sodawater
11-20-2003, 02:06 AM
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CreamTangerine
11-20-2003, 04:30 AM
(((((((sodawater)))))))))))
(Sorry that I have not go anything useful to say)
(Sorry that I have not go anything useful to say)
Blaana
11-20-2003, 12:56 PM
I really can sympathize with you and I hope that you will find success. The most important thing is a desire to want help, in my opinion, that will make the help you get have a better chance of really helping you. I went through 3 years of therapy for relationship problems and what it did for me was to help me accept and like myself, which was the basis of my problems with relationships. I can't say that it helped with my relationships since I was already burnt out on those when I sought help and haven't really had one since, but it has made me happy with myself and who I am and I'm no longer miserable when I'm alone. I would like to have a relationship with someone, but it's not like a life or death situation anymore, so I can wait until it just happens with the right person. I think it is possible to find someone who will accept and love you just the way you are. That reminds me of something my pastor said last Sunday about acceptance. He said this to everyone, but specifically to parents, he said to accept your children now, just the way they are, not when they become who you want them to be, or when they change this or that, but accept them right now as they are and love them for who they are.
Blaana
Blaana
6re99
11-20-2003, 01:39 PM
totaly understand your situation.. my GF is bi-polar and we DO NOT match sometimes.. she needs someone who is patient and will let her just 'do her thing' sometimes, but i can NOT seem to be patient,a ndthen it explodes into a horrid yelling match and sometimes she throws things and bites me..
anyhow, going untreated is the worst thing that can happen in someones life that is afficted with ADD.. i wish you the best and hopefully SHE will be understanding
anyhow, going untreated is the worst thing that can happen in someones life that is afficted with ADD.. i wish you the best and hopefully SHE will be understanding
Christine7777
11-20-2003, 02:27 PM
I can sympathize with you also, as I am AD/HD with 3 children that are also AD/HD, and one that is not. From my own experience...thank God I have a husband that has stuck by me all these years ...NOT knowing why I'm a little different than other people. Now that I've been diagnosed, he is even more accepting of me and my quirky (but humorous..he says) ways. It seems to me that I hear about more men having relationship problems than women with AD/HD. Blaana is totally right...you must learn to accept yourself as the loving person you already seem to be. However.....being sincere in your heart doesn't secure a relationship. Realizing the reasons you do and say things impulsively is a positive first step. Its a chemical imbalance for heaven's sake! Getting help with medicine and therapy is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future. My one daughter that is not AD/HD is married to a cop that most certainly IS! He has yet to admit it, but they are married two years with him being so unpredictable and argumentative. He argues over EVERYTHING! He can be happy and she loves him so much ...and then he can be moody for no apparent reason and verbally abuse her. He's very impulsive, on the go every minute, and has a history of AD/HD behaviors all through school. My concern is that if he continues to live in denial and not get help, he will destroy a beautiful marriage with a lovely little girl that adores him. What happens with your relationship at the present will have to be what it is, I guess. Don't mourn forever over it, look at it for what it has been for you....a life lesson..and then get on with it, get help and prepare yourself for better times ahead!
6re99
11-20-2003, 03:38 PM
amen to that chrs77777... chem imbalance is an understatment.. I mean for Godsake, we take a SPEED chemical to SLOW US DOWN??? extremly crazy.. thats why I wish people would UNDERSTAND more about us and not just push us off saying we are lazy, non-responsible, etcetc..
Mara
12-04-2003, 08:07 PM
You know divorce stats are high to begin with and why are you blaming yourself? If you are trying to find out where things went wrong talk to her about it. If you aren't talking then its time to regroup.
Going to the books six years post diagnosis is not going to change four years of experience together. Don't torture yourself over it. Wether it was a result of ADD or another disorder it comes back full circle-but don't beat yourself up over it. If you require more or less from her or if she requires more then you are willing or able to give step back and see it for what it is. If you are pleading with her to go to therapy and she refuses-let it go. What is the motive of therapy for yourself? Could you be grasping? If you are on the fence about commitment, seek help for yourself. You could leave the door open for her. If she needs the space you must give it to her. It's been four years. A person can have the very best of intensions and fall short if prolonged inevitably. Eventually intensions (a ring) need follow up (a marriage). She has a right to want and seek out a future for herself. If your future plans head to different destinations-you should let her go.
Does she want a family? Clock ticking? Is she sensing something you are not able to come to terms with? Not ready? People in there 30's have lived, gone to school, worked, independant, know more about themselves and what they want. If you are not ready at this point and she is-that is a problem. Can she afford to wait another 4 years for you to possibly be ready? Think about what you want for yourself and work on it to make it a reality.
Take Care
Going to the books six years post diagnosis is not going to change four years of experience together. Don't torture yourself over it. Wether it was a result of ADD or another disorder it comes back full circle-but don't beat yourself up over it. If you require more or less from her or if she requires more then you are willing or able to give step back and see it for what it is. If you are pleading with her to go to therapy and she refuses-let it go. What is the motive of therapy for yourself? Could you be grasping? If you are on the fence about commitment, seek help for yourself. You could leave the door open for her. If she needs the space you must give it to her. It's been four years. A person can have the very best of intensions and fall short if prolonged inevitably. Eventually intensions (a ring) need follow up (a marriage). She has a right to want and seek out a future for herself. If your future plans head to different destinations-you should let her go.
Does she want a family? Clock ticking? Is she sensing something you are not able to come to terms with? Not ready? People in there 30's have lived, gone to school, worked, independant, know more about themselves and what they want. If you are not ready at this point and she is-that is a problem. Can she afford to wait another 4 years for you to possibly be ready? Think about what you want for yourself and work on it to make it a reality.
Take Care