Rita, I see you have caused a lot of emotion on this board. I would like you to read this because I honestly think you want help but your abrasiveness won't let you bring those walls down. Anyways, I think beyond psychiatric help, you and your husband need to contact your local police and ask for resources for domestic violence. You are abusing him physically, mentally and psychologically. Not only is your life being ruined, but you are ruining his. What you are doing is against the law. The emotional scars you are giving him will not heal unless you put in a real effort to stop what you are doing and get real help. There should be state-provided help available. While I can see you are frustrated and have given into the anger, you have to get involved in some program where you continually work on your behaviour.

I want to share with you a story of an old neighbourhood friend. The couple was married and had three grown children. The wife was always so miserable to the husband, I don't think I ever saw her smile. She continually berated him in public, never spoke to him like an equal, she did nothing, etc. etc. Eventually, after 30 years of marriage the husband left her and got remarried to her best friend. Yeah I know ouch! The original wife became this pathetic woman who would spend hours phoning all the neighbours trying to conjure up sympathy. Nobody felt bad for her because we all knew how horrible of a person she was. She eventually retreated and turned to alcohol. She became such a bad alcoholic that she went on disability from her work as a long time health care provider. Her alcoholism worsened to the point that the grown children stopped contact with her. After a couple of years, the one daughter went to see her mom, and the house was infested with bugs and she couldn't even care for herself. There was human feces everywhere (in her bed, on the floor). She lost all her dignity she didn't care anymore. She has been put in a home because she is such a harm to herself.

I am not telling you this to be a b*tch, but I am telling you that if you continue this destructive behaviour you are going to spend the remainder of your life a very lonely woman. Eventually your husband will clue in. He may not physically leave, but you will not have his love for long. I would encourage you to get some help. Going on this board is a great first step, but you really need to take it further. Your anger and impatience is not acceptable. If your husband was to leave you would need to get over the impatience and get a job. You would have to do what we all do to survive. I wish you the best of luck.