weez
09-29-2003, 06:29 PM
Hi - I'm not at all sure that this is the right place for my post - but I thought I'd begin here at least. I have a younger sister who is 36 and I would like to figure out what is wrong with her. Here are some of my observations - plus observations from close family and friends.
1) she has been "different" since she was a young child - maybe 5 or 6 - argumentative, selfish, manipulative
2) still lives at home with my mom at age 36 and uses every excuse there is so she doesn't have to move out - tried to commit suicide every time my mom seriously asked her to leave (these attempts were not very "serious" - took 50 asperins and called her best friend)etc.
3)got an associates degree at college yet still doesn't have an established job or career
4) has poor social skills - won't sit around and chat with relatives at Xmas for example - just goes off by herself. Also has trouble 'reading' people and the general situation
5) tends to go on and on about things that the listener could care less about - called me up to tell me about her new face cream and listed all the 200 or so ingredients
6) has always had trouble with men - never been married or had very many long-term relationships - even though she's VERY attractive
7) has no hobbies and only 1 or 2 aquantances
8) has had lots of plastic surgery and talks about wanting more though she can't support herself
9) is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She went to about 50 different walk-in clinics and got many prescriptions for Vicodin.
10) has stolen my moms jewellry and sold it - recently charged $5000 to my moms VISA and had the statements sent to a PO box number
11) I have 3 other sisters who are totally normal and we were raised in a great family. As I said she has been weird and difficult since she was very young and it has just become more serious with age.
12) she lies A LOT
13) has poor attention span - can't read a book or follow a movie
14) she thinks that she's normal and always has a TON of excuses to defend her behavior.
15) drives around with a ton of old trash in her car - seriously - old, old food containers and crap everywhere, covering everything - it's shocking actually!
This is just the tip of the iceberg - I could write a book. She has sought psycological help in the past but according to her nothing has really helped - she was treated as having depression, bipolar and BPD (which she told us was later ruled out) and none of the meds really helped much.
ANY advice or how to proceed would be appreciated.
weez
[This message has been edited by weez (edited 09-29-2003).]
1) she has been "different" since she was a young child - maybe 5 or 6 - argumentative, selfish, manipulative
2) still lives at home with my mom at age 36 and uses every excuse there is so she doesn't have to move out - tried to commit suicide every time my mom seriously asked her to leave (these attempts were not very "serious" - took 50 asperins and called her best friend)etc.
3)got an associates degree at college yet still doesn't have an established job or career
4) has poor social skills - won't sit around and chat with relatives at Xmas for example - just goes off by herself. Also has trouble 'reading' people and the general situation
5) tends to go on and on about things that the listener could care less about - called me up to tell me about her new face cream and listed all the 200 or so ingredients
6) has always had trouble with men - never been married or had very many long-term relationships - even though she's VERY attractive
7) has no hobbies and only 1 or 2 aquantances
8) has had lots of plastic surgery and talks about wanting more though she can't support herself
9) is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She went to about 50 different walk-in clinics and got many prescriptions for Vicodin.
10) has stolen my moms jewellry and sold it - recently charged $5000 to my moms VISA and had the statements sent to a PO box number
11) I have 3 other sisters who are totally normal and we were raised in a great family. As I said she has been weird and difficult since she was very young and it has just become more serious with age.
12) she lies A LOT
13) has poor attention span - can't read a book or follow a movie
14) she thinks that she's normal and always has a TON of excuses to defend her behavior.
15) drives around with a ton of old trash in her car - seriously - old, old food containers and crap everywhere, covering everything - it's shocking actually!
This is just the tip of the iceberg - I could write a book. She has sought psycological help in the past but according to her nothing has really helped - she was treated as having depression, bipolar and BPD (which she told us was later ruled out) and none of the meds really helped much.
ANY advice or how to proceed would be appreciated.
weez
[This message has been edited by weez (edited 09-29-2003).]
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KTUC
10-06-2003, 11:30 AM
It sound like your sister may have a serious mental illness in addition to some personality disorder traits.
Does she have a case manager? You can have her evaluated at a psych ward the next time she throws a fit or threatens suicide, and get a case manager assigned. A case manager would not only be a go between with a psychiatrist, but can help find a sheltered environment for your sister.
I think if your sister kept working with a psychiatrist, not a PCP, on meds, she would find some that help, but you never know if you don't take them as prescribed.
You have a serious problem on your hands and your ma isn't getting any younger. Which one of you is lined up to take over? Hmm I thought, so, so better get busy!
Does she have a case manager? You can have her evaluated at a psych ward the next time she throws a fit or threatens suicide, and get a case manager assigned. A case manager would not only be a go between with a psychiatrist, but can help find a sheltered environment for your sister.
