Yamaha_Kid
08-31-2003, 01:14 PM
Ok, I was hoping somebody could give me some insight as to what is wrong with me, if something is wrong with me. I wonder if I have an avoidance personality disorder or something else and what I can do about it. This is why I think I have this.
Ever since I can remember, I have always been a very shy, withdrawn kid. All through elementary to high school and college(which I still attend). I had just a handfull of friends because I never talked to anyone. I dint have a girlfriend or even kissed a girl till i was 17. And even then they would have to talk to me first when its usually the other way around. Now Im in my early twenties and still the same. At work, I rarely talk to my co-workers which I have worked with for almost 2 and 1/2 years.I try to avoid people when i can so I wont have to talk to them. I know this is not normal behavior, I often wish I was more social but I cant.
This has always been a hard thing for me to talk about. I think this may have been cause by my childhood. Because I was always teased about being a fat kid. I have alot of bad memories from school and even relatives. Well, thats about it....thanks for reading.
Ever since I can remember, I have always been a very shy, withdrawn kid. All through elementary to high school and college(which I still attend). I had just a handfull of friends because I never talked to anyone. I dint have a girlfriend or even kissed a girl till i was 17. And even then they would have to talk to me first when its usually the other way around. Now Im in my early twenties and still the same. At work, I rarely talk to my co-workers which I have worked with for almost 2 and 1/2 years.I try to avoid people when i can so I wont have to talk to them. I know this is not normal behavior, I often wish I was more social but I cant.
This has always been a hard thing for me to talk about. I think this may have been cause by my childhood. Because I was always teased about being a fat kid. I have alot of bad memories from school and even relatives. Well, thats about it....thanks for reading.
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TroubledYouth
09-01-2003, 03:27 PM
i hear ya...im not to sure that its APD i have really bad social anxiety. and what you just described is what i have exactly, either way you should see a dr and find out a good way to help out.
hope things work out its really tough
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-When life gives ya lemons, squeeze em in someones eye until you feel better-
hope things work out its really tough
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-When life gives ya lemons, squeeze em in someones eye until you feel better-
Yamaha_Kid
09-02-2003, 01:44 AM
Hey, thanks for your input. Your right , I probably need to see a shrink or something.
Redhead23
09-02-2003, 06:47 AM
WOW you sound just like me, I'm female and 25 though. It all depends on the reasons why you don't talk to people, are you just shy, don't you know how to talk to them (or what to talk about) or do you not feel the need to talk to them at all?
There are many reasons for not having tons of friends, and many reasons behind the causes of shyness, social anxieties etc.
Personally I'm an only child but I used to be outgoing as a smaller child, it was only in school etc. that I walled myself in because of rejection and misunderstandings, and I just couldn't connect with the shallow unimportant stuff people talked about and the whole "how are ya", "who fancies whom" thing of teenagehood.
I later found out that I may have trouble with social cues, body language etc. which is probably why for a long time I never understood why people didn't *get* me/found me awkward, and also why I often felt rejected just because people didn't openly say "I like you" (most communication is nonverbal so if you don't *get* that, you struggle with social situations).
I now have few friends but they're good ones, I'm happy on my own but I lost some of my anxieties and insecurities. I'll never be a party animal with loads of hangers-on but to be frank I don't want that either!
Just remember though it's better to have a few good friends than a huge circle of aquaintances who don't are about you at all!
[This message has been edited by Redhead23 (edited 09-02-2003).]
There are many reasons for not having tons of friends, and many reasons behind the causes of shyness, social anxieties etc.
Personally I'm an only child but I used to be outgoing as a smaller child, it was only in school etc. that I walled myself in because of rejection and misunderstandings, and I just couldn't connect with the shallow unimportant stuff people talked about and the whole "how are ya", "who fancies whom" thing of teenagehood.
I later found out that I may have trouble with social cues, body language etc. which is probably why for a long time I never understood why people didn't *get* me/found me awkward, and also why I often felt rejected just because people didn't openly say "I like you" (most communication is nonverbal so if you don't *get* that, you struggle with social situations).
I now have few friends but they're good ones, I'm happy on my own but I lost some of my anxieties and insecurities. I'll never be a party animal with loads of hangers-on but to be frank I don't want that either!
Just remember though it's better to have a few good friends than a huge circle of aquaintances who don't are about you at all!
[This message has been edited by Redhead23 (edited 09-02-2003).]
Yamaha_Kid
09-02-2003, 10:33 AM
Man, im also an only child!!! Im 23 and I think Ive done prety good for myself considering. Yeah, as far as talking to people, is not because I dont want to. I would like to be more social, not a pary animal like you said, but just normall, not the shy quiet kid nobody knows anything about!
Redhead23
09-04-2003, 06:11 AM
LOL the curse of the only child!!! ;)
Then again as I said when I was a kid I was outgoing, it was only "beat out of me" (not physically tho!) at school.
