jamesk
10-23-2003, 12:01 AM
hi. i would just like to know what you think. i have what is considered as mild ceperal palsey on my right side.i am 20 and my step dad wants me to further my education. i get major right leg and back pains so i dont think i could hold a job due to the pain. he dont seem to understand how bad the pain is.the way i look at it if i go to school get a job then get fired because i cant do what i should because of my pain. whats the use.i would prob not be able to get back on ssi then. me and my g/f have talked about it and agree that it would prob be better if i stayed at home and took care of the house and she went to work. i am on ssi so it is atleast some income. i feel bad that she would be working and not me. but the pain gets so bad i need help in and out of the tub. it is getting worse as i get older so i dont know. if i did stay home and we have a kid later on then i be a stay at home dad. some ppl would think that i am beging lasy but i am not. just let me know what you think
thank you
james
thank you
james
Sponsor
tagger
10-23-2003, 12:23 AM
Too bad there's still such a stigma about stay at home dads! Why not?! One thing to consider though is if your pain will affect your caregiving to a newborn or toddler. Caregiving to a toddler can be very exhausting. It's the "hover" age. You rarely have a chance to sit down. You might need a "support network". Moms have this down pat. Playgroups etc. Dads are just recently getting the hang of it. Many a home parent will tell you that a desk job (with coffee breaks!) is easier than chasing an exuberant toddler around!
This is someting you need to look hard at before you make a final decision. If you do decide to be the stay at home parent you may take some ribbing, even in this day and age, so be prepared with some comeback lines!
So sorry for your pain. Hope everything works out...tagger
[This message has been edited by tagger (edited 10-22-2003).]
This is someting you need to look hard at before you make a final decision. If you do decide to be the stay at home parent you may take some ribbing, even in this day and age, so be prepared with some comeback lines!
So sorry for your pain. Hope everything works out...tagger
[This message has been edited by tagger (edited 10-22-2003).]
jamesk
10-23-2003, 12:29 AM
i have thought about if it would affect me taking care of a new born but honestly i think i would be better at that than a job due to part of income . if i can find a way to del with the pain than i be ok either way.i just dont want to take out of the house funds by getting fired and not being abel to get back on ssi. i dont know thou either way i do my best . thank you for your input
cattys
10-24-2003, 11:00 AM
Hi James.
I to have a chronic painfull condition. Do what you feel is right. It is your body and you know best at what your limits are and what you can and can not do. Do not worry what other people will think. They are not paying your bills.
Don't worry about people saying you are just lazy they have no clue what it feels like to be in pain all the time. I would give anything to have my old life back before I got RSD but that is not going to happen.
You do what you have to do. You are getting income right now and like you said if you go off ssi you will have a fight to get back on if the job process does not work out.
Best of luck on whatever you decide.
I to have a chronic painfull condition. Do what you feel is right. It is your body and you know best at what your limits are and what you can and can not do. Do not worry what other people will think. They are not paying your bills.
Don't worry about people saying you are just lazy they have no clue what it feels like to be in pain all the time. I would give anything to have my old life back before I got RSD but that is not going to happen.
You do what you have to do. You are getting income right now and like you said if you go off ssi you will have a fight to get back on if the job process does not work out.
Best of luck on whatever you decide.
MrsLee
10-24-2003, 11:14 AM
I'm sorry to hear you are in such pain. It sounds like your girlfriend is very supportive of you, and that is a good thing.
Your stepdad may be pressuring you, but remember, the decision is up to you and your girlfriend. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do.
I do not know a lot about this, but if an employer were to fire you because of your disease, I think it may be considered discrimination. The thing I do not know if whether or not cerebral palsy is considered a disability. But according to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), employers must legally make "reasonable accomodations" for someone with a disability, and cannot fire you because of this condition. And it cannot be used as a basis for making a hiring decision either. Employers cannot inquire about a condition until after you are hired.
This is just something I wanted to point out, if you do want to get a job and the fear of being considered lazy is stopping you. I wish you the best of luck in your decision. Take care!
Your stepdad may be pressuring you, but remember, the decision is up to you and your girlfriend. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do.