I think if your sister kept working with a psychiatrist, not a PCP, on meds, she would find some that help, but you never know if you don't take them as prescribed.
You have a serious problem on your hands and your ma isn't getting any younger. Which one of you is lined up to take over? Hmm I thought, so, so better get busy!
KTUC
10-06-2003, 11:35 AM
PS.
I am talking about a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, or a family doctor. If you get her a case manager, her psychotropic meds will be supplied at no cost.
I am talking long term, lifetime interventions for your sister. Believe me, every state in this country has help for people with serious mental illness, such as you discribe.
I am talking about a psychiatrist, not a psychologist, or a family doctor. If you get her a case manager, her psychotropic meds will be supplied at no cost.
I am talking long term, lifetime interventions for your sister. Believe me, every state in this country has help for people with serious mental illness, such as you discribe.
weez
10-14-2003, 02:33 PM
Thanks for your advice. It's going to be hard to help her since I am in a different country (she's in Canada)but I'll keep trying.
weez
weez
Redhead23
10-15-2003, 09:19 AM
Sounds like a personality disorder, although more severe cases of ADD (you mentioned poor attention span) if left untreated and unsupported can also lead to very similar symptoms (and is often misdiagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder), especially in combination with learning disabilities and problems like conduct disorder (CD) and Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD).
mouse62
10-17-2003, 04:48 PM
It doesn't sound all that different from how I was up to my 30s:
"1) she has been "different" since she was a young child - maybe 5 or 6 - argumentative, selfish, manipulative"
-- this one I wasn't -- I was very shy quiet good student a bit eccentric and odd though
"2) still lives at home with my mom at age 36 and uses every excuse there is so she doesn't have to move out - tried to commit suicide every time my mom seriously asked her to leave (these attempts were not very "serious" - took 50 asperins and called her best friend)etc."
I moved out at 24, back in at 26, out at 27, briefly back at 29 (3 months), out again and back again at age 31. Moved out to start family at age 32 and have been on my own for 9 years. I ODd and cut myself a few times but not with suicidal intentions (more to alleviate emotional turmoil)
"3)got an associates degree at college yet still doesn't have an established job or career"
I got a BA at 22, worked in field from 22 - 28, then dropped out until age 37.
"4) has poor social skills - won't sit around and chat with relatives at Xmas for example - just goes off by herself. Also has trouble 'reading' people and the general situation" that sounds like me
"5) tends to go on and on about things that the listener could care less about - called me up to tell me about her new face cream and listed all the 200 or so ingredients" my poor husband listens to my stuff
"6) has always had trouble with men - never been married or had very many long-term relationships - even though she's VERY attractive" well, I was with another nut for 7 years if that counts, before I straightened out in my 30s, now have been with husband for 9 years
"7) has no hobbies and only 1 or 2 aquantances"
This one seems strange. I have only a couple of friends too, but I have always had tons of hobbies -- the ONLY time I didn't have hobbies was when I was an active drug addict.
"8) has had lots of plastic surgery and talks about wanting more though she can't support herself"
well no plastic surgery here but I would spend money on clothes and beauty treatments even though I would miss paying bills!
"9) is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She went to about 50 different walk-in clinics and got many prescriptions for Vicodin.
10) has stolen my moms jewellry and sold it - recently charged $5000 to my moms VISA and had the statements sent to a PO box number"
Maybe she is still using? Because I too was an opiate junkie, and even stooped to conning money from my family -- once I got clean in my early 30s, my life turned around.
"11) I have 3 other sisters who are totally normal and we were raised in a great family. As I said she has been weird and difficult since she was very young and it has just become more serious with age.
12) she lies A LOT
13) has poor attention span - can't read a book or follow a movie
14) she thinks that she's normal and always has a TON of excuses to defend her behavior.
15) drives around with a ton of old trash in her car - seriously - old, old food containers and crap everywhere, covering everything - it's shocking actually!"
Of the final few, I can relate to the trashy car, I am very messy and go into a panic attack when I try to clean a room or the car.
I have been diagnosed with depression with bouts of anxiety since getting clean 9 years ago. 99% of my bizarre behavior in life was while being whacked on drugs. That's my guess about your sister -- she has never learned to deal with reality.
"1) she has been "different" since she was a young child - maybe 5 or 6 - argumentative, selfish, manipulative"
-- this one I wasn't -- I was very shy quiet good student a bit eccentric and odd though
"2) still lives at home with my mom at age 36 and uses every excuse there is so she doesn't have to move out - tried to commit suicide every time my mom seriously asked her to leave (these attempts were not very "serious" - took 50 asperins and called her best friend)etc."