Unfortuantely I have no magic formula for becoming less shy, I'm still terrible but more content with my very small circle of friends nowadays. I do however try to act more open when I'm out and there are others at the table, like I try and look them in the eyes when talking to them (or between the eyes that helps if you can't stomach looking people in the eyes), try to pay equal attention to everyone in a group (instead of just focussing on one person next to me or the person I know best) and so on.
Then again as I said when I was a kid I was outgoing, it was only "beat out of me" (not physically tho!) at school.
Unfortuantely I have no magic formula for becoming less shy, I'm still terrible but more content with my very small circle of friends nowadays. I do however try to act more open when I'm out and there are others at the table, like I try and look them in the eyes when talking to them (or between the eyes that helps if you can't stomach looking people in the eyes), try to pay equal attention to everyone in a group (instead of just focussing on one person next to me or the person I know best) and so on.
misanthrope
09-10-2003, 10:40 PM
Wow, you sound just like me! I am a 21-year old male and I do not have many friends. I find it hard to socialize with people and I am often intimidated by others. I think deep down inside, I fear rejection. Terrified of it, in fact. I have been rejected a lot of times in my life. I feel that most of my best friends have ditched me. As such, I have very few friends now and I just can't make any new ones because I'm scared that I might get rejected again. I am also a really shy guy, even as a kid, so this makes my problem even worse.
I don't want a lot of friends, I just want a few really good friends. I want to talk to people, but it's as if I purposely avoid talking to people at the same time. I feel like a walking contradiction 24/7!
I recently started to see a shrink and he told me that I have social anxiety and depression too. He prescribed an anti-depressant for me. He said that I should also engage in talk therapy. But I went to see him today (my second appointment ever), and we didn't really talk. I was in there for 30 minutes and there was a lot of silence.
I don't want a lot of friends, I just want a few really good friends. I want to talk to people, but it's as if I purposely avoid talking to people at the same time. I feel like a walking contradiction 24/7!
I recently started to see a shrink and he told me that I have social anxiety and depression too. He prescribed an anti-depressant for me. He said that I should also engage in talk therapy. But I went to see him today (my second appointment ever), and we didn't really talk. I was in there for 30 minutes and there was a lot of silence.
AnF16
10-23-2003, 10:17 AM
ditto...
how long u been on the anit-depressant for misanthrope?
how long u been on the anit-depressant for misanthrope?
fancyface22
12-03-2003, 01:42 PM
I am 28yrs old and I have the same problem, not being able to talk to people. I guess it started in elementary school and all during high school and college. I had a few friends when I was in high school, but now I don't have any friends and I have never had a boyfriend. I think that I am just afraid to talk to people. I really do want to talk to people, but when I get around them I won't say anything. I get so upset because I am this way, which is making me depressed. I go places people can look at me and tell how nervous I am even if I feel that I am not, that really makes me feel bad because it is something that I don't want them to know. I thought that I would have grown out of it or something and things would have gotten better, but they only seem to be getting worst.
mouse62
12-24-2003, 11:35 AM
I'll chime in here too. I got used to being treated as a weirdo and dumped arbitralily by so-called friends through grade school and high school.
Then I was lucky enough to find like-minded companions from age 19 through this past year.
When I look back, I do see how I contributed to the problem. The number one thing, which HAS changed over time, is that I felt there was something terribly wrong with me that other people could see right away and then they'd reject me. So if someone spoke to me of course I looked away from them, stammered, etc.
Now I expect to be accepted and liked for who I am. Now my problem is anger when it doesn't happen.
I admit that I must have been "gifted" with social anxiety from an early age. Because when I was treated with Prozac for depression in my early 30s, a happy side effect was that I felt happy to join a crowd of people for the first time in my life.
Then I was lucky enough to find like-minded companions from age 19 through this past year.
When I look back, I do see how I contributed to the problem. The number one thing, which HAS changed over time, is that I felt there was something terribly wrong with me that other people could see right away and then they'd reject me. So if someone spoke to me of course I looked away from them, stammered, etc.
Now I expect to be accepted and liked for who I am. Now my problem is anger when it doesn't happen.
I admit that I must have been "gifted" with social anxiety from an early age. Because when I was treated with Prozac for depression in my early 30s, a happy side effect was that I felt happy to join a crowd of people for the first time in my life.
bsimons14
02-24-2004, 12:04 AM
Not everybody's a chatter mouth. If your a dude don't worry about it. Men don't need to talk to much.
Sharing your feelings is really just something women do to make them feel better about themselves.
Sharing your feelings is really just something women do to make them feel better about themselves.
Athousandtears
02-25-2004, 10:34 PM
Redhead08 you sound aheck of a lot like me wow i might have that too
so now i have Bi-polar,paranoia,add,socialphobia,schizoty pal,and now APD ohhhh what next? :rolleyes:
so now i have Bi-polar,paranoia,add,socialphobia,schizoty pal,and now APD ohhhh what next? :rolleyes:
realphx52
04-21-2004, 02:29 PM
my brother made all my friends hate me last year, i currently have one friend and every day i try to hurt my brother in some way. we are both 15 but hated eachother our whole lives