gizmolove
12-01-2003, 03:36 AM
:wave:
Hi All,
Nice to be part of this message board. I don't think others who are not going through Alzheimer's or Dementia in their lives realize just how very important it is to talk to others who are gong thru the same things. It's all so confusing and really lonely to be going thru this insane journey alone without others who know what you are going through.
We talk about how hard it is to deal with someone we love with Alzheimer's but mostly we know what the others there are going through and we understand and can share stories that help.
Don't get me wrong, my mom has been gone now for 5 years and I had no one to talk to while I was going through all the "crazy years". But, just because my mom is gone now doesn't mean that I don't still need someone to talk to about all the stuff I went through in her lifetime. And, I find that sometimes what I know (because I've been there as it were), that allows me to help others, which in turn helps heal me and the pain that I still deal with from this awful disease.
If you are going through Alzheimer's with a loved one, please think about joining a local Alzheimer's support group. It sure helps to talk to others that know and understand what it's like to deal with this disease. You not only can vent with people that understand; but, you can also get coping ideas too.
If you have a computer then, be part of our message board community. There are many people here that have great wisdom about what it's like on a first hand basis, (to go through this journey with Alzheimer's Disease). They not only let people vent their frustrations; but, also offer a sounding board to get other people's ideas or suggestions that can help make coping with this awful disease a lot easier.
Whatever resources you find to help support you and your family on this journey, the plain and simple fact is that you need to reach out to others for help. The old saying really holds true. "No man (or woman) is an island", and no person should (nor could), handle this awful disease alone. Get your support groups together. Reach out for resources and information. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of the one you love.
God Bless,
:angel: Giz
Hi All,
Nice to be part of this message board. I don't think others who are not going through Alzheimer's or Dementia in their lives realize just how very important it is to talk to others who are gong thru the same things. It's all so confusing and really lonely to be going thru this insane journey alone without others who know what you are going through.
We talk about how hard it is to deal with someone we love with Alzheimer's but mostly we know what the others there are going through and we understand and can share stories that help.
Don't get me wrong, my mom has been gone now for 5 years and I had no one to talk to while I was going through all the "crazy years". But, just because my mom is gone now doesn't mean that I don't still need someone to talk to about all the stuff I went through in her lifetime. And, I find that sometimes what I know (because I've been there as it were), that allows me to help others, which in turn helps heal me and the pain that I still deal with from this awful disease.
If you are going through Alzheimer's with a loved one, please think about joining a local Alzheimer's support group. It sure helps to talk to others that know and understand what it's like to deal with this disease. You not only can vent with people that understand; but, you can also get coping ideas too.
If you have a computer then, be part of our message board community. There are many people here that have great wisdom about what it's like on a first hand basis, (to go through this journey with Alzheimer's Disease). They not only let people vent their frustrations; but, also offer a sounding board to get other people's ideas or suggestions that can help make coping with this awful disease a lot easier.
Whatever resources you find to help support you and your family on this journey, the plain and simple fact is that you need to reach out to others for help. The old saying really holds true. "No man (or woman) is an island", and no person should (nor could), handle this awful disease alone. Get your support groups together. Reach out for resources and information. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of the one you love.
God Bless,
:angel: Giz
Sponsor
bzist3
12-05-2003, 03:53 AM
gizmolove, i dont know if your message was to me or to all of us, but thanks. i know talking helps and that is what i am looking for. my firends are good, but they dont understand, and i am afraid my venting will get to them at times. my mom doesnt have alzheimers but she is getting senile and we get very frustrated with the aging process. my 2 teenagers still at home need someone to vent to.
camachinist
12-05-2003, 09:37 PM
my mom doesnt have alzheimers but she is getting senile and we get very frustrated with the aging process.
Perhaps you can expand upon this. Before my mom's stroke and vascular dementia dx, I thought the changes in her over the last few years were just "getting old". I now know, from my interactions with our AD research center, that any significant loss of memory or cognitive function is not "normal" and should be investigated. Simple vitamin deficiencies, blood pressure and/or thyroid problems can affect mental acuity markedly.
The earlier the issue is investigated, the better the opportunity for a good outcome, no matter the age of the patient.