I do not know a lot about this, but if an employer were to fire you because of your disease, I think it may be considered discrimination. The thing I do not know if whether or not cerebral palsy is considered a disability. But according to the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), employers must legally make "reasonable accomodations" for someone with a disability, and cannot fire you because of this condition. And it cannot be used as a basis for making a hiring decision either. Employers cannot inquire about a condition until after you are hired.
This is just something I wanted to point out, if you do want to get a job and the fear of being considered lazy is stopping you. I wish you the best of luck in your decision. Take care!
Want 2 B Well
10-24-2003, 11:22 AM
I think you should listen to your stepdad. There are lots of jobs that can be done from home, esp. computer jobs.
You sound depressed. I know that chronic pain will do that to people.
Taking care of children is harder than going to work. Do not consider this as an option if you are that disabled.
If anything you are going to need an income from you to put them in daycare.
Please reconsider what he is saying.
You sound depressed. I know that chronic pain will do that to people.
Taking care of children is harder than going to work. Do not consider this as an option if you are that disabled.
If anything you are going to need an income from you to put them in daycare.
Please reconsider what he is saying.
jamesk
10-24-2003, 02:14 PM
thanks you all for the posts. i just want to find away to deal with the pain. but like i said if i do get a job and cant do my job as good as someone eles or something and end up getting fired than i would have no income. and most likely not be able to get back on what i got now for income. ill be honest i dont want to stay home but if it ends up that way than thats ok, i do what i can either way. yes my g/f is very helpful . we live together so it works out. and have since i was about 17. anyway thank you all again for your posts
James
James
jamesk
10-26-2003, 03:02 PM
thanks again for all your thoughts
jamesk
10-26-2003, 03:04 PM
thanks again everyone for you thoughts
eh
10-26-2003, 09:45 PM
i say stay on ssi because it's an income. you could make a great house husband. there's nothing wrong with staying at home and raising kids. it's a hard job. your wife will have to have a good job and make good money. maybey your girlfriend can go to college. if you and your girlfriend can have this agreement it can work. this is between you and your future wife although your step dad means well. raising kids is a full time job and you get many rewards, just not money rewards. talk this over with your girlfriend and see how she would feel being the main money maker. this does not make you less of a man but a man who knows the pain can keep him from holding a job. unless you come acrossed a doctor that can help you with the pain then you could consider going to college and getting a job. make a drs. appointment about the pain you are suffering from, maybey physical therapy or massage would help. try to get help for the pain and then make your decision. if you could manage the pain or if there is some way to get rid of the pain then it would be a different story on what to do for your future. see if you can find a doctor that deals with managing pain. hope i gave you some encouragement.
signed,
eh
signed,
eh
savysac
10-28-2003, 12:04 AM
I think you are putting the cart way in front of the horse here. Does your CP affect your learning? Do you have any interests that can transfer over to job skills? I think writing off your life to being a stay at home person is severely limiting yourself. Also, your girlfriend may think it is a great idea for her to work and you to stay at home now, but what happens if she changes her mind sometime in the future, when the reality of life hits her full on and she sees you at home all day and she has to go to work everyday to support you? Then you are stuck with a very small and limited income and no skills or training so you would not be able to get a job to pay the bills.
I find that it is very rewarding to be able to provide for yourself and your family. I too have severe chronic pain, I have been living withit for over 10 years, but I have to work or I do not eat and everything I have worked so hard for will be gone. I dont want to be homeless, and I think you wouldnt want to either.
As far as being considered lazy, unfortunately, many people, mainly other men, will look at you as lazy should you choose not to go to work. Self worth is one of the most important things a man can have, and if you are seen as lazy by others, your self worth will be very low.
You sound too eager to have your girlfriend do the work and you stay at home, and be realistic, if you are in so much oain that you cant type on a computer or answer a phone, how in the world are you going to take care of a newborn baby who is up every two hours and then a toddler who goes from morning to night? I say be a man and do what a man should, work.
I find that it is very rewarding to be able to provide for yourself and your family. I too have severe chronic pain, I have been living withit for over 10 years, but I have to work or I do not eat and everything I have worked so hard for will be gone. I dont want to be homeless, and I think you wouldnt want to either.
