flowers12
02-08-2003, 01:53 PM
Ever since I can remember I never felt the desire to be anything i.e teacher,doctor,nurse. I always thought how boring to go to school for something and actually have that career your whole like. Well now I'm 39. I have "been" everything,jewlery designer,fitness instructor,owned a few little shops.You name it I've done it. Each and every time I start a new job I think to myself ok this will be it,I'll consistantly get up and go to this everyday. HUH. It's not that I get bored,I just need to switch. I wasn't as great as I thought it would be. I'm always looking.I need something great to look foward to.Party,christmas,vacation. If there is nothing in the near future I go a bit crazy. My temper is out of control. I'm set off at the littlest things. I have kicked in every door in my house.(frame and all) My biggest problem are my racing thoughts. I am always,counting,spelling,having comentary with other people. It's really bad.I also need instant gradification. Drinking,gambling,food etc. Does this sound like any of you. OH one more thing. I don't have any toleration for noise,verbal directions,messy house.I am overwhelmed my it all. Whats going on?????
[This message has been edited by flowers12 (edited 02-09-2003).]
[This message has been edited by flowers12 (edited 02-09-2003).]
Sponsor
chiron
02-09-2003, 10:59 AM
Your personal statements sound as if you are "Trapped In The Mirror."
Your account reminds me of the child who has psychologically learned to stack the blocks as high as possible, only to have someone else come over and knock them down. After so many repititions of this frustrating activity, the unknowing child learns to stack the blocks as fast as possible, only to knock the blocks down before someone else can knock them down for them.
It is a psychological game of paradoxical self-control and self-esteem. Eventually, one comes to realize that what one is doing is self-defeating and very frustrating.
What you have described in terms of a search for avocation, calling, or self-employment and personal satisfaction appear to be related to a "Jack of All Trades" personality, a creative artistic type who is searching for completion.
Give some thought to the possibility that you were raised in a boring, unappreciative, and unresponsive environ~mental circumstance, a situation wherein envy and jealousy played a part in never being satisfied with what you could do for yourself in terms of personal growth, self-development, and self-sufficiency.
Nothing was ever good enough in what you could produce for yourself. Perhaps a significant other was never satisfied with your "job-performance" while growing up; hence, you keep repeating your personal efforts as a means of finding satisfaction and approval.
You are constantly starting over, striking out, or kicking at the doors of your own perception of yourself. Metaphorically, the closed doors of your life never seem to open for you just like you would have them do.
Apparently, you are looking for a way out of your personal dilemma through your posting, a way of liberation from your self-entrapment, hoping and looking for a personal balance and resolution in your life experience.
Age thirty-nine is a major turning point in life, which may open the doors of perception into adult maturity and self-acceptance. One of the major psychological challenges offered in the adult realm is the personal opportunity to review and assess what you have accomplished in your life up to this point.
Successful life performance, personal happiness, and self-employment satisfaction do not come with or from a "lifeless" title or job description, but are the active reflections of what you yourself put into the self-employment activity.
Two films that metaphorically explore the "truths" of our lives in different ways are The Ninth Gate and The Tenth Kingdom.
Your account reminds me of the child who has psychologically learned to stack the blocks as high as possible, only to have someone else come over and knock them down. After so many repititions of this frustrating activity, the unknowing child learns to stack the blocks as fast as possible, only to knock the blocks down before someone else can knock them down for them.
It is a psychological game of paradoxical self-control and self-esteem. Eventually, one comes to realize that what one is doing is self-defeating and very frustrating.
What you have described in terms of a search for avocation, calling, or self-employment and personal satisfaction appear to be related to a "Jack of All Trades" personality, a creative artistic type who is searching for completion.
Give some thought to the possibility that you were raised in a boring, unappreciative, and unresponsive environ~mental circumstance, a situation wherein envy and jealousy played a part in never being satisfied with what you could do for yourself in terms of personal growth, self-development, and self-sufficiency.
Nothing was ever good enough in what you could produce for yourself. Perhaps a significant other was never satisfied with your "job-performance" while growing up; hence, you keep repeating your personal efforts as a means of finding satisfaction and approval.