On topic, I concur that very few people who are not care-partners for an AD/dementia patient can understand what we go through. Not even medical professionals. I would not wish the challenge upon even the worst of my enemies.
But, this is life and sometimes we have to make lemonade. I like mine a little sweet :)
Pat
Edited for clarity...
Perhaps you can expand upon this. Before my mom's stroke and vascular dementia dx, I thought the changes in her over the last few years were just "getting old". I now know, from my interactions with our AD research center, that any significant loss of memory or cognitive function is not "normal" and should be investigated. Simple vitamin deficiencies, blood pressure and/or thyroid problems can affect mental acuity markedly.
The earlier the issue is investigated, the better the opportunity for a good outcome, no matter the age of the patient.
On topic, I concur that very few people who are not care-partners for an AD/dementia patient can understand what we go through. Not even medical professionals. I would not wish the challenge upon even the worst of my enemies.
But, this is life and sometimes we have to make lemonade. I like mine a little sweet :)
Pat
Edited for clarity...
gizmolove
12-06-2003, 11:18 AM
:wave: Hi Bzist, :)
yes, my message was to you. Unfortunately you worded your post in a way that I could not respond directly. But, I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. My mom has been gone now for 5 years. And, I still need someone to talk to about the hell that I went thru with her and her disease. There are few that understand what I am saying. Friends mean well, but unless you have gone thru what I have gone thru, there is just no way that you will understand what I am trying so hard to say. Or, what I mean.
I meet a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in 16 years. We went to lunch to catch up on old times. I tried roughly to talk about all the things that had happened in the past 16 years. It was months and months before I heard from her again. She thought that I had become a rather defeated, bitter ugly woman, and she didn't really like my company or want to continue our friendship because of my excess baggage. We spoke sometimes after that and after a few years she realised that I am not that person (all the time), just when I need to vent or when I need to catch up people on the last 15 years of my life. (Hee hee.) And, heaven knows that she had seen her share of problems too in the last few decades. Her son, sister, husband and nease and nephew all had died in the space of just a few years. Yet she was alive and vibrant and I was as limp and as flat as an old pillow. She just could not understand how I had gone through so little (compared to her), yet; I was barely copeing with life and she was still bounceing around and planning for a glorious optimistic future?
Yes, people need to talk. And, it is also true that people just don't understand. Even in chat the other night, I mentioned that I was "down" the other day, and my chat friend said, "Now Giz, just stop it, you did the best you could and your mom knew that you loved her and that she could count on you". I had to tell her that "No", she didn't understand, it wasn't that. I was not "blameing" myself so much. After all, I know what I need to feel guilty about and what I don't. I do have balance in that area. It's just that my mom went thru so much. So much pain. So much suffering. So much loss. And I didnt' know enough to (or how to) make it better. I didn't know then. I do know now. But, now it's too late. I don't blame my self so much as I blame all the others that should have known. Should have been there. Should have helped. But didn't help either of us. (You see, she wasn't even diagnosed with AD until she was so bad, so out of control. Not until the last 6 months of her life.). I blame the doctor who let her hip disolve for 15 years and only wanted her to receive asprin for the pain and then wouldn't treat her for a simple cold and let her die. (Any wonder why the words, "Don't worry dear, your mom is in a better place now", just grate on me like fingernails on a blackboard, and I want to just get up and punch that person in the face? I cry over the NH she was in that promised to help heal the sores on her feet so that she could walk again and not be bed-ridden for that rest of her life. I blame them for doing just the opposite of what they promised and takeing her off mental health drugs and makeing her worse and getting her incontenent because they were too lazy to take her to the bathroom. They discharged her 7 months later, permently incontenent, bed-ridden, and quite phycotic and impossiable for me our anyone (5 nursing homes turned her down for care at that point), to care for. Oh, the list goes on and on and on, there are so many many things that I could say, so much to list, so much loss, pain, so much hell.
