Hi all:
I quit binge drinking and occasionally smoking dope 5 months ago (after 35 years!)with the help of an outpatient addiction education and counseling program. I learned an immense amount of info on how alcohol works and how to restructure my new life. I altered my diet, began working out. I've had no cravings. My blood pressure, diabetes, and cholesteral are much improved. I'm amazed and proud of my transformation.
AA has been a steadying influence. In each meeting the group consciousness washes over me and cleanses me. I've had difficulty getting a sponsor though because of an intense social anxiety (I haven't worked in a year) , and a feeling that AA is not ALL I need. Taking the steps as gospel is difficult for someone who doesn't even take the gospel as gospel.
I am in an anxiety reduction couseling program. I also miust deal with ADD and OSD. I have sllep apnea and an irritable bowel . But of these continuing background problems, four degenerative disks have resulted from a lifetime of increasing back pain.
Since I've quit this pain has steadily increased, making me realize just how much alcohol and marijuana were a powerful pain relieving coctail for me. I just plain can't live with the constant pain any more. I've taken numerous medical steps to isolate its cause and treat it but progress creeps at best. I take what seems to be a continually changeing coctail of prescriptio drugs from my psych, osteo, digestive, and general docs, with little success.
I'm beginning to think that heavier measures are necessary, electro shock, stronger mor dangerous rxs, etc and I'm scared.
My wife and son stick by me but are starting to wonder why I've become so much more difficult to live with since making such positive changes. I seem to be a burden on everyone even my friends in AA.
SO THE BIG QUESTION: Are there any more of me out there? What have you done to overcome pain? Help...

Dowdall, I have never been addicted to alchalhol, but I have smoked for over 3 1/2 years, nearly every day, multiple times a day.. I can not directly relate to your back pains and such, but weed is indeed a helpful painkiller, but its downsides are far more heavier then its upsides, you should know that. From reading your message I get the feeling that you are beggining to get desperate to maybe start drinking/smoking again?

If so, just tell yourself NO. that 1 22 oz bottle, or 1 shot of JD or 1 joint will nearly definitly bring you back into the addiction loophole, it is NOT worth it, espeasily with a family that you have.. You are NOT a burden, you are just a person who s going through a dificult time. A person is what he does.

I have stopped smoking about 3 1/2 weeks now, after 3 1/2 years of smoking.. I am still going through mild depression, still feeling the sideeffects, but I know that if i get into it again, it will be THAT much harder to quit the next time around. Find yourself a good doctor to do some better scans, it seems that you haven't done all the latest scans to pinpoint your exact area of pain so they can operate on it.. If you cant stand the pain anymore, maybe ask for a low miligram proscription to vicadens..

I hope this helped..
best of luck to you.

Give yourself some time. If you had been drinking and smoking for 35 years your brain is going to been screwed up for a while. You will definately have decreased levels of natural pain relievers until your brain gets back to "normal".

I live with pain everyday and have for a long time. Last year I gave in and started taking ultram. It was a quick downhill slide from there. Now I am writing posts called "Im in suboxone hell!!!!". Don't go there.

Look for a chiropractor, massage therapist or physical therapist that is certified in active release technique. Even if you have tried some of these people before, active release technique is a different approach. Also try these supplements in combination. SAM-e, chondrotin sulphate and coral calcium. This particular combination can and does make a huge difference in some people.

As a recovering addict you are in a hard position. I know how it is to be in severe pain and it can ruin your life just as bad as the booze if you let it. I suggest looking for a doctor who will sit down with you and listen to ALL your problems. Explain how you feel and your past problems. You need to find some method of relief--even if it turns out to be strong drugs. I would go weeks with very little food and slept in a bathtub of hot water for years uuntil a doctor sent me to a pain clinic where they started me on heavy drugs. They changed my life--I can function around the house, play with my kid and make love to my wife.
You have to find some quality of life and control addiction to the drugs you take--you will be addicted, but moreso you will be dependent on them. I will be for the rest of my life. Your family is in this too--do not think you are hiding the pain and depression from them--you can't. Talk to them and tell them what you are going through. And find some doctor who will do more than prescribe and show you the door. Good luck.