As far as being considered lazy, unfortunately, many people, mainly other men, will look at you as lazy should you choose not to go to work. Self worth is one of the most important things a man can have, and if you are seen as lazy by others, your self worth will be very low.
You sound too eager to have your girlfriend do the work and you stay at home, and be realistic, if you are in so much oain that you cant type on a computer or answer a phone, how in the world are you going to take care of a newborn baby who is up every two hours and then a toddler who goes from morning to night? I say be a man and do what a man should, work.
delrae4753
10-28-2003, 12:14 AM
there are many home based businesses that you can do and that too would be extra income
WarlordsLegacy
10-28-2003, 09:42 PM
Okay I am adding some more information on behalf of James, as he is currently having to stay in bed due to his back. His pain isnt alway constant and he does have a few great days then a few modest days and then of course those days he just cant get out of bed. He does have a learning problem and thinks he would have some some problems in going to school. He has graduated high school but only under special classes. Compared to a standard High school dimploma he would only be at a 6th grade level there abouts. If were were to have a kid later, definitly not any time soon we would have day care option available for those days where he would not be able to handle the stressors of having a kid. I do not have to worry about rent/land payments and am fixing to get some money saved up for me to go to school to get into nursing. What James is mostly fearing is trying to go to school and failing or passing then not be able to keep a job if his pain gets worse. HE wanted me to say to the person who mentioned a home business thing that the income isnt steady and since he is on SSI they would cancel that since he was working and there is a strong chance that it wouldnt not bring in money.
savysac
10-30-2003, 04:56 AM
warlordslegacy,
are you james' girlfriend?
how long has he been bedridden, you are right, with his situation, he should in no way jepordize his ssi income. i would have serious reservations if i were you about having him be the sole childcare provider if you were to ever have a child.
Forgive me if i seem like i am intruding, but do you have any disabilities, and if so, how do they effect your ability to work?
you obviously must love him to be talking of marriage and children, do you have a good support system such a family and friends? i ask because it is much easier to handle lifes little problems when you have the support and assistance of others.
goodluck to both of you, you sound like a very unique and special couple, it is a breath of fresh air to hear of a young couple such as yourselvs looking out for each other and wanting to take care of each other.
peace
are you james' girlfriend?
how long has he been bedridden, you are right, with his situation, he should in no way jepordize his ssi income. i would have serious reservations if i were you about having him be the sole childcare provider if you were to ever have a child.
Forgive me if i seem like i am intruding, but do you have any disabilities, and if so, how do they effect your ability to work?
you obviously must love him to be talking of marriage and children, do you have a good support system such a family and friends? i ask because it is much easier to handle lifes little problems when you have the support and assistance of others.
goodluck to both of you, you sound like a very unique and special couple, it is a breath of fresh air to hear of a young couple such as yourselvs looking out for each other and wanting to take care of each other.
peace
WarlordsLegacy
11-02-2003, 02:45 PM
Yes I am James' girlfriend. I have no disabilities myself except for some arthritis but it doesn't hinder me. I am fixing to start working and do not plan on having kids anytime soon and am taking all precautions agains that. Yes I have family that is supportive along with sevearl close friends. He is out of bed now but is still in pain :mad: For the4 years I have known him he has been in considerable pain at some point or another. I am helping him out as much as I can as far as feeling better etc. I am going to school in a little while to get into nursing etc so I will be in a good career path and be able to provide well for both me and him.
jamesk
12-01-2003, 09:10 PM
just wanted to say thanks again for all your posts .im still in pain but am moving around more
cattys
12-01-2003, 10:39 PM
James,
Best of luck to you.
Take care :)
Best of luck to you.
Take care :)
jamesk
01-02-2004, 03:36 PM
just wanted to update. iv been going thur thepy in november and since thanks giving i am doing it myself at home. it is halping in my range of motion but not really in the pain. i am dealing with it thou . thanks again
jamesk
04-21-2004, 12:49 PM
just an up date./ i am now trying to get off disappity. i want to get a job and i been doing good lately ..very little pain but yet bad days come to....anyway have an appoint ment with jobcorse ppl next mouth
ill keep you informed
james
thank you all
ill keep you informed
james
thank you all