I've been posting on line ever sence my dear mom died. The main reason is that it's just funny that you are a different person the day after a loved one dies than you are the day before. Funny how that death puts you in so much prospective. It takes their death to finally get you into THEIR shoes. You can not walk on their path. See what they saw. Hear what they heard. Feel what they felt. And, THAT; never leaves you, never again. You are permanently changed. Permently altered. People on a few message boards say, "Giz, you speak with so much heart, with so much empathy, sympathy and understanding of what it's like to have Alzheimer's. What it's like to see things throught the eyes' of someone with this illness, these limitations. You have so much compassion, so much heart". Yea, well. Maybe I do. But it's not a blessing. It's just something that I got the day my mom died and I was able to walk in HER shoes instead of feeling sorry for me in mine. THe pain in the butt she was. How she was an out of control train wreck just waiting to happen. How she ran me around by the nose and never let me have a moments peace. Well, all that changed with her death, now didn't it? It was no longer poor inconvienced little Giz! Was it? Now, at last I looked back at myself from inside her casket and I didn't like what I saw very much. But, I also saw someone who I loved and who just didn't understand how Alzheimer's had distroyed both our lives for over 20 years. I didn't understand then, but I do now. And even yet today, I am still asking why? Why didn't I know? Why didn't I see? Why didn't someone tell me it was Alzheimer's, and what Alzheimer's is? Why ALL THOSE WASTED, UNHAPPY YEARS?
But, people don't get it. And why should they? They don't walk in you shoes or in mine. But, we still, all need, someone to talk to. Some place safe to go and vent. So, honey,,,,,,just blab your heart out. It's safe here. You are among friends here. WE won't judge, or second guess you. We won't think the worst of you. We won't be-little or shame you. You have the right to feel the way you do, and this is a perfect place to let it all out. Besides, you may find out things from others who are going thru the same things themselves, that may help you. That is what is so great about these message boards. You can say what you please, and find someone who will listen. Often times just knowing that you are not alone is all the help that you really need.
God Bless, in your journey,
Giz
:wave:
yes, my message was to you. Unfortunately you worded your post in a way that I could not respond directly. But, I wanted to tell you that you are not alone. My mom has been gone now for 5 years. And, I still need someone to talk to about the hell that I went thru with her and her disease. There are few that understand what I am saying. Friends mean well, but unless you have gone thru what I have gone thru, there is just no way that you will understand what I am trying so hard to say. Or, what I mean.
I meet a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in 16 years. We went to lunch to catch up on old times. I tried roughly to talk about all the things that had happened in the past 16 years. It was months and months before I heard from her again. She thought that I had become a rather defeated, bitter ugly woman, and she didn't really like my company or want to continue our friendship because of my excess baggage. We spoke sometimes after that and after a few years she realised that I am not that person (all the time), just when I need to vent or when I need to catch up people on the last 15 years of my life. (Hee hee.) And, heaven knows that she had seen her share of problems too in the last few decades. Her son, sister, husband and nease and nephew all had died in the space of just a few years. Yet she was alive and vibrant and I was as limp and as flat as an old pillow. She just could not understand how I had gone through so little (compared to her), yet; I was barely copeing with life and she was still bounceing around and planning for a glorious optimistic future?
Yes, people need to talk. And, it is also true that people just don't understand. Even in chat the other night, I mentioned that I was "down" the other day, and my chat friend said, "Now Giz, just stop it, you did the best you could and your mom knew that you loved her and that she could count on you". I had to tell her that "No", she didn't understand, it wasn't that. I was not "blameing" myself so much. After all, I know what I need to feel guilty about and what I don't. I do have balance in that area. It's just that my mom went thru so much. So much pain. So much suffering. So much loss. And I didnt' know enough to (or how to) make it better. I didn't know then. I do know now. But, now it's too late. I don't blame my self so much as I blame all the others that should have known. Should have been there. Should have helped. But didn't help either of us. (You see, she wasn't even diagnosed with AD until she was so bad, so out of control. Not until the last 6 months of her life.). I blame the doctor who let her hip disolve for 15 years and only wanted her to receive asprin for the pain and then wouldn't treat her for a simple cold and let her die. (Any wonder why the words, "Don't worry dear, your mom is in a better place now", just grate on me like fingernails on a blackboard, and I want to just get up and punch that person in the face? I cry over the NH she was in that promised to help heal the sores on her feet so that she could walk again and not be bed-ridden for that rest of her life. I blame them for doing just the opposite of what they promised and takeing her off mental health drugs and makeing her worse and getting her incontenent because they were too lazy to take her to the bathroom. They discharged her 7 months later, permently incontenent, bed-ridden, and quite phycotic and impossiable for me our anyone (5 nursing homes turned her down for care at that point), to care for. Oh, the list goes on and on and on, there are so many many things that I could say, so much to list, so much loss, pain, so much hell.
