After reading some of the responses in another forum (Autism), I've thought of something that's been bugging me for a loooong time:

In addition to being hungry for change, embracing change and new things, needing constant stimulation and getting bored easily, there is also a strong part (autistic?) of me that longs for rigid routine, for familiarity, that hates letting go of things, that is anxious about new things, that wants me to do everything on my own (need no help, do it all myself), that wants to hide in a warm and cosy place where I feel safe and happy.

That other part of me does probably partly originate from growing up being the way I am (bored easily, social problems etc. I am wary and have been rejected often), but I do know that being overly cautious, anxious, fiercely independant and isolated etc, were also part of how I have always been.

As a kid I was on one hand exuberant, extremely curious and thirsty for knowledge, outgoing, adventurous, messed about and explored, climbed trees and was generally cheekier and more of a tomboy than the other girls, but in many ways I was also very anxious and extremely cautious, shy, had trouble letting go, couldn't handle not having solid ground under my feet (skiing, diving, jumping, cycling etc. although I do admit that may be due to the fact that I can't estimate things and situations very well, the vagueness of which I would guess is connected to ADD), felt drawn to what was familiar and spent hours on end doing such atypical things (for a child my age) as reading encyclopaedias, medical books and phone books "in a world of my own", while other kids were outside playing team games and playing with dolls.


In a way there are good and bad aspects to this, on one hand I am sure without the isolation and unwillingness to communicate/anxiety of asking for help I would have slacked a lot more, would never have had the need to develop the skill I have now (because I would have relied on others to do things for me, would have demanded assistance more often) and without the desparate urge for stimulation I would have ended up isolated, unadventurous, far more afraid of the world than I am now, as the urge for change and the inner unrest has on many occasions helped me overcome even the strongest fear and the highest hurdles.

However the inner struggle is very difficult, there isn't really any "middle ground" because I'm either too isolated/rigid or too chaotic/adventurous (can change several times even in one day).

I have long deemed myself "semi-autistic" in my own mind, but I've been wondering recently whether a combination of high-functioning autism and AD/HD could explain how I am unable to focus on the present, eager for change and stimulation, constant inner and sometimes external unrest, yet at the same time so rigid, anxious of change and trapped in the current situation that it annoys not just me but others around me as well.

This "twofold mindset" also makes it more difficult to explain myself to people, and to understand myself, simply because I am at the same time so rigid, introvert, traditional, boring, adapted and quiet yet also full of imagination, outgoing, restless, rebellious and opinionated.

Especially when discussing things with my boyfriend, whatever struggle/problem I complain about he'll be able to drag up something from the "other side" to disprove what I'm saying, and I don't have anything to say to that.

I constantly find myself contradicting myself, not because what I feel or say of myself is untrue, but because, in some twisted way, the opposite is also partly true.

However I strongly suspect I would not be as strong and functional as I am if there was only one aspect of this rather than these oppositional sides (If that makes sense).

I can, overall, identify almost completely with AD/HD (at least in how it manifests in girls) but there are some strong autistic traits/elements that I can also very much identify with, which seemingly contratic my AD/HD tendencies.

Now the neurologist who is going to assess me in December specialises in AD/HD "with complications" (esp. Aspergers) but I was just wondering whether anyone could shed any light on how a combination of AD/HD and autism would manifest itself.

Redhead, I found this info on Asperger's for you. I will try to find something that combines the two also. Hope this helps.

List of Possible Characteristics of a Person with
Asperger's Syndrome (AS), High Functioning Autism (HFA) or
Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS)

NO ONE WILL HAVE ALL THESE CHARACTERISTICS! These are POSSIBLE characteristics! Some of the characteristics may also be seen in conjunction with other diagnoses such as Noonan Syndrome, Tourette Syndrome, OCD, etc.


Cognitive Learning

Excellent rote memory in certain areas

Unregulated fears; difficulty judging situations that create fear - may be overly fearful in safe situations, yet fearless in dangerous situations

Very detail-oriented

difficulty seeing overall picture or situation

applies same level of detail to every situation whether appropriate or not

May have exceptionally high skills in some areas, but very low skills in others, i.e., splinter skills, savant skills, or special talents

Prefers concrete, rather than abstract, concepts

Language

Pronoun reversal

Excellent vocabulary; may sound like “The Little Professor”

Conversational language may appear stilted

Speaks with stock phrases or phrases borrowed from other situations or people

Makes honest, but often inappropriate observations

Has difficulties adjusting volume and speed in speech

Problems with prosody; irregular accenting and inflection used in conversation

Literal language: difficulty understanding figures of speech, similes,
parodies, allegories, etc.

