difficulty with relationships [Archive] - HealthBoards Message Boards

blue cloud

10-06-2002, 04:29 PM

i was justy wondering if anyone with a PD has huge difficulty in relationships
if so how do you overcome this

i am struggling so much i dont want to hurt people and i hate being alone but i just cant get this relationship thing right as i hate them one minute and love them the next

any advice would be great

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Fuzzy Bear

10-06-2002, 09:16 PM

I'm very sorry that you are struggling :(

Blue, I don't have much good advice on this, but hopefully Tonya or someone will have more.

I too have difficulty with relationships, but it is mainly with people who are controlling. Can you relate to that?

If you could give me a bit more info about your swinging from love to hate I might be able to help you a bit?

Do you find looking BPD up on the internet helpful?
Perhaps Zafu could help with some good sites.

Sorry not to have been of more help :(
Really hoping that things get better for you soon. As Simby says, the truth is out there... :)

I'm ready to listen anytime,

love
Fuzzy

P.S. Koko, StarCat or Bev on the Depression board might be able to help you with this. Just a thought, but Koko said that her brother who has a different disorder thinks in black and white, which might strike a chord with you?

[This message has been edited by Fuzzy Bear (edited 10-06-2002).]

Fuzzy Bear

10-07-2002, 06:49 PM

Soft fuzzy hugs for you Blue

""""{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Blue}}}}}} }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}""""

Kaitie

10-11-2002, 05:30 PM

Hi! I have so many problems with relationships - its impossible to list them all. I can't stand putting my destiny on other people's shoulders - but I've found that as much as I can do - it really depends on having an understanding companion. You could try your darnest to act appropriately in a relationship - but you'll more than likely fault once or twice, and it's when you do have a bad day - that someone nice and understanding can make all the difference!

And as impossible as it is for me - giving my companion a little space now and again seems to really help both of us. I can't stand being alone and I have the horrible ideas that he's cheating, or having fun without me ect ect, but you just HAVE to do it.

The key is to remember that you and whoever your sharing yourself with - are TWO DIFFERENT people. What you feel might not be what they feel, and it'll be very hard for them to understand where your coming from sometimes....

All the best...

Kaitie

blue cloud

10-25-2002, 09:21 AM

thank you katie and fuzzy i am in a relationship at the moment but he is living about an hjours drive away he is also very busy so i only get to see him about once a week that may sound stupid but it is working i guess i just need to start slowly and build it up

fuzzy i do have black and white thinking very much although i am working in therapy on a grey area

i do hope you are ok fuzzy please post and let me know

katie you too

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love and bubbles blue

GingerL129

11-07-2002, 03:10 PM

I am not dating right now because I can't control my feelings sometimes either. Somethimes I think if someone was their I would feel better. Then again, my boyfriend dumped me a year ago. I have a huge fear of abandonment and he flat out dumped me. Then, he recently told me that he never loved me. To anyone who has BPD, can you understand what all of this could do to someone? He turned into a total meany head and he was the first guy I really loved. When it comes to relationships- I just don't know. But I thought I'd let you know you are not the only one out their with problems.

Good luck.

blue cloud

11-09-2002, 10:31 AM

i think relatioships at the best of times are really diffcult and with BPD it just lakes the whole thing about ten times as bad

i am so sorry what your ex did to you and i can completely understand how that can shetter your whole faith in relationships as it has also happened to me

do you find although he is being really mean you find it hard to let go of what you had together?

my relationship is going ok well as ok as my relationships get

i get mad at him and shout

then i tell him how much i love him and i am sorry

he forgives me

then i shout agian

well i hope things are getting a little better for you

minwax209

12-06-2002, 11:45 PM

ok...this relationship thing...i totally hear ya. I sorta explained it in a reply to another post. I can sometimes picture myself in a happy relationship with someone, but in reality, I cant. I cant do it. I get an overwhelming suffocating feeling when it seems like a guy's getting too close. I've totally felt like a freak about this for a long time with no idea what to do about it. Along with the suffocating feeling are sometimes really negative thoughts about the person even though they did nothing wrong. I wish I had some advice for ya...and I wish I could figure this out.
jennifer

blue cloud

12-07-2002, 07:56 AM

jenifer sometimes it just helps to know we are not alone so thank you for replying :)
i think i may try and go to some kind of relationship group to see if they can shed some light

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love and bubbles blue

carjol

12-21-2002, 03:21 PM

Hey there Blue and everyone,
I was diagnosed Bordreline Personality Disorder February 1997 and put on Paxil. 2 years later just about exactly my Husband left. He said he'd DIE if he stayed. Well, most of you can understand the CONFUSION and FRUSTRATION that comes with US being in a relationship. In 1999 I was checking out BPD sights on line and this one book was being recomended over & over again. It's "I HATE YOU - don't leave me! Understanding the Borderline Personality" by Jerold J. Kreisman, M.D.,& Hal Straus 1989 by Avon books NY,NY.USA. It explains violent mood swings, chronic depression & self-destuctive tendencies and much more.
I bought a copy and mailed my X-Husband a copy. That black & white thinking is commonly used to describe us. As I have understood it at least in my case there is damage to my frontal lobe of the brain which makes it often impossible to control my thoughts and feelings. Back in 1989 it says that there was an estimated 10 million sufferers of BPD living in America alone. "A Shockingly widespread affliction"
I hope this helps everyone with BPD or knows someone with BPD.

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Carol

blue cloud

12-23-2002, 06:43 AM

thank you very much for your post i also have this book but i have not even begun to read it yet as i guess im a little scared to read it and actually have to face up to the fact that there is something wrong :(

does anyone else have this 'denial' thing going on?

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love and bubbles blue