I've been posting on line ever sence my dear mom died. The main reason is that it's just funny that you are a different person the day after a loved one dies than you are the day before. Funny how that death puts you in so much prospective. It takes their death to finally get you into THEIR shoes. You can not walk on their path. See what they saw. Hear what they heard. Feel what they felt. And, THAT; never leaves you, never again. You are permanently changed. Permently altered. People on a few message boards say, "Giz, you speak with so much heart, with so much empathy, sympathy and understanding of what it's like to have Alzheimer's. What it's like to see things throught the eyes' of someone with this illness, these limitations. You have so much compassion, so much heart". Yea, well. Maybe I do. But it's not a blessing. It's just something that I got the day my mom died and I was able to walk in HER shoes instead of feeling sorry for me in mine. THe pain in the butt she was. How she was an out of control train wreck just waiting to happen. How she ran me around by the nose and never let me have a moments peace. Well, all that changed with her death, now didn't it? It was no longer poor inconvienced little Giz! Was it? Now, at last I looked back at myself from inside her casket and I didn't like what I saw very much. But, I also saw someone who I loved and who just didn't understand how Alzheimer's had distroyed both our lives for over 20 years. I didn't understand then, but I do now. And even yet today, I am still asking why? Why didn't I know? Why didn't I see? Why didn't someone tell me it was Alzheimer's, and what Alzheimer's is? Why ALL THOSE WASTED, UNHAPPY YEARS?
But, people don't get it. And why should they? They don't walk in you shoes or in mine. But, we still, all need, someone to talk to. Some place safe to go and vent. So, honey,,,,,,just blab your heart out. It's safe here. You are among friends here. WE won't judge, or second guess you. We won't think the worst of you. We won't be-little or shame you. You have the right to feel the way you do, and this is a perfect place to let it all out. Besides, you may find out things from others who are going thru the same things themselves, that may help you. That is what is so great about these message boards. You can say what you please, and find someone who will listen. Often times just knowing that you are not alone is all the help that you really need.
God Bless, in your journey,
Giz
:wave:
katrinak
12-07-2003, 02:42 AM
Hi All, and Hi to Giz,
well, my mom (79 yo), my sister and I are at the point of trying to decide if my dad has hit the infamous "end stage" and if so, what to do next.
The story is too long to tell in detail - but quickly, my dad has taken a deep turn for the worse after having a vertebral-plasty (sp?) for a cracked T-12 vertebrae performed under general anesthia - and is exhibiting all the signs and symptoms of "end of life." But the doc keeps saying that he will recover and be able to go to a "memory care" facility - which I think is malicious wishful thinking. He is in the hospital, going on two weeks, is refusing food and drink, is incontinent, has not walked or been up in two weeks, has been sedated because of desires to wander and combativeness, is unable to carry out a complete sentence, has visions and delusions, and yet, hugged me today, then asked to God to let him die die die die...as he cried out his request over and over. He has lost over 40 pounds in the last three months...
so? do we opt for hospice? my mom can't take care of him at home...i am the classic sandwicher...with a fulltime job while my husband is a stay at home dad. what do we do?
any thots are greatly appreciated!
blessings to all,
katrina k
well, my mom (79 yo), my sister and I are at the point of trying to decide if my dad has hit the infamous "end stage" and if so, what to do next.
The story is too long to tell in detail - but quickly, my dad has taken a deep turn for the worse after having a vertebral-plasty (sp?) for a cracked T-12 vertebrae performed under general anesthia - and is exhibiting all the signs and symptoms of "end of life." But the doc keeps saying that he will recover and be able to go to a "memory care" facility - which I think is malicious wishful thinking. He is in the hospital, going on two weeks, is refusing food and drink, is incontinent, has not walked or been up in two weeks, has been sedated because of desires to wander and combativeness, is unable to carry out a complete sentence, has visions and delusions, and yet, hugged me today, then asked to God to let him die die die die...as he cried out his request over and over. He has lost over 40 pounds in the last three months...
so? do we opt for hospice? my mom can't take care of him at home...i am the classic sandwicher...with a fulltime job while my husband is a stay at home dad. what do we do?
any thots are greatly appreciated!
blessings to all,
katrina k
gizmolove
12-07-2003, 08:29 AM
:wave: Hi Kat,
Sorry, double posted. Please see next post.