Speech may have started very early in development or may have started then stopped for a period of time

Repeats last word or phrases several times (echolalia)

Difficulty understanding some language, i.e., directional terms easily confused

Emotions

Rage/anger/hurt may all be expressed in unexpected ways

Perfectionism

Easily overstimulated by sound, crowds, lights, smells

Inside feeling not matching outside behavior


Motor Skills

Difficulty with some skills requiring motor skill development

Gross motor skills - riding bike, swimming, crawling

Fine motor skills - handwriting, tying shoes

May have some advanced, age-appropriate skills while other age-appropriate skills are delayed, i.e., tying shoes before climbing stairs

Unusual walking gait or clumsiness

Difficulty with motor skills that require visual perception accuracy, i.e., walking through a parking lot, revolving door or turnstiles, participating in sports, guiding a shopping cart

Perseveration - “The tendency of an idea, experience, or response to persist in an individual.” Webster’s New World Dictionary
"per sev er a tion ( ... ) n. Psychology. Continued or repetitive activity or actions: 1. the uncontrollable repetition of a word, phrase, or gesture. 2. The spontaneous recurrence of a thought, image, phrase, or tune in the mind”
American Heritage Dictionary

Obsession - the fact or state of being obsessed with an idea, desire, emotion, etc.

Compulsions - an irresistible, repeated, irrational impulse to perform some act

Fascination with rotation

Many and varied collections

Redirection very difficult (changing focus or thinking from one activity or idea to another)

One emotional incident can determine the mood for the rest of the day; can’t let emotions pass quickly

Social Cues

Difficulty reading facial expression and emotion in another person

Difficulty understanding body language

Difficulty understanding the rules of conversation

Difficulty understanding group interactions

Too much or too little eye contact

Difficulty understanding others’ humor

Problems recognizing faces out of the usual setting or known context (face-blindness or prosopagnosia)

Stand-offish or overly friendly

May adopt others’ behaviors, speech or dress habits to aid in more fluid communication and social adaptation

Senses

Very sensitive or undersensitive to light, pain, taste, touch, sound, smell

May have injuries of which they are not aware

May experience physical pain from oversensitivity to light, sound, touch

Very picky eater, both in selections of foods and in the way they are presented on the plate

May crave specific touch, taste, smell, sight, sound, lights

Over-sensitive to change in surroundings, people, places

Over stimulation may result from too many verbal directions or instructions


Comfort Skills

Desires comfort items to produce calming effect - blankets, stuffed animals

May need external (outside) stimulation for calming - brushing, soothing sound, rotating object

Comforted by minor motor stimulations - rocking, humming, tapping fingers, toes, sucking, rubbing fingertips in circles or on seams of clothing

May need separate space or area to decompress

Unusual attachment to object

Self-stimulation i.e., rocking, tapping, humming, etc.,to increase concentration and attention or to calm down and relax


Neurological Function

Erratic neurological function

Attention difficulties

Irregular sleep patterns

Understanding and working with time concepts difficult

Sensory processing disorders (how the brain processes information it receives from the sensory organs)

Visual processing disorders

Auditory processing disorders

Sensory integration disorders

New Situations, Patterns, People

Rule-oriented

Prefers known patterns with little unexpected surprises

Prefers familiar places, clothing, people

Difficulty with transitions when changing activities

Difficulty making and maintaining friendships (especially peer friendships); more successful with adults than other children or young people


NO ONE WILL HAVE ALL THESE CHARACTERISTICS! These are POSSIBLE characteristics! It is suggested that this document be used as a check list to mark the past and present characteristics.

The “List of Possible Characteristics of a Person with Asperger’s Syndrome” is included in the book, Tap Dancing in the night. Copyright 2001 by Martha Kate Downey, published by Phat Art 4 Publishing.

The “List of Possible Characteristics of a Person with Asperger’s Syndrome” may be photocopied as desired; however, it must remain in its original form with credits included.

Martha Kate Downey, mdo651@airmail.net
505 Euless, Texas 76039-2067
www.mkdowney.com

Wow thanks I don't think I've ever seen such a detailed list before! :)

I can definitely identify with most of these points, although unlike the "typical" AS picture I tend to get bored of these "special interests" or "obsessions" (subjects I am very much into and keep researching continuously) quite quickly.

I also forgot to add that my cousin (mothers' side) has Aspergers, at least we were told he had something on the autism spectrum but with hindsight his lifelong obsession with trains (in addition to many, many other pointers) does seem to point to AS more than anything else.

Hi Redhead,

What you said in your post was wonderful. It seems to be an accurate description of something I wonder about myself.

I have an intense need for change, whether in work, socially, whatever. I alway think there must be a better way to solve a problem. At the same time, I almost always withdraw into my own world at home and pay no attentition or avoid the outside world.

