, 04:34 AM
I think you should set a goal for yourself & make it the focus of almost all your attention. To me it sounds like UCLA is where you belong. You're 18 & an adult in many ways. Your mom should be supporting you achieving that goal as it would be something to be proud of. Sorry about the kitty, that would suck for anyone, but if your mom took it that hard, she sounds pretty lonely & seems to maybe be clinging too much to you.
If you got grants, did you check into loans to cover the rest? My daughter graduated last December. She did her whole college years on grants & loans. I just finally paid off all my loans after being a flake for years, but I helped my daughter with some occassional expenses & emergencies, but she did it pretty much by herself. She has debt now, but also has a great job.
If you feel like you were meant to be at UCLA, you can get there. You didn't get all those grants for being a looser, so take courses this semester that will transfer for credit in UCLA, find a counseler over there to believe in you & a financial aid person, & just do it. If your mom won't let go & be an encouraging force in your life now for achieving your young adult goals, then don't discuss them with her. Don't let anyone hold you back. Give your self-esteem a major shot in the arm by choosing one small goal at a time & GO GET IT! Just take it one day at a time... make sure your acceptance is still good next semester, or next fall.. whatever, then get loans lined up, even get a job there in the summer & start getting geared up before classes start. You part own a house? When your gone, maybe your mom will want to rent a room? she will be less needy for you top hang around, & maybe your share will justify some rental incom... get her to refinance & pull some cash out, rates are low now... she could even buy you out of your portion to free up expenses for your tuition at UCLA... even get an investment property near campus from your mom buying out your share, live in it for 4 years, graduate, sell it for a profit... dream big & go make something of yourself while you're still young. You can wallow in self pity later, right now you are young, take the world by the tail & make it your playground! Where would this boyfriend be if you were in UCLA? If he don't have time for you, don't waste anymore on him. You love him? make him show you he deserves it... sounds like he's not doing that at the moment.
OK I'm all opinionated out... hope it don't come off as anything but the encouragement it was intended to be. :)
If you got grants, did you check into loans to cover the rest? My daughter graduated last December. She did her whole college years on grants & loans. I just finally paid off all my loans after being a flake for years, but I helped my daughter with some occassional expenses & emergencies, but she did it pretty much by herself. She has debt now, but also has a great job.
If you feel like you were meant to be at UCLA, you can get there. You didn't get all those grants for being a looser, so take courses this semester that will transfer for credit in UCLA, find a counseler over there to believe in you & a financial aid person, & just do it. If your mom won't let go & be an encouraging force in your life now for achieving your young adult goals, then don't discuss them with her. Don't let anyone hold you back. Give your self-esteem a major shot in the arm by choosing one small goal at a time & GO GET IT! Just take it one day at a time... make sure your acceptance is still good next semester, or next fall.. whatever, then get loans lined up, even get a job there in the summer & start getting geared up before classes start. You part own a house? When your gone, maybe your mom will want to rent a room? she will be less needy for you top hang around, & maybe your share will justify some rental incom... get her to refinance & pull some cash out, rates are low now... she could even buy you out of your portion to free up expenses for your tuition at UCLA... even get an investment property near campus from your mom buying out your share, live in it for 4 years, graduate, sell it for a profit... dream big & go make something of yourself while you're still young. You can wallow in self pity later, right now you are young, take the world by the tail & make it your playground! Where would this boyfriend be if you were in UCLA? If he don't have time for you, don't waste anymore on him. You love him? make him show you he deserves it... sounds like he's not doing that at the moment.
OK I'm all opinionated out... hope it don't come off as anything but the encouragement it was intended to be. :)
Want 2 B Well
09-26-2003, 09:58 AM
Kooky, let me say that there is hope. Have you ever been to counseling? Since you are in community college perhaps you can find a recommendation of someone to see to talk out your problems. It can be very helpful to talk to someone who is not connected with you so they can give you a fresh perspective.
You have reached a crossroad in your life and it won't be the last one. Figuring out how to handle "crossroads" will turn you into a successful adult. I am at one coming up on 40.
The previous poster is right about setting a goal for yourself and attaining it.
If UCLA is your goal, figure out how to make it happen.