Thanks,
Gizmo :bouncing:
Sorry, double posted. Please see next post.
Thanks,
Gizmo :bouncing:
gizmolove
12-07-2003, 10:01 AM
:wave: Hi Kat,
First of all, don't give up on your dad. You already know that he loves you and that he knows that you love him. So, that's not the problem. The real problem is that none of you truly understand his condition and what hope there is for the future, until you get some more information, and I mean REAL, definitive, information from his doctors. If they really expect him to improve then that tells me that they suspect that the anesthetic is the cause for his current problems and that it will "wear off" in a little while. However, if he has a history of dementia or Alzheimer's, some damage may be permanent from the drugs used for surgery? Call in a drug specialist to analyze your dad's complete medical and mental history. Get a complete chemical work-up along with neurological evaluation as a secondary opinion. Many times loss in cognitive functioning will follow surgery. So don't stop asking questions of his medical team until you are completely satisfied with all the answers that you receive.
There is always a time to "Let go, and Let God". We can not be expected to do everything for the one's that we love. But, we do owe it to them and to our own peace of mind to find out the truth, and to make others responsible to us for the information that we need in order to help the one's that we love. Don't put too much stock in what your dad says now. If he is having problems from the drugs, then you need to take what he says and does with a large grain of salt. We all realize that sometimes there is nothing left for us to do; but, to sit and hold their hand. But, that is only after you really know the score. After all else fails. And after you know that you have done all in your power to change things for the better. And, especially, after you are sure that the doctors are being accurate and honest about the circumstances.
Hindsight is always 20/20. So take steps now to cross all your "T"'s and *** all the "i"'s. And then, when the time really comes for you to say your last "goodbye" to your dad, then you can move on in the assurance that you really did all that you could. I have a large regret, in that I did not MAKE the doctors responsible to me and to my mom for the best care possible. She deserved that, and so did I. But, I was raised to not question their authority. Not to make waves. And, I believed what they said and accepted what they said without question. Questions are good. They lead to understanding. They often times lead to the truth. Don't be afraid of the answers. Sometimes doctors are in a hurry and will only tell you what you want, or are ready to know. Sit there and keep at them until you know everything. Until you are assured of your fathers real condition and how best to help him and go on from here, with his care.
Just because your dad has mental and emotional, and cognitive problems now, is no less real, and no less worthy, than any physical, medical problem. Just because the doctors can not touch it, operate on it, or see it on a test, doesn't make it any less medical, or any less real. There is no need to be ashamed of mental and emotional problems. It is not mental illness. We don't need to keep it in the dark ages and treat it with ancient blood letting, and leaches. We are in the 21st century now. And, medicine has grown-up enough to realize that people that are "old", need and deserve just as much quality care as their younger counterparts. People with Alzheimer's and dementia have physical illnesses just as grievous and as legitimate as anyone with cancer or aids. So, never stop. Never give up. Never hide your head in the sand. Always strive for the best that you can be. The best that you can have. And the best care and information possible. The quality of life you seek for you and your loved one, depends upon it.
Once you know medically, your dad's true condition. Why the doctors think he can improve enough to go for rehab? Then you may have greater insight as to what kind of care he needs from here. If the prognosis is very bad, then yes, by all means call in Hospice. They are wonderful. They can help not only your dad, but also the whole family.
Ask questions about his drugs. What are they for, and how much does he get? Then keep up on how he is doing on them. Does his reactions indicate a raise or lowering in his medications? Don't shy away from your dad when he asks to "die". Don't let anything embarrass you. Ask him why he wants to die? Is he in pain? Is he depressed about his condition? Is he suffering from wounded pride, in that he can not do what he used to do? Be honest and assure him that his condition is temporary and that he will feel better soon, (if that is what the doctors think). Take his hand and say, "now, now, none of that. We all need you too much to let you go yet. Not when we have so many happy times to remember, and so many good times ahead to look forward to," Divert the subject. Change the mood. Be kind and understanding but don't play into his depression. Help him be grateful for all that he has and all that he still is, and all that he still means to (all of) you.