Thanks for the support, I know these things but its so easy to get short-sighted when the pain kicks in big-time. Didn't expect to have followup so soon, but I got a call on the MRI: Doc says I have osteo throughout, 5 evident degenerative disks, 3 disk protrusions, and two pinched nerves. He's consulting with a surgeon.
Sounds bad, but in a way I feel vindicated. I feel that no ones ever believed my pain because I don't show it. Now I have a reason for those final years of drinking.
But now what? He wants me on meds, I've always kept percoset around for emergencies (Hydrocodones shut down my colon potential for abuse is low, I just won't take them). Naltrexone and Ultram to start, he says Ultram is not a true narcotic (unscheduled, abuse potential low) and not anticholinergic ( no constipation).
Says from the looks of the MRI that I'll need something to get me back to functioning. I agree, But what? Pain is constant and he warns me it will be until (maybe even after) surgery. I WILL NOT not let myself self-medicate again!
My doc's taken a while to see. He's known for alternative pain therapies. We're starting accupuncture and hydrotherapy. But he's adamant about meds to cut the "pain cycle". I feel like with his rep I have to trust him, follow directions and keep going to daily AA meetings. (he knows of my addiction problems).

You will have to decide whether or not you can deal with the pain without narcotics I guess. In my case--I have two large brain tumors and multiple spinal cord tumors. I had a large one removed from my brainstem to C7 ten years ago--and that is when the fun started. I spent the next 4 years trying to deal with the undescribable pain in my neck and head. I tried everything from accupuncture to faith healers. I was taking so much neurontin that I don't remember most of 1997. I finally got a doctor to prescribe tylenol 4 I didn't even know they existed. I ate them by the handful trying to get some relief--and it did--for awhile then morphine sulfte ms contin etc etc. I never seemed to get to a level where There was adequate relief. I slept for 3 years in the bathtub in hot water with a bag of ice on my head. I put my wife and young son through hell and I tried to hide just how bad I was until she sat me down and told me i was dying. I went from 190 pounds to 110--couldn't eat for days vomiting from the pain. I finall got to a pain clinic where I was evaluated by a psychiatrist, and a slew of other doctors. Then a nurse came in one day with a shot of dilaudid--It changed my life. I was up out of bed and walking around in shock--I couldn't beleive the relief. The nurse couldn't believe I was up walking--I guess the dose was so strong. To make a long story short--I now take 96mg of hydromrph contin 3 times a day and have 8mg hydromorph short acting for bad times.
I weigh 190 again, go hunting and fishing and make love to my wife and play with my son.
This may look like a plug for myself, but I am trying to say--if you are going to spend the rest of your life in pain with no improvement--what is the big deal about addiction? Doctors have been trained to think narcotics are horrible substances--and they can be--if not used for their intended purpose. I have never gotten high once from my dose and doubt you do either--you are physically and psycologically addicted to these pills but is your quality of life better than without? I see quite a few folks beating themselves up with guilt over something that maybe shouldn't be bothering them at all. My parents still think I take these for no good reason-=--and I can't understand why. They just never saw me at my worst. I look perfectly healthy outside----It bothers me that people think I take these for fun--but I cannot change that.
MY dose has remained constant for 6 years and I never have to get a refill early. MY doc keeps close tabs on my intake and so does the pharmacy--believe me.
I hope you understand what I am trying to say---if you genuinely can cope with living in pain, then by all means stay away from them. It sounds like your doctor knows your situation and maybe you should get all options from him.

Sorry for the long long post and if you were abusing these drugs I commend you for quitting. I just know how it is to suffer constantly. I only have a xhort time left to me--I would rather live it on my feet.
Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

Hermit,
Your most recent post was so inspirational because it helped your quality of life change for the better and because you and your doctor keep a close monitor on your use. I agree with you about using the narcotics for their intended use, to relieve pain. I think the key is to keep a close grip on their use and to informing your doctor what works and what doesn't. Thanks for your inspirational message for those who may not have any quality of life without using narcotics for their intended use. Hope yo continue to post!
Thanks again,
David

Thanks for the input. The low dose of ultram and naproxen has knocked out all the pain except pinched nerve through shoulder and arm. Thats what they're talking about surgery for. I've been assured by medical friends that ultram is only a problem for those with a prior history of opiate abuse, I've never used opiates. I've stopped thinking that the alcohol might bhave been doing some good, deprssion is down, energy levels are up a smidge. At AA meetings, I'm not feeling like I've relapsed by taking drugs now. I'll just do what the docs say and try and keep my mood up. With the knowlege of how bad the damage is, I've mustered the courage to apply for disability without feeling that I'm just a whining slacker. I'll go to my meetings as an alcoholic, and listen carefully to the warning stories of the RX abusers. I'll have to get used to the idea that although no one among us is special but we're not all the same kind of abusers either. Thanks to all.
DowDall

Dowdall,
Sounds like your right on track with your recovery. Remember the AA tradition that, "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." Your working with your doctor with the meds, being honest and vigilant with your drug use, and still attending AA meetings for support. With that combination, seems to me that you are doing it as far as recovery from addiction is concerned. Keep up the good work and I hope you continue to share your experiences with us! Take care,
David