Good Luck and I know that you can do it!
You have reached a crossroad in your life and it won't be the last one. Figuring out how to handle "crossroads" will turn you into a successful adult. I am at one coming up on 40.
The previous poster is right about setting a goal for yourself and attaining it.
If UCLA is your goal, figure out how to make it happen.
Good Luck and I know that you can do it!
MrsLee
09-26-2003, 10:56 AM
Hi, I just wanted to let you know I have felt that way before....you are not alone. I have felt this way before, but IT DOES get better.
The time period after high school when you are starting college is always an akward time. Your life is changing so much and it's pretty easy to get overwhelmed. PLease try not to compare yourself to your friends. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it's very true: you will not hang out with all these people for the rest of your life! I am 21 years old, a senior in college, and I don't talk to ANY of my old high school friends on a regular basis. That is how much your life will be changing.
Do what makes you happy, and if that is going to UCLA, then find a way to go there. It is very easy to get student loans if grants don't pay for everything. I agree that it's very important to set goals for yourself.
Someone once told me that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it. I try to remember this when I feel hopeless and depressed. I also agree that it would be a good idea to talk to a counselor. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings you need to sort out.
By the way, I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. I think it's normal to go through a grieving period after the loss of a pet. I am a cat lover and I know how sad it is to lose one.
Anyways honey, hold your head up, you can get through this. Take care and good luck!
The time period after high school when you are starting college is always an akward time. Your life is changing so much and it's pretty easy to get overwhelmed. PLease try not to compare yourself to your friends. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it's very true: you will not hang out with all these people for the rest of your life! I am 21 years old, a senior in college, and I don't talk to ANY of my old high school friends on a regular basis. That is how much your life will be changing.
Do what makes you happy, and if that is going to UCLA, then find a way to go there. It is very easy to get student loans if grants don't pay for everything. I agree that it's very important to set goals for yourself.
Someone once told me that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it. I try to remember this when I feel hopeless and depressed. I also agree that it would be a good idea to talk to a counselor. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings you need to sort out.
By the way, I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. I think it's normal to go through a grieving period after the loss of a pet. I am a cat lover and I know how sad it is to lose one.
Anyways honey, hold your head up, you can get through this. Take care and good luck!
drayasnhere
09-26-2003, 11:55 AM
KOOKY DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED LISTEN TO 40 SOMETHING GUYS ADVICE. HE IS OFFERING SOME VERY SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE. I AM A COLLEGE GRAD IN MY 30'S AND I WENT TO COLLEGE BY WAY OF GRANTS AND LOANS. SURE I OWE 18,000+ IN LOANS BUT I HAVE A REWARDING CAREER .I ENCOURAGE YOU TO PLEASE KEEP FOCUSED ON YOUR DREAMS OF GOING TO UCLA. HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE IN YOUR SELF. I TO WAS IN AP COURSES DURING HIGHSCHOOL. AS FOR THE BOYFRIEND FORGET ABOUT HIM YOU ARE YOUNG AND THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF GUYS OUT THERE. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR FUTURE ENDEAVORS. HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF.
Maxine
09-26-2003, 12:57 PM
You have so much to lookforward to. Enjoy every day. You will have easy days and hard days, but there is so much to look forward to.
Tigrazhia
09-26-2003, 03:25 PM
Time after highschool is very scary and can be depressing in many ways. You're out of the safe cocoon you've been in for most of your life, where you are guided through highschool etc like everyone else, without having to figure a lot of things out or having to make a lot of choices. It's a time where you find your path & figure out what you want to do with your life & it's scary.
After highschool, friends separate...but you will make friends in college that will be invaluable to you in the future, & probably stronger bonds will form than with a lot of high shcool friends because you're on a more mature level & you'll meet people with your own interests in same classes as you etc.
Also, junior college for 2 years might be a good idea. My sister in law went to junior college for 2 years to save money (then she could live at home & save), then she moved on to usc. She worked her butt off in junior college & since she too was of advanced classes & very smart, she picked up a lot of scholarships which helped her financially with the rest of her colleged education at USC.