I know that this is not easy. It hurts worse to see someone you love dearly suffer, than to suffer yourself. The best thing for you and for him is to set the stage, or the mood, at the moment. Find something to laugh about, especially when all you want to do is to cry. Sing songs, read or tell stories. Enjoy his favorite music together. Share a joke and a smile. It's time to cherish all the good times. Make memories while you can.
As for crying your eyes out,,,,,,,,there's always tomorrow.
"Tomorrow is another day",
Hugs,
Gizmo :bouncing:
PS: Oh and if he is refusing food? Ask the doctor about an anti-depressant. And also, ask the doctor if he could send in "Occupational Therapy" to help your dad manage his food better. Taste, color, smell, texture and consistency of food needs to be evaluated with brain challanged patients. Good luck. Keep fighting ("the good fight").... Giz
First of all, don't give up on your dad. You already know that he loves you and that he knows that you love him. So, that's not the problem. The real problem is that none of you truly understand his condition and what hope there is for the future, until you get some more information, and I mean REAL, definitive, information from his doctors. If they really expect him to improve then that tells me that they suspect that the anesthetic is the cause for his current problems and that it will "wear off" in a little while. However, if he has a history of dementia or Alzheimer's, some damage may be permanent from the drugs used for surgery? Call in a drug specialist to analyze your dad's complete medical and mental history. Get a complete chemical work-up along with neurological evaluation as a secondary opinion. Many times loss in cognitive functioning will follow surgery. So don't stop asking questions of his medical team until you are completely satisfied with all the answers that you receive.
There is always a time to "Let go, and Let God". We can not be expected to do everything for the one's that we love. But, we do owe it to them and to our own peace of mind to find out the truth, and to make others responsible to us for the information that we need in order to help the one's that we love. Don't put too much stock in what your dad says now. If he is having problems from the drugs, then you need to take what he says and does with a large grain of salt. We all realize that sometimes there is nothing left for us to do; but, to sit and hold their hand. But, that is only after you really know the score. After all else fails. And after you know that you have done all in your power to change things for the better. And, especially, after you are sure that the doctors are being accurate and honest about the circumstances.
Hindsight is always 20/20. So take steps now to cross all your "T"'s and *** all the "i"'s. And then, when the time really comes for you to say your last "goodbye" to your dad, then you can move on in the assurance that you really did all that you could. I have a large regret, in that I did not MAKE the doctors responsible to me and to my mom for the best care possible. She deserved that, and so did I. But, I was raised to not question their authority. Not to make waves. And, I believed what they said and accepted what they said without question. Questions are good. They lead to understanding. They often times lead to the truth. Don't be afraid of the answers. Sometimes doctors are in a hurry and will only tell you what you want, or are ready to know. Sit there and keep at them until you know everything. Until you are assured of your fathers real condition and how best to help him and go on from here, with his care.
Just because your dad has mental and emotional, and cognitive problems now, is no less real, and no less worthy, than any physical, medical problem. Just because the doctors can not touch it, operate on it, or see it on a test, doesn't make it any less medical, or any less real. There is no need to be ashamed of mental and emotional problems. It is not mental illness. We don't need to keep it in the dark ages and treat it with ancient blood letting, and leaches. We are in the 21st century now. And, medicine has grown-up enough to realize that people that are "old", need and deserve just as much quality care as their younger counterparts. People with Alzheimer's and dementia have physical illnesses just as grievous and as legitimate as anyone with cancer or aids. So, never stop. Never give up. Never hide your head in the sand. Always strive for the best that you can be. The best that you can have. And the best care and information possible. The quality of life you seek for you and your loved one, depends upon it.
Once you know medically, your dad's true condition. Why the doctors think he can improve enough to go for rehab? Then you may have greater insight as to what kind of care he needs from here. If the prognosis is very bad, then yes, by all means call in Hospice. They are wonderful. They can help not only your dad, but also the whole family.