I moved out at 24, back in at 26, out at 27, briefly back at 29 (3 months), out again and back again at age 31. Moved out to start family at age 32 and have been on my own for 9 years. I ODd and cut myself a few times but not with suicidal intentions (more to alleviate emotional turmoil)
"3)got an associates degree at college yet still doesn't have an established job or career"
I got a BA at 22, worked in field from 22 - 28, then dropped out until age 37.
"4) has poor social skills - won't sit around and chat with relatives at Xmas for example - just goes off by herself. Also has trouble 'reading' people and the general situation" that sounds like me
"5) tends to go on and on about things that the listener could care less about - called me up to tell me about her new face cream and listed all the 200 or so ingredients" my poor husband listens to my stuff
"6) has always had trouble with men - never been married or had very many long-term relationships - even though she's VERY attractive" well, I was with another nut for 7 years if that counts, before I straightened out in my 30s, now have been with husband for 9 years
"7) has no hobbies and only 1 or 2 aquantances"
This one seems strange. I have only a couple of friends too, but I have always had tons of hobbies -- the ONLY time I didn't have hobbies was when I was an active drug addict.
"8) has had lots of plastic surgery and talks about wanting more though she can't support herself"
well no plastic surgery here but I would spend money on clothes and beauty treatments even though I would miss paying bills!
"9) is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. She went to about 50 different walk-in clinics and got many prescriptions for Vicodin.
10) has stolen my moms jewellry and sold it - recently charged $5000 to my moms VISA and had the statements sent to a PO box number"
Maybe she is still using? Because I too was an opiate junkie, and even stooped to conning money from my family -- once I got clean in my early 30s, my life turned around.
"11) I have 3 other sisters who are totally normal and we were raised in a great family. As I said she has been weird and difficult since she was very young and it has just become more serious with age.
12) she lies A LOT
13) has poor attention span - can't read a book or follow a movie
14) she thinks that she's normal and always has a TON of excuses to defend her behavior.
15) drives around with a ton of old trash in her car - seriously - old, old food containers and crap everywhere, covering everything - it's shocking actually!"
Of the final few, I can relate to the trashy car, I am very messy and go into a panic attack when I try to clean a room or the car.
I have been diagnosed with depression with bouts of anxiety since getting clean 9 years ago. 99% of my bizarre behavior in life was while being whacked on drugs. That's my guess about your sister -- she has never learned to deal with reality.
weez
10-18-2003, 09:25 PM
Thanks so much!
You know ADD is a possibility (at least as part of the problem)- both MY sons have it. And it does tend to hand in hand with poor social skills, drug abuse etc. I'm definately going to explore this further.
I am definately starting to wonder if she's still "on something - drug wise" or was until recently. We just found out that the majority, if not all of the charges on my moms cc was from drug stores and from a medical clinic. She claims to go to a substance abuse clinic where they give her drugs to reduce her addiction cravings - my other sister drove her there once recently so that part is true. According to my sis (the one with problems) she just started doing this out of the blue because she felt old cravings. I don't know what to think anymore.
Thanks again,
weez
You know ADD is a possibility (at least as part of the problem)- both MY sons have it. And it does tend to hand in hand with poor social skills, drug abuse etc. I'm definately going to explore this further.
I am definately starting to wonder if she's still "on something - drug wise" or was until recently. We just found out that the majority, if not all of the charges on my moms cc was from drug stores and from a medical clinic. She claims to go to a substance abuse clinic where they give her drugs to reduce her addiction cravings - my other sister drove her there once recently so that part is true. According to my sis (the one with problems) she just started doing this out of the blue because she felt old cravings. I don't know what to think anymore.
Thanks again,
weez
Leanea
01-08-2004, 11:14 AM
If she wants to live that way and she's in another country how does that affect you and how have you tried to help her??
marj
02-05-2004, 08:36 AM
A few questions:
Does your mother continue to support her ways, despite her record of being less than accountable for her life?
Does she believe there is anything wrong with her life? What are her goals?
What really bothers you about her situation?
I'm asking these questions not to be merely adversarial, but to establish some boundaries: Your mother, hers, and yours. We all would like our loved ones to lead the best life available to them, but it is not one's place to dictate what the terms of that life might be. If Mom doesn't like the situation, but doesn't know how to change, you can suggest some tought love to help Mom establish her boundaries.
God bless and good luck!
Marj
Does your mother continue to support her ways, despite her record of being less than accountable for her life?
Does she believe there is anything wrong with her life? What are her goals?
What really bothers you about her situation?
I'm asking these questions not to be merely adversarial, but to establish some boundaries: Your mother, hers, and yours. We all would like our loved ones to lead the best life available to them, but it is not one's place to dictate what the terms of that life might be. If Mom doesn't like the situation, but doesn't know how to change, you can suggest some tought love to help Mom establish her boundaries.
God bless and good luck!
Marj