You are constantly starting over, striking out, or kicking at the doors of your own perception of yourself. Metaphorically, the closed doors of your life never seem to open for you just like you would have them do.
Apparently, you are looking for a way out of your personal dilemma through your posting, a way of liberation from your self-entrapment, hoping and looking for a personal balance and resolution in your life experience.
Age thirty-nine is a major turning point in life, which may open the doors of perception into adult maturity and self-acceptance. One of the major psychological challenges offered in the adult realm is the personal opportunity to review and assess what you have accomplished in your life up to this point.
Successful life performance, personal happiness, and self-employment satisfaction do not come with or from a "lifeless" title or job description, but are the active reflections of what you yourself put into the self-employment activity.
Two films that metaphorically explore the "truths" of our lives in different ways are The Ninth Gate and The Tenth Kingdom.
flowers12
02-09-2003, 11:12 AM
Chiron,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my message. Your reply means so much. You seem very knowledgeable in this field. Is this from personal experience? Do you have any thoughts about the "racing thought thing"? Thanks you again. Flowers12
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my message. Your reply means so much. You seem very knowledgeable in this field. Is this from personal experience? Do you have any thoughts about the "racing thought thing"? Thanks you again. Flowers12
chiron
02-09-2003, 10:05 PM
Very early in my life I realized through an illness that one must find the optimal noise and speed level at which one can function well, and yet maintain one's mental and physical well being. I learned through my studies that the nature of racing thoughts are mainly about face, and in self defense.
As a student I came down with a case of mononucleosis with complications. I was so exhausted and stressed out from working day and night that I spent one week in the quiet and peacefulness of a hospital setting, a very calm and controlled environment.
When I returned to school I walked into the campus dining hall to get something to eat. The clanging of dinnerware and moving chairs and tables was deafening. The loud talking of students and professors who could not adequately hear what they were saying to each other was ludicrous.
My nervous system was immediately overloaded by all the clamor of that uncontrolled moment. My thoughts were racing as I felt unnerved. Shocked to my senses, I had to get up and leave right away for I felt as if I were going to lose it mentally and emotionally.
I walked out of the dining hall in order to maintain the calm and peaceful composure that I had gathered in the hospital setting. Once outside, I knew that my "racing thoughts" and "nervous dis-position" were the product of my environment, an ever increasing state of non-sense, noise, and speed.
I realized then and there that an uncontrollable environmental level of confusion was detrimental to one's nervous system and mindfulness, not to mention one's overall health.
Awakened to my environment, I increased my knowledge through advancing my understanding of human psychology and meditational techniques. Exploring calming meditational practices as Self-Hypnosis, Aikido, Zen, and Yoga, I learned to understand the psychobiological nature and limitations of my nervous system, and how to develop an observing self.
As a student I came down with a case of mononucleosis with complications. I was so exhausted and stressed out from working day and night that I spent one week in the quiet and peacefulness of a hospital setting, a very calm and controlled environment.
When I returned to school I walked into the campus dining hall to get something to eat. The clanging of dinnerware and moving chairs and tables was deafening. The loud talking of students and professors who could not adequately hear what they were saying to each other was ludicrous.
My nervous system was immediately overloaded by all the clamor of that uncontrolled moment. My thoughts were racing as I felt unnerved. Shocked to my senses, I had to get up and leave right away for I felt as if I were going to lose it mentally and emotionally.
I walked out of the dining hall in order to maintain the calm and peaceful composure that I had gathered in the hospital setting. Once outside, I knew that my "racing thoughts" and "nervous dis-position" were the product of my environment, an ever increasing state of non-sense, noise, and speed.
I realized then and there that an uncontrollable environmental level of confusion was detrimental to one's nervous system and mindfulness, not to mention one's overall health.
Awakened to my environment, I increased my knowledge through advancing my understanding of human psychology and meditational techniques. Exploring calming meditational practices as Self-Hypnosis, Aikido, Zen, and Yoga, I learned to understand the psychobiological nature and limitations of my nervous system, and how to develop an observing self.