Ask questions about his drugs. What are they for, and how much does he get? Then keep up on how he is doing on them. Does his reactions indicate a raise or lowering in his medications? Don't shy away from your dad when he asks to "die". Don't let anything embarrass you. Ask him why he wants to die? Is he in pain? Is he depressed about his condition? Is he suffering from wounded pride, in that he can not do what he used to do? Be honest and assure him that his condition is temporary and that he will feel better soon, (if that is what the doctors think). Take his hand and say, "now, now, none of that. We all need you too much to let you go yet. Not when we have so many happy times to remember, and so many good times ahead to look forward to," Divert the subject. Change the mood. Be kind and understanding but don't play into his depression. Help him be grateful for all that he has and all that he still is, and all that he still means to (all of) you.
I know that this is not easy. It hurts worse to see someone you love dearly suffer, than to suffer yourself. The best thing for you and for him is to set the stage, or the mood, at the moment. Find something to laugh about, especially when all you want to do is to cry. Sing songs, read or tell stories. Enjoy his favorite music together. Share a joke and a smile. It's time to cherish all the good times. Make memories while you can.
As for crying your eyes out,,,,,,,,there's always tomorrow.
"Tomorrow is another day",
Hugs,
Gizmo :bouncing:
PS: Oh and if he is refusing food? Ask the doctor about an anti-depressant. And also, ask the doctor if he could send in "Occupational Therapy" to help your dad manage his food better. Taste, color, smell, texture and consistency of food needs to be evaluated with brain challanged patients. Good luck. Keep fighting ("the good fight").... Giz
PrincessMalleri
12-07-2003, 07:56 PM
<b>hello!
talking to others is the best thing there is to do when you feel alone.
That is why I am here.
I am 16 years old.
MY grandfather has Alzheimer's. I was told he has had it for years. Some say it is from WWII, Some say it is just old age. Anyways,he is getting much much worse. He is still driving. Which is not good. As well as the Alzheimer's he has Emphazima( forgive me if i spelled it wrong) and he still smokes. which is more trouble to my poor grandmother. He is starting to forget more and more things.
i am not sure how to handle this all.
I need some help please from someone.. I am new here so I am kinda new to how this works.
I need to find out where I can go with my grandmother and mother to find a braclet for my grandfather. Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you could possibly e-mail me [removed] you can even message me on [removed] my [removed] is [removed]
thank you for any help that is given,
-Malleri
</b>
talking to others is the best thing there is to do when you feel alone.
That is why I am here.
I am 16 years old.
MY grandfather has Alzheimer's. I was told he has had it for years. Some say it is from WWII, Some say it is just old age. Anyways,he is getting much much worse. He is still driving. Which is not good. As well as the Alzheimer's he has Emphazima( forgive me if i spelled it wrong) and he still smokes. which is more trouble to my poor grandmother. He is starting to forget more and more things.
i am not sure how to handle this all.
I need some help please from someone.. I am new here so I am kinda new to how this works.
I need to find out where I can go with my grandmother and mother to find a braclet for my grandfather. Any help would be greatly appreciated. If you could possibly e-mail me [removed] you can even message me on [removed] my [removed] is [removed]
thank you for any help that is given,
-Malleri
</b>
katrinak
12-17-2003, 02:03 AM
Hello, and I am still here, hanging in 10 days later. The sigh-ns are not so good. My dad has been moved to BICU (Behavioral ICU) because they "could not handle him" in the regular hospital unit. This is actually a good move, as there is about one nurse per patient, fulltime. But the restrictions on knowledge about how my dad is doing are onerous, ridiculous. I have to beg for info and still get nothing unless I am lucky enough to coincide my visit with the doc's visit...
My dad is still not eating - he has suffered another "mini-stroke" - one more in an apparent series. This has affected his ability to swallow, hence his lack of eating now (which before was behavioral). They put a PICC line in (what the hell does that stand for?) but he ripped it out four days ago. They replaced it yesterday around noon, but it is still not enough calories to maintain his weight, or anything else. Oh Gosh, do I sound pessimistic? My mother hangs on mostly, wanting to find a "solution" but I am less optimistic. The man, my father, is not doing well, and in fact, I am more convinced that ... oh ****...what? The nurses now have him in a restraint since he has been trying to rip out the new line...