I try very hard to make people think I'm normal.

I am a "sucessful" manager at a very large US company, direct people, and spend lots of time with customers. I excel technically, customers trust my judgement, and I love to see new things and learn...recently been inside the space shuttle although it wasn't flying :(

BUT... I rarely (if ever) feel connected to anyone, and do everything to avoid social situations. I happiest alone watching TV, surfing the net, exercizing, or hiking. I'm in my own world, and comfortable with it. I "space out" and my mind wanders. Sometimes I wonder If there was nobody else in the world, if I'd really care.

I alway question why I'm different. I think I'm about as close to being autistic you can be, and still being able to "Fake" everyone to think I'm normal.

I'm 33, take Ritalin for ADD, but it really doesn't totally address my problems. I tell my Psyc enough to keep me on Ritalin, cause it helps me focus on what I need to do...but I don't know how to even broach a discussion about what I really feel.

Well, anyway, I've never posted before. You touched on something and put it into words better than I can, so thanks!

fullmoon,

Hi and welcome :)

I am glad to know that others feel the same way - I have often heard that ADD and Aspergers do quite frequently go hand in hand, but have very rarely found any kind of description of how the two would manifest alongside each other. I do know a young man who was diagnosed with both, but he also has a bipolar diagnosis as well as ODD and some other things so while there are quite a few similarities, there is too much going on for anything to be recognisable any more.

I will post again tomorrow when I've found out some more!

I don't have an answer to your question, I just wanted to say that absolutely everything you said, I could say about myself.
I am equally an extrovert and introvert. I am soooo shy, but great at public speaking. Fiercely independant also. Constantly changing hobbies and interests, constantly. But yet, my life stays the same in a lot of ways. I have also noticed cycles of interests too....I may lose interest in something and then come back to it a year or several years later...perhaps am bored at that time and reflect on things that interested me in the past.
Are you left handed too? lol
Anna

Redhead, I just wanted to let you know about another forum where you can get some really good information regarding some of your concerns. I have to tell you that this forum is a little different and is definately not for the meek--you don't strike me that way so I thought I'd pass the link on....


The people there tend to be very blunt and have strong opinions but overall it is a very interesting crowd.

Thanks Jodie :)

rasiaca - I'm not left-handed but pretty much ambidextrous in anything but writing (although I in fact favour my left hand for mny things, which made pole vaulting difficult as I always ran into the pole because I couldn't decide which hand to use at the top and which at the bottom!!!), and I can write passably/legibly with my left hand as well. (In fact it's one of the things I used to pass my time with when I was bored in class and couldn't think of anything to draw/doodle)

My Mom is left-handed but was forced to write with her right hand in school though.

Interesting...I had a sneaking suspicion. ;)

My sister also writes with her right hand, but was amidextrous untill she was 5-6...and does many things with her left hand also. For that matter, I only do things with my left hand if they require close up vision, and anything that requires far away aiming, I use my right hand. I figured that out because of an eye test that proved I had better close up vision with my left eye, and better far away vision with my right eye, and the other lefty in the class, had the same phenomina. (Most people are better sited in one way or the other with both eyes in agreeance).

I think that just as some people are strongly right handed, there are others who are strongly left handed. And then there are many lefties who are like me, and many righties who are like you. So it's like a spectrum, or continuim.

Do you find you have a hard time taking a strong viewpoint from one side or the other? (I can always see both sides, which makes making decisions so incredibly hard, I am labelled as indecisive, but am also good at being a bridge between two opposing views and good at negotiating) ...so it does have an upside I guess...
Take care,
Anna

Do you find you have a hard time taking a strong viewpoint from one side or the other? (I can always see both sides, which makes making decisions so incredibly hard, I am labelled as indecisive, but am also good at being a bridge between two opposing views and good at negotiating) ...so it does have an upside I guess...
That does depend. There are a few (very few!) issues that I have a bit of a "bee in my bonnet" about, but yeah generally I am very indecisive, hate conflict, there is no "for or against" there's only grey zones for me.

Generally I have a very hard time estimating things (anything from how long something is going to take me, to how tall someone is, to how many golf balls are in a jar etc. as a kid I never got the point of competitions where you have to guess stuff like that!!!), deciding on things and so on - I could handle concrete subjects at school very well if I managed to get my head round how to do them but as soon as there was more than one way about something I keep forever going round in circles unable to make up my mind.

Overall I would say that's probably part of how I can very quickly grasp something, and how while I sometimes get stuck too deep in a specific detail, most of the time I have a hard time understanding the details of something. I'll be able to understand a concept etc. easily but I'll be damned if I can explain how I know or how it works most of the time :eek:

I guess my brain takes "fuzzy logic" one step too far :D