If going to UCLA is really what you want, then talk to your mom about it. You want to get out, stand on your own two feet...apply for loans and get a job maybe to support living away & going to college, proving to your mom that you will help pay for your education & if you get loans & a job, your mom may not have to worry about supporting you.
My dad didn't want me to go to university when I got my acceptance letters either, but guess what. I went anyways. He just said he didn't see the need for me to spend money going to college far away when I could go to junior college nearby. I was heartbroken, I had really looked forward to going to college, move away & stand on my own two feet. I still followed what I wanted to do, & went off to the college of my choice & I'm happy I did.
Good luck, I know this is a rough time in your life. Focus on what you want & make the best of where you are at.
After highschool, friends separate...but you will make friends in college that will be invaluable to you in the future, & probably stronger bonds will form than with a lot of high shcool friends because you're on a more mature level & you'll meet people with your own interests in same classes as you etc.
Also, junior college for 2 years might be a good idea. My sister in law went to junior college for 2 years to save money (then she could live at home & save), then she moved on to usc. She worked her butt off in junior college & since she too was of advanced classes & very smart, she picked up a lot of scholarships which helped her financially with the rest of her colleged education at USC.
If going to UCLA is really what you want, then talk to your mom about it. You want to get out, stand on your own two feet...apply for loans and get a job maybe to support living away & going to college, proving to your mom that you will help pay for your education & if you get loans & a job, your mom may not have to worry about supporting you.
My dad didn't want me to go to university when I got my acceptance letters either, but guess what. I went anyways. He just said he didn't see the need for me to spend money going to college far away when I could go to junior college nearby. I was heartbroken, I had really looked forward to going to college, move away & stand on my own two feet. I still followed what I wanted to do, & went off to the college of my choice & I'm happy I did.
Good luck, I know this is a rough time in your life. Focus on what you want & make the best of where you are at.
brightstar
09-26-2003, 03:57 PM
Wow, you got into UCLA and got scholarships! That in itself is quite an accomplishment. I think you should talk to someone in the financial aid dept. there to see about getting loans/work-study to cover what the scholarships and grants don't. I know many people who went through all 4 or 5 years of college entirely on financial aid, it even covered their living expenses (dorms).
The first year out of high school is tough. I spent many nights my freshman year of college crying in my dorm room because I was so miserable. But I stuck it out, things got better and I just graduated with a master's degree (6 years later!). I also think that if going to UCLA right now just isn't feasible, going to a community college for 2 years is a good idea. You can get all of your general ed requirements (yes you still have required classes in college) out of the way for a fraction of the cost.
Good luck!
The first year out of high school is tough. I spent many nights my freshman year of college crying in my dorm room because I was so miserable. But I stuck it out, things got better and I just graduated with a master's degree (6 years later!). I also think that if going to UCLA right now just isn't feasible, going to a community college for 2 years is a good idea. You can get all of your general ed requirements (yes you still have required classes in college) out of the way for a fraction of the cost.
Good luck!
**Nessi**
09-27-2003, 09:30 PM
im the same way, im shy and it's hard for me to make friends. this year, out of all the classes im in none of my friends are in any of them. when we do things in a group im always the one left out and the teacher has to put me in a group. lately my friends have been buging me and trying to get me "un-shy" it's sorta helping, i made some new friends and people don't totaly ignore me. in class i just say wuts on my mind. if you do make new friends make sure you hang out with them alot. if you have different groups of friends like i do then you have to hang out with them all that way if you fight with one group of friends you can still hang out with the others and they won't consider you a complete stranger, or someone who isn't their friend. i don't know if im helping. just say wuts on your mind. be yourself. jusst if you have to take notes in class then ask one of your nice classmates if you can borrow their notes because you didn't get all of them. have confidence in yourself. motivate yourself. think of everyone who love's you instead of everyone who doesn't. think of your boyfriend and if he doesn't call you or you can't reach him don't think like he's doing it on purpose until you know it. also learn to be friends with guys. if you don't you'll never get another boyfriend if you want to or have to. lot's of people like you and probly want to be your friend. if someone tries to be nice to you and you just think to yourself that their just trying to be polite and you don't talk to them, then they won't talk to you. that's all i can really say.
just believe in yourself and motivate yourself http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif
just believe in yourself and motivate yourself http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/bang.gif