My sister was here last week, and drove my mother nuts by telling her what to do every single minute of the day. I am trying to deal with this, my mom, my dying dad, and still be around for my little kidlets and husband...my husband has been wonderful and never ever refuses a request to drive my mother, or buy her toilet paper...whatever. His father just died on Thanksgiving Day...so yeah, we are a bit 'eaten up' her with all kinds of emotions. Still, we are hanging in. and even, ya know, sometimes laughing!
Anyway, I am trying to find a rabbi that will officiate and maybe even offer some counseling to my mom even though we are, as a family, not members of any synagogue or even practicioners. We have gotten brushed off so far...ah, another axe to grind!
anyway, it is late, I am rambling...but thanks for letting me do so!
love and best blessings to all of you,
kat
My dad is still not eating - he has suffered another "mini-stroke" - one more in an apparent series. This has affected his ability to swallow, hence his lack of eating now (which before was behavioral). They put a PICC line in (what the hell does that stand for?) but he ripped it out four days ago. They replaced it yesterday around noon, but it is still not enough calories to maintain his weight, or anything else. Oh Gosh, do I sound pessimistic? My mother hangs on mostly, wanting to find a "solution" but I am less optimistic. The man, my father, is not doing well, and in fact, I am more convinced that ... oh ****...what? The nurses now have him in a restraint since he has been trying to rip out the new line...
My sister was here last week, and drove my mother nuts by telling her what to do every single minute of the day. I am trying to deal with this, my mom, my dying dad, and still be around for my little kidlets and husband...my husband has been wonderful and never ever refuses a request to drive my mother, or buy her toilet paper...whatever. His father just died on Thanksgiving Day...so yeah, we are a bit 'eaten up' her with all kinds of emotions. Still, we are hanging in. and even, ya know, sometimes laughing!
Anyway, I am trying to find a rabbi that will officiate and maybe even offer some counseling to my mom even though we are, as a family, not members of any synagogue or even practicioners. We have gotten brushed off so far...ah, another axe to grind!
anyway, it is late, I am rambling...but thanks for letting me do so!
love and best blessings to all of you,
kat
katrinak
12-18-2003, 12:34 AM
Hi All, again...
Just thought I would update on stuff...just in case anyone can learn or be helped in any way by reading this process of mine (ours).
Today the doc said that my dad will have to be transferred to a "sniff" - a Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) as he is not improving, in fact, is declining. The doc said he had hoped that my dad would be sitting up by this time, maybe even working with the PT on standing, but no, not so. He is still not eating - the stroke effects have not diminished; they seem worse now. My father seems farther away each time I visit, and today made no signs that he recognized my mother, my husband or me. Still, I think he did somewhat, but is losing the ability to physically express anything, even with a foot twitch or hand squeeze.
So, tomorrow the game plan is to find a SNF, and get Hospice started immediately. The Rabbi did come by today, and was a comfort for my mother, who has never been one to attend church or the synagogue, but now is searching for answers to many things. Aren't we all?
My sister is hanging in by phone, and this is very hard on her. Perhaps I am doing a bit better emotionally as I feel I have been at peace with my dad for a long time, whereas maybe she feels unresolved issues? My brother comes to visit on the day after Christmas - that will be a help to my mom.
Anyway, to all of you out there, stay strong. You are in my prayers,
Kat
Just thought I would update on stuff...just in case anyone can learn or be helped in any way by reading this process of mine (ours).
Today the doc said that my dad will have to be transferred to a "sniff" - a Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) as he is not improving, in fact, is declining. The doc said he had hoped that my dad would be sitting up by this time, maybe even working with the PT on standing, but no, not so. He is still not eating - the stroke effects have not diminished; they seem worse now. My father seems farther away each time I visit, and today made no signs that he recognized my mother, my husband or me. Still, I think he did somewhat, but is losing the ability to physically express anything, even with a foot twitch or hand squeeze.
So, tomorrow the game plan is to find a SNF, and get Hospice started immediately. The Rabbi did come by today, and was a comfort for my mother, who has never been one to attend church or the synagogue, but now is searching for answers to many things. Aren't we all?
My sister is hanging in by phone, and this is very hard on her. Perhaps I am doing a bit better emotionally as I feel I have been at peace with my dad for a long time, whereas maybe she feels unresolved issues? My brother comes to visit on the day after Christmas - that will be a help to my mom.
Anyway, to all of you out there, stay strong. You are in my prayers,
Kat