Two years ago I was diagnosed as being depressed with bipolar tendencies. I have always suffered from major depression, and there are times when it gets severe enough that I actually think I'd be better off dead. I have never carried out with those thoughts, I'll just tell myself how dumb I am for thinking such things. Is it possible for someone to be bipolar but have the depression part more often?

I am currently on 20mg of Lexapro, but it seems to give more mood swings, and somewhat of a "high". I can't get myself to sleep at night (mainly because I sleep during the day)...unless I take something to help me sleep. I have tried to take the pill at night, but it still caused me to stay awake at night and feel weirded out all day long. Anyone else on this and get the same results?

When I woke up earlier I felt pretty darn good, but now almost 2 hours later I am already feeling depressed. And I know within the next hour or two, maybe sooner, I will be ready to hurt the person who looks at me the wrong way or says something wrong. It's like I can feel my moods changing before it even happens. Is that possible?

In the past, and sometimes now, I have had a problem with hurting others (ie: slapping, punching, kicking) just for the hell of it. But now that I have kids I have controlled some of that, because I don't want them to think I will harm them. Could this be an anger problem or is it part of being bipolar?

Also, my mind is always running. You'd think I was on speed or something with the way I think. It's like I can't keep up with my thoughts, and that causes me to leave out words when typing or talking and then people will take what I say the wrong way. I have the tendiceny to talk in cirlces and I can talk the ears off of a dog. I can feel this part coming on now....as my Mom would say, "It's like she's bouncing off the walls!" :bouncing:

My first appt to reopen my case is on the 25th of this month, but I honestly don't know if I can last that long. I may give them a call tomorrow, but then again I may just suck in and wait it out. I am just afraid I am going to get depressed, and my fuse will get shorter and shorter with all the waiting.

I am going to stop right here because I need to go find something to do, something constructive before I go insane, :p and talk in cirlces here.

Thanks for listening!!

~j :wave:

Welcome Aboard!

Yep, these boards are for support and they sure have helped me. I think they draw the line at idle conversation since there are other places out there for that! But if you browse through some of the other topics here you'll see that there is real solid support from all of us who care because we live it, or we live with it.

It is VERY possible for a Bipolar to have the Depression part more. As I understand it, it only takes one hypomanic or manic period to qualify you to have Bipolar Disorder rather than pure Depression. I sure know abut the deep dark depression tho. So deep and dark there's not even a hint of light when you look up. I spent two weeks one time not even able to get out of bed to shower or eat anything decent.

So, welcome aboard! There are alot of people on Lexapro here & they'll be chiming in here to help out I'm sure...
:angel:

Thanks for responding!!

Yeah, my depression has gotten to the point where it looks as if there is no way out of it or as you put it, "So deep and dark there's not even a hint of light when you look up". I have had times like the ones you decribed, where I didn't want to even get out of bed, eat, shower, or much less look at the clock. When I was a teenager my parents thought I was an anexoric (sp) because I didn't eat. But then I hit that stage in my teenage years where I would eat every chance I got, and once again they thought I had an eating disorder.

I love these boards because of the support and it is nice to know I am not the only one living with what I have (whatever that may be). I see so many posts from people that make me say, "Hey!! That's how I feel!!".

Thanks again for responding, and again it's nice to know we are not alone in our battles.

~j :wave:

Is it possible for someone to be bipolar but have the depression part more often?

It's possible to be manic AND depressed at the same time. I found out when I was describing my feelings of depression and mania at once to try to convince the doctor I wasn't bipolar. He just grinned and said, "It's possible to be both at the same time".

I have a pretty "lenient" doctor (for lack of better term) when it comes to treating the bipolar. He's not pushing me to take the meds or threatening me if I don't. I guess he figures I could easily walk out without any treatment if I did. But he did insist that I should never take an antidepressant to treat bipolar. He said it caould make it worse (and in my case, he's right). Then, the meds he does prescribe are weighed the benefits vs. the side effects. If the side effects are worse, then he tries something else.

Here's a trick (I love sharing this): Open a notepad file and type in: .LOG in the very upper left hand corner. Then save it to your desktop for easy access (I name it whatever prescription I'm taking). Next time you open it, the date and time will be stamped. You can begin typing all the side effects, mood, hours you slept, etc. In my case, I opened it every time I took the medicine, stated how much I was taking and the side effects I was having. It's so easy to forget what symptoms you have with the meds, and in forgetting, sometimes you won't be taken seriously. If you log it every day, you'll be taken more seriously (it's easy to over or understate when you're trying to remember the entire 'tween visit time) and this is extremely helpful for the doctor. Print it out before you go and hand it to him at your next visit.

They can also use this for reference after your visit in case THEY forget to ask a question: "D'OH! I forgot to ask her if she gets naseaus!".

If nothing else, it will show your doctor that you are really trying.

I'm in a depression too. Even after I take ativan and sonata at night, I stay awake til 4am sometimes. Sometimes my thoughts go on and on and I talk my dogs ears off too. I just take lithobid for my moods, and I feel so blah and yet anxious at the same time. Never have tried lexapro and I don't trust antidepressents. I can sort of relate to some of what your going through. Good luck